Relationship Questions

[TRAV]

There's always the Eeyore Club.

[Newsman]

I do NOT believe in the general concept of spousal predestination, nor do I believe it can be proven Biblically.


John 

[Sis]

I dont think there is anything awrong with joining a christian singles website. What would be the differece between joining one of them and going to a singles confrence?

Rainbow has been around as long as I have been, so she knows I don't think there's anything wrong with single's anything. But what are YOU using it for? Most people don't go to singles conference to meet a potential wife. They go to learn and to meet people they know from other states that they only get to see during conferences. And to meet new friends, both male and female.

I knew a guy in my home church that went to General Conference with us, one year. He went to the singles dinner and came back all depressed and said it was a waste of time. He didn't meet THE girl. He went with the wrong idea. He didn't go to meet other people to connect with, he went to LOOK for Miss Right. That's not the way to find a wife. This guy had a list of things he wanted. Blonde, a certain height, a certain weight, etc. He finally found a girl to fit his imagined description.  He got married to her, They got divorced a year later. She found out that he didn't want HER, (among other problems - there's a long list) He wanted someone to fit a list of attributes. It doesn't work.

Going to a conference to meet THE girl for you, isn't what conferences are for.

There's always the Eeyore Club.

There ya go! That's it!

[Newsman]

   It's my night to disagree with folks..

   I believe most singles DO go to singles evenets, conferences, etc., TO find a mate. I think it's the really long-time singles, or younger ones who have already met friends that will be there, that are the tyoe you described, Sis, in that they are there for the fellowship, not the search.

   I was at a singles banquet at a General Conference, where the speaker was a well-known minister. One of his first remarls was to the efftect that/ "The thing I like about these types of events is that no one comes here looking for a mate."

   Unless he was attempting humor that I didn't get, I think he was WAYY wide of the mark on the observation.


John 

[Amelia Bedelia]

well lets agree everyone goes with that thought at least somewhere in the back of their mind...
what are the chances its going to be love at first sight and you are going to be married before the conference is over? I would say right about close to NIL!

You meet people, people know other people, you develop friendships with a broad range of people - it broadens your horizons and opens up your world and ideas which in turn usually makes you a more interesting and well rounded person with a great network of friends - and one day God may put the finishing touches on a friendship of a friendship and turn it into the relationship you've been dreaming of

being around a group of new people should NEVER be considered a failure or pointless or worthless - NETWORK!  LOL  the only time it would be a failure is if you stand to the side and write off everyone immediately 'cause they couldn't do anything for you instantly

instead of trying to meet Ms Right immediately... how about befriending Ms Right's cousin's mother's brother's son's girlfriend's brother eh?

[InChristGirl]

I do NOT believe in the general concept of spousal predestination, nor do I believe it can be proven Biblically.


John 

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you......


But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering: for he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed..


Not trying to give you a hard time John

[Cody P]

Well I agree with some of these comments and I disagree with some of them as well. However I think I may have left the wrong impresion on some of you in here. I do not have a list of attritbutes girls I wanna date must have. I  just want the girl God wants me with in my life. I am just ready to find my mate and get on with life.

[Newsman]

   Ladies Z & SJ, please don't think of this as me attacking either of you..I disagree, but with the statement, not the persons!

  I figured the scripture regaridng the desires of the heart would be brought out, but I see that Lady SJ has gone with the 'ask' verse.

All verses folowing KJV
We find this passage in two companion accounts in the New Testament
Luke 11:5 And he said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves; 6 For a friend of mine in F27 his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him? 7 And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee. 8 I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth. 9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 10 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. 11 If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? 12 Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer F28 him a scorpion? 13 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?
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It begins w/ a specific request o (three loaves) stressed is the persistence/importunity of following after the need, and it being granted. The bread goes to the Heavenly father, but the passage ends with the gift of the Holy Ghost, though I certainly believe and agree that other needs are granted as well
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Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. 9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? 10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? 11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
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The stress here is placed on the Heavenly Father giving good gifts to those that ask him
Now, I agree that every good gift cometh from above (James 1:17) and that he that finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22)
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Now, while I believe firmly one should marry someone acceptable to and pleasing to Giod, I reject, except in certain special circumstances, where there is One Person And One Person Only For You. Because, if there is One Person Only, what happens if that person is out of the will of God when God when it was His timing, and stays out of God's will, are you doomed forever to be without a mate because he wouldn't listen to God? I think not.

Further, there are no verses I find in the Bible that specifically tell a person how to seek for a mate that fits with the One Person And One Person Only school of thought.


John

[InChristGirl]

We didn't seem to be specific enough I guess in saying which theory of spousal predestination we subscribed to.

We meant that if it's God's will for someone to marry that it would also be God's will that He would "hand-pick" that spouse for you. And if your praying...fasting...seeking God's will than He will bring that person to you.

Like Zizi said though, we'll get back to you'all in a little while when we have proof

[Newsman]

Well, you two Ladies certainly deserve to have someone special! 


John 

[zizi90]

Awww....thank you.

And like Sarah said, not that there is "One person and only one person eternally predestined" for you to marry....but, that if you ask God to "Hand-pick" that person (because he can see peoples hearts and knows our future) that he will.  Then it will become (pre)destined for your life. Spousal predestination...by request. Just as we seek God's will and intervention in other areas of our life.

