Safety & Single Women

[RainbowJingles]

Thanks, ICG & SippinTea.  :-)

most of us girls could talk an enemy to death, too . .  .that's not the point . . . we want a HERO to scare the enemy away! 

oh . . where's a hero when you need one? 

Tell 'em newkris!

Is it really true?  Is a hero no longer anything but a sandwich?

[newkris]

yep, just sandwhiches and songs .  . . appears there's no one to rescue poor us anymore.  and then they wonder why we become strong, independent women, right? 

reminds me of the other night . . . we brought dinner to a men's homeless shelter.  most of the women were in the kitchen and there was clearly no place for me - as these women have been working together for a long time and i'm still kind of an outsider.  so .  . .outside i went!  the pastor was passing out spoons and church cards to the men as they would take their food . . . so i went to help.  i just stood a little to his right and just picked up the slack if they got past him.  i didn't even think about the fact that i was standing in a room of men (talk about scruffy?  okay, this was NOT the attractive kind of scruffy, okay?) and i felt perfectly safe with my very tall pastor there, but i still kept sort of looking over my shoulder just to be sure . . but then i realized that a worker from the facility (who was equally as tall as my pastor) was just a little behind me.

well . . . suffice to say, i stopped worrying all together about safety and was able to just purely enjoy the smiling and spoon handing out.   

i don't know that i shouldn't have felt safe. i just don't always think before i do put myself in those places that it might not be the best idea.  i probably pass these men every day and Lord knows i know enough like them to understand their stories and there were other security people around and stuff, but . . . it was just sort of comforting to have these two very tall men . .  .there. 

that's what i'm talkin' about when it comes to a hero!   

[apsurf]

most of us girls could talk an enemy to death, too . .  .that's not the point . . . we want a HERO to scare the enemy away! 

oh . . where's a hero when you need one? 

I may not have a lot of muscles, but I know how to use a stick, mace etc... I rather use words if possible...but if it comes down to it... I use what ever I can!  Especially in the defense of another!  (or my plate of speghetti! though will share if she happens to be cute!)

[SippinTea]

well . . . suffice to say, i stopped worrying all together about safety and was able to just purely enjoy the smiling and spoon handing out.   

i don't know that i shouldn't have felt safe. i just don't always think before i do put myself in those places that it might not be the best idea.  i probably pass these men every day and Lord knows i know enough like them to understand their stories and there were other security people around and stuff, but . . . it was just sort of comforting to have these two very tall men . .  .there. 

that's what i'm talkin' about when it comes to a hero!   

You're right, Kris! There are moments when as a women it's like you suddenly realize you can exhale because there's someone you trust nearby. It's a good feeling.

On the other side...there've been moments I didn't see the danger coming in time, and only noticed a 'hero' standing guard when it might have  been too late for me if he hadn't been there. I remember once when I walking in a not so nice area of Ptld with my best friend, CR, and Surf...and I'm chatting with my friend and not paying much attention...and suddenly realize that Surf and CR were walking on either side of us (the two gals in the middle)...and only then did I notice a couple of unsavory looking characters who were giving us the once over. Ugh. I was really thankful for 'my' guys! 

[RainbowJingles]

I was out with a guy once and he suddenly moved to the other side of me while we were walking on the sidewalk.  We had been in the middle of a conversation, and it kind of threw me off a bit.  I asked him later what that was all about, and he said that his grandfather had always taught him to walk on the road side of the sidewalk when walking with a lady.  I guess it's to kind of shield her from cars and mud puddles.  I thought it was kind of cool.

I had a similar experience to yours, as well, SippinTea.  A guy and I were hanging out downtown San Francisco and were in a little newsstand type of store.  I was ready to leave, and we were near the door, but he asked me to wait.  He was looking at something near the doorway.  I was a bit impatient, but waited.  I got a little bit upset because the store was making me feel uncomfortable (new age-y feeling), so I kind of vented when we got out on the street after he finally decided it was time to go.  I felt really stupid when he told me about some guys that were on the street that had made him feel distinctly uncomfortable.

