What traits?...

[SippinTea]

Assuming you are open to the idea of someday getting married....

What traits/characteristics are the most important to you when thinking of a (futuristic) spouse?

AND...

What traits/characteristics do you think YOU most need to work on to become the right person for them?

[upcchris]

BOL I've answered the first question so many times and each time the list gets longer, until I finally decided: God knows me better than I know myself, whoever He provides is gonna be the perfect match...that and I can't be bothered typing it all out again.

The second question is more interesting, and, I think, more relevant...and...in my case....would result in an ever bigger list. 

[RainbowJingles]

The most important is the obvious "God first" item.  Someone who puts God absolutely FIRST in everything and every aspect of his life, from his career and church work to his family, friends, and even day-to-day "small" choices.

At the top of my personal list of what I pray God sees fit to give me in a man is a good sense of humor - the kind that laughs WITH people, not AT them (I don't think much can make me upset faster than someone who feels the need to put others down in order to get laughs, or to feel superior themselves; do NOT get me started!).

For me: *sigh*  I apparently have a lot to work on, and God has been merciful enough to show me some of them one at a time while giving me the tools to help work on them.

I can only pray that God will send someone who is a bit ahead of me on some things, who will help me grow...  someone who can encourage me in my growth...  someone who will grow WITH me.

[SippinTea]

Nicely put, Elona. Nicely put.

[RainbowJingles]

*curtsies*

Thank ye, missy.

[MelodyB]

The most important is the obvious "God first" item.  Someone who puts God absolutely FIRST in everything and every aspect of his life, from his career and church work to his family, friends, and even day-to-day "small" choices.

At the top of my personal list of what I pray God sees fit to give me in a man is a good sense of humor - the kind that laughs WITH people, not AT them (I don't think much can make me upset faster than someone who feels the need to put others down in order to get laughs, or to feel superior themselves; do NOT get me started!).

For me: *sigh*  I apparently have a lot to work on, and God has been merciful enough to show me some of them one at a time while giving me the tools to help work on them.

I can only pray that God will send someone who is a bit ahead of me on some things, who will help me grow...  someone who can encourage me in my growth...  someone who will grow WITH me.

I agree!!

[TheGirl]

I agree completely with RainbowJingles...someone who puts God first even in small matters and someone who can help you grow in God also. But for me, its also important that a guy actually has life goals. I know we don't have to have the best of everything and thats perfectly fine with me. I hope i'm not wrong in this, but if i've gone to college like 6 or 8 years of my life to become something and have a pretty good job, I wouldn't really be satisfied with a partner that was ok with working temporary from job to job. And i'm not necessarily ONLY talking about job situations thats just an example. Is that wrong to look at it like that?

[RainbowJingles]

Let me re-phrase the question before I answer it.  :-)
Is it wrong to want someone who is on the same page as you intellectually and spiritually and emotionally?  Nope.

You want someone who has a brain and knows how to use it.  If you know how to use your brain and he doesn't, then he won't be able to lead you the way God wants him to.
If a lady can't respect her man, she shouldn't be marrying him.

*end rant*

[The Cold Water Kid]

I'm looking for a woman who has the right mix of personality and intelligence and traits and whatever else to make me fall head over heels in love. That mix is not constant but can vary (yet be just as potent) from one woman to another.

I'd like to be this perfect guy before I get married but I'm starting to think it doesn't happen that way. If she can love me and I her in spite of our humanity then I think that's a great place to start.

[Gingerale]

What traits/characteristics are the most important to you when thinking of a (futuristic) spouse?
Must love God more than he loves me. A worshipper- he HAS to be bold enough to shake it down in church.
Must have a respect for my pastor- who would probably be cleaning his gun when you come to meet him... [my pastor is super protective of me]... And his own pastor.
I eat sleep and breathe ministry. So... I have to have someone who greatly respects the advice and warnings of a pastor.
Hmmm... He's GOTTTTTTTA love kids. I've been 13+years in the children's ministry. And don't be surprised if you don't catch me making you balloon animals and pipe cleaner glasses on our first date. I have tons of requirements.... but my list has dwindled down over the years, since I know I am not perfect.


AND...

What traits/characteristics do you think YOU most need to work on to become the right person for them?

