What Attracted Him to Me?

[RainbowJingles]

I've been pondering of late.  I've even been thinking, too.  :-)  lol

It seems that there are particular times in my life where guys seem to be/have been attracted to me.  I've started to go over those moments/days/stages of my life in my mind and wonder what I was like at those times in my life, and what in particular attracted him to me.

I recall when I was about 15 or so, maybe a little older, there was a guy who was about 13 who had a dreadful crush on me.
At the time I was beginning to teach Sunday school.  I was gaining confidence in myself and having occasional "pretty" days (days when I felt pretty).
I was also nice to him just like I was to everyone else.  A lot of people thought it was "cute," but I didn't want to really admit that I had a slight crush on him as well.  It just seemed impractical at the time.  The more I tried to ignore him, the more interested he seemed to become.

When I was about to graduate from high school, I had little time for guys, but several decided that they wanted to make time for me.
Where was I in life at that time?
Fairly confident
Busy
Engaged with other things besides them
Had little time for them

I'll come back and ponder other times when I've noticed that guys seem to be more attracted to me.

It is VERY rare that a guy will express interest in me when I'm depressed or down on myself.
It seems rare that guys flock around me when I'm feeling blah and unappreciative.  lol

Anyone else wanna take a stab at it from your perspective?

[RainbowJingles]

While in Bible college, I don't think there was ever anyone who was romantically interested in me at all.  I had several male friends, but none who expressed an interest in me.

In Bible college, I was not only an ice maiden, but also a very intimidated young lady.  I felt like no one would be interested in me.  I compared myself to others and constantly came up short.

One break I went home with a friend who made me feel comfortable and loved to laugh.  We had a blast together with some of her friends, and I really felt like I was enjoying life and was able to be free for awhile.  It was on that trip that I met one of her guy friends who started calling and writing to me consistently.

I wasn't concerned about how I looked, felt, or acted.  I wasn't intimidated by him or his quirks.  I didn't care if he was interested.  Then suddenly he was.

[RainbowJingles]

While on break from college (or sometime thereabouts), I was working one day and a guy and I were having this quasi-intelligent conversation, and just kind of connecting intellectually and chatting.  We continued on about our day, and I thought nothing of it.  Not too long after that, he called me and asked me out.  I was like...  "HUH?!?!"  Kind of freaked me out a bit.  Of course, he wasn't in church, so we never really dated.

What was I like at that point?
Confident
Fun
Intrigued by this guy, actually...  he was quite a few years older and had always intrigued me from a distance, and at that point I was actually just able to connect with him without any false pretense.  We had common ground because we were working together, and I had no qualms about talking to him, because I didn't think he had any expectations of me at all.  He was just being nice, and wasn't interested that I could tell, and then...  BAM!    He asked me out.

[RainbowJingles]

Now that I think more about it, I think I was asking lots of questions about his work and what he did.  I was fascinated with his job and truly enjoyed listening to him tell me about what he did.

[iridiscente]

 

[RainbowJingles]

lol  Dina.  I'm still talking about early college days.  I have lots to think about before I make it to present-day events. 

[MelodyB]

Scoot over Dina. I wanna watch too.

[RainbowJingles]

*waits for someone else to contribute to the topic before she continues*

[sunlight]

* sunlight sits right in the middle of dina and mel and takes the middle seat of the couch. :grin:

[The Purple Fuzzy]

  Somewhere in the middle you'll find me... 

[iridiscente]

Well, I wasn't looking and I was having fun with life and we just sort of found each other. I think the main ingredient in all of these is not being desperate, but being confident and moving forward as a self and god-fulfilled person. You have a life.

[RainbowJingles]

You know, that's what I'm beginning to realize more and more, Dina.  The common element has been that, it seems.  Confident, not really caring...  Just being me.

[Amelia Bedelia]

i've had and not had guys at all phases I think

it just kinda depended on if there were new guys around or same ol same old that I'd already been through

there... someone else has contributed and u can get back to your storytelling lol

[MelodyB]

Thank you, Mary...have some Popcorn. Join us.

[RainbowJingles]

i've had and not had guys at all phases I think

it just kinda depended on if there were new guys around or same ol same old that I'd already been through

there... someone else has contributed and u can get back to your storytelling lol

rofl

[RainbowJingles]

How could I forget the "older guy" that I was "friends" with when I was 16?  He was 23.  Mom was nervous the whole time that I wrote to him.  We used to write once or twice a week...  REAL MAIL...  you know, the kind with stamps?  Anyone remember when people actually sent that?

Well, he would tell me all kinds of fun things.  He had a fascinating job, but I wasn't really interested in him much, because that's all that I found fascinating about him at the time.  It was hard to talk to him on the phone sometimes, and he was painfully shy.  He was also painfully interested (much to his sister's delight and my mother's chagrin), but I got my head turned by a 7-Day Adventist guy who was in my school.  Long story short: the 23 year old started looking better and better to my mother.  lol

What was going on there?

