Why Did or Do You Want To Get Married?

[MelodyB]

*HUGS* Ruby

[The Purple Fuzzy]

Okay, I'm going to be brave and post, because I'd really like to hear your thoughts, Bro Dad.

(I'll just hope Sir John doesn't wander into the marrieds' area, or I'm likely to end up as shark bait in an investigation.)

Once upon a time, I thought I knew who the right one was. It seemed like a God-thing. I really did love him, and was envisioning the happily-ever-after scenario... but then some things became apparent in his life that I knew I couldn't live with. I wasn't hoping for (or even wanting) someone perfect, but there are certain character issues and spiritual issues that I know would be a disaster-in-the-making when you're talking about a marriage relationship. I kept hoping something would change. It did. They got worse. And I stepped out of the relationship.

Sooo... my question is this: If I fooled myself into thinking someone was the right one in the past...what's to say I couldn't make the same mistake again? Only with much more disastrous results, if I didn't see it in time?

Ruby

Ruby, I think for every good thing that God has in store for you, Satan has a counterfit and sometimes we get in a hurry and take the fake and don't wait for the genuine.  I've heard a quote that says "Don't marry someone that you think you can live with, only marry someone that you think you can't live without."

I like what Brother Dad has been saying, he has great points. Lots of folks have had really good points.

My husband balances me.  What I'm good at, he's usually not.  What he's good at, I'm usually not.  I'm still thinking on this, cause there is so much that goes into it...

[SippinTea]

*Hugs* Sandra

Thank you. I'll look forward to reading more from you later.

[Chseeads]

yeah, that three.

And trust me when God brings that right person in your life you will know it.

I really, really hope you're right on that one.

Yeah, that too.

Uh, yeah, definitely have my own doubts about how anybody is ever really supposed to know that.

[Scott]

Uh, yeah, definitely have my own doubts about how anybody is ever really supposed to know that.

Seth  haven't we had this conversation before?

Stop trying to analyze it.  It does not fit onto a spreadsheet with balancing columns and rows.  It is NOTquantifiable. 

Just have fun, throw away your copy of "I kissed dating goodbye" and live your life. Ask someone out on a date once in a while, just be yourself (um....?) and have some clean Christian fellowship.

When I met my wife  I was not looking to get married, as I said... I was bored and wanted to get out of that boring pastors house that I was stranded in.  Good grief; his kids were driving me crazy, they followed me everywhere I went. 

I just wanted to go to Chi Chi's for something that even remotely resembled Mexican food and I asked her to go out. (If she had said no, that was fine - I had a couple of comic books in my briefcase.) I didn't have any premeditated plans, I didn't want to marry her, I didn't even know her.  I wanted a beef Chimichanga for crying out loud.

This is not  a corporate take over, nor is it a harlequin romance novel.

You do not need to plan it in advance, you don't need to hire a private eye to check her background and references to make sure that she is the perfect one.

I met my wife in March of 1985 and we married in August 1985.  Still married  kids and a few years later.

It just happened and trust me, there is no rhyme or reason for it. She had voted for Mondale and I voted for Reagan.  she believed that true communism would work. I wanted to bomb Russia. 

She likes Country Music.

I don't!

I love and play Classical Music, she falls asleep during my concerts.

I like Christian Rock, she likes the Martins and the Isaacs.

I will go to a Gaither Concert with her, but I have been known to sneak out.

We are not alike at all and there is no way that I can define how we clicked or why. We just did. 

[Chseeads]

No, thanks.

[Scott]

Sooo... my question is this: If I fooled myself into thinking someone was the right one in the past...what's to say I couldn't make the same mistake again? Only with much more disastrous results, if I didn't see it in time?

Sister sippin'

Can you ride a bicycle? Can you rollerskate?  Ice Skate?

Did you ever fall down learning to do any of them?

Did you get back up and try again?

If you did, did you succeed?

From what you read, you Did NOT fool yourself because you did NOT marry him.

