Stories, testimonies, advice, prayer and encouragement.

[Niki]

I signed up as a volunteer at my daughter's school. I did last year too, but never got called in. Maybe they'll need me this year. And I've been going to ladies Bible study on Monday nights. It's been a real encouragement for me. The ladies who attend tell me that they're glad I've joined them and that I've been a blessing to them. I don't know. I don't feel like a blessing. lol


This (in quotes) is from my blog. I will add more to it at the end and in brackets [ ] within the entry. They say confession is good for the soul. I hope no one will judge me or speak harshly to me after reading this. Especially if you've never been in the type of situation I'm in or if you aren't married.


"I apologize in advance for the pity party.

"Three of my cousins are pregnant. Jessica with her fourth, Rachel with her third and Christine with her second. My brother's wife Jennifer is pregnant with her second, her first with my brother. My niece Jessica, on my husband's side, is pregnant with her first. A few of my friends are also pregnant and two of them had babies in the past couple months.

"I have friends and family who are being blessed with not only new babies and new pregnancies, but also new homes, new cars, new jobs, new business opportunities and various other blessings.

[The majority of my friends and family who are being blessed are either backsliders or don't know the truth at all.]

"And here I sit, waiting on the blessings I and my family need. I have done my best to be patient. I am a 'good person' - kind, faithful [to God & my husband], decent. I don't say these things about myself to brag. My point is that I'm not a horrible person. I'm not living a vile, ungodly life. [I have a better prayer life than I've had in 10 years. I attend church regularly. I worship and read the Bible. I do my best to obey God.] So I can't help but wonder, when's it my turn? I'm pretty sure I blogged a little about this before, so I apologize for blogging about it again, but with more good things happening all around me in people's lives while I'm still waiting, it just hurts.

"As I said before, I don't wish that it was me being blessed instead of them. I'm genuinely happy for them and I let them know it. I congratulate them and tell them that I'm happy for them. I just wish that I was being blessed too.

"I have real needs for myself and my family. I've been waiting for over a year and nothing has changed. Nothing has gotten better. Well, besides myself. I've changed and have become better at who I am and what I do. I don't know. Maybe that's where things have to start. Maybe the change has to begin in  me before things will change around  me. But considering the change happened in me months ago, when's the other change going to come? I'm sick of waiting.

"I've been strong for a long time, but I feel like my strength is leaving me. I'm only human and I can only be strong for so long. How much waiting and believing and hoping can a person do before they just don't have the strength for it anymore?

"And yet, in spite of my failing strength, I still don't want to give up. The future doesn't look good when I imagine how things would turn out if I did give up. Things would just be all wrong and ugly and depressing. I don't want that for my future. And so, I must do my best to continue to hold on. I'll try to dig deeper and find more strength to carry on."


I talked to God last night and was honest with Him. Why shouldn't I be when He knows my heart and my mind anyway? I asked Him what the point was in believing and having faith if nothing seems to come of it? What's the point in praying if He's not going to answer my prayers? It's been over a year and God still hasn't done what I need Him to do. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of praying and believing and waiting and having faith, and then nothing changes. My husband is still gone and on his way to hell.


As far as I can think of, there are three prayers I could pray about my husband.

"God, don't bring my husband back to me. And please let me be happy without him." And then carry on with my life not caring if he comes back.

"God, remove my husband from my life permanently and bring me a new husband." Then I could begin letting my husband go, forget about him, and look for a new man.

"God, please save my husband and bring him home." Which is the prayer I've been praying.


The first two prayers, or similar prayers, would be wrong in my opinion and are not supported by scripture.

The third prayer feels most right to me, and not just because I love my husband with everything that is in me and want him back. I feel like the third prayer, the one I pray, is supported by scripture. The Bible tells husbands and wives to love each other, no conditions attached. And when you love someone, you care where they spend eternity and you care about what kind of life they're living. The Bible tells husbands and wives not to leave each other. And so, since it's not God's will for my husband to be backslidden and it's not His will that my husband leave me/not live with me, I pray that God refills my husband with the Holy Ghost (I say everyday, and have for a few weeks now, "Thank you God for refilling my husband with the Holy Ghost today.") and I pray that God brings him home.

