Worst marriage advice?

[nicolejoy]

I was thinking the other day about "standard" marriage advice and how sometimes people give bad advice, and how maybe for some marriages it works but others it doesn't, etc... and I was going to ask you what you think for YOUR marriage, what is the worst marriage advice you've received?

For me, I used to hear people say ALL the time "Don't go to bed with an unresolved problem" etc etc - so when I got married, whenever we had issues, I would
"force" Bernard to talk with me about it THEN, whether it was 11pm or 2am - so that we wouldn't be breaking that "cardinal rule" but I found that my "We have to sort it out and we have to sort it out NOW" attitude was detrimental to the problem-solving process. For me, it's easy to have an issue and deal with it straight away, but Bernard needs some processing time etc before we can "put it behind us"... I've found that as I've learned to let go, give Bernard some time and space, and if needs be, even sleep on it and deal with it the next day, things that used to become HUGE issues are only minor things now... because my attitude of "We've gotta sort it out before we go to sleep" was putting my husband on the spot and demanding that he dealt with it MY way.

Looking back on the advice now, after 2 years of marriage (I'm a BIT wiser now), I would never give that advice to a newlywed. It is a nice ideal and I'm sure it works very well with people who can deal with issues "on demand" but I've come to realise that it's more important to respect each other, to give each other space, and to not make demands - even if they are made with the best of intentions... And if you need to sleep on it, sleep on it!! If you need to give each other a couple of days and come back and talk about it LATER, do that...

Anyways - so what do you think was some "bad" (although possibly well-intentioned) marriage advice that you received?

(Maybe it's not so much "bad" - but the same things just don't work in every marriage, I've come to realise!!)

[Searchn4Him]

One that was told to me by a very good 'friend'....

There are only 2 rules that you need to live by in order to make a marriage work.

1. Let the woman know that she is ALWAYS right.

2. When she is Wrong, refer back to rule # 1.

Maybe for some people this would work, but God knows NOT with my wife. When she is Wrong, she IS wrong & I let her know it. LOL

[Tricia Lea]

One that was told to me by a very good 'friend'....

There are only 2 rules that you need to live by in order to make a marriage work.

1. Let the woman know that she is ALWAYS right.

2. When she is Wrong, refer back to rule # 1.

That is good advice not bad

[littlegal]

Along the lines of your advice, Nicole.  I was told to never walk away mad.  But i know me, and sometimes I need to just walk away and cool off a little, otherwise i may say something I don't really mean. 

[dnr1128]

I was advised not to marry Julie.  Haven't regretted not following that advice. 

[nicolejoy]

Argh - I can't believe that I spelt "Advice" wrong in the title - I wrote "advise" instead... but I changed it now

In some ways I think that no matter what advice you get from other people, you've gotta learn what works for YOU coz it's not going to be the "text book marriage" EVER...

[JoleneHeather]

I was told not to marry david, other than that I didn't get much marriage advise.  Other than what to do in the bedroom... people were ready to jump on that one.  GAG me, I didn't not want to hear about what all them people did in their bedroom... GROSS.  But as far as marriage advise, beside being told not to marry david, all we got was always say sorry.  And our pastor put that in our vows or whatever you call that when they talk...  Now that is odd that no one had advise for us.  They must have reeeeeeally not wanted us to get married. 

[JuJu03]

aawww, baby...I love you!

We also got that advice that don't go to bed mad...but I don't like some to confront me...I will talk about it when I am ready...I think that the longer you are married you figure out what works for your relationship

[Melody]

Oh my word.  I got some hilarious advice.  The worst has to be though, "Make sure you are taken care of."  Now, there was/is nothing lacking except in myself that I foolishly did not remember that it's better to give than recieve.  That giving makes the receiving that much greater.  I know the way that my mom meant it, to not settle for an unsatifying marriage or be a peon wife, but it just wasn't helpful for me and my marriage.