Look there was a girl many years ago that everyone at the church I attended was 110% sure that she was the right one for me.  We got along great, we clicked, we were both musicians and man did we make good music when we played in church.  She was my altar work partner (when praying with females in the altar, she was that 3rd person there), we enjoyed each others company and in everything we teamed up to do in church, we did well.

But as you stated, there were certain ''character and spiritual issues'' that were in conflict.  (please note: not morals related)  Had we continued to marriage, we would have had problems down the road that would have affected her ministry and mine.  We finally determined that marriage was not in the future for us.

We would have only fooled ourselves if we had continued in the relationship!

[Melody]

From what you said, you Did NOT fool yourself because you did NOT marry him.

This is what I was going to say Ruby.  It's not wrong to think wishfully or wonder/ponder.  Mary (Jesus' mom) pondered things...  It's not wrong to think one thing and then be corrected.  God doesn't tell us everything up front so to expect yourself to know first thing is unrealistic.  The experience taught you more than knowing right off the bat as well, didn't it.... it did. 

So I think, you can't repeat a mistake you didn't make, and if you are really surrendered to God then HE has obligated Himself to guide your life and you just can't go wrong with that sister.   :grin:

[SippinTea]

Thanks, Scott & Melodya. Methinks there's some truth in those posts of yours.

[Amelia Bedelia]

Ruby, I think for every good thing that God has in store for you, Satan has a counterfit and sometimes we get in a hurry and take the fake and don't wait for the genuine.  I've heard a quote that says "Don't marry someone that you think you can live with, only marry someone that you think you can't live without."

I've heard this before and at one time thought it too... but is this theory substantiated in any way?
'cause I've felt like I was the one to come before, the "counterfeit" if you must,  but I certainly was NOT sent by Satan - there was plenty of God and were plenty of other lessons learned and reasons for why it happened (or rather didn't happen, LOL) like it happened... and now I totally see God's wisdom in the matter and THANK GOD it didn't go anywhere... but it sure did a number on me afterwards to apply my old thinking of counterfeits from Satan and realize that was probably what the other party was viewing me as.... that hurts and demeans really really bad.

How would Satan know that God is getting ready to bless you with The One?

Could it perhaps be that it is rather just a learning experience in life (perhaps even straight from God) to prepare you for the genuine (appreciate more whats real after going through that which isn't.) and the "counterfeit" can be a blessing if handled correctly?

Is it that you're at that point where you really are ready to get married so its easy to get into a more serious relationship and then when that one doesn't work out and the "genuine" happens to quickly follow, its more just a matter of your preparedness and mindset rather than a counterfeit that got their first.

Is it just our human nature to not be patient and settle rather than wait - and since its such a lasting decision we want to blame it on some supernatural trick rather than accept fully the responsibility?

[Sis]

I could say that some of the guys I dated before I met Stevebert just MAY have been sent by Satan! 

[Scott]

Can someone share bible and verse for this ''Satan has a counterfeit" doctrine?

[The Purple Fuzzy]

Ruby, I think for every good thing that God has in store for you, Satan has a counterfit and sometimes we get in a hurry and take the fake and don't wait for the genuine.  I've heard a quote that says "Don't marry someone that you think you can live with, only marry someone that you think you can't live without."

I've heard this before and at one time thought it too... but is this theory substantiated in any way?
'cause I've felt like I was the one to come before, the "counterfeit" if you must,  but I certainly was NOT sent by Satan - there was plenty of God and were plenty of other lessons learned and reasons for why it happened (or rather didn't happen, LOL) like it happened... and now I totally see God's wisdom in the matter and THANK GOD it didn't go anywhere... but it sure did a number on me afterwards to apply my old thinking of counterfeits from Satan and realize that was probably what the other party was viewing me as.... that hurts and demeans really really bad.

How would Satan know that God is getting ready to bless you with The One?

Could it perhaps be that it is rather just a learning experience in life (perhaps even straight from God) to prepare you for the genuine (appreciate more whats real after going through that which isn't.) and the "counterfeit" can be a blessing if handled correctly?