"God can't make your husband serve Him or come back home."

No, but He can give my husband a wake-up call. How many times do we read in scripture where God had the children of Israel brought into captivity because of their idolatry? They got the wake-up call they needed, repented, served God again, and God set them free. God can do the same thing for my husband. God could allow something to happen to him (a dream, a word, a vision, an angelic visitation, a close encounter with death) that will cause him to cry out to God. Either all things are possible with God, or they're not. Either nothing is too hard for God, or there are some things that are too hard for Him.


Oh, I wanted to respond to something else Zophar said. Yes, I do think about my husband a lot. He is my most pressing need. But there are times when I don't think of him. Times when I'm caught up in something else - a book, a movie, church, playing with my kids and my pets, etc. But I do think of him everyday. Most days I don't cry. As a matter of fact, other than three times this past week and once in prayer a couple weeks ago, I've hardly ever cried over him this year. And it's only because of the peace and strength God gave me.


We had tongues and interpretation at church Wednesday night after our pastor preached. We were really seeking God when it happened, and continued to do so afterwards. I don't remember it word for word. I only remember that God said "My glory is on you and this congregation" and something about feasting or a feast and "Come in through the strait gate and I will bless you". I asked God last night if I was included in that. Will His glory be on me? Will He feast with me? Will He bless me?

~

[bishopnl]

Niki:

Have you ever heard a message by TD Jakes entitled, "Overcoming Silent Frustrations?"  If not, I highly recommend it.  It seems to me a message that is very applicable in your situation.  I've listened to it probably 40+ times, and each time it has blessed me in a new way.

[myhaloisintheshop]

bishopnl--where do you get a copy of that sermon?

[Niki]

No, I've never heard of it. Can it be found online?


Since I'm here, I'll share something I've been thinking about.

Doesn't the Bible say that God hardened Pharoah's heart? If God can harden hearts, He can soften them. So I'm praying He softens my husband's heart.

In Hosea, it says that Hosea's wife Gomer, who was a harlot when he married her, left and went after her former lovers. But God hedged up her way with thorns, made a wall to block her paths, kept her from overtaking her lovers and kept her from finding them. Then Gomer decided to return to Hosea because she realized that life was better for her when she was with him.

So I pray that God blocks my husband from walking down paths that lead him away from God and away from me, that God hedges his way with thorns, that God keeps him from overtaking whatever he's after outside of God and me and that God keeps him from finding whatever he seeks for outside of God and outside of me. Hopefully my husband will then eventually figure out that life was better for him when he served God and was home with me.

Then there's Paul, who was blinded on the road to Damascus. God stepped in and did something to him that he could not deny was from God and it changed his life.


God has a way of getting our attention and even blocking our ungodly paths. I'm praying He does these things to my husband. It is one of my prayers. That God will block his path and do whatever it takes to get his attention, as long as my children are kept safe. I'm not willing to sacrifice their lives or their health.

~

[bishopnl]

Well, I would've thought it was online, but after looking for the last 20 minutes, I don't seem to be able to find it.  Perhaps if you contact the Potter's House, they can supply a copy, although it has been a while since he preached it...in fact, I think he was still pastoring in West Virginia at the time.  If they can't, I'll see if my copy still works.  I packed up all my preaching tapes a few years ago when we moved, and i've never gotten them out since.  IF my copy works, It will be easy for me to provide a copy to anyone who wants it.  Unfortunately, I don't have it on CD...lol...don't know how hard it would be to transfer it to CD either.  Maybe someone knows?

