What traits?...

[brysco]

The ideal woman would have to love the Lord with her whole heart., and fit the criteria listed in a ten page document full of pentecostal cliches. KIDDING. A woman should just be herself, not who she thinks a guy wants her to be. That would prevent a lot of problems in the marriage. You think you're marrying someone when in reality you fell for a facade. She can not commit to me with the idea that she is going to change me. I am what I am.  She is what she is.   

[Amelia Bedelia]

since this thread has come back up it reminded me of an article a friend's mom printed out for me the other day.   I'll share it here with you guys and get your thoughts.  I thought it interesting and probably quite true for some. I assured the mom that this wasn't what was wrong with me  but that it did have interesting points I'd take into consideration.  LOL

Some friends of mine have decided that this area in particular suffers from something they have dubbed FMS, Fear of Missing Something.  Commitment-phobia is in the water.

__________________________________________
http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/editorials/2006-02-13-love-ipod_x.htm

Love (or not) in an iPod world
By Laura Vanderkam
You could never call me an early adopter. I just got an iPod this Christmas. Even if I'm late to the party, though, I adore the thing. Often I marvel that all the music I love is available at the touch of a button in a device smaller than a graham cracker. It fills me with peace and goodwill toward men; I spent much of the holidays on a family car trip, and so I plugged in my iPod whenever I wanted to tune out the inevitable noise six people in a van produce.

Yes, the toy made my Christmas merrier, but as we celebrate Valentine's Day, here's a less merry idea: Modern youth culture's love affair with the iPod may explain why this holiday will be lonelier for many people of my generation.

It's no secret that, when it comes to love, today's twentysomethings aren't settling down. The median age at first marriage is 25 for women and 27 for men, but among the college-educated, it's higher. Among urban twentysomethings, people sporting wedding rings seem rarer than young people walking around without iPod cords dangling down their necks. About a third of men and a quarter of women ages 30-34 have never tied the knot. That's 3 to 4 times the 1970s rate. There are more reasons for this than megabytes of space in my iPod, from economics to sexual freedom.

Dating goes digital

One of the biggies is that the modern approach to dating takes its cues from our digital music players. Marriage, on the other hand, is more like a car radio.

Your whims and checklists matter a lot less than your commitment to go with the flow. That sounds so old-fashioned. But when it comes to love, what's new isn't always better.

First, forget the stereotypes that men are responsible for the decline in marriage, or that modern young people think marriage is passé. Jillian Straus grilled 100 twenty- and thirtysomethings for her new book, Unhooked Generation: The Truth About Why We're Still Single.

"The thing I was most surprised about in my interviews was how eager men were for a long-term relationship," she says. "Of course, women were, too." What they shared was that they didn't know how to get there.

Her book documents why we're clueless. As I was reading, I realized she could have been talking about the reasons I love my iPod.

First, we live in a culture of infinite choice. With my Internet connection, I can have any song imaginable — early 1990s Indigo Girls to Renaissance motets — in my iPod in five minutes. Likewise, with 40 million singles using online dating sites, you could date someone new every night for the rest of your life.

Second, we believe it's all about us. On my iPod, I can arrange my playlists any way I want them. The fact that no one else on the planet enjoys both early '90s Indigo Girls songs and Renaissance motets is of no matter to me.

Likewise, Straus discovered that modern young people have long checklists of what they want in a mate. One man rattled off 25 "must-have" qualities, from being "ambitious" to "patient," from being a "team player" to having "the ability to be herself." Oh, and she needed to be sexy and like sports. After all, we can customize our playlists. Why not a spouse?

Third, we cherish our ability to skip to the next song. If a tune on your iPod bugs you, no worries. Just shuffle forward. Likewise, Straus kept hearing young people express a fear of "settling." If you get married, the next person you meet at a bar might be your soul mate. Better, we think, to keep that shuffle option open.

Too much choice

iPods make music lovers swoon. There's a problem with following their dictates, though, when it comes to finding a partner. Too much choice makes people less likely to commit. In a famous study, business professor Sheena Iyengar and social psychologist Mark Lepper had two displays of jams set up in a grocery store. One had six varieties, the other 24. The larger display lured more tasters, but people were 10 times as likely to buy jam from the smaller one.