I am sarcastic, and I have guy friends. I have a hard time separating friends from family, and most men I meet
have a problem with me having so many guy friends.

[Heather]

him-someone who loves God first and foremost. who is forgiving. sense of humor. someone who is alright with the fact i'm divorced [it seems to be an issue with just about every guy i've met]. can get along with my family. who doesn't try to change me, but it compatable with me. who has a job [also an issue around these parts]. who isn't a puppy-kicker.

me-oh boy. i need alot of work on myself. the top of the list is forgiving myself for things and learning to trust people.

[Scott]

I am already married, but here were the traits I looked for and found

(As a Christian and minister there are obvious traits / requirements that do not require repeating.)


1.) Accept me as me.

Not what you want me to be, not some ideal out of a book, a movie or a dream. I am not a clone, I am not Rhett Butler, nor Fabio, nor that cool smooth talking dude in the romance book.

I come from a family of hillbilly rednecks, I will say y'all and yonder from time to time.  I don't say ''hi'' too often, chances are I will say ''hey'' instead.

There will be guns in the house

I do stutter from time to time, not bad, but I do.

In the winter time, I will pull into an empty parking lot from time to time - simply to spin donuts - no matter who is in the car.

I collect comic books

I like sports

When I read, it might be a mystery, a western, a sci fi, a religious book or whatever looks interesting at the library.

I am not  fan of country music or rap, if she is, use earphones.

If this is unacceptable, move on to the next guy.

2.) I like humor - deal with it. Not all the jokes will be good, some will be bad and sometimes the puns will make you cry. Again: If this is unacceptable, move on to the next guy!



As far as ''working on''  - accept your spouse for who he / she is and they need to accept you as you are.  When you get married you will make changes and those changes will come naturally.

[SippinTea]

 

[Babs]

not real picky just would be

#1 dont try to "change" me. love me or dont.

#2 be yourself, not what you think i want you to be.

#3 if you say it, do it.

and would be the same for me.

[SippinTea]

*rWooby does this: again*

[Scott]

Here are the basics for finding your life companion.


1.) Someone you get along with
2.) You can accept each other as you are
3.) You must be able to get along with their family.


Don't worry about the rest.. Don't make it too hard, don't over analyze it.

[Babs]

Here are the basics for finding your life companion.


1.) Someone you get along with
2.) You can accept each other as you are
3.) You must be able to get along with their family.


Don't worry about the rest.. Don't make it too hard, don't over analyze it.

actually i disagree with #3 lol just dont move near their family if you cant get along with them lol for either party

[SippinTea]

The majority of the married people I know would still be single if they had followed #3.

[Scott]

#3 is what my dad insisted was the most important thing. He said if you cannot get along with your spouses family, do not marry.

[Scott]

The majority of the married people I know would still be single if they had followed #3.

Perhaps they should have!

I do not believe that inter family negative relationships are good for a marriage. 

[Babs]

The majority of the married people I know would still be single if they had followed #3.

Perhaps they should have!

I do not believe that inter family negative relationships are good for a marriage. 

i dont either, but i will say that way too much of the time said families should mind their own business and let the couple have their own life. that is one of the biggest stress in a marriage is family meddling.  i really think there was a very good reason God said, a man should leave his family and cleave to his wife. IMHO 

[Scott]

I work with a guy whose life is so stressed out by his mom and dad in law along with his sister in law. They all want to run his life.

I watched one lady pushed away by her mom in law to the point where she left her husband

As for me, I met my in laws before I met my wife. I was friends with them before I knew she existed.

[SippinTea]

I do not believe that inter family negative relationships are good for a marriage. 

I definitely agree with you there!

But... in your opinion...
Does "getting along" with family mean that all members of said family approve of the person and/or marriage? or just that all (or most) of the family is at least civil and polite to the couple? or that they can have fun and enjoy being with the couple in question?

[myhaloisintheshop]

In my experience--I like my inlaws but  I don't agree with a lot of things they do and they don't understand  our need to be involved in church.  We are civil and polite to each other and have gotten to the point where we DO have fun together.   I don't think they would have picked me out for their son.   It made for a tense few years but when they realized Im good to him and I wasn't going anywhere it got better.   

[sunlight]

* sunlight thinks that a new thread needs to be started on the importance of families in laws- or their role in marriages...