Stories, testimonies, advice, prayer and encouragement.

[Niki]

Just wanted to tell you I've been praying for you tonight.

*hug*

Thank you!


Eric,
I understand how it is to feel discouraged. Though probably for different reasons. I really have to fight my attitude sometimes. Why has God let this go on for so long? If God really loves me and my husband and our family, if He really cares about my marriage, why does it seem like He's not doing anything? Nothing has changed. *sigh*

But at the same time, things don't seem to be any worse either. My husband knows he can count on me and thanks me when I do something for him. Though things don't look better, I believe they will get better. I still believe he's going to come back home and give his life back to God.


Eric, I don't know how long you've been going through whatever it is you're going through, but just hang in there. I've been going through my situation/trial for over a year and a half. There've been many, many times when I felt like giving up and like I couldn't hold on any longer. I've told God many times that I can't take it anymore and even that I'm not going to pray about it anymore because I'm sick of praying about it.

But I'm still here and God is still with me. If He wasn't, I wouldn't be able to feel Him like I do.

[Tricia Lea]

Praying for you Eric

[EricShane]

Niki im really sorry your all going through what your going through also.. - but thanks for the encouragement sister, I hope things get better!!! But even if they dont, we still got to praise him!

[Niki]

I got an interesting text from my husband last night. He said that it's getting on his nerves being at his sister's place and that he's tired of the drive. Either to and from work and/or to and from his sister's and our house (to get our son). I'm not sure which. But anyway, he said he'd like to put another bed in our son's room and sleep there instead of staying with his sister, but only if it's okay with me.

I texted him back and asked him what he was going to tell the kids, but didn't hear back from him. I texted him again a few minutes later and said that that doesn't mean I'm saying no. I haven't heard anymore about it from him.

I told my mom about it and she said that bunk beds would be better. That my son wants bunk beds (he hasn't told me this). My son's room is a good size (10' x 12' or 10' x 13') and could hold two twin beds, but it's packed full of other junk. So bunk beds would be a better fit.


Would I rather my husband come back to our bed? Absolutely. But I'm trying to remain patient. I'm also trying not to get my hopes up. Part of me wants to hope for all kinds of things. Like maybe being here every night will cause him to start looking at me the way he used to, with love and attraction and adoration. And if he's here maybe the God in me and in our home will work on him and rub off on him and make him hungry for God and desire to go back to church. Maybe one night he'll crawl into bed with me instead of the extra bed he said he would like to put in our son's room. *sigh* But as I said I'm trying not to get my hopes up. One step at a time. He isn't even here yet.


Part of me also wants to rejoice over this news from my husband, but I'm honestly afraid to. What if I rejoice and it doesn't happen?


Please continue to pray.
Thank you.

[taco_harvell]

Praying for ya'll!

[Melody]

Niki, I'd rejoice that the thought even was in his head! Then I'd rejoice that he had the nerve to ask you. Then I'd thank God that He has helped you to not be bitter & reject him when there is some glimmer. Unlike so many other women who cannot forgive nor reconcile.

[Niki]

There was something I thought about a few weeks ago. I was going to write about it here, but obviously I didn't.

It's about how this situation, namely receiving no affection or husbandly attention, has made me feel. I'm really not sure how to explain it in a way that will make sense or make it clear how or why it makes me feel the way I do.

One day I realized that I somehow feel less like a woman. (Well, that doesn't sound quite right, now does it? lol) Not that I feel anything like a man.  I just feel less feminine, even though I still dress feminine and like feminine things. Somehow not getting the compliments and touches and affection that I used to get from him has made me feel like I've lost touch with that part of myself. Though I've never seen myself as beautiful, my husband always made me feel  beautiful in the way that he looked at me, treated me, spoke to me. But since he rejected me and left, I don't feel beautiful anymore or sexy (ha! I don't consider myself sexy, but my husband always told me I was.) or attractive or desirable or special or worthy.

Is any of this making sense?

I just feel like a person.  You know? Like there's nothing beautiful or desirable about me. I feel like I'm just my kids' mom, the caretaker of our animals, the keeper of our home. I'm the one who helps my husband any time he asks for it, fulfilling that wifely role without getting any of the other benefits outside of the bills getting paid (love, affection, companionship, commitment, etc.) that a husband should give his wife. Almost like I'm more of an employee of my husband's than a wife. Though the only payment I'm receiving is that the bills are paid. Which is better than nothing. At least he didn't abandon me financially. So many men do abandon their wives in every  way.