There's just something special about a "protector."  If a guy makes me feel safe, secure, treasured and cherished...      I'm his.  Of course, that doesn't always mean that he's *mine.*  lol

How do you find (and keep) one of THAT type of guy??

[Chseeads]

Sleeping pills, cage, padlock....

[RainbowJingles]

Sleeping pills, cage, padlock....

You have such a high opinion of me, I see.   

[Newsman]

   Well, you Ladies have hit one of my hot buttons..but even some of you have illustrated examples of their still being 'heroes' that do indeed exist.

   I speak now in general, not to you ladies specifically nor how I act towards women, but rather women and men in general...women should scarce be surprised when men no longer act like men used to..when so many women no longer want, and indeed some resent, being treated as a lady.

   My best friend of 30 years was in a radio station we DJed at back in thje 80's.. a woman piped up with some question about what had happened to chivalry..he looked at her and stated clearly, and probably coldly "chivalry died in 1972."

   What he was referring to was the Equal Rights Amendment movement.

   While I know chivalry is not dead, in general women should no longer be surprised when men do not act like men of old towards them..when they are always telling men they can do it all themselves.


John

[Newsman]

   I'll follow that with this: too many women have wanted too many men to be what is in essence wimps..and now too many men are.


John

[Amelia Bedelia]

There are moments when as a women it's like you suddenly realize you can exhale because there's someone you trust nearby. It's a good feeling.

That is so true
Its funny... I wouldn't call myself paranoid or afraid but I don't realize how alert or "on guard" I usually am until I'm with a strong guy and I realize how much more relaxed and comfortable I feel

[RainbowJingles]

I totally agree, ST & AB.

And I HATE that chivalry died the year I was born!  What did I do to deserve THAT?!?!?!?!?!?



Of course, I have it on good authority that there are some gentlemen who have resurrected chivalry, so perhaps I'll find a hero someday.

(oh brother, now I have that insane song stuck in my head -  "Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeeeeee-ro?!"  Grrrrr...)

[SippinTea]

While I know chivalry is not dead, in general women should no longer be surprised when men do not act like men of old towards them..when they are always telling men they can do it all themselves.

Sad, isn't it...to live in a world where true gentlemen get glared at (or worse) for opening doors for ladies, and told 'I can handle it' when an offer is made to carry something heavy.

Admit it, ladies. We caused our own problem.    We told the men for years 'we don't need you', and now we're stuck trying to live up to that. And we all know it won't work.

[newkris]

hhhmmm . . i don't know that it's a matter of not letting men take care of us or of even making our own selves so strong . .  i think it's more of . . we see what needs to be done and if there's not a man willing/able to take care of it, we do.  pioneer women were like that, too.  if it had to be done, it got done. 

if a man wants to hold the door for me, i am not afraid to allow him and to thank him. however, if he doesn't hold the door open for me, i'm not going to wait outside until one comes along to open the door. . . . although, i have been known to do that to my sons before.  of course, they would NEVER not hold the door for a lady or carry her bags or treat her like a queen.  just ask my daughter-in-law who didn't even know where the handle of the car door was until she drove the car alone. 

chivalry isn't dead.  it just has a new name - kindness.

[alohilani]

Thanks, y'all - you're too sweet, the whole bunch of ya!

[SippinTea]

hhhmmm . . i don't know that it's a matter of not letting men take care of us or of even making our own selves so strong . .  i think it's more of . . we see what needs to be done and if there's not a man willing/able to take care of it, we do.  pioneer women were like that, too.  if it had to be done, it got done. 

if a man wants to hold the door for me, i am not afraid to allow him and to thank him. however, if he doesn't hold the door open for me, i'm not going to wait outside until one comes along to open the door. . . . although, i have been known to do that to my sons before.  of course, they would NEVER not hold the door for a lady or carry her bags or treat her like a queen.  just ask my daughter-in-law who didn't even know where the handle of the car door was until she drove the car alone. 

chivalry isn't dead.  it just has a new name - kindness.

