Backsliding

[Dew-Ax-238]

Has anyone backslid in here? If, so, how did it start for you? Was it at a slow pace or did it happen just all at one. Did someone cause you to back slide  or where you looking for reasons to backslid?

[Chseeads]

I don't think it can happen "all at once."

It may be "all of a sudden" that someone up and quits going to church and/or does a bunch of other things (changing hair, dress, taking up things like smoking, drinking, or what have you), but before somebody quits church or drops and/or picks up different things in their lifestyle, I think long before that moment when they finally did those things, there were issues brewing below the surface and they were drifting spiritually away for sometime.

The very nature of the word "backsliding" speaks to the process of a gradual (could be faster, could be slower) slipping away that happens over time, rather than a sudden straight fall from where you once were.

[Roscoe]

I don't think it can happen "all at once."

It may be "all of a sudden" that someone up and quits going to church and/or does a bunch of other things (changing hair, dress, taking up things like smoking, drinking, or what have you), but before somebody quits church or drops and/or picks up different things in their lifestyle, I think long before that moment when they finally did those things, there were issues brewing below the surface and they were drifting spiritually away for sometime.

The very nature of the word "backsliding" speaks to the process of a gradual (could be faster, could be slower) slipping away that happens over time, rather than a sudden straight fall from where you once were.

I agree completely. While I personally never quit going to church, there was a time several years ago I'm not real proud of, that I had backslidden in every other way that counts. The only reason I didn't quit attending church was because I knew it would crush my mother. Looking back, I can tell you that for me, it wasn't overnight. It started with my prayer life being put on the back burner, then my job kept me away from  some services, then I began finding things I didn't like about people in the church. Wasn't long before  i was cold as ice. It didn't help that most of my friends at the time were not in church.

[Lynx]

five-oh that's exactly what happened with some members of my close family.  Every single part of it, right down to finding faults with everyone in church. 

[Roscoe]

five-oh that's exactly what happened with some members of my close family.  Every single part of it, right down to finding faults with everyone in church. 

With no intention of taking over this thread, I think that the "finding faults" phase is something everyone who has ever grown cold, much less backslid, has done. It's a way to justify to themselves that they're no worse off than anyone in church and give them the high ground of not being a hypocrite.
This is one of Satan's strongest tools, in my opinion. If you are finding fault with people in church, you are less likely to go to church, and if you do, you're busy watching them, not God.  One of the hardest parts of my personal renewing was realizing that the faults I saw in others was a combination of them being human and the view I was looking at them from. Some of them were,indeed, in need of help, but my job was to lift them up and pray for them, not use their life as justification of my shortcomings. Sadly, I failed at that job. 
The view reminds me of the fairytale story my mother read to me long ago about the little boy that got a shard of a magic mirror in his eye. The mirror caused everything he saw to be ugly, and the little boy became cold, lonely and friendless. After the peice of mirror was taken out of his eye, he saw everything differently- it was lovely and attractive again. Nothing changed except his personal circumstance.

  It's the same way with Christians. When we began to get cold and far away from God, it's as if we have gotten a shard of "magic mirror" in our eyes. Satan will use that to keep us away from God, because if the "hypocrites' in church are that kind of person, why do I want to be like them? I know alot of people that once knew God in the power of the Holy ghost and have walked away from God, using someone else's shortcomings as an excuse.

[Dew-Ax-238]

what signs in the church do you personally see when a saint starts to backslid?  Should we approch them?

[Lynx]

In my experience the main sign is a general withdrawing from everything in the church.  The person drops out of choir, sign team, stops teaching sunday school... whatever he is currently doing in church, he now has no time for it.  He never worships anymore, he just sits on the pew.  He still comes to church but he no longer participates - he's there, but he's not a part of it anymore.

Mind you this happens over the course of months.  (I know we all know this next part, but it has to be said for the record...)  If a person drops one activity because he has too much on his plate and he's about to burn out, that's not a sign of backsliding.  And if I have a cold I will not be on stage singing, I'll be sitting on the back pew and not moving much. 

[Lynx]

Wait that's basically what five-oh said in his first post.  Rats. 

But it's still probably the only sign you will see until the person starts missing services.