Is it that you're at that point where you really are ready to get married so its easy to get into a more serious relationship and then when that one doesn't work out and the "genuine" happens to quickly follow, its more just a matter of your preparedness and mindset rather than a counterfeit that got their first.

Is it just our human nature to not be patient and settle rather than wait - and since its such a lasting decision we want to blame it on some supernatural trick rather than accept fully the responsibility?

Mary,

I was speaking from my personal experience and was not referring to dating/courting someone in church (although just because they GO to church doesn't mean they are right with God, my sister got mixed up with on of those).  When I was growing up, my grandparents took me to church but my parents were not in church.  I actually received the Holy Ghost at a revival, but without much backup help I drifted away.  I started dating an older guy and he had some issues.  But I said all that to say this, it was actually funny how many physical things he and my husband (that I eventually married) had in common (even down to flat feet)

So no, Scott, I'm not really trying to make it a doctrine, but have seen it in life at times from my experience and friends.  I'm for sure not discounting the courtship/dating process, because I think that is important, and how else will you know if you are compatible or if that special "spark" is there.  Even if you have lots of differences and balance each other in many ways there are some very important things you NEED to be on the same page on.

Have to go for now...

[Scott]

So no, Scott, I'm not really trying to make it a doctrine, but have seen it in life at times from my experience and friends.  I'm for sure not discounting the courtship/dating process, because I think that is important, and how else will you know if you are compatible or if that special "spark" is there.  Even if you have lots of differences and balance each other in many ways there are some very important things you NEED to be on the same page on.

Have to go for now..

No I did not say that you were trying to make it a doctrine; it is a doctrine that I have heard all my life and no one has ever been able to prove it up. 

You see, people blame Satan with far more than he actually is guilty of.  Part of life is bad choices on our own part, but this ''doctrine'' is more of an escape clause that Christians use to shuffle the blame off on the Father of Lies, and since honesty is not his thing, he will gladly accept that blame.

----> I will be using a generic  YOU, not directed at anyone in particular <---

If we fall on the ice and break a leg on Sunday Night, the devil wasn't trying to keep us from church, we just were not careful!

If you run out of gas on the way to a revival service, the devil wasn't trying to stop you from going to church,  you just didn't pay attention to the gas gauge

If we date the wrong person, if we almost marry the wrong person or if we do marry the wrong person, Satan has / had nothing to do with it. We made the choice - the fault falls squarely on our own shoulders. 

If your parents, friends, pastors, youth leaders, church elders come to you to express warning or caution in a relationship and we reject it - Satan is not to blame, we are

Prov 11:14.  Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety

I know a man who married a woman against the counsel of his best friend.  1 week prior to the marriage his best friend warned him that he was getting involved with trouble. The friend noticed that the bride to be was very overboard flirtatious and too hands on with other males.  To be blunt, she appeared to be quite easy and quite willing.

This man rejected his friends advice and married her anyways. On the wedding night, she was found in a closet with another guy smooching.

Within 90 to 120 days the marriage was over.

Within a year, she was pregnant with another man's child - she showed up at the final divorce hearing 7 months along.

During their short marriage, hubby found her smooching in a car with another man - on her lunch break at work. One night a friend of his stopped by, to find him not home but another guy in the bedroom with her.

Did the devil send that girl to him?

NOPE!

She was an apostolic girl, they met in Sunday School. HE made a bad choice.

Differences!

If you are both a like, one of you is unnecessary!

My wife and I are not alike, even though we have some of the same interests.  She is a little bit country and I am a little bit rock  'n roll.

If she was driving my truck last, there is a 85% chance that my XM  radio was set on the Country Gospel station

If I was driving last, the 85% chance is that I was listening to Classical Jazz.

She likes candy bars, I will have a dove dark chocolate on occasion. I like Dark Chocolate, she hates it.

She LOVES ice cream, I seldom eat any.

She loves pasta, I love potatoes.

She loves sauerkraut, german potato salad, and green beans.  I get ill thinking about them.

I like Hot dogs with onions and mustard, no ketchup. I like sweet pickles, eggs over easy, grits and fried okra. None of which sound good to her.