I wear my pretty clothes (in case anyone's wondering, I haven't gotten anything new since last Easter and that was on sale for $35), dab on some perfume, wear cute shoes, carry pretty purses. I act, speak, dress and walk like a lady. But I feel less like a lady since my husband left. Kind of like a blob disguised as a woman.


Does anyone get that?


I can't speak for all women, but if there are any men reading this, please understand how important it is that you make your wife feel beautiful and desirable. She needs your compliments, that look of love in your eyes, your affection and time. Make her feel special. Don't take her for granted.

For me, the loss of what every woman has the right to expect from her husband has been extremely difficult. I still feel very important as a mother because it's obvious how much my kids need me, but I feel less valuable as a woman and a wife (and all that goes with being a wife - intimacy, companionship, etc.) since my husband left.

Make sure your wife never feels that way!

[Heather]

Niki,

I understand what you mean. After my ex-husband threw me out of our home and divorced me I felt the same way. And years later I still struggle with the thought that I don't deserve any love, from anyone. That somehow I've lost all that.

I pray for you often. I pray this is one step that will happen to bring you both closer to rekindling a hunger in his heart for both God and for you/your marriage.

Heather

[Niki]

My niece on my husband's side is staying with us for the rest of the week. She's the daughter of the sister my husband has been staying with. He asked if it was okay for her to come and said that he'd be staying here too. I assume either on the couch or in our son's room. I went and picked our niece up today. A few minutes ago, my husband and I were texting back and forth about supper tonight and what snacks to pick up from the store for the kids. I told him I love him at the end of one of the texts, as I often do, and at the end of his next text he wrote, "and I do love you".

He hasn't said (well, texted) that to me since July. I hope that's a sign of better things to come.

[awilkes05]

I got excited reading that Niki! Continuing to pray...

[Niki]

Help me pray that my husband will go to church with me and the kids this Sunday. Our niece (his sister's 11 year old daughter) didn't bring any church clothes with her. I told my husband that I want to take her shopping so that she'll have something to wear to church. (She mostly wears boyish clothes. All she brought with her were boyish t-shirts, sports shorts, sweat pants and tennis shoes.) He said, "She might not want to go." Which tells me he's expecting to just stay here with her while me and our kids go to church. I want us all together in church on Easter.

Pray that nothing will hinder my husband from going and that he'll have no excuse. Pray that nothing will block my husband from going. Pray that the devil will have to back off so that God's Spirit can draw my husband back to Him. I need a miracle of refilling for my husband and salvation for my kids. I expect God to do wonderful things!

[awilkes05]

Niki, did they go to church w/ you?

I'm afraid I may already know the answer being there was no update 

[iridiscente]

Praying for you! Hoping with you! Glad for small steps with you!

[Niki]

He didn't go. Our 11-year-old niece said she wasn't comfortable going to a different church than her own and my husband told her she didn't have to go. Which gave him his reason not to go. Naturally I was sad and disappointed, but I still had a great time at church dancing and worshipping.

I'm still believing that he will be back in church and serving God.

[SippinTea]

Niki, I was thinking about you today and came to catch up on your thread.

First off... *big hugs* to you!!

Secondly... your post about feeling not-quite feminine... I DO understand, but from a slightly different angle. Before I met Chris I generally just felt like an "it" - not like a woman, not pretty - definitely not beautiful, not desirable. And yes, I did most of things you were talking about... dressing like a lady, wearing perfume, cute shoes, the whole thing. BUT. I still just felt like an "it". So yes, I get that post. I totally get that post. But somehow I imagine having known what it was like to have a man love you and think you are beautiful and desirable and THEN feeling less feminine would be far, far worse than the feeling that "something was missing", but having never really known what it was firsthand. I'm sorry you're going through this.

But.

It's so encouraging to read some of the little things happening more lately! It definitely seems like God is working in the situation!

[Niki]

My husband is still here (well, not right this moment; he's at work in VA and should be back tomorrow or Thursday) and, unfortunately, still sleeping in our son's room. He usually sleeps in our son's bed and our son has to sleep on an air mattress on the floor of his room. I'm not happy about that, but at least he's here. He's told the kids that our bed hurts his back and I've suggested getting a new mattress for our bed.