[Heather]

Ok. Now to gather my thoughts before they all come running out of my mouth [er fingers as I'm typing] at once.

I didn't get into church until I was 18. Stayed for about 3 years and the reason I left then was because I had broken up with the guy I was with [the pastors son] and honestly he was the main reason I had been going. Yes I did get the Holy Ghost and was baptized during that time, but alot of other things were just surface appearance [dress, hair, etc].

A couple years later I found myself back at the altar and finally understanding the truth of the Gospel. About a year passed and I was layed off from my job. My only option was to move home with my family who were admitly against the apostolic church. Therefore I had to leave or be homeless.

In 2006 I found a new friend actually through AYN and started attending church with her. Got dug in, joined choir, was teaching sunday school, sign team, drama team, the whole sha-bang. Got married and that was the end of me. He was not the spiritual man/leader everyone thought he was and it just pulled me under. We moved churches trying to repair our marriage and eventually it turned to physical abuse. The pastor and leadership at that church chose to back him and told me I was out of line and the will of God. [yea I didn't get it either....] and I just went buck-wild. I couldn't understand how ANYONE much less anyone in church could do that.

So my 3 backsliding stories with 3 different beginnings and reasons.

Glad I found my way back to church recently and I by no means am diving in. Taking it slow and getting my roots in deep. For me all it takes is one person calling/texting/hugging me at church and tell me that they love me and are glad I'm there and that they are praying for me. Especially if I can tell they mean it and it's not just because thats what they are supposed to say.

[Lynx]

...I by no means am diving in. Taking it slow and getting my roots in deep.

That's one thing that should probably be mentioned.  I have seen a very large number of people come into our church like a flaming comet, all excited, but quit in a few months.  A couple of them stay, but most of them don't. 

Me, it took me a couple of years before I was even baptized.  But when I did I knew what I was doing, I had evaluated everything about it, I had read the whole Bible and I was sure this was what I wanted.  And I am sure enough of what I have that I will never leave it.

[EricShane]

what signs in the church do you personally see when a saint starts to backslid?  Should we approch them?

you know.. I think about it this way.. You can either go forwards or backwards, and when you commit something for God, and you go back on your word, wether its long sleeves, or Chewing Gum.. You have backslid on God.. We should take our commitments to God very seriously.. Thats why we should never be quick to jump on the bandwagon to amish-ville without knowing what we really believe, and why we believe it.. --- and its not just standards, obviously it starts by not praying, then its this and its that, everything else in your life comes first before God or Church, and next thing you know your listening to music you have to turn down when you pull up to red lights because you dont want to get busted, until your concience is seared, then you start doing all kinds of things, we lose our fear of God and the whole time hes trying to tell us he loves us and just wants us back, but we cant hear it because the world is to loud.



this is coming from someone who knows from Expierence, trust me.

[Backseat Radio]

Looking back over my life its really no surprise that I left the church.  Even when I was a young person (preteen, teen years) I was involved in lots of stuff around the church like bus ministry, camps, being church music, and teaching Sunday school but my I wasn't all that committed on a personal level to spiritual things.  I can remember several years at teen camps my mom or my friends trying to get me to join in worship and prayer and I wasn't really that interested.  When I became a young adult I did become more committed to Bible study for a time and questioned my spiritual life to the point that I chose to be re baptized because my first baptism hadn't been by my own choice. 

It was also during that early searching time that I begin to dabble in other religious ideas which would eventually prove to be my undoing.   Shortly after my car accident in July 2003  bitterness took root in me.  Because of it I eventually reasoned away almost everything I'd been taught in the Apostolic faith and got myself involved in the churches of Christ which at the time seemed to offer the solution to the things I was bitter at the Apostolic faith over.

My story to this point in time does not have a happy ending as I'm still not in church.   In the internal tug of war back and forth between the apostolic teachings and what I've been taught in the church of Christ, I've burnt myself out to the point that my attendance and involvement with any kind of church is sporadic at best.

[Melody]

Well, though the church plays an essential role in our walk w/ God and can reflect where we are at, it is by no means an exact measurement of where we are at w/ Jesus.  I'm less interested in what a person's church attendance and involvement in the local congregation is compared to how their personal relationship w/ Jesus is at, if it's an open subject.