We have been married almost 23 years.

[Brother Dad]

Okay, I'm going to be brave and post, because I'd really like to hear your thoughts, Bro Dad.

(I'll just hope Sir John doesn't wander into the marrieds' area, or I'm likely to end up as shark bait in an investigation.)

Once upon a time, I thought I knew who the right one was. It seemed like a God-thing. I really did love him, and was envisioning the happily-ever-after scenario... but then some things became apparent in his life that I knew I couldn't live with. I wasn't hoping for (or even wanting) someone perfect, but there are certain character issues and spiritual issues that I know would be a disaster-in-the-making when you're talking about a marriage relationship. I kept hoping something would change. It did. They got worse. And I stepped out of the relationship.

Sooo... my question is this: If I fooled myself into thinking someone was the right one in the past...what's to say I couldn't make the same mistake again? Only with much more disastrous results, if I didn't see it in time?

Ruby

I am sure this may sound strange but we must learn to listen for the Spirit of God.  Let me say first of it may have been what God wanted for you and this person.  I am unsure of all the facts and the people.  Sometimes people stand in the way of God.  For example God wants to put two people together one or maybe both realize it is God's will.  However one does not wish to make the sacrifices that God requires.  Thus God will put a stop to it before you make the mistake.  I know with Sis Mom and I and also with my first wife God put us together.  Both times we were mile apart and God did a wonderful work.  Both times the woman God had for me were not where I was looking.  It was only when I decided not to look could I see what God had for me.  My flesh as well as yours and anyone else's can be so deceiving.  Don't look for who God has for you, just let God make it happen.  Don't listen to someone else tell you of all the reasons it must be of God and learn to listen to God.  I hope I did not confuse you, if I did let me know and I will try to unconfuse you.lol  Really listen to God not what the circustamces are.

[Brother Dad]

yeah, that three.

And trust me when God brings that right person in your life you will know it.

I really, really hope you're right on that one.

Yeah, that too.

Uh, yeah, definitely have my own doubts about how anybody is ever really supposed to know that.

It is easy to have doubts when it has never happened to you yet.  The question is why did you marry, because brought us together for His will.  Why did Admam get Eve?  God's will.  I will go on to say that i do not believe there is someone out there for everyone.  Apostle Paul as we know from the word was never married.  So don't let people pressure you into what they feel is right.  Only you and God will know God's will in your life.

[Brother Dad]

Sooo... my question is this: If I fooled myself into thinking someone was the right one in the past...what's to say I couldn't make the same mistake again? Only with much more disastrous results, if I didn't see it in time?

Sister sippin'

Can you ride a bicycle? Can you rollerskate?  Ice Skate?

Did you ever fall down learning to do any of them?

Did you get back up and try again?

If you did, did you succeed?

From what you read, you Did NOT fool yourself because you did NOT marry him.

Look there was a girl many years ago that everyone at the church I attended was 110% sure that she was the right one for me.  We got along great, we clicked, we were both musicians and man did we make good music when we played in church.  She was my altar work partner (when praying with females in the altar, she was that 3rd person there), we enjoyed each others company and in everything we teamed up to do in church, we did well.

But as you stated, there were certain ''character and spiritual issues'' that were in conflict.  (please note: not morals related)  Had we continued to marriage, we would have had problems down the road that would have affected her ministry and mine.  We finally determined that marriage was not in the future for us.

We would have only fooled ourselves if we had continued in the relationship!

A few years back in another State a preachers daughter and a man in the Church were talking about getting married the Pastor ask to talk them both and then to give advice.  after talking to them and hearing how everyone felt it must be right I had to tell them it was not God's will for them to marry.  I told the girl that God had the right man on the way and he would be there in a short time.  Two weeks later she met this man.  Do not people put pressure on you, let God show you who is right.  We can not bring a group of people to God and say ok God which one.  But on the other hand if we stay home and are closed off to meeting someone we can stand in God's way.  When Trica wanted to introduce Sis Mom and myself neither one was in favor of it, but we both felt O well what can it hurt I can always use another friend.   What if we would have just said no I don't want to meet anyone.  Never be afraid to make new friends for in doing so God may show you His will.