[Sis]

I was just saying that people shouldn't go to those types of services with the express purpose of finding a mate right then. Man, some guys who go act like they're going to get married a month after attending. No thought to getting to know someone or getting to know a bunch of friends.

Not saying it doesn't happen, just saying the majority of young people go to connect with friends they don't get to see often, and to meet new friends of both sexes.

If you act desperate, girls will see it and stay away. *Shrug* I used to be a girl,    And every time a guy started acting like that, I was like, UM, see ya.  Even if some girls want to meet guys and vice versa, they don't act like they're looking for a mate. Most of them are looking for a date. LOL

That guy I mentioned was acting like he was going on a hunting trip. Wasn't planning on getting anything from the speaker. He was hunting for a woman and didn't bag one. Acted like he'd come home without a deer (DEAR). Women don't want to be "bagged" they want to be wooed.

[RainbowJingles]

Women don't want to be "bagged" they want to be wooed.

[apsurf]

I do have a list of atributes I look for, many are negotiable and many are not.  Though I have to admit most ladies I did date didn't meet most of that list.  

they just had a grandma or mom that could cook very well!!!  

On the serious side though, my first statement is true, alot of the girls were not ones that most people would have thought I would have been attracted too.  but there was just something that caught and held my attention, and it wasn't a plate of speghetti in their hand either.

[Cody P]

Well I have been praying alot about this situation because there is a girl who I really care for and really at one time cared for me she told a friend of mine she loved me to death but she didnt want to ruin the friendship that me and her had. However she has quit attending church and is living with her boyfriend. But with saying that I know we are not supposed to be unequally yoked but everytime I hear her name or her voice my heart skips a beat and I cant help but wonder what she is doing and how she is doing. I have even gotten mad at some of my good friends at times because they were treating her bad. Alot of times when I pray and ask God to put the right lady in my life. I hear a voice and image of this girl. What should I do?

[RainbowJingles]

It's a very real possibility that God has put you in her life so you can intercede for her soul.  Focus on that for now, and pray for her, but give the rest of it (including any inkling of a relationship with her) to God, especially considering the fact that she's not in any condition for you to pursue her.

Easier said than done, though.  How can you do that?

Begin to pray the Word.
Lord, I know You said in Your Word that it's not good for a man to be alone.
Lord, I know that You have said that he who finds a wife finds a good thing.
etc.

Lord, I also know that Your Word tells me that singles can focus more on You and Your work.
So, Lord, please allow me to focus on Your Word and Your work until I find the lady that You approve of for me.

Begin focused prayer for your particular situation.

Pray the Scriptures that say it is not God's will for anyone to perish.  Pray for that lady's soul, but try not to fixate on her.  Allow God to speak to your heart about other people.  Allow Him to speak to you about things in your life that you may need to take care of before He will show you the right one for you.

[Cody P]

I have been praying for her and for other things in my life. I have been trying to read my bible and pray more. I have a buring desire to get the way I was when he first fillled me with the Holy Ghost. However sometimes I feel like I have done things wrong over and over and he has given up on me.

[RainbowJingles]

Let's see...  where is that story in the Bible where the Lord totally gave up on someone who had a right heart and a desire to serve Him even though they failed over and over?

Maybe it was David?

[Cody P]

Was that suppose to be funny?

[RainbowJingles]

:-)  It was designed to be a bit sarcastic.  I'm sorry I didn't put the smilies or the laugh in to show that.  :-)

I was just trying to say - in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way - that I don't think the Lord will give up on anyone whose heart is right and who is trying to continually please Him.  King David is a prime example of someone that the Lord still loved in spite of his failures - adultery and subsuquent murder.  Obviously David paid for his sin, but he sought the Lord and pursued a close relationship with Him afterward.

[Cody P]

I am trying to live for the lord day after day. But sometimes I feel like a hipocrit because I ask him to forgive me for the wrong things I done and then the next day I turn around and do the same thing again. I really need help.

[RainbowJingles]

There was a time in my life that I had crazed patterns of sin cycles.  I'd do something wrong.  I'd ask for forgiveness, but not repent (repentance, by definition, meaning to turn away from the sin).  Later, I'd allow the devil to convince me that I was already a rotten sinner, so why bother trying to live right?  The pattern would begin to repeat itself until the guilt would wear me out and I'd feel like I was beyond God's grace.

I finally remembered the Scripture (I think it's in James) that says to confess your faults to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.  I finally faced the fact that I needed help, and talked to a trusted [REAL LIFE] friend who could keep me accountable.  Confession to someone Godly who could pray specifically about my strugles really helped me to rise above the cycle.  I knew that, if I messed up, I'd have someone asking me about it.  I emphasize the REAL LIFE friend because someone online can't really know your life as you live it on a day to day basis.  Someone that you trust in real life (pastor, mentor, best friend) should know you well enough to see that you're down, depressed, and/or falling into old patterns.

[Cody P]

Thats what I need to do ! However I dont have any true friends around here that is willing to help me with that.

[RainbowJingles]

I know it's a tough suggestion, but what about your pastor or youth pastor?

[Cody P]

Well im no longer in the youth group so that wouldent really help me much. And as far as my pastor goes I dont really feel comfortable talking to him about the sins im doing over and over. I need a friend someone in my age range who isnt always real busy.