Anyway, it's a great message that speaks to believers who are facing turmoil in their lives, and privately wonder why everyone else is being blessed and why their faithfulness hasn't yet been rewarded.  Jerry Jones also preached a great message called "Where is God when I Need Him?" several years ago...I likely have a copy of this message as well, although it will require some searching.  Still, I'm happy to do it if anyone is interested.

[myhaloisintheshop]

Im definately interested.

[Niki]

As am I, if it's not too much trouble.

[Niki]

My husband texted me tonight, about 2½ hours ago, saying that his company is doing layoffs again and that he could be one of them. "Just to let you know."

His job was a contributing factor in him missing so much church and then backsliding. Which of course led to his unhappiness and his walking out on me and our kids. I've prayed many times that he would either get fired or quit and that God would provide a better job in our city with co-workers and bosses who will be better influences on him, without leading him to false doctrine of course. The men he works with now have included him in things that are very sinful. Because of his weakened spiritual condition, due to his missing so much church and backsliding, he couldn't or didn't resist the temptations.

The possibility of my husband losing his job is scary. I'm not going to pretend it isn't. But at the same time I know that it could be a good thing in the end. It's in God's hands. Help me pray that His will is done with my husband, his job and our marriage.

Thank you.

~

[awilkes05]

Thanks for the update Niki.  Been wondering if there were any changes but figured you'd post them if there were...

I'm glad you recognize that this could be an answered prayer.  I 100% understand the fear though.  I will pray God's will in this situation...

[Niki]

I have a new prayer request, in addition to my most recent one.

I went grocery shopping yesterday and put gas in my car. Target first for some groceries and other items. Then gas. Then to the grocery store for the rest. My card got declined. I tried several times and it was declined. Thankfully I had some cash on me (which I was saving to take my kids to the mountains for a day) and was able to pay the $35.

When I checked the account online, I saw that the money that automatically (direct deposit) gets put over for groceries and gas wasn't there. I texted my husband telling him what happened and asked him if he knew when the money would be put over. If it doesn't get taken care of quickly there will be an overdraft fee to pay. Gas always takes longer to show up/get deducted from the account than other purchases. When it goes through, if the money isn't there, the account will be in the red.

I haven't heard anything from my husband since I texted him about this problem. (Actually, I haven't heard from him since the 4th.) My son tried calling him and it went directly to voice mail. I don't know what's going on or why the money wasn't deposited. He's had it set up to automatically be put over on pay day (midnight) for almost 5 years. My mom asked if I think he did it on purpose. I told her that he wouldn't let his kids go hungry. He just paid bills this week or last, so I don't think him not wanting to take care of his kids anymore is the issue.

Please pray that the money shows up in the account before what I paid for gas gets deducted. And please continue praying about my husband's job (God's will) and our marriage.

Thank you.

~

[Niki]

Well, the money's been put over. As I was washing dishes an hour ago, I prayed that it would show up today and it has. Thank you, Lord! Only it was put over from my husband's account, not from the company he works for. Hmm. Not sure what's going on there.

Anyway, hopefully I'll hear something from my husband soon. I'm praying it will be something good. I cannot begin to tell you how much I want for things to start getting better now. I'm beyond ready for this situation with my husband to be over. I want him home with me and our kids. I want him in church with us and serving God.

Well, I'll stop before I get into that any deeper. Believe me, I could say so much more about my hopes and dreams and desires for my life, my husband, my marriage, my children.

[Niki]

I don't really have an update about the situation with my husband. Things are still pretty much the same. We haven't seen him since July, he's still taking care of the bills, he answers the phone most of the time when the kids call him. Other than that, there's not much to tell.

While I still miss him terribly, I can't remember the last time I cried over him. I still love him with everything that is in me. Mainly I focus on living for God, taking care of my kids and waiting on God to do something.

