Define Flirting

[Tsalagi]

THAT smile could mean she is interested, OR it may mean she's embarrassed by the attention coming from someone she's NOT interested in.

It's actually pretty easy to tell the difference.  Body language is usually pretty different there.

[RainbowJingles]

Maybe...  I'm not sure I'm convinced of that one.

Why can't things be easier?  Why can't the guy just walk up and say, "You're gorgeous.  You're intelligent.  How about a date?"

[Sister_Mom]

*Sigh*

Yup.  That's why it's so hard to figure out what to do.

I think what I genuinely need is the confidence in myself to just be ME around everyone and not care, even when it might mean that someone will think I'm a flirt. 

Yeah, you definitely need to just be you around everyone, but you should care also. The difficulty is in drawing the line between trying to please everyone and acknowledging that it's not possible. Once you get that out of the way, then you can just do your best to make sure that your heart and intentions are right according to God's will for you and that your behavior is pleasing to Him. When that happens, you don't have to be concerned with what others think.

Problem is that the guys I might BE interested in might run away and think that I'm interested in the guy I just slapped on the arm.

A man that is right for you will not run away. If you trust God with providing you with a husband, then trust Him not to let the one he has for you run away.

ARGH!  Where's sis' hair-pulling-out smiley?!

Will this do?   LOL I just used her today.

Oh...  and don't get me started on those times that I've just been being myself and the guy out of nowhere brings up his wife in conversation.  I'm like, "did he think I was flirting with him?"  

Don't worry about it. If he brought up his wife because he thinks you're flirting then just continue to be yourself and don't react to it. When he sees it didn't affect you, then he'll probably realize that you weren't flirting and if he did then he's probably Type #1 and there's nothing you can do about them except avoid them. On the other hand, he may just be bringing up his wife because he loves her or something you said or did made him think of her. Either way, you're ok on this one, so don't worry about it at all.  

[Sister_Mom]

THAT smile could mean she is interested, OR it may mean she's embarrassed by the attention coming from someone she's NOT interested in.

It's actually pretty easy to tell the difference.  Body language is usually pretty different there.

I know the smily you're talking about Tsalagi. It's almost not there and disappears as quickly as it appears then it looks like the girl is embarrassed about smiling. For me, it's one that comes from the heart. It can't be hidden, it can't be covered, it always comes out and is there before a girl even realizes it's there. As a matter of fact, that's the reason for the blush afterward.  She realizes that the smile came out from the inside and showed itself and she questions whether you noticed or not and partly wishes you did and partly wishes you didn't, then the blush. Not just anyone can touch my heart that way to make me smile like that and from here on out only one person will be able to bring that smile out from my heart.

Maybe...  I'm not sure I'm convinced of that one.

Why can't things be easier?  Why can't the guy just walk up and say, "You're gorgeous.  You're intelligent.  How about a date?"

Ego and fear of rejection. Besides, what fun would that be? 

[RainbowJingles]

Maybe...  I'm not sure I'm convinced of that one.

Why can't things be easier?  Why can't the guy just walk up and say, "You're gorgeous.  You're intelligent.  How about a date?"

Ego and fear of rejection. Besides, what fun would that be? 

I think it has LOTS of potential for tons of fun!

*walks away pondering the image of guys just walking up to me and saying, "You're gorgeous.  You're intelligent.  How about a date?"*

[SippinTea]

This may or may not be of help. Here are some indicators to a guy that you are flirting with him, or are interested in him...

You stand close when you talk to him
You touch his arm or slap his arm if he makes a funny...
You laugh a lot at his funnies that aren't really that funny
you play with your hair
You hold near-constant eye contact and wiggle your eyebrows
You say, "Hey, I really like you" 

Any three of these used together is a sure thing...

Uh oh. I'm in huge trouble then. I play with my hair a lot. I've tried to break myself of the habit, but I've done it since I was a toddler, and it hasn't been easy to break.    But just for the record... I do it when I'm A) very tired, B) stressed C) thinking too hard.

Blah. I'm gonna have to work harder at not doing it when there are guys around, obviously.

So.... Seth--if you see me playing with my hair in Indy, don't worry--I'm not flirting....I'm just exhausted from the flight. *grin*

THAT smile could mean she is interested, OR it may mean she's embarrassed by the attention coming from someone she's NOT interested in.

It's actually pretty easy to tell the difference.  Body language is usually pretty different there.

I know the smile you're talking about Tsalagi. It's almost not there and disappears as quickly as it appears then it looks like the girl is embarrassed about smiling. For me, it's one that comes from the heart. It can't be hidden, it can't be covered, it always comes out and is there before a girl even realizes it's there. As a matter of fact, that's the reason for the blush afterward.  She realizes that the smile came out from the inside and showed itself and she questions whether you noticed or not and partly wishes you did and partly wishes you didn't, then the blush.

