ISG's Issue of the Day.

[IowaSkirtGirl]

Sometimes I just feel like not everyone really wants to have to read through all my woes. So now they have a home...


Someone told me I was faux happy the other day. The few people that know me pretty personally know that that's probably true. I'm pretending my way through life right now.  Here's a few of the reasons..and any advice on what to do about them would be helpful.

1. Work. The night milkers have taken it upon themselves to sabotage the Morning milkers, of which I am one.  I actually tried to do it back, but got really convicted and decided to be the better person. The worst I've done is left them laundry...which they do everyday almost anyway. Everyone dislikes everyone else and it's become a very mentally hostile environment. On top of it being really physical, even more so lately that I've been given MORE responsibility.

2. Church. I've been missing a LOT of church because I've been so tired. I don't know how to be less tired other than to work less, and well that's not really an option right now.

3. My Papa, who I work with everyday, found out he has a mass on his brain and has been having mini strokes. This is the man who has always been a strong silent part of my life and is one of the main reasons I go to work everyday. *gets all teary* I can't even talk about this with out busting out in tears.

4. My Boyfriend. A few of you know that he lives with his daughters mom. They aren't in a relationship and never have been. He lives there so he gets to spend plenty of time with his daughter. But his daughters mom is controlling and gets very angry anytime he comes to see me. So on average I see him once a week for a few hours, normally dinner at my house, sometimes a movie or a card game, then he leaves. Well last night he said he would stay as late as I wanted him to since I had just found out about my Papa and was really upset, but he left early because it was to hard on him to see me that upset....Which just made me more upset.

[Lynx]

Well you asked for advice...

1a: The sharing thread is for sharing.  We haven't complained yet about anything you posted.  We care and we don't take it amiss if you post something less-than-upbeat.  None of us is always on cloud nine.  (The trick is, on the forum nobody can see the expression on your face, so it's easier to put on a mask.) 

1b: As long as the boss isn't getting mad at you for falling behind because night shift sabotaged you, remember these two things that I like to remind myself of when things get haywire on my job:  A - It's not my fault; B - I'm doing the best job I can and I have no reason to take any blame for it; C - I still get paid.  It may sound simplistic, but really I have noticed a lot of people (myself included) get way too upset when things don't go to plan at work, as if we are expecting to get blamed for the problem. 

2:  I hope this doesn't sound too judgmental, but you need to go to church.  I know how it feels to be tired, but you can sit on the pew as easily as you can sit in a chair at home.  And I have often gone to church tired and left feeling better.  "The joy of the Lord is my strength" isn't just in the Bible because it sounds pretty.

3.  Sorry to hear that.  I'll be praying.

4.  I am not there so I can't know all the details, but my gut reaction (based on what you have related in the past about this) is to leave that guy alone.  I have never even met the guy so of course take anything I say about it with a grain of salt... maybe a whole salt shaker... but to me it sounds like you are buying into a lot of someone else's trouble that you don't need.

[Roscoe]

 Welp.... I'm gonna agree with pretty much every thing Isaac said. 

In regards to faking happiness......  sometimes the outlook we have on life influences life. I'm not saying it's wrong to have a down day, but trying to put a happy face on life and LOOK ON THE POSTITIVES is not a bad thing...

And the church thing- remember that the more you miss church, the easier it is to miss church. Then one day, you wake up and discover that you haven't heard from God, you haven't been to church in a while, and you're back in the mess God delivered you from. I know alot of people that backslid from something no more "serious" than missing church. I was one of them.

In regards to Papa- I'll say a prayer. Does he go to church? If not, this terrible thing may be what opens the door for you to reach him and show him God........

And the boyfriend-   I don't want to pry, and it's none of my business, but is he in church? My opinion only, and please don't think I'm being mean or judgemental- Right now, you need stabilty in your life and your walk with God.
   From what you've posted, I get the idea that you love God, you're really trying to serve Him- but you are still clinging to part of your old life.
Girl, with God, it's all or nothing....if you get yourself grounded in God, TOTALLY, God will send you the desires of your heart, in HIS time. Even if that desire is a boyfriend.
I have been told that if you would not consider marrying someone, don't date them.  Since the bible states to be not unequally yoked with unbelievers, I can't see how someone in church could date someone that is not. Be friends with them, yes, try to win them to God, yes, but more than that is not just asking for trouble, it is inviting trouble to move in.
You won't win your boyfriend to God- he'll take you away from God. I watched it happen to my sister who was raised Apostolic, had the Holy Ghost, and was on fire for God. She is backslidden now and has been for over twenty years.

I hope I made sense. And I hope you don't find my post judgemental or uncaring, I certainately don't mean it that way. We're all pulling for you, Laci. You've got an awesome testimony, and I don't want to see you lose it. Praying for ya, Sis.

