Singles and Mixed Company Settings

[Backseat Radio]

When it concerns singles and mixed company settings (guys and gals) whats acceptable mixed company settings and whats not and why?

Riding in the same car?
Hotel rooms together?
Living in the same house?
Does it make a difference if the other gender is somehow related to you or someone else in the situation?

[Backseat Radio]

I've had to deal with all of the situations I put forth in the first post.

When I was in the church of Christ there was a short time that I picked up a guy and took him to church from the college campus.   I was not related to the guy that I picked up for services.  Me picking him up was sanctioned and actually requested by one of the elders wives at the church. Me picking the guy up didn't last long.  I pawned it off as I didn't feel comfortable with me and a guy in the car alone but the truth was I was starting to falter on my committment to the church of christ and didn't want a responsibility that tied me to the church of christ.

I've been in a situation where a guy stayed in the same hotel room as my best friend and I.  The guy was my brother.  It didn't bother me for the fact that it was my brother and was pretty much an adopted brother as far as my best friend was concerned.

I've also been in a living situation where it was 2 gals and 1 guy - me, the lady I rented from, and her brother.  I wasn't related to either of them.  We all slept in separate bedrooms.  His bedroom was in the basement and me and the lady I rented from had bedrooms upstairs.  We had certain areas of the house that were common areas including the laundry area in the basement.  There were times that it was just me and him at the house for a week or so at a time. 

Living in that situation didn't bother me at the time since they were trinitarian Christian and the guy was related to the lady I rented from.  I do see now that it could have had potential troubles for things going on that ought not have - especially during the times that it was just me and him at the house for several days.

I recently decided against a situation where I could have lived with my cousin and her husband while seeking a job over in Ohio.  I didn't get involved in that situation simply because her husband has a track record of being unfaithful to his wife and has already been divorced once because of it.  I decided I didn't need to be the next available gal for him to sweet talk into adulterous relationship.

[MelodyB]

Riding in the same car, I dont have a problem with at all with most people. Now SOME singles, especially the younger ones that are attracted to each other, do not need to be in the same car alone for extended unsupervised trips. But it really all depends on the people and the situation. Personally, I have never had an issue with any of the guys that I have ridden with or have rode with me. And I dont think that even when I was younger our youth leaders had to worry about me and any of the guys that I hung out with...there were a few rumors about me and Jon, (especially after the "hickey" incident) but really, everyone knew we were just best friends and that was it.

Hotel rooms are a definite NO NO. There are exceptions to this rule too though. Justin has stayed in my hotel room on MANY occasions, and it is perfectly fine. He is one of my closest friends, and one of the safest guys that I know...we also used to live in the same house for awhile, and that does make a difference.

Living in the same house, that depends entirely on the situation. I dont recommend it if there is any attraction between the males and the females, but if the circumstances call for it, it can be done. In the case of Justins family and my house...they needed a place to stay, I had the extra rooms, and I needed help with rent and bills, so his family moved in for awhile. There were four of us in the house, and we had our "Mom" with us. Plus, in that situation, I had practically lived at their house for years before I got my own, and I stayed over there on countless nights prior to that...and we were kids basically, so it has always been like we were siblings. I would let Justin move in here or stay here in a heartbeat if he needed to, but I cant say that about everyone. 

And I personally think it makes a HUGE difference if you are related to them, or if you grew up with them and feel like you are related.

[Amelia Bedelia]

When it concerns singles and mixed company settings (guys and gals) whats acceptable mixed company settings and whats not and why?
Hmmm I'd say acceptable mixed company would be a ratio of at least 2:1 guys to gals.... ideal is more like 5:1 guys to gal (singular, and more specifically ME!)
Riding in the same car?  If you're going in the same general direction... why waste money on gas.... cars are great for just talking... and various other memory makings
Hotel rooms together? Only if he's got a better hotel room than mine... like the jacuzzi suite   
Living in the same house? Only if he'll do the man-chores... take out the garbage and kill bugs and stuff... 
Does it make a difference if the other gender is somehow related to you or someone else in the situation? Uh yeah majorly... not the same and not as much fun if they are related... ick (unless you're from vermont or alabama or something I guess)


I don't think I should be allowed in this thread.... 
LOL

[Sis]

Mary!  What wonderful insight you have!  I agree with everything you have said.

[Amelia Bedelia]

LOL yeah thats me... insight  LOL

oh and I forgot if sharing the same house he needs to reach stuff on the top shelf for me... height requirements for admission... LOL

[Backseat Radio]

   @ AB's posts

[Sis]

LOL yeah thats me... insight  LOL

oh and I forgot if sharing the same house he needs to reach stuff on the top shelf for me... height requirements for admission... LOL

Height requirements? What if he has his own stool? 

[Nerd]

Yeah, that way if it doesn't work out you could just take the stool...

[RainbowJingles]

Tia: great questions.  I'll have to ponder them and see if I want to put in my later.  I was raised by an ultra conservative mother in a very conservative home, so my take might be different than most.

Mary:  *shaking my head* 

[Nessie]

Riding in the same car?

I usually don't care about this one, as long as you and the opposite gendered person are not attracted to each other and it's not night, lol. In the daytime not so bad because your flesh probably isn't going to prompt you to do something when you know people can see in the car. I won't usually go on a long trip with someone of the same sex alone in a car... exceptions being some of my friends who I've known for ages and everyone knows there's nothing there.