I can't remember if I told y'all this or not, but a while back I was thinking about the prophecy that was told to me about my husband, prior to our getting married and actually prior to us even getting together. (I may have told y'all this. Hmm.) Pretty much everything that was said has come true. Except for the part about my "future husband" being used in the ministry. I know that isn't necessarily preaching. Which is fine by me. I'm not interested in being a preacher's wife. But I'll do and be whatever God wants. Anyway, I was thinking maybe this means that that part of the prophecy has yet to come true, but will. The rest of it has. It gives me some hope.


As for the here and now, I'm trying to draw closer to God and seek His will. I'm trying to build up my prayer life, my fasting and my Bible reading. And I've been listening to a lot of preaching tapes lately. It is my prayer that God use me however He wants to use me.

Sometimes I think back to how I was 10-20 years ago in my walk with God. My faith was so strong. I never doubted anything, but neither had I been tested as I have this last year +. I was so innocent and possibly naive. I had that child-like faith and child-like approach to God. Now I'm having to fight anger and "why?!" and sometimes doubt and fear. I'm trying to trust Him and serve Him in the midst of all of that.

A couple days ago I felt like God spoke to my heart and impressed upon me that He will bring my husband home, but that He has some more work to do on me first. I was wondering how much longer it was going to take for God to work on my husband  and He goes and tells me that He's still working on me . lol I think He wants my heart and attitude to be right for my husband. And I think He wants me to be stronger in the Lord and closer to Him before He brings my husband home.

When my husband and I were first together he told me that one of the things that attracted him to me was my walk with God and my worship and dedication. And that's something I've been trying to get back. Not for my husband, though I do believe that husbands need their helpmeets to be spiritually strong, but because I miss it. I miss the fire and passion and the strong faith and the innocence (for lack of a better word, though I don't know if I can ever get that back) and the worship. I want it all back. I want the will of God in my life and the supernatural (miracles, signs, wonders, gifts of the Spirit) in my life and in a stronger way in my church.

I better stop there before I get carried away. lol


Y'all please continue to pray. Thank you!

~

[Niki]

Today is our 16th wedding anniversary. I wish so much that he was here and that we could go on a date to celebrate.

Last I heard from our son, my husband is in North Dakota. But I think he might be in Idaho now. He reads my blog on a pretty regular basis and for a couple weeks I was getting a visitor from North Dakota, according to my traffic feed. But now I'm getting regular visits from someone in Idaho. Since none of the ones who sometimes leave me comments are in Idaho, I can't help but wonder if it's my husband.

I would love to get flowers from him, but I don't expect it. Isn't that awful? I have every right to expect acknowledgement of some kind from him on our anniversary. *sigh*


Y'all just continue to pray for us. I will not give up.

[Niki]

I wrote this at my blog a few minutes ago:


I've had some good days.
I've had some hills to climb.
I've had some weary days
And some lonely nights.

But when I look around
And I think things over,
All of my good days
Outweigh my bad days.
I won't complain.

Sometimes the clouds hang low,
I can hardly see the road.
I ask a question, Lord.
Lord, why so much pain?
But He knows what's best for me,
Although my weary eyes
They can't see.
So I'll just say thank you Lord.
I won't complain.

The Lord has been so good to me.
He's been good to me.
More than this old world or you could ever be.
He's been so good to me.

He dried all of my tears away.
Turned my midnights into day.
So I'll just say thank you Lord.

I've been lied on, but thank you Lord.
I've been talked about, but thank you Lord.
I've been misunderstood, but thank you Lord.
You might be sick, body racking with pain,
But thank you Lord.

The bills are due,
Don't know where the money coming from,
But thank you Lord.
Thank you Lord.
Thank you Lord.
I won't, I won't complain.

God has been so good to me.
He's been good to me.
More than this old world or you could ever be.
He's been so good.
He's been so good.
He's been so good.
So good.
So good.
So good.
So good to me.
He dried all of my tears away.
Turned my midnight into day.
So I'll just say thank you Lord.