[The Purple Fuzzy]

* The Purple Fuzzy nods at what the guys said.

[Chseeads]

* The Purple Fuzzy nods at what the guys said.

Yeah, what she said about what they said. 

[Melody]

I agree with all that.

Unwittingly perhaps, you are submitting yourself to a man who is not submitted to God.  You tell me how that works. If you don't think u are then reread your & Roscoe's post.  How are you invested in this man's situation & obeying the scripture? Don't answer, it's rhetorical.

I'm on my phone so I can't site it exactly but Proverbs says "in the fear of the Lord is great confidence."  What people say or think will bother you less & less the more u are wholly submitted to  God.

[Niki]

I agree with what the others have said. Like Psalm_97, I obviously don't know all the details, but I personally wouldn't have anything to do with a guy who was living with a female he isn't related to. Even if it is with the purpose of being close to his child. That's just asking for trouble, in my opinion, for all involved. From what you've said here, it appears as if "Baby Mama" sees him as her man, even if there's no hanky-panky going on. She very well could be wishing that there was and that they had a more serious relationship. There's history there. You can't have sex, especially if you're a woman, and not be effected emotionally. There's an emotional bonding that occurs for women. Sex is rarely "just sex" for women. Regardless of what movies or TV might portray or what magazine/online articles might say. It bonds us emotionally to the man we have sex with. Especially when that sex produces a child.

I'm sure you realized going into this relationship that him having a child could make things complicated and that living with the mother of his child would make things much more complicated.

As for him leaving because he doesn't want to see you upset? Just seems insensitive to me.  When a man loves you like he should, he will put aside his own discomfort at seeing you upset and will stay with you and comfort you. Though I must say, you have to be careful being alone in your home with a man you're not married to. It creates too much of an opportunity for inappropriate behavior to occur. Especially when you're feeling emotional or vulnerable in any way. The comforting could go too far. Yes, even if you're Holy Ghost-filled. You are still human and your carnal nature will always embrace sin and give in to temptation if given the chance. That which is flesh will always be flesh.

I'm sorry if I come across preachy. I've seen too many women stumble and generally make a mess of their lives because they were involved with a man who had serious baggage or who wasn't on fire for God.

With all that you have going on in your life, I think the last thing you need is a man with "baby mama drama". I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I  would do. Well, first of all, I wouldn't have gotten involved with a man with a kid and/or a man who's living with a woman he isn't related to. But assuming I somehow did, I would end things right away and I would pray that God's will be done in my life. Including my love life. God knows who the right man is for you.

If this man is "the one" (which would shock me, to be honest), then he'll still be the one when all this craziness with his daughter's mother is straightened out. Which includes him no longer living with her. If he hasn't already, he needs to repent, get baptized in Jesus' name and receive the Holy Ghost. He needs to be on fire for God, obeying God's Word, living a holy life, being faithful to the house of God, a worshipper, involved in the church. Until then, I personally wouldn't be in a relationship with him.

You need to focus on God right now. I promise you, if you just live by the Book - holiness, faithfulness to the house of God (ask God to help you not feel tired; I do it all the time and He helps me), a prayer life, read your Bible everyday, be a worshipper - your life will improve. It may not happen in an instant, but it will happen. And God will give you the strength to endure whatever you have to endure on the job and with your sick relative.

Focus on God and let Him handle everything. Believe me, He can do it better than you ever could.

I heard Bro. Mallory preach once years ago about anger and worry. When you're angry or worried, it's because you're trying to control something you can't control. But when you put it in God's hands, you're no longer angry or worried. If you find yourself angry or worried, it's because you stopped trusting God to handle it (maybe you didn't think He was working fast enough) and now you're trying to fix it, but you can't. You're not meant to. When you truly trust God then "no worries". Like Bro. Jeffers said, God's looking at you saying, "I've got this!" So let Him have it, let go of it! He can fix it.


I don't know if you read any of what I went through over the past couple years. It took me a few months to completely let go of my situation and when I finally did I had peace. God told me over and over to let Him handle it. That nothing I could do or say would make things better. I had to back off and get my hands off of it so that God could get His  hands into it.


Anyway, I've said more than I expected I would say. I apologize for the length.

God bless you, sister.

[IowaSkirtGirl]

First of all THANK YOU! I would never think of any of you as uncaring or unkind for being HONEST. I come to GP for the comfort and honesty.

So I'm going to go over a few of the questions...I know I'll miss some..

No BF is not in church. He's never asked me not to go or asked me to anything that is against what I believe, he encourages me to go actually. But I did ask him something about coming on Christmas, he said he's not much for being in a church. He does believe in God though. I do see what you all are saying, about him dragging me backward. I can see it in my posts, and I know a few people can hear it in my voice that I haven't really been "happy" since he and I started dating a few months ago. I have a horrible past with guys...and I had been single for quite a while before this whole dating stint. I'm beginning to wonder if I was happier single? and if I'm in "love" for the neediness that I should be filling with God and church....Something to pray about....I really need to pray MORE!