Hotel rooms together?

I wouldn't.

Living in the same house?

Definitely wouldn't. To me it seems like the appearance of shacking up.

Does it make a difference if the other gender is somehow related to you or someone else in the situation?
If the guy was related to me it would be different. I don't see a problem if the people are related.

This is just my opinion... you should probably go off your convictions. If you don't feel comfortable, it's probably a bad idea. If you do feel comfortable, I would say fine, as long as it doesn't lead into temptation, and as long as you're not going against your parents/pastor's convictions.

My pastor and his wife always said to me, "When in doubt, do without."

[Sis]

Once a looooooooooooooooooong time ago, My BIL was giving me a ride home. It was late and they didn't want me walking. We were talking about his mother's birthday coming up and brainstorming ideas.  Suddenly an officer comes up and shines his light in the car.

He wanted to check our IDs then when he saw we had the same last name, he said, "Oh, you're married."  And the BIL said, "Yeah, but not to each other."  I wanted to hit him but didn't want a police witness.   

[Nerd]

Those cops...

[SippinTea]

BIL said, "Yeah, but not to each other."  I wanted to hit him but didn't want a police witness.   

Haha!! That SO sounds like something my relatives would pull. *shakes head* Nutty guys.

[Nerd]

 

[Chinadoll]

Riding in the same car?  I would be cautious here now.   More because I'm from a more conservative church and have to watch everything so closely.  I don't have a problem with it myself but it would really depend on the situation and what Pastor Rice says (as I am in leadership, not that my pastor is a dictator, because he's not, but I am wanting to watch what's good for the church)
Hotel rooms together?   Have done it once (as Tia talked about) but that was an unusual situation.   Other then that, probably not unless it was a HUMONGO mixed group and even then (refer to comments above)
Living in the same house?   Probably not.
Does it make a difference if the other gender is somehow related to you or someone else in the situation?   Yes, I can live with my brothers but not much beyond that.

Again, I'm going to a conservativish (less conservative than Greensburg) church -- and I'm in the ministry so I'm more careful.

Nai

[RainbowJingles]

Well...  here goes.  :-)

Riding in the same car?
It would depend on a lot of things.
-Is the guy married?  To me or someone else?  lol
---If he's married to me, I don't think I'd have a problem riding in the same car witih him.  lol  And of course, this topic doesn't apply in that case, because it refers to "SINGLES" and mixed company settings.  lol
---If he's married to someone else, I would want to be sure that his wife knows what's going on and that she is VERY okay with it, and that *I* am very okay with it.  For instance, my pastor picked me up to take me to the airport.  He and his wife are good friends of mine.  She would have taken me if she had been able.  We were all okay with the situation.  I don't think it's a good idea to make it a habit of riding alone in a car with someone who is married (unless, of course, as stated before, the married person happens to be married to you, in which case you would no longer be single, and would not need to be worrying about any of this, because you're in the wrong topic).
-Is this a guy I trust implicitly with my reputation (and if he's driving - with my LIFE!)?
-If he's single: are we dating? (this can put a different spin on it.  If we're not dating, then expect people to talk) 

Hotel rooms together?
Ummm...  I don't think so.  There may be rare exceptions, like my friend's children.  lol
My brother and I have shared hotel rooms before, but my Mom once pointed out that even THAT may not look good.  We were at a singles conference.  lol  I was like...    She's right!  Didn't stop us from sharing a room, though.  lol  Didn't want to fork out double money.

Living in the same house?
Not unless it was a married couple that I was staying with.  Again, extreme trust and communication would be crucial in this setting.  I'm not sure that, once I were married, could be comfortable taking a single person - male or female - into my home unless there was a separation (i.e. inlaw unit type setup with a distinct separation from the rest of the house).  It seems to leave too much room for temptation.  Of course, there are those rare exceptions that you know are okay.  I have been a guest in many homes as I travelled and the dynamic can be VERY different in EVERY situation, it seems.

Does it make a difference if the other gender is somehow related to you or someone else in the situation?
See above comments about my brother.
If it were someone else's brother, I would likely be a bit weirded out by it.  I don't know.
I'm just conservative as much as I can be, and then I leave the rest to God.  The living conditions ones, I would have to really pray about before I got in those situations.  Recently, my pastor said something like: if you have to try to justify your actions, you may want to change them.

[TRAV]

When it concerns singles and mixed company settings (guys and gals) whats acceptable mixed company settings and whats not and why?

Riding in the same car? seriously. you're joking right?
Hotel rooms together? seriously? you are joking, right?
Living in the same house? seriously? are you joking? left.
Does it make a difference if the other gender is somehow related to you or someone else in the situation? seriously, you're joking. right?

If you feel like you understood the answer to the above questions, then you're probably on the right path, have a job & over 21 years old.
Are these questions meant for Bible School students or Christian single college/career people who work and live life everyday?
Who makes the rules? Using common sense is the best way to deal with relationships.

[Amelia Bedelia]

"left" ... *refuses to laugh*
*snicker*

[TRAV]

What comes to mind is ....

Those who are truly worried about the initial questions in this thread are probably most worried about what PEOPLE think as opposed to what is honestly appropriate or not.