Shoulda Coulda Woulda Syndrome

[RainbowJingles]

Okay...  so I'm going to just be real a little bit here.

Lately it seems that I'm overwhelmed to the point of no return.
Out of work with no interviews.  Job fair seemed pointless the other day.  It's been over two years since I've had a full time "permanent" type position.
Frustrated with job prospects (or lack thereof).  Irriated with myself that I'm to the point that I'm not even sure that I WANT to work...  and sometimes not certain that I still have marketable skills.  Unemployment benefits have run out.
Irritable that the resume lady at the job fair referred to "age discrimination" as if it were something I should be worried about.   
Knowing that I need to be looking for work, but realizing that there are other things that need done...  like the dishes and the laundry and the housework.
So I sit down at the computer to look for work and realize that I need distraction/diversion, so I get on GP.  And I don't put in an application just then.  And then I know I need to do something else online, so I go to do that, but realize that I need to be looking for work...  but I don't finish that either.
And then I look at the dishes and know they need done, so I think about doing them, but I know I need to make dinner...  but the dishes need washed first so we'll have something to cook in and eat from.
But even while I'm doing dishes, I'm thinking about how the floor needs vacuumed, or how the shower needs cleaned...

Maybe "overwhelmed" is a good word for this.  I'm not sure.  It's not just the whole overwhelmed feeling.  It's more like the hopelessness that I'll never catch up.  Or find work.  Or "finish" the dishes (for crying out loud, as soon as they're clean, they're not clean anymore).  I want to put an lol in here because I know that's ridiculous, but it's how I feel.

No matter what I'm doing, it seems like there's something else that I SHOULD be doing.  No matter how well I do, it feels like I need to do BETTER.  No matter how hard I try, it seems like...  I dunno.  It's like I don't feel like trying anymore.

And then if someone DARES to tell me ANYTHING like "you should have..." I'm ready to turn on them.  Even if it's as simple as "you could have pulled out there; that car was a long way away."  I'm like, "Leave me alone." 

My poor husband is trying to be graceful about it all, but I'm a grouch.  Yup.  Me.  The encourager.  The clown.  The helper.  The happy one.   The srong one. *shrug*  Not anymore.

Anyone ever made it through this kind of junk before?

[Lynx]

Yup.  I was out of work for a mere two months and felt exactly like that, everything you listed.  And when you do get another job, first day there you will be wanting to bolt out and cancel the whole thing. 

This too shall pass.  In the meantime, just try to endure.  Sorry, but that's all I could find to do, just endure. 

[The Purple Fuzzy]

* The Purple Fuzzy hugs Elona. 

I understand.

[RainbowJingles]

That's how I felt with my 2+ month temp assignment that I had a couple months ago, Isaac.  It played with my mind.  I didn't want it to go on forever, but when it ended it was awful.

[SippinTea]

I'm so there, Elona. Slightly different circumstances, but... yeah, been here for about... oh... 3 years now?? Scary place. Sometimes lonely place. Don't like myself place. But I'm learning to doubly appreciate the people who are still walking (crawling?) beside me even after 3 yrs.

*HUGS*

[Roscoe]

Oh, yeah. Overwhelmed....that's been the recurring theme of my life lately. And I am one of the blessed ones with a stable job. Thank God for an understanding spouse who seems to be able to keep from going to pieces at the exact time I do. Seems like when she's overloaded, God has given me a breath to steady us, and when I am overloaded, she's sailing smooth...guess that's what marraige is all about. I'm so thankful...

I was sitting doing the bills the other day, realizing that as usual poor Peter was fixin' to get held up so Paul would be paid, worrying over other situations I had no control over, and one simple text pushed me over the edge. Nearly fell into a sobbing, weeping mess- and I'm a man. One who normally doesn't show that.

But I know from past experience, that if I just trust Him- easier said than done, for sure- He will work it out. He always does. Still don't make it easier to go through though. That's just one of the reasons I'm thankful for this place, and brothers and sisters who will pray for me.

Love ya and praying for you and Taco, my clownish sister. And remember, if y'all need a roof- well, you'll have to travel west a piece but the door is always open.

[RainbowJingles]

Thanks, PF.

And Ruby: If you feel like this...  ugh.  I don't wish this on ANYONE, especially not you.

Roscoe: The way I am right now, it's threatening to turn my husband's sail boat sideways, too.  I'm out of whack enough for us both.

[Melody]

Elona, we are praying for you.  Nathan and I just read and discussed this.  Nathan's current job's contract is up in 6mo. so he is on the ball looking for what is next.  We have a family who recently moved here that the husband is the HR manager at corporate of Black and Veatch. http://bv.com/



There are currently 450 very diverse positions they are looking to fill.  All over, not just here.  It's an amazing company.  90yrs old, survived the Great Depression.  I don't know if there are some openings close to you all.  I don't know your skill set.  But I couldn't not pass along the info.

I do know it's clear that something has to give for you all.  But that is usually how God works, lets us get all uncomfortable in our too small spot so that the "enlarged" tent is easier to transition to. 

[RainbowJingles]

I don't see anything in our area.  Thanks for the lead, though.