I SO know what you mean. Those kinds of smiles... I really try to stop before they appear. And it's highly annoying to me that I can't always. But like you said--that's why there's a blush afterward.

I really, really, really don't like it when guys can tell what I'm thinking. 

Why can't things be easier?  Why can't the guy just walk up and say, "You're gorgeous.  You're intelligent.  How about a date?"

Ego and fear of rejection. Besides, what fun would that be? 

Oh, believe me! I'd think it was fun if God altered the eyes of some poor unsuspecting guy, and he thought I was gorgeous. *laugh* Of course, I'd also hope that his eyes wouldn't recover after a ring was on my finger. 

[Sister_Mom]

Ahhhhh... the never ending circle of girls wanting to hear what the guys think, and guys afraid to speak it because they don't know the girl feels the same way, the girl not wanting to seem too forward the guy not wanting to feel the pain of rejection..... and round and round we go. I'm glad and got off the merry-go-round.   

[RainbowJingles]

COOL!

May I borrow that?!?!?!







(you said that'll get me off the merry-go-round?)

[Sister_Mom]

Cute!! 

[Tsalagi]

I know the smily you're talking about Tsalagi. It's almost not there and disappears as quickly as it appears then it looks like the girl is embarrassed about smiling. For me, it's one that comes from the heart. It can't be hidden, it can't be covered, it always comes out and is there before a girl even realizes it's there. As a matter of fact, that's the reason for the blush afterward.  She realizes that the smile came out from the inside and showed itself and she questions whether you noticed or not and partly wishes you did and partly wishes you didn't, then the blush. Not just anyone can touch my heart that way to make me smile like that and from here on out only one person will be able to bring that smile out from my heart.

That's the one!

[upcchris]

And what's the small smile?

Youuuuuuuuuu know   Usually comes with a blush

Oh!  You mean the one that happens when SHE thinks the guy is flirting with HER!??!
THAT smile could mean she is interested, OR it may mean she's embarrassed by the attention coming from someone she's NOT interested in.

*sigh*  Why do we need thse games??!?!?!

Emotional games....one of the things I love about being single is there are none.

Arrrgh I hate giving that smile....it's embarrassing, it's like, oh great now he knows I like him and seem like a right dill. I usuall can feel them coming so I try to think of something sad or something stressful to stop it showing.

Heaven forbid I give a guy any indication that I like him.

I tend to fidget when I'm nervous, embarrased or uncomfortable...or thinking, or a mix of all four, I reach over to tug my ear or I rub the bridge of my nose...it's wierd.

[Amelia Bedelia]

flirting is in the eye of the beholder

just be you

and resist the urge to be unfriendly for fear of being labeled a flirt for innocent friendliness 

On the other hand, women who ain't hos get the quality men.  End of story.

[Sister_Mom]

flirting is in the eye of the beholder

just be you

and resist the urge to be unfriendly for fear of being labeled a flirt for innocent friendliness 

Exactly!   

[Sis]

flirt - a: to behave amorously without serious intent b: to show superficial or casual interest or liking

This may or may not be of help. Here are some indicators to a guy that you are flirting with him, or are interested in him...

You stand close when you talk to him
You touch his arm or slap his arm if he makes a funny...
You laugh a lot at his funnies that aren't really that funny
you play with your hair
You hold near-constant eye contact and wiggle your eyebrows
You say, "Hey, I really like you" 

Any three of these used together is a sure thing...

WOW! Rainbow did all that when we met. Should I be nervous? 'cept she never said, "Hey I really like you"

[sunlight]

Good points, coolguy. Thanks for your input.

Hmmm...  I'm an eye contact kind of girl, myself.  Funny thing is, when I really like a guy, I find it harder to maintain eye contact because I'm afraid that he'll see in my eyes that I really like him.

As to standing close, I'm usually pretty aware of personal space, and I think I let the guy determine his comfort zone and try to stay within that.

I'm not a slapper.  It's exceedingly rare that I will even touch someone who isn't a great friend in the first place.  I HAVE noticed, however, that I can sometimes take a dim view of consistent slappers, as I was brought up not to hurt anyone, even if you think it's a "light slap."  My parents were both adamant about that.

My sense of humor is weird.  To some, a guy may seem "not that funny" when to me he's hysterically funny.  The converse is also true at times.  I'm not into shallow guys.  I enjoy word games and occasional verbal sparring.

My hair is up most of the time.  I very rarely catch myself playing with it.  When I do, I think, "do I like this guy?!"  lol  If I *do* like him, I stop playing with my hair.  If I don't, I toss it over my shoulder and think, "I'm not flirting; I'm just playing with my hair."