There have been a couple intimate moments, once recently, and he did attempt to sleep in our bed, but then went back to our son's bed. (There have been no other moments of affection.) He's told me a couple more times in text messages that he loves me after I've told him that I love him. I've been praying that he will say it to my face. Yesterday as he was leaving to go to VA, I said, "I love you" as he was walking away and it sounded like he said, "I love you too", but his back was turned and maybe I didn't hear right. lol

I've been praying lately that God will take away his excuses for not being affectionate with me or telling me to my face that he loves me or sleeping with me and take away his excuses for not going to church and serving God.


My pastor posted at our Facebook prayer page today about faith and how we should have a vision of what we want God to do. I've held on to what I want and expect to happen with my husband. I want him sitting next to me in church. I want to see him with his hands lifted, praising God and speaking in tongues. I want to see him worshipping and leaping and dancing for God. I want to see him doing a work in our church. And I will not quit praying for this to happen no matter how long it takes.

[awilkes05]

So glad you updated.  I always come here first to see if there are any updates.  Excited to hear the steps being taken! They may seem small but small steps leads to big ones! Waiting in anticipation for the next big news

[Niki]

He's told me a couple times to my face that he loves me, but only after I've said it first. Still waiting for him to say it first. And still waiting for him to return to our bed (he slept there last night because our kids were playing in our son's room when he was ready for bed) and for him to get back in church. I'm claiming it in Jesus' name!

[Melody]

Praise the Lord!

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

Sounds like God is definitely doing something!  

I am praying for you all!

[Niki]

Our lawn mower died a few weeks ago, so my husband went to my mom's on Saturday to borrow hers. Her boyfriend (who goes to our church, received the Holy Ghost several years ago, has been baptized in Jesus' name, goes to church regularly, but doesn't really live it all the way or believe everything right) lives across the street from her. He and my husband used to hang out alllll the time. They were with each other more than they were with us, their women. They haven't really been that close though in a few years.

Anyway, my husband went to see Mom's boyfriend when he went to get the lawn mower and talked with him for a bit. Mom told me at church Sunday that her boyfriend told my husband that he needed to get back in church. lol

My husband is hard-headed, stiff-necked and doesn't seek or desire advice from anyone. I don't say that to insult him. I say it because it's true. So I can't help but wonder what he thought when Mom's boyfriend told him he needed to get back in church. I've never pushed my husband or told him to get back in church or even asked him to. Our kids have asked him a few times to go to church with us, but obviously he hasn't.


So much has been happening among God's people lately that it's got me so excited about what God's doing and about what He can/will do in my family, my home, my husband, my church. There's the Holy Ghost being poured out in a Cracker Barrel in Memphis, Bro. Arnold being raised from the dead (as well as Bro. Stoneking a few years ago), a great outpouring in the Raleigh church (100 received the Holy Ghost there yesterday and 58 were baptized), and things have changed in my church - a fresh fire has been lit and there is great prayer and great worship and expectancy. I tell you I'm so excited I can feel it bubbling in me all the time, to the point where I sometimes feel like I'm going to explode!

I'm praying and believing that my husband will get back in church this year and get refilled with the Holy Ghost and that my kids will repent, get baptized in Jesus' name and be filled with the Holy Ghost this year. I'm praying and believing and expecting for great and wonderful things to happen in my church.

[Niki]

First, read the last paragraph above.


Now read this:

My son got baptized today! He is, of course, also seeking the Holy Ghost and has been very close! My husband has been out of state for a couple weeks working. I took pictures with my camera and had my daughter take pictures with the cell. We then sent a picture to my husband's cell. His response: "That's fantastic! I wish I could've been there."

Wow. I honestly wasn't sure how he would respond. Would he be happy and excited or would he just shrug? I even wondered if he'd be angry, though I'm not sure why I thought that.


Keep praying for my husband and our family. God is moving!

[SippinTea]

Yay! I love good news!

[Niki]

There has been another small step in the right direction. My husband sent a picture message (he's out of state on business) wanting to know which of the shirts he was thinking of buying would look good with the shorts he was thinking of buying. He said he's not any good at stuff like that. I told him my opinion and he texted back, "Thank you, Baby".

*jaw drops open*

Do you know how long it's been since he called me "Baby"? Right at two years! I couldn't believe it. My mom was here when it happened and she said my face was red. lol Everytime I think of it I can't help but smile real big.

I believe God is going to finish what He started by making things completely as they should be.

[Melody]

Praise God! I love it! God is for marriage!  Prayer works! I have a cousin going through something similiar & he is holding onto God's Word! 

What blessing your testimony is sis!