Soon after I posted this, I got a call from a company where I had put in a resume and actually wanted the job.  They should be calling me next week for a followup phone call, and sound interested in me.  God konws what is going on.  I'm not sure if I can go through another interview process without actually getting the job, though.  *shrug*

[Heather]

*HUGS*

[MsJennJenn]

I'm not sure if I can go through another interview process without actually getting the job, though.  *shrug*

That's where I am too. I apply for oodles of jobs...and very rarely get an interview...I can't even seem to get that far.
Trying to be thankful for the job I do have...various reasons sometimes get in the way. =/

[SippinTea]

I'm not sure if I can go through another interview process without actually getting the job, though.  *shrug*

*HUG* I know that feeling all too well.

Seriously, I think I could have written your first post here. It's this horrid feeling of "no matter how much I do it's never enough, and no matter how hard I try I can't get everything done that needs to be done (never mind the extras that would be nice), and I think I'm drowning."

Yeah, and that whole thing about people who tell you that you "should have" done whatever at whatever point in time and that would have magically solved all the problems you're currently facing? Yeah, I'd like to hit them. With a very large stick. Not very christian of me, I know. But I'm totally sick of hearing about everything I'm doing or have done wrong. I'M DOING THE VERY BEST I CAN. Thank God the people who matter most know the truth, and in fact are telling me that I'm trying TOO hard, and need to take some time for myself. If it wasn't for Chris's encouragement, and my mom and sis, I might just go mad.

So yes, I get it. And I very much wish I could hug you right now.

[Lynx]

I forgot to mention...

One of the hardest parts was trying to think of some place, ANY place, where I had not yet tried to get a job.  You run out too quick, you don't want to look like you're nagging the places where you've already applied, but if you just sit on your hands you'll go nuts.  Plus you'll feel you aren't trying if you don't look for more places... but where? 

[Newsman]

Praying for you, my friends.

I definitely understand the 'it's not enough' phase of life.


John 

[Nelle]

Ahh.. Been there, still there.. but I've started just.. praying. I believe for you that you WILL come out of that overwhelming season. Jesus loves us.

[RainbowJingles]

**HUGS** Heather and Ruby back.

Thanks, everyone.

John: it's not easy feeling the shoulda coulda wouldas, is it?

Nelle: Amen!

Today was a much better day.  One day at a time.  Started out turning on Pandora to some Ernie Haase and Gaither Homecomingish stuff, and then proceeded to fold laundry, finish the dishes, hang laundry, text the youth about service tonight, iron Taco's clothes for youth service, find my clothes to wear, get a shower, gather games for the young people, shop for hot dog rolls, take the crockpot, rolls and hot dogs to the church and start the hot dogs cooking, prep the music for service, print out notes for my husband, rearrange tables and chairs for the after-service fellowship, then rushing back home to grab my illusion for my object lesson, cook a quick dinner for my husband who was just about to get off work, grab the games I'd gathered, answer a bunch of texts about service tonight, help my husband find everything he needed, dish out his food, clean out the car because someone needed a ride, and then get to the church in time to pray awhile and jot down a song title list.

WHEW

Staying busy helps my mind.  It feels good.  And a day like today, I can look back and say I DID do my BEST.  If anyone says I shouldacouldawoulda, I'll have my husband DECK 'em. 

And yet...  If I allow it...   my brain will go places where I think, "YOU FORGOT and didn't do all you SHOULD have done.  You messed up xyz and that one interaction with so-and-so wasn't the way it needed to be, and..."

I have to allow ME to be enough.

[SippinTea]

*points* That.

[RainbowJingles]

[Lynx]

That sounds a lot like my Sundays.  Hectic, but fun. 

[Lynx]

Seems like when she's overloaded, God has given me a breath to steady us, and when I am overloaded, she's sailing smooth...guess that's what marraige is all about. I'm so thankful...

I dunno... there's a story about a man and woman who made an agreement when they got married that would avoid a lot of strife.  If the man came home from work in a bad mood he would tilt his hat to the left, and that was a signal that she should just leave him alone.  If the woman was out of sorts she'd tie her apron to the right, and he'd know to just not talk to her until she was back to normal. 

This worked out pretty well for a good 16 years.  Then one day he came home with his hat tilted to the left... and found her in the house with her apron tied to the right. 

The spot where their house was is now known as Reelfoot Lake.  They say the river flowed backward for more than a day to fill up the hole. 

[Roscoe]

Seems like when she's overloaded, God has given me a breath to steady us, and when I am overloaded, she's sailing smooth...guess that's what marraige is all about. I'm so thankful...

I dunno... there's a story about a man and woman who made an agreement when they got married that would avoid a lot of strife.  If the man came home from work in a bad mood he would tilt his hat to the left, and that was a signal that she should just leave him alone.  If the woman was out of sorts she'd tie her apron to the right, and he'd know to just not talk to her until she was back to normal. 

This worked out pretty well for a good 16 years.  Then one day he came home with his hat tilted to the left... and found her in the house with her apron tied to the right. 

The spot where their house was is now known as Reelfoot Lake.  They say the river flowed backward for more than a day to fill up the hole.

Reelfoot Lake.....one of my many Harley t-shirts, in fact, one of my favorites, is from the Harley dealership near there. Got it on the way back from Kentucky one time...

[Lynx]

Well now you know.   

[Newsman]

That made me think!


John 

[RainbowJingles]

Today was a good day.  I think I'm gonna pull through this.  God is good.  Encouraging yourself in the Lord is extraordinarily helpful.  I've post-it-noted several verses around the house.  Working on digging out.

[RainbowJingles]

And my husband has been playing some awesome songs all day today (when we weren't in church  having awesome services).  It really helps, that's for sure!