[Brother Dad]

Can someone share bible and verse for this ''Satan has a counterfeit" doctrine?

Satan does not have a conterfeit for everything,  Most of the time it is people messing with the will of God that messes up all these things. 

[Brother Dad]

My oldest son (who is a Pastor now)  come to me one time before he got married with a very troubling question.  It seems that he and the woman he is now married to were wanted to get married sooner than her Mom wanted them to.  The girls Mom was saying it was the will of God that they wait, while my son was saying it was the will of God they go ahead and get married.  My son ask me "Dad how can we both feel it is the will of God".  I told Him because neither of you are really seeking God's will, but both are seeking their own wills.  Don't let wanting to get married or wanting to stay single rule your life.  But please seek the will of God for your life.  Never marry so you won't be single.  As long as we are trying to please the flesh we can not find God's will.

[Scott]

Can someone share bible and verse for this ''Satan has a counterfeit" doctrine?

Satan does not have a conterfeit for everything,  Most of the time it is people messing with the will of God that messes up all these things. 

ahhh

You are making my point for me.



In my 25 plus years in the ministry I have often heard this preached and taught and have yet to have anyone  prove it up.  I tend to ask people to prove what they preach.

[Scott]

My oldest son (who is a Pastor now)  come to me one time before he got married with a very troubling question.  It seems that he and the woman he is now married to were wanted to get married sooner than her Mom wanted them to.  The girls Mom was saying it was the will of God that they wait, while my son was saying it was the will of God they go ahead and get married.  My son ask me "Dad how can we both feel it is the will of God".  I told Him because neither of you are really seeking God's will, but both are seeking their own wills.  Don't let wanting to get married or wanting to stay single rule your life.  But please seek the will of God for your life.  Never marry so you won't be single.  As long as we are trying to please the flesh we can not find God's will.

Too many people confuse their WANT and God's will.

When the subject of to wait or not to wait, I simply quote


I Cor 7:  9.  But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

An elder minister that I know asks that all engagements last no longer than 6 months, because he has seen too many babies born in less than 9 months.

[Brother Dad]

My oldest son (who is a Pastor now)  come to me one time before he got married with a very troubling question.  It seems that he and the woman he is now married to were wanted to get married sooner than her Mom wanted them to.  The girls Mom was saying it was the will of God that they wait, while my son was saying it was the will of God they go ahead and get married.  My son ask me "Dad how can we both feel it is the will of God".  I told Him because neither of you are really seeking God's will, but both are seeking their own wills.  Don't let wanting to get married or wanting to stay single rule your life.  But please seek the will of God for your life.  Never marry so you won't be single.  As long as we are trying to please the flesh we can not find God's will.

Too many people confuse their WANT and God's will.

When the subject of to wait or not to wait, I simply quote


I Cor 7:  9.  But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

An elder minister that I know asks that all engagements last no longer than 6 months, because he has seen too many babies born in less than 9 months.

I for one firmly believe in short engagements.  I tell people in the church if you know it is right there is no need to wait.  Fleshly desires can get in the way.  I never did the see need to wait.  You will never get to know someone until you are married and living together.

[Brother Dad]

I really like the things that Scott is saying here.  I think we are on the same page as far as marriage goes.  Mariage a very serious matter, but as long as it is of God it a wonderful thing.

[Sister_Mom]

Don't look for who God has for you, just let God make it happen.  Don't listen to someone else tell you of all the reasons it must be of God and learn to listen to God. 

This is awesome and I think it sums up what you've been trying to say. 

You're pretty amazing! Wanna go out with me? 

[Brother Dad]

Don't look for who God has for you, just let God make it happen.  Don't listen to someone else tell you of all the reasons it must be of God and learn to listen to God. 

This is awesome and I think it sums up what you've been trying to say. 

You're pretty amazing! Wanna go out with me? 

anytime you are ready I LOVE YOU MY Blue eyed Baby doll