The "I like you"/"you're cool" type of statements just kind of come out when I really think that.  Doesn't mean I'm interested in a relationship with him...  *sigh*

Funny thing is that I don't keep ahold of this awareness of "flirting" when I'm with guys I'm not interested in.
THEN when I find someone I'm interested in, I check myself and think, "am I flirting??  Can't do THAT!  He might think I'm interested."

I'm weird.  *sigh*
No WONDER I'm confused about flirting.  lol

Note to self: Figure out if it's okay to show signs of flirting if you DO like someone.

Question for others: Are these signs turn-offs for guys?  Are they seen as "unladylike"?

RJ- a lot of this is how i act/think as well... (except i am a physical person... I do the slapping, hugging, whatever if it seems appropriate) its easy to talk to someone when im not worried about making an impression... but ohh the stress when it matters in my head.

ohh well... lol. I'm glad you asked the question... I have been accused of flirting more than once... when i just mean to be nice. (and then, of course, there are the exceptions like you were talking about too.. ohh well)

[Tsalagi]

flirting is in the eye of the beholder

just be you

and resist the urge to be unfriendly for fear of being labeled a flirt for innocent friendliness 

On the other hand, women who ain't hos get the quality men.  End of story.

*Picks 'em up and rolls 'em back*

Here.  Youse may need these.

Unh! Hey!!  I feel good!  Ow!

[upcchris]

flirting is in the eye of the beholder

just be you

and resist the urge to be unfriendly for fear of being labeled a flirt for innocent friendliness 

I find that it's hard to fight the urge to be unfriendly, because I don't want to seem like a ditz. I usually have and overly serious bordering on unfriendly/scary expression on my face, so if a guy comes up to me even to talk, I'll admire his courage.

[Nelle]

I'm a flirt, apparently. LOL... I just get along wonderfully with guys. I've learned to treat them all as a friend, and it'll happen when it needs to.


I also subscribe to the theory that flirting is in the eye of the beholder. haha...

A friend of mine is like "in love" with this girl from our church. He talks about her constantly.. and one night told me that HE thought that SHE knew HE liked him because SHE made eye contact with him. We were all like "OMW! Don't make eye contact with him ANYmore!" LOL.. Coz we didn't want him to think WE liked HIM! I think in his case, as well as sometimes for the rest of us, we read into the situation what we WANT to be there.

The feedback from the guys here was a pleasure to read. Thanks, males.


Above all you MUST be yourself. Quit worrying about what others think, and just be who God created you to be. The man you can't live without will be the one that fulfills your God-written love story.

[RainbowJingles]

flirt - a: to behave amorously without serious intent b: to show superficial or casual interest or liking

This may or may not be of help. Here are some indicators to a guy that you are flirting with him, or are interested in him...

You stand close when you talk to him
You touch his arm or slap his arm if he makes a funny...
You laugh a lot at his funnies that aren't really that funny
you play with your hair
You hold near-constant eye contact and wiggle your eyebrows
You say, "Hey, I really like you" 

Any three of these used together is a sure thing...

WOW! Rainbow did all that when we met. Should I be nervous? 'cept she never said, "Hey I really like you"

Hey, Sis!
I really like you!
And Stevebert's cool, too!  :-)

[MelodyB]

WOW...I wasnt reading this thread till just now, and there is some good stuff in here....Not that I need it..

I can only think of one time fairly recently when I actually caught myself flirting...and everyone knew it I am sure. Ruby even knew it on IM that night when I got home, just by the way I talked about him.

That was an awesome night, and a bad one, cause I dont want him to know I was flirting. But it was so bad even I could see it. Luckily, he doesnt live in this town and I dont have to see him often.

BLAH!

[Sis]

WOW! Rainbow did all that when we met. Should I be nervous? 'cept she never said, "Hey I really like you"

Hey, Sis!
I really like you!
And Stevebert's cool, too!  :-)

OH OH!   Now I'm worried.           

[SippinTea]

I can only think of one time fairly recently when I actually caught myself flirting...and everyone knew it I am sure. Ruby even knew it on IM that night when I got home, just by the way I talked about him.

Ohhh yeeeaaahhhhh. Did I ever! *snickers*

[MelodyB]

[Called_&_chosen]

I was at Wall*Mart last ngiht and I was talking with one of the cashears ( I kind of know him) well I told him he smelled good.... any body that knows me knows I say that to people mostly guys but yeah...I thought of this thread ..............and I prey he did not think I was trying o flirt I mean he did not seem phased he said thanks and kind of played around with me so....


 

[RainbowJingles]

I was at Wall*Mart last ngiht and I was talking with one of the cashears ( I kind of know him) well I told him he smelled good.... any body that knows me knows I say that to people mostly guys but yeah...I thought of this thread ..............and I prey he did not think I was trying o flirt I mean he did not seem phased he said thanks and kind of played around with me so....


 

Hmmm...  so he was flirting with you!??!?!?!?!?1