No wonder U.S. album sales (which require committing to one artist) fell about 7% in 2005 — and fewer young people are willing to commit to a special someone.

Our checklists also make it harder to let ourselves love that special someone. "On iPods we have just what we want, but there's nothing surprising," says Scott Haltzman, co-author, with Theresa Foy DiGeronimo, of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. "You never get a 'Whoa! I haven't heard that song before.' "

When I was 24, I thought I'd marry an artsy type around my age after a multiyear courtship. I wound up saying "I do" 18 months after being swept off my feet by a business guy 10 years my senior. He feigned not knowing who James Joyce was when we met.

So what? Kindness and humor count for a lot more. As for shuffling, well, the fear of settling is based on the idea that demand for our company is infinite. Part of married happiness is realizing that your spouse is doing a lot more settling than you are. Even if I am the queen of my iPod.

Indeed, studies show that married people are happier than are singles. They're healthier, wealthier, and have more and better sex. "Marriage, like the car radio, is not as predictable, may not always have things in it that are to your tastes, but occasionally provides an experience that is deeper, more moving, and more exciting than anything you expected," says Haltzman.

There's great joy in listening to what the DJ chooses for you.

Laura Vanderkam is a member of USA TODAY's board of contributors.
______________________________________


So, is it general traits that draw you or do you have a checklist? Is there truly flexibility for a bad trait to be counterbalanced by a good one?

[Newsman]

...

[sunlight]

hmm, interesting...

[MsJennJenn]

I kind of agree with that article. It's so true in so many ways, that even us "twentysomethings" don't even see it, or we overlook it.

This past weekend we had a Young Adult (Twentysomethings) retreat we have here in our Texas District called Fuel, and Bro. Aaron Soto from Wisconsin was our speaker, and he made a statement about how people our age group "the twenty somethings" are afraid of committing to anything! He was like "It's SO hard to get groups of twenty something age group together to hang out".

But off that note - I have a list written out, and in my mind. But I've never used it, never have had the initial hello to even whip it out!! Soon...and very soooooooooooon lol

[Sis]

I know Bro Soto! He's good!

[TheGirl]

So is comparing marriage to an ipod the same as comparing women to cars? 

I actually like the article..interesting

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

So is comparing marriage to an ipod the same as comparing women to cars? 

I actually like the article..interesting

Haha!  So if a guy buys a new car and a new iPod... is he a polygamist? Is it only iPods... or do iPhones count against us as well?   

[TheGirl]

I would seem to think that iphone could count as well..but who am I? Face it Thomas..your married to your phone lol

[MelodyB]

*cough*

I'm not married to MY phone though...

*chokesputtercough*

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

I would seem to think that iphone could count as well..but who am I? Face it Thomas..your married to your phone lol

Are you jealous??   

[Newsman]

 


John/IBOB 

I would seem to think that iphone could count as well..but who am I? Face it Thomas..your married to your phone lol

Are you jealous??   

[TheGirl]

I would seem to think that iphone could count as well..but who am I? Face it Thomas..your married to your phone lol

Are you jealous??   

I couldn't admit it in front of my dear John

[MelodyB]

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

Are you jealous??   

I couldn't admit it in front of my dear John

Awww... and now Dear John is jealous and pounding me... cause your jealous of my phone... Hmmm...   

[Newsman]

Grrrrr.... 




John/IBOB 

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

Mwahahahahaha!   

[TheGirl]

I didn't say I was...I just said I couldnt admit it lol

no worries John 

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

I didn't say I was...I just said I couldnt admit it lol

no worries John 

   ... that's not what you said on the phone last night... before you almost got me arrested...  *I think John had sometime to do with that!!*   

[TheGirl]

I didn't almost get you arrested
I bet John called the popo's on ya

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

I didn't almost get you arrested
I bet John called the popo's on ya

   

Did too! Next time call John to help you out of the mully-grubs!   

[TheGirl]

lol..but what would I do without your wonderful advise?

[TheGirl]

Oh..and as I recall...you called me

[SippinTea]

*snicker*

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

Oh..and as I recall...you called me

Yes I did... You are one of the top people on my list of patients... And you texted me when I was heading for a night of Canasta playing... So I needed to make sure you were ok... 

*snicker*

You shush! Lol