I tried to pray last night, but it became more of a talk than a prayer. At one point I just stopped because there I was praying about the same situation for the millionth time (or so it seems) and I didn't want to pray about it again. I said to God, "I'm sick of it. I'm sick of praying about the same thing and worrying about the same thing and dealing with the same problem. I'm sick to death of it! Why can't You just go ahead and fix this so that I can pray about something else?"

I know that I should pray about other things and for other people, but as I told God, I don't even want to. Even though I'm sick of praying about the same problem, nothing else matters to me more than this situation. Nothing. There are a couple things that matter to me just as much, but nothing that matters more. And I'm sick of that. I don't even know how to explain that. But nothing is as important to me. Nothing weighs on me as much.

I wish that this situation I'm in would finally be resolved so that I can finally wake up one day and not feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. To wake up carefree. Carefree. I'm not sure I even remember what that feels like. I believe that one day it will come, but I don't know when. It's like a dream. I try to imagine what it will be like when that day comes and it doesn't seem real. Sometimes it feels like the possibility of waking up and breathing easily is just as likely to happen as waking up and finding myself in a fantasy land of Elves and Hobbits.

My so-called prayer time last night turned into more of a complaint session than anything. I hated what I was feeling and what I was saying. I hated my attitude.

All my life people have told me that I have a "sweet spirit". That I'm such a "sweet person", such a "good person", so gentle and kind. I feel like this emotional hell that I've been through has killed or at least seriously wounded that sweetness, that pureness, that innocence that I once had. It has done great damage to the trust I once had. I want it back, but I don't know if I ever will get it back.

When talking to God last night, I tried to come up with an example. I don't know if it's a good one, but it's what first came to mind.

Imagine a sweet, innocent, pure, naive child. She is happily walking and skipping and twirling through a field of wildflowers. She has no concept of the evils of this world. She's never been exposed to the horrible things that others are capable of. Then she comes over a hill and is met with things she never imagined existed - a parent viciously abusing a child, a husband or wife shattering the heart of their spouse and walking out on them and their children, the atrocities of the Holocaust, or any other evil of this world. Innocence is gone. Trust is gone. The feelings of safety and security are gone.

That's how I feel. And I want it back. The innocence, the trust, feeling safe and secure. I want it all back.

Now, compared to this time last year, I'm doing much better. But I often wish I could go back to the time before hell was unleashed upon my life and just be happily skipping through life, oblivious to the evils that could invade my life.

I made it through a childhood with an abusive father (though he never laid a hand on me) virtually unscathed, all glory going to God. Even after all I saw and heard growing up, I still somehow managed to maintain my sweetness and innocence and trust. But what I've been going through since last summer has done the damage that many years with an abusive father couldn't do. Damaged trust, lost innocence, feeling afraid and worried and angry.

And I'm sick of it. I want back what was taken from me. All of it!

I know I started off this entry with a song about not complaining and being thankful to God and so far what I've written doesn't sound very thankful. lol But I'm hoping that God will help my attitude and that I can learn to be thankful. Or as Paul put it, to be content in whatever state I'm in.

Wow, that's hard. To be going through hell and still be thankful.

Even as I was complaining to God last night rather than truly praying and in the midst of my bad attitude, I asked God to forgive me for my bad attitude and help me to have a better attitude. To "create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me". To change my heart and my attitude.

I wrote sometime back, a few weeks ago maybe, how that I felt like God impressed upon me that He wasn't going to do what I've been needing Him to do until I get my heart and my attitude right because I wouldn't be ready for it until then. So I prayed that God would help me with that and I was hoping that things were improving within me. And then last night came and that ol' ugly attitude showed up. Arrggh! *sigh*

To me, it feels like time is of the essence. I don't see how that I have all the time in the world for things to get worked out. So I get very impatient. But my impatience doesn't do anything to speed things along. :-/

I really hope and pray that things will finally start to improve inside of me and with the situation I'm in. I've had enough. Not that that seems to matter. :-/


Y'all please pray for me.