With the 23 year old, I was eloquent in my own 16-year-old way, and "listened" well.  I would read his letters and respond to each thing that he had to say and every point that he talked about.  For a guy who is lonely and shy, that probably meant a whole lot.  Yet there was something about our in-person interactions that just didn't click.

Another pattern seems to be developing.  Is a lady more attractive to a guy when she takes an interest in his work?  When she asks questions and cares about what he does?  When she listens to and remembers what he talks about?

The other guy became interested in me while I was confident in myself and enjoying the attentions of this other guy (from a distance).  Neither of them were right for me on many levels, but I'm again seeing the consistency in my self-confidence and free spirit style and the time in my life that really nice guys of a decent calibre were attracted to me.  Which leads me to another thought...  Hmmm...

[CDAGeek]

You hit it pretty much on the head with this:

When she asks questions and cares about what he does?  When she listens to and remembers what he talks about?

It's hard enough for the typical guy to get the nerve to show interest. The girl showing any sort of interest in return is a huge help in either a: helping them find the courage to ask in the first place, or b: confirming they weren't off their rocker.

Self confidence can play a big role too. I can't speak for all guys, but I know that when I've dated a girl who was clearly self effacing (and not in a fishing for compliments sort of way - that's a whole other topic), the nurturer in me would kick in at first, but it would eventually become exhausting. Being asked to describe why you're interested in someone can be a cute conversation, but when it's a nightly occurance spawning from the belief that you're lying when you compliment her, it's not worth it. Not to say that every girl who goes through depressing times or has bouts of  low self esteem is that bad, or goes to that extreme - but while they're in those moods, guys would typically rather stay away than take the risk.

[SippinTea]

What Attracted Him to Me?

Past life:

While I suppose I'll never know for sure, with some of the guys that have shown interest I have guesses:
- He thought I was a free ticket into the ministry because I have 'connections'. (Excuse me while I gag.)
- He thought I could help him make more money. (Go take a business class or two, sir.)
- He for some reason thought I'd make a great doormat when he found out I wanted to be a homemaker, not a career gal. (When he found out I had a brain and a feisty side, he hastily left. Stage right.)
- He thought I was 'cute', and wanted a trophy wife half his age. (The boat wasn't enough to sell yourself, sir. So sorry. And that conversation you tried to have regarding me in a swimsuit? You're lucky I didn't deck you.)

Bad me. My sarcasm is out in full force today. self.

Present life:

I'm still kinda wondering actually.

*shrug* Whatever the reason, I'm glad.

But he doesn't think I'm his free ticket into anything, he's not concerned with how much money I make, he's never treated me like a doormat, and he's never tried to have a conversation that made me want to punch him.


Anyhow...

*hops onto the back of the couch to join the listening crowd, and steals their popcorn*

You were saying, Elona?....

[RainbowJingles]

Thanks for the insight, Geek.  :-)  I love it when guys weigh in with what the foreign species may be thinking!  Really!


Ruby: 
You're hysterical, girlie!

And I wanted this to be a DISCUSSION thread, not a popcorn-eatin' Elona-observing thread! 


I love GP!!!  :-)

[RainbowJingles]

*scary flash of insight*

Okay...  It just crossed my mind that many times I would notice a guy that I found particularly appealing, but immediately think, "He would never be interested in ME."  And so I acted accordingly, steering clear of him, and rarely speaking to him.

  And I wondered why guys that I was interested in didn't reciprocate my feelings.  *smacks self in head*



These days I'm not really out to impress, and I just treat everyone equally as often as I can.  If they think I'm flirting, either they get over it and realize that I'm not, or they flirt back (even thought I wasn't flirting - at least not most of the time ).

[SippinTea]

And I wanted this to be a DISCUSSION thread, not a popcorn-eatin' Elona-observing thread! 

YOU might not have, but WE did! *cheeky grin*

Keep on talkin'...

[RainbowJingles]

Gotta go to church.  Carry on, my friends!

[Sis]

How could I forget the "older guy" that I was "friends" with when I was 16?  He was 23.  Mom was nervous the whole time that I wrote to him.  We used to write once or twice a week...  REAL MAIL...  you know, the kind with stamps?  Anyone remember when people actually sent that?

Sure, we all just did a whole bunch of it at Christmas! Silly!

[Amelia Bedelia]

i'll pass on the popcorn - anyone have chocolate?

i'm really not interested in what attracts guys anymore -  I'm watching too many relationships and marriages start and fail and good people do stupid selfish things to each other... i'm not interested in joining the crowd

I dunno that even a good relationship and having kids is still worth having a relationship - instead of bringing in new kids help the ones that exist already and need good influences

guys are attracted to what they can't have... the chase, the confidence, the handle on life, the skirt, the body, the money, whatever... if that's what attracts him, do I really want him??

nope.

we have such a low bar for who gets put into 'good husband' categories... he has a job and doesn't beat her or molest the kids... someone give him a medal!

sigh, can someone let me off the planet soon?

[Sis]

It's when you are thinking that way someone will win your heart.  I remember this ice maiden.......................