The only issue I have with going to church MORE is I normally go to bed at 7, wed night starts at 7. Same with Sunday night. I go to bed at 7 because I get up at 2ish AM. So if I go to church it cuts me down to like 4 hours of sleep... I'm going to try and go more once I can take myself. That's a bit of another issue, if my ride doesn't go, then I don't go.

Work. The issues is...there isn't a boss. Very seldom is my uncle there, so things fall on my cousin and my papa. But the only one who can really "get anyone in trouble" is uncle. So I just deal with that as it comes and do my best, and people see that. I complain to much though. I'm seriously considering...(What was that fast called again Mel Mel?) a Negativity fast? We'll see. I might make it a whole day...who knows really.

Today's issue is my IBS is back. My mommy said it's because I'm overworked emotionally and stressed out...so time to go back to bananas and aloe juice (yuck).

[MelodyB]

[SippinTea]

ISG, you're loved around here. Really. *HUGS*

* The Purple Fuzzy nods at what the guys said.

Yeah, what she said about what they said. 

Yeah, what he said about what she said about what they said.

I'm going to especially pray for you today, ISG. (Wait. Laci, right?? Ack. My forgetter is working overtime these days. Sorry!) And I'm going to ask God to give you His wisdom, and to show you His humongous love for you in a humongous way today, and also pray for healing for you and your dad.

*Hugs*

[MelodyB]

Her and her Papa. Lol

[Heather]

Just my 2 cents concerning the boyfriend. I'm currently dating someone not in church. He has beliefs and is more than supportive and encouraging of my going to church. Even asking me how service was, what was preached on, etc. So that part I'm not gonna say anything about your situation. But he left because you were upset?!?!?!? He needs to grow some gahonnas and be there for you! When I'm having a bad day Brandon drops everything he can to be there for me. And that's how relationships are supposed to be. He's supposed to be there to support and care for you even if that means just holding your hand and letting you cry it out. He needs to man up even if it makes him uncomfortable.

2ndly I'm not too fond of this baby mama drama. Why does he live with her? Is it financial? Because I don't know a guy [and most of my friends are guys] who would ever live with a lady they don't have something going on with [and yes I mean a little something something not just to see their kid]. And I highly suspect that is going on especially if he'll bend to her every beckon call.

The years I spent single after I got divorced sucked. But looking back I may have been lonely, but I learned soooo much about myself and what made ME happy. I learned that my happiness wasn't dependent on anyone or anything else. And honestly I think it would help with the faking happy bit [I've been there too sweetheart. Especially if I'm barely off at work everyone freaks out.]

[IowaSkirtGirl]

....Well he solved that... Someone on facebook sent him a message telling him that I have another boyfriend. And well he has so little trust and faith in me...that he believed who ever it was and won't even talk to me...God's will...is God's will.

So my issue now is...I got really lost...REALLY really lost through all of this.

Every time I get lost I turn around and God is right there...patiently waiting for me to realize that HE is the only man I need right now..and that I need to follow what HE wants...and I should devote my life to HIM not to any man who isn't devoted to HIM! OH and that I should listen to the people on here more.

[The Purple Fuzzy]

I'm sorry you're hurting but "Thank God and Greyhound He's Gone"

[SippinTea]

*Hugs* Sometimes even good things hurt. Bad.

[sunlight]

* sunlight hugs laci tight...

[IowaSkirtGirl]

They covered my shift at work this morning. I'm thinking about going in later and attack cleaning something...but I will wait until everyone has gone off to do whatever for the day so I don't have to deal with talking to anyone about anything.

Well, honestly I should have just came home from church and went to bed last night. I only ended up getting 5ish hours of sleep anyway, which is about normal..and now I'm wide awake.

So now what to do...get dressed and find something productive to do...or make some hot tea and read my new book on fasting?

[Melody]

Wow, ISG. God's goodness & grace are so magnificent.  Look at all these friends He has provided for comfort representing Himself in your life on top of His moving in church services.

still praying for you sis...  & book/tea sounds productive. (:

[Lynx]

I came in late (got up late) but definitely the book sounds good.  Fasting is the best, fastest, most effective way I know to build spiritual strength.

Also Joy Haney's book "When ye fast."

[SippinTea]

Hot tea and the book. Hands down.

If it would be helpful to you at all, I would be more than happy to share some titles that have been influential in my own growth as a Christian - things that both challenged and inspired me, and sometimes calmed me down or gave me a reality check. But it sounds like you're getting back on a good track, so more ideas might just be overwhelming at this point.

Sending another *hug* your way!