~

[Niki]

Just had God speak a revelation to me. *shaking my head and laughing at myself* He told me before that it's not about me, this thing I've been going through with my husband. I reckon He had to explain further to this feeble brain of mine.

When I was talking to God a couple nights ago, I was angry about what I was going through, what my husband had done, what God had allowed him to do. I was angry that God had chosen a man for me knowing he would break my heart and walk out on me and our kids twice. I was looking at myself and my  pain and how unfair God was being to me.

Then just a few minutes ago as I was reading someone's blog about being called by God, I felt like God spoke to me and told me that He didn't just choose my husband for me, He chose me for my husband. I was the one my husband would need at this time of his life when he's running from God.

How many other women wouldn't have contacted lawyers, filed for legal separation or even divorce, gotten court-ordered child support and alimony, sought revenge, sold what remaining possessions he still has here that are worth money (tools and car parts) and various other things that go against God's Word?

God knew when he chose my husband for me that he was going to walk away from his wife and kids, from God and from God's will for his life. And maybe I was the only one within his circle of church friends and acquaintances and contacts who wouldn't do all the things that the majority of women would do in my shoes.

As God told me three times before, and now for a fourth time, "It's not about you." Yes, God is working on me during all of this. I know that. My heart, my innocence, my trust, my faith, my attitude all took a serious hit when my husband broke my heart. And so now God is having to work on me also while He works on my husband. And when, as I feel God told me a few weeks ago, I can get my attitude right again, then He will bring my husband home to the faithful wife here waiting for him.

Or, at least, that's what I feel like God is saying to me.

[Nelle]

I love that song.. always brings me to tears.

I always get so excited to see that you've posted. Praying for you, your kiddos, and your husband. You've got more grace in your pinkie than I could ever imagine possessing.

[Niki]

Something else I thought of. I desperately want my husband home, but I feel like, either by my own thoughts or by God, that if he were to come home either not already refilled with the Holy Ghost or at least walking back to God that he would possibly blame me again when he finds himself still unhappy. As much as I want him home, I must be patient for a while longer. What good would it do to have him home only to have him walk out again?

I'll be glad when he can take responsibility for his own actions and realize the true source of his unhappiness, backsliding, and give his life back to God and come back home. It will be of great benefit (spiritually, emotionally) to our family as well as himself. I hope that he will see that soon.

[awilkes05]

Thinking about you and your situation today Niki.  Just wanted to let you know and leave you a hug. *hugs* I check in here almost daily to see if there is an update.  Praying for you!

[Niki]

Thank you. :-)

He's been coming around more since Christmas.  Mostly because he hasn't been out of state (until a couple nights ago - Richmond, VA) and also I think because he knows that the only way he's going to be able to spend time with our daughter (she's 10) is by coming and hanging out here. She won't go anywhere without me. He's been staying with his sister in Raleigh. (In a messy, dirty apartment.) She's a backslider too and her and her husband split for a second or third time late 2009 or early 2010. My husband's taken our son (he's 13) to his sister's with him for a couple weekends recently.

I feel down sometimes. Especially after he's been here and made no moves towards me. He's smiled a few times and spoken to me, but it's not like it should be. It hurts to be under the same roof with him and him not hugging me or kissing me or anything. You can almost see the wall he's put up.

Help me pray against that wall and against what the enemy is doing with my husband and saying to him. I'm believing that God is going to save him and bring him home. I can't imagine things being any other way.


(By the way, he did get me a Christmas present. A new camera. It's not fancy, but it's not cheap either. I was surprised he spent so much.)

[drummr]

Niki,

I have not been here for a while, but I felt an immediate need to pray for you and your family when I read these posts.  If I say something that seems unwelcome, please forgive me.  It is frustrating to witness the relentless pressures of this world bring destruction to so many families.

I'm not trying to speak as one that is free from similar attacks.  On the contrary, I have been a father and husband who was so driven to give his family a good life that he could not partake of the true riches right there at home.  It was not from a lack of desire, I assure you, but a lack of a way out of the cares of life.

