What traits?...

[Scott]

I do not believe that inter family negative relationships are good for a marriage. 

I definitely agree with you there!

But... in your opinion...
Does "getting along" with family mean that all members of said family approve of the person and/or marriage? or just that all (or most) of the family is at least civil and polite to the couple? or that they can have fun and enjoy being with the couple in question?

The parents on both sides should agree with the marriage, it does make life easier.  I asked my father in law for his permission to marry my wife. He gave it with pleasure. Her Pastor was a friend of mine and I even asked his blessings.

You should be able to get along with as much of the family as possible. It is not always easy to do, my sister doesn't try to get along with many people and it makes it difficult at times.

There are people in my wife's family that I am closer to than she is,  some of her cousins kids thought I was the cousin and she was the in law.    

[Sis]

My dad loved Stevebert. He thought Stevebert straightened me out by dragging me to church. (I dragged him kicking and screaming. My daughter was the first one to go)

His mother didn't like me totally. She was nice to my face but she thought I was responsible for taking him from the one, true, Catholic church.

So my dad thought church was Stevebert's idea, and his mother thought church was my idea. LOL

[Scott]

My dad learned first hand that it is important to get along with the in-laws.

My dad's mother and youngest sister were always rude to my mother, the rest of the family loved her to death and still keep in contact with her even 15 years after his death.

My dad on the other hand  was embraced, adopted and loved by his in laws. He was overwhelmed.

I cannot stand it when people bad talk their in laws, complain about them and discuss the friction.

My wife's parents and I get along great. I love it when my mother in law comes to visit, she cooks, cleans, does laundry, mends clothing and I sit back and enjoy!

My father in law and I (both are ministers) can sit down for hours on end and keep each other laughing or preach at each other.

My wife's nieces insist on having my cell number and from time to time will send me text messages.

[The Purple Fuzzy]

That's nice, Scott.  I can't help but think you may be the exception to the norm, though.

[SippinTea]

That's nice, Scott.  I can't help but think you may be the exception to the norm, though.

Indeed.

And I've seen both sides of the in-law issue firsthand... both the completely accepting and loving side, and the "we don't like you and we'll even make up lies about you to spread around" side.

I know which one we'd all prefer, but unfortunately, life isn't perfect and ideal like the picture in our heads. *sigh*

[YooperYankDude]

I hope my Mother in Law... whoever she ends up being, is like Scott's... lol.  Most mom's love me... just getting the daughters to realize they love me is the issue... ahh, but that is another topic... not to be discussed!  LOL!

MIL's get a bad rap a lot of times, but a lot of them earn it by not being nice, I know I have seen how my mom and step-dad treat some of the new additions to the family, and if that happened... I would not be going to family functions, and the same with my Bio-dad and step-mom at their family functions... seems like all sides of my family are poisonous, and I honestly hope my wifes family... again... whoever she ends up being, is not like that. I would hate to have to avoid all family functions on her side as well!

[Newsman]

I hope my Mother in Law... whoever she ends up being, is like Scott's... lol.  Most mom's love me... just getting the daughters to realize they love me is the issue... ahh, but that is another topic...  to be discussed!  LOL!

MIL's get a bad rap a lot of times, but a lot of them earn it by not being nice, I know I have seen how my mom and step-dad treat some of the new additions to the family, and if that happened... I would not be going to family functions, and the same with my Bio-dad and step-mom at their family functions... seems like all sides of my family are poisonous, and I honestly hope my wifes family... again... whoever she ends up being, is not like that. I would hate to have to avoid all family functions on her side as well!

[SippinTea]

Most mom's love me... just getting the daughters to realize they love me is the issue... ahh, but that is another topic... not to be discussed!  LOL!

Ooo... sounds like a great topic! Let's start a new thread....

[YooperYankDude]

Most mom's love me... just getting the daughters to realize they love me is the issue... ahh, but that is another topic... not to be discussed!  LOL!

Ooo... sounds like a great topic! Let's start a new thread....

Ummm... maybe not!  LOL! 

[titushome]

What traits/characteristics are the most important to you when thinking of a (futuristic) spouse?

I'm already married, but if I were looking for a futuristic spouse I think a flying car and robotic household servants would be at the top of my list.

[sunlight]

I didnt realize  until quite recently just how far up the list honesty was... total honesty.

[Newsman]

Hmmm...


John 

I didnt realize  until quite recently just how far up the list honesty was... total honesty.

[Scott]

That's nice, Scott.  I can't help but think you may be the exception to the norm, though.

My sister has not always been nice to my wife, but my mom just adores my wife as did my dad when he was alive. My grandparents thought the world of her... she and my grandmother used to talk about the piano and music a lot, and my wife would politely listen to my grandfather prattle on with stories the rest of us could quote from memory.

We are far from a perfect family, but we are  a Pentecostal Family on both sides, we have many common interests and both of us are from a band of rednecks. My wife's family are northern back woods rednecks, while mine are ridge running, mountain dwelling, good old fashioned southern hillbilly red necks.  It is amazing how much alike these groups are.

As far as it being rare, I disagree 100%; I know many people who have great in law relationships.  I think that T.V. and Movies tell us that it is rare for the in laws to get along, it has been a running gag in the comic pages (i.e Dagwood was disowned for marrying Blondie, he was a rich kid who married a dancer).