Tia, sometimes, we need to put the "church" stuff on the back burner and focus on our relationship w/ Jesus. I didn't see anything in your post about where you are w/ Jesus personally.  That is what backsliding is really about, not lack of church involvement (though I know it can be reflective, it's not the source) but backing away from intimacy w/ Him. If you have never established a relationship w/ Jesus, you haven't had a place to backslide from.

I bring it up because when we see older people's health deteriorate or be put in a nursing home, their church attendance and involvement is greatly reduced.  Yet, it doesn't mean there isn't still grand depths of intimacy w/ Christ going on.  The same with any age that runs into health issues.  And also the backslider, sometimes they are not yet faithful to the body, but are making great strides in their prayer life and finding Jesus in His Word and I think could no longer even be considered a backslider, though people may still catoragize them as such.

I just want to clarify that while there are "signs," we can't rely soley on them.  Otherwise we get a culture that gauges people/themselves based on signs instead of intimacy and mature character.

I have a great burden for the backslider.  I've shared plenty over the years on GP that I don't want to bore everyone but every one of us that has backslidden I believe have dealt w/ some of the same deceptive tactics of the devil. 

When we made efforts, they seemed to be thwarted.  The scriptures took on a twisted bias against us.  There's somewhat of a pity party that goes on, except we knew full well, it's all on us and our fault when it gets down to it.  Not the situations but our relationship w/ Jesus, I mean. I believe the strongest hinderance is when we get honest and realize we are so unworthy, we would rather punish ourselves than be forgiven yet again, feeling like such failures and personally failing Jesus... again. I think the devil exploits all of these things to keep us from being restored.

There are times, usually in the beginning or midst of our backsliding that we need chastened.  But no backslider really enjoys their sin for long. NONE. No matter how happy they seem, they are miserable and dying inside.  The older I get, the more I realize that they need to be told w/ FULL confidence that when they are ready and willing to submit to Jesus, He will restore them completely.  I'm not talking about ministries and talents.  I'm talking about their hearts/souls/minds and chances are huge that their anointing will be greater.

Jesus made a point to the disciple that it's the ones that are forgiven the most that love the most. Luk 7:42-43  Whether we "backslide" or not, we MUST get a revelation for how Holy God is and how lowly we are, in order to recieve the confidence and boldness of a child of God instead of always a servant of God.

[Babs]

Excellent post MY! 

[Backseat Radio]

Well, though the church plays an essential role in our walk w/ God and can reflect where we are at, it is by no means an exact measurement of where we are at w/ Jesus.  I'm less interested in what a person's church attendance and involvement in the local congregation is compared to how their personal relationship w/ Jesus is at, if it's an open subject.

Tia, sometimes, we need to put the "church" stuff on the back burner and focus on our relationship w/ Jesus. I didn't see anything in your post about where you are w/ Jesus personally.  That is what backsliding is really about, not lack of church involvement (though I know it can be reflective, it's not the source) but backing away from intimacy w/ Him. If you have never established a relationship w/ Jesus, you haven't had a place to backslide from.

Church attendance/ interest in church or lack there of is just a symptom of the real problem.  And as you point out until the real problem is dealt with doctoring symptoms doesn't really do a lot of good.  I'm not sure I really have a personal relationship with God.  For years I've felt like my "relationship" with God has consisted of knowing about God and his Son and keeping a check list of things I must do or not do.  I think though there has to be a difference in knowing about God and actually knowing God.

[Melody]

Oh Tia! There is a HUGE difference.  It's not even comparable!  And once you establish a consistant relationship w/ Him, you ache for all those who don't.

[Backseat Radio]

When we made efforts, they seemed to be thwarted.  The scriptures took on a twisted bias against us.  There's somewhat of a pity party that goes on, except we knew full well, it's all on us and our fault when it gets down to it.  Not the situations but our relationship w/ Jesus, I mean. I believe the strongest hinderance is when we get honest and realize we are so unworthy, we would rather punish ourselves than be forgiven yet again, feeling like such failures and personally failing Jesus... again. I think the devil exploits all of these things to keep us from being restored.

fault finding, pity party, and trying to blame the problem on others it definitely common among those that turn away from God.    I could easily blame my situation on the fact that I've spent much of my life as a home missions pastor's kid having to focus on others and doing things around the church and found it very easy to fall through the cracks on my own walk with God. 