Kris, I've been thinking about your post. And you do have a point about not waiting around for some man to show up and help us out. I'll confess I have a rather independent streak, and usually just do things for myself...but I don't like asking for help.

I know for myself, an example would be church potlucks. Obviously, tables have to be set up ahead of time, and generally the men aren't there when it needs to happen...so guess who helps? Yes, they're heavy...yes, I've put my back out lifting them on occasion...but the job needs doing, and the men aren't there.

And perhaps I shouldn't be doing it--but even when the men show up, I still help a lot of the time. I know good and well that some of our men have heart problems, and back problems, and other issues, and I'm young and can do it.

However, when my young fellows from Sunday School show up (ages 4-13), I'm really great at giving the job to them. 

[Classicrambler]

most of us girls could talk an enemy to death, too . .  .that's not the point . . . we want a HERO to scare the enemy away! 

oh . . where's a hero when you need one? 

"I am THAT hero!"

[newkris]

aww . . thanks CR!! you rock . . . yer such a  . . a . . hero!!

[newkris]

Kris, I've been thinking about your post. And you do have a point about not waiting around for some man to show up and help us out. I'll confess I have a rather independent streak, and usually just do things for myself...but I don't like asking for help.

I know for myself, an example would be church potlucks. Obviously, tables have to be set up ahead of time, and generally the men aren't there when it needs to happen...so guess who helps? Yes, they're heavy...yes, I've put my back out lifting them on occasion...but the job needs doing, and the men aren't there.

And perhaps I shouldn't be doing it--but even when the men show up, I still help a lot of the time. I know good and well that some of our men have heart problems, and back problems, and other issues, and I'm young and can do it.

However, when my young fellows from Sunday School show up (ages 4-13), I'm really great at giving the job to them. 

that's exactly what i was talking about.  and sometimes i find myself doing stuff that i'd much rather not (like car stuff), but . .  . if i don't do it, no one will and then .  .what?  i end up with a much bigger problem on my hands.  and so . . i have learned that i can . . paint walls, use Kilz and spackle and paint some more, i can fix stuff and re-do stuff and . .  . move stuff and arrange stuff.

it's not that i want to, but it has to be done.

sometimes i have also found that when i'm in the middle of doing what must be done, i'm giving the impression that i'm pushy or bossy or aggressive.  i would hope that's not really true - although i know i have a strong personality.  it's just that . . . if it needs to be done and i'm capable, why wait?  what if no one comes along to do it better? 

one more ramble . . . it would be nice to have men who are my peers that i am comfortable enough with to ask for help without someone thinking things they ought not.  i would rather jumble along then have someone's wife angry with me or have someone thinking i'm being "forward".  it's always nice to have young guys around my son's ages because then . .. there's no misconceptions. 

so, men, you might want to work on being approachable, or offering to help.

[Classicrambler]

i can fix stuff and re-do stuff and . .  . move stuff and arrange stuff.

*sigh* They're never happy.

"Could you move it over there? Well, let's try it in this corner here...no, it's not right, just put the furnature back like it was to begin with...hmmm, I think I like it that way after all!"


     Oh well, keeps me busy, and I'm getting lots of 'practice.'  *humph*

[SippinTea]

  Whatever. You've got it so rough, poor fellow. *pat on the head*

[LeahMarie]

"I am THAT hero!"

OMG!! I looove that! I love Larryboy

[LarryTheCucumber]

...so, men, you might want to work on being approachable, or offering to help.

in light of recent conversations, should I take that to mean I need a full beard instead of just a soul patch?

 

[newkris]

funny, real funny.

how about a nice smile and an offer to help . . . 

although, a soul patch is quite acceptable in my opinion on the right face.   

[RainbowJingles]

CR: Need chooooooooooooo-colate??!??!??!??!??

[TRAV]

I just read the title of this again and thought it was rather hilarious...once again.