I watch couples in my church who have parents attending the same church and I am impressed by the Mothers in law who go out to dinner with their daughters in law, go to ladies retreats with them and spend time together. The fathers in law who spends time with their sons in law in much the same way.

When I had surgery a couple of years ago, my mother and father in law and my wife's older brother were at the hospital with me for hours. My wife had to work and couldn't get off work to be there.  No one thougth anything of it, because we are family and that is what family does. 

Do we always get along? No, we have disagreements from time to time, but in the end when they realize that I am right, all is good!   

[YooperYankDude]

Praying that is how it is when I find someone to marry... cause my family is whacked... it would be nice if we could at least get along with hers!  LOL!

[Scott]

Praying that is how it is when I find someone to marry... cause my family is whacked... it would be nice if we could at least get along with hers!  LOL!

I stand by my belief that if you cannot stand your potential spouses family, run!

My family is nuts too, I have family members that my wife and kids have only briefly met at funerals for just a few moments.

Ex Cons, Biker gang girlfriend, dope dealer, welfare cheats, moonshiners, and those are the good ones.

[YooperYankDude]

I stand by my belief that if you cannot stand your potential spouses family, run!

I will keep that in mind... but... do the in-laws change once you are actually married to their daughter? That is what I want to know... because  before you marry her... depending on the family situation... her parents have A LOT of say and influence in the life of their daughter... once she is married... it all but evaporates... especially if she ends up moving to a far off land with her husband... lol

[Newsman]

I've never had a problem with the in-laws..does that count? 


John 

[Scott]

I stand by my belief that if you cannot stand your potential spouses family, run!

I will keep that in mind... but... do the in-laws change once you are actually married to their daughter? That is what I want to know... because  before you marry her... depending on the family situation... her parents have A LOT of say and influence in the life of their daughter... once she is married... it all but evaporates... especially if she ends up moving to a far off land with her husband... lol

nope they didn't change...in fact my father in law and me together = two brats!

[YooperYankDude]

LOL... Good to know...

[Tsalagi]

mine are ridge running, mountain dwelling, good old fashioned southern hillbilly red necks.

I KNEW there was a reason I liked you, man! LOL

As long as my wife and I are the same sort of friends AFTER the fact as BEFORE, I'm all good.

Can't stand the 'gender war' thing.  If a gal (OR fella!) has done drunk the Kool-Aid and buys into any of that garbage, RUN AWAY!!  It's a marriage, not "the battle of the sexes"

Guys don't need a mommy and gals don't need a daddy.  They had one of those already; if they treat each other that way, they ain't ready to get married.

[Scott]

It helps a marriage if you are friends prior to marriage!

Ahh, but some may think I am just making a funny, but I am amazed at the number of people who were not friends before getting married. Seriously, you need to spend time hanging out, going to zoos, plays, concerts, long drives, picnics, circus' or even amusement parks.  Do none dating stuff, none romantic stuff.

Spend the day at a museum,  go to a ball game, hit an arcade, play some pinball or pac-man.  Spend some time on the play station or something fun.  All dates do not have to be a romantic dinner a nice restaurant.  You need to find time to connect

I remember one of the first dates my wife and went on.  We spent the day at a Zoo, watching the bird show (hawk ate a live mouse, owl flew over our heads, whales and dolphins splashing and getting us wet), ate at dairy queen, watched and Imax show,  drove around the country side then hit a local restaurant around 9pm.  It was not that romantic, but we hung out, talked, told jokes and just acted like friends. 

I see too many dating couples that don't do things like that.  They go to church, talk on the phone, text, go to dennys after church and repeat the process. Then 2 years into the marriage, they find out that they don't really like each other.

My wife and I hung out a little while before we went out our first date.  We did outreach together, knocked on doors, talked to people, played music at the church, played volleyball at church outings Then I asked her out and she had been waiting for me to get around to it.

[YooperYankDude]

Scott, you are my hero! Seriously!

[Gingerale]

I am a genuinely sweet person, so I generally get along with the in laws.  But.... I've seen some difficult parents. lol.

And -MY- family is soooooooooo easy to get along with. I am not very close to my mom- though I love her to death... and my daddy died in 2005, so
the hard part of asking the father for his blessings is thrown out the window. lol.  but my mom is a sweetheart to get along with, and my older sister
(my dad's daughter from another marriage) is more like a mom to me, and she is AWESOME!

[Scott]

Scott, you are my hero! Seriously!

if that is the case, you have my pity!

And -MY- family is soooooooooo easy to get along with.

I have a family member that is very hard to get along with, and this person has been very rude to my wife over the years. I cannot remember more than 10 or 15 times in the last 25 years that this individual has really tried to hold a conversation with my wife.  This person also calls me simply to yell at me and cuss me out on a regular basis.  So it is not an in law thing, it is that person's personality.

[Gingerale]

I can't imagine someone being so rude to someone I love. Now, my brother is a pain in the rump. But he isn't rude. He is just 40 years old and living at home. No job.

My momma raised 5 kids almost single-handedly. So she is not rich, but she sure instilled in me how to cook, clean, and take care of my hubby (whomever he might be)... lol...