The best marriage 'advice' I ever got was really just watching anointed couples who respected eachother interact.  Early in our marriage, after realizing the examples we grew up seeing and how that is NOT the way God wants it, I prayed for God to send us a Godly example that we could learn from.  A few weeks later an older couple moved to our small church and I knew it was of God.  We have learned so much just by fellowshipping with them, I am so blessed.  It proves that it doesn't matter what examples you saw growing up or what advice you were given, God will teach you if you ask.

[Heather]

so far the only advice matt and i have recieved and shared was that we are both kinda stubborn so we MUST LEARN TO COMPROMISE!

also an elder in our church told matt to make sure to leave me alone in the bathroom when i'm fixing my hair for church. lol.

[TRAV]

... and I was going to ask you what you think for YOUR marriage, what is the worst marriage advice you've received?

one of the worst:
"C'mon, man, you're not getting any younger!" (and I'm young!)

[LeahMarie]

[M‡¢ĦÆŁ Ҝ]

I was told that a husband and wife should never see each other naked.  I was told that we should either change clothes in separate rooms, or only one person at a time in the room, or with the lights out.  I was told that marital relations should only be performed in the dark and under the covers.  All bad advice in my opinion--looking for treasure isn't as much fun when you are blind.

[TRAV]

I was told that a husband and wife should never see each other naked.  I was told that we should either change clothes in separate rooms, or only one person at a time in the room, or with the lights out.  I was told that marital relations should only be performed in the dark and under the covers.  All bad advice in my opinion--looking for treasure isn't as much fun when you are blind.

*sigh* ......... .............then  There is so much to say...LOL

[Melody]

BOL  I don't know how anyone could follow that advice.  I couldn't..lol

[Amelia Bedelia]

hard enough to follow that advice outside of marriage

**** NO! after I'm married
I hate wearing clothes

[newkris]

   oh my word . .  .   

[RandyWayne]

This is a good topic.
We actually received very little advice before our wedding other than the standard "Never go to bed angry" line.  We always 'believed' it but never took it to literal heart.  We tend to work out things in their own time, which is to say in the next 2-24 hours, NOT just before bed time.

We have received plenty of bad advice AFTER our wedding though.  All sorts of interesting thoughts on birth control (or the sin inherent in its use), and was told by my wife's (now ex) pastor that there was to be no sex on Sunday (because it is a holy day) or the night before, because it is the night BEFORE the holy day.  And on and on......

[nicolejoy]

We actually received very little advice before our wedding other than the standard "Never go to bed angry" line.  We always 'believed' it but never took it to literal heart.  We tend to work out things in their own time, which is to say in the next 2-24 hours, NOT just before bed time.

Yeah - I don't think it was really the "advice" that was bad, but the way that I used to try to "force" a resolution at midnight I can resolve things at the drop of a hat, that's just the way that I "work" - which is probably why I thought that a resolution could be "forced"... but I've learnt better now Although sometimes I still feel like trying to "force" a resolution coz I can't STAND knowing something is wrong but having to WAIT to deal with it - I always want to deal with it straight away...

[randerzforya]

I was told that a husband and wife should never see each other naked.  I was told that we should either change clothes in separate rooms, or only one person at a time in the room, or with the lights out.  I was told that marital relations should only be performed in the dark and under the covers.  All bad advice in my opinion--looking for treasure isn't as much fun when you are blind.

I can't believe someone actually told you that! That's too funny!

[nicolejoy]

I wonder if whoever said that was happily married like that... *shrugs*

[Melody]

LOL.... who knows, maybe we'd have to see their spouse to understand.   

[TRAV]

Re: Worst marriage advice?

(someone told me this today)

"Just find someone around who you think is interesting and, y'know, marry them!"

[randerzforya]

LOL.... who knows, maybe we'd have to see their spouse to understand.   

[RandyWayne]

LOL.... who knows, maybe we'd have to see their spouse to understand.