The excuse doesn't hold water though when you consider one of the greatest prophets in the Bible and his 3 friends... Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  Those 4 young men we're in a perfect situation for their personal relationship with God to become non existent yet they still chose to keep up a relationship with God.

[Lynx]

In 2006 I found a new friend actually through AYN and started attending church with her. Got dug in, joined choir, was teaching sunday school, sign team, drama team, the whole sha-bang. Got married and that was the end of me. He was not the spiritual man/leader everyone thought he was and it just pulled me under. We moved churches trying to repair our marriage and eventually it turned to physical abuse. The pastor and leadership at that church chose to back him and told me I was out of line and the will of God. [yea I didn't get it either....] and I just went buck-wild. I couldn't understand how ANYONE much less anyone in church could do that.

This is not technically on the thread topic, but something I wanted to mention here.  The closer you get to God, the more you can tell about people.  I don't mean the gift of the Spirit, that of discerning of spirits.  It's just a sense about people.  I think of it as a low level spiritual radar.  People you meet on your job, people at church, people everywhere - even people you have only known by their words in a forum and an IM window - you just *know* about them, whether or not you can trust them.  Somebody might be avoided by everyone you know, but you know you can trust them.  Someone else might be liked by everyone around you, but something inside you sets off alarms.  You just know.

It's not something to take advantage of, something to use for profit.  It's not an in-depth biography and window-to-the-heart for everyone you meet.  It usually doesn't come into play unless the person will affect you, for good or for ill.  But it has saved me a lot of grief.  And I have found some really good friends I would otherwise have overlooked. 

[The Cold Water Kid]

Well, though the church plays an essential role in our walk w/ God and can reflect where we are at, it is by no means an exact measurement of where we are at w/ Jesus.  I'm less interested in what a person's church attendance and involvement in the local congregation is compared to how their personal relationship w/ Jesus is at, if it's an open subject..........Jesus made a point to the disciple that it's the ones that are forgiven the most that love the most. Luk 7:42-43  Whether we "backslide" or not, we MUST get a revelation for how Holy God is and how lowly we are, in order to recieve the confidence and boldness of a child of God instead of always a servant of God.

Great post!

I went through a time, not too long ago, when I was struggling to gain my footing in a new church. My attendance was spotty, and one of our pastors treated me like dirt for it. He would not look at me or he would look at me coldly. He scolded me more than once from the pulpit, which seemed harsh since I never heard him do it to anyone else. Mind you, he knew nothing about me or what was happening in my life, other than the fact that I was missing a lot of services. But our other pastor was kind to me, and I am sure that he prayed for me.

Be careful how you (I am using "you" in the general sense, no one in particular) treat "backsliders" when they show up for church; they might have been up all night the night before talking to Jesus and getting right with Him, then you give them your best sour-puss-face and all it will do is hinder them; maybe even causing them to question if Jesus really is trying to help them or if your attitude is reflective of His, a misunderstanding that the enemy is more than willing to exploit.

This happened to me. I would "pray through" a few days before the next service, and the Lord would bless me and talk to me, and then I would show up and get the mean stare or be ignored. A discouraging thought began worming its way into my mind, "Has the Lord really been helping me, talking to me, encouraging me, or have I just been talking to, encouraging and comforting myself?"; that kind of thought is aimed at robbing you of faith, hope and love. In those difficult days the Lord was quick to speak to me when I prayed, and after one of these discouraging experiences this is what he said to me, "Who does not comfort [his lamb] as he carries [it] to safety, who?" Jesus, with a wounded lamb across his shoulders, carrying it back to safety... but not just carrying it to safety, also speaking kindly, gently to it along the way, encouraging it, calming it from its fears... that's love right there. Save your best sour-puss-face for those living in shameless, willful rebellion and not for the struggling.

I do not want to leave the impression that there are bad feelings between myself and one of my pastors. There was a time when I would have treated someone the same way, for I suspect the same reasons.