My wife had the audacity to submit an article to the Pentecostal Herald about the small things the Lord has cared for in our lives.  When I read the article, it reminded me of the personal attention the Lord has provided us, even with my personal battle with cancer and terrible complications in it's aftermath.  My wife has had 6 car accidents in the past 7 years since my cancer diagnosis, 3 of them were serious.  I became so concerned that it was only the grace of God that my children were not deprived of both parents.  But, as Paul found out, God's grace is sufficient. 

In October 2010, I made a decision to walk away from the affluence that the world demands so much for.  I actually quit a job of 5 years that was very lucrative, but that was all consuming, opting to work from home at less than 50% of what I was making.  I sold my big pretty home and bought a doublewide set up on a lot next to my dad at a 90% reduction in value.  This, because my overwhelming concern for taking care of my family's physical needs created an emotional and spiritual void that brought terrible things into my daughter's life in particular.  All of a sudden, none of it was worth it.

I said all of that to say you are not alone.  I can't say that all of the changes have been fun, but my children (teenagers) are showing a closer sensitivity to the Lord and if there is no other benefit, thank the Lord anyway.  Another benefit is that there is actually more time to pray.  How could I have neglected that for so long?

I will ask my wife to join me in prayer and agreement for the Lord to move in your life in ways that will be astonishing.  We will pray that your husband finds the answers he needs, and that your family will be restored and elevated in the will of God.  We will pray that the Lord will speak to you daily in a way that is personal and undeniable.  We will do this in Jesus' name.

May the Lord bless and comfort you Sister.   

[Niki]

Thank you. I truly appreciate your prayers and desire that as many as will, stand with me in prayer against the enemy that has attacked my husband, our marriage and our home.

[Niki]

I posted a prayer request for my husband's family. His 21-year-old nephew was found dead Friday morning. We think from a drug overdose. It's a big, complicated mess that I don't really feel like going into right now. Today was the funeral.

My husband, the sister he's been staying with, a couple of his cousins and one of his aunts are all backsliders. The rest have never known God. It is my prayer that this death will be a wake-up call for them. Life is too short to waste it not serving God.

Please help me pray for my husband and his family.


As far as how things are going with my husband and I, he's still taking our son to his sister's in Raleigh every weekend. I really hate that. My son is missing too much church.   When my husband came to get him on Friday, I told him to either bring our son home in time for church Sunday morning or bring him to Bro. Huntley's church. He didn't do either.    Apparently he's not thinking about where our children spend eternity, but I want them in heaven with me.

Anyway, my mom was here when my husband came to get our son. She said she saw him checking me out. Don't know if that's true or not. He's made no moves towards me. Just the occasional small smile. When my daughter and I came home from getting groceries on Friday, he was already here and was cleaning out the freezer with a dish rag. lol Don't know what made him do that. He had no reason that I could see for even opening the freezer. Maybe he's just trying to butter me up so that I don't give him a hard time about taking our son? But I've never done that, so who knows. Another time when he came he changed burned out light bulbs that I can't reach in the kitchen and our daughter's room. Seems like he did something else, but I can't remember what.

I had to go to Raleigh to pick up our son last night. (I also had to pick him up the weekend before last.)  I wasn't expecting to have to do that and it was quite late when my daughter and I got there. There was some family there from Oklahoma also. We stayed for a while and talked. It was a nice visit. Before leaving, I told my SIL that my love and prayers are with her. She got choked up and said that she feels numb. (Over the loss of her son.) I told her and the others that I love them before the kids and I left.

I wanted to hug and kiss my husband, but I chickened out. I always chicken out. Part of me thinks that he should make the first move, but I'm really not sure.


Continued prayers are appreciated.


~

[iridiscente]

Hugs to you!

[SippinTea]

Just wanted to tell you I've been praying for you tonight.

*hug*

[EricShane]

everyone pray for me if you think about it.. i have been so discouraged lately..