Happy marriages

[SippinTea]

Bumped into a quote recently:

"A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." --Robert Quillen

Judging by the marriages I've observed, I think this guy may be onto something. What say ye married folks?

[mesipie]

i agree...if one wont forgive, then it cant be good...bc every mistake will be shown...and there will be no mercy...

[The Purple Fuzzy]

Love covers a multitude of sins...

[nicolejoy]

I think that two of the main things in having a great marriage is forgiving a lot, and being flexible/adaptable/willing to change and listen and all that... Marriage is aaalllll about sacrifice and compromise and coming TOGETHER instead of being all independent...

[Melody]

amen.  Thank God for forgiveness or no marriage would survive and no married person could stay saved!

[MelodyB]

[Sister_Mom]

I think forgiveness is important, but I believe it is secondary to putting the other person first. I believe that making forgiveness a priority is kind of like before committing a sin saying that you'll just ask for forgiveness later. It's not always a conscious decision, but can become a mindset that no matter what you or the other person does, it can always be forgiven.

Forgiveness only becomes a necessity after a wrong has been done. I believe it's much more important to use preventative measures which comes easier if love is the priority.

I believe each person must be more concerned about the other's well being more than their own, but without neglecting theirself. Like Nicole said, "coming together instead of being independent", Dad likes to use the word "blending", it is two becoming one in every sense of the word.

Some disagreements, which lead to general unhappiness, is caused by simple misunderstanding. Most of the time however, it is due to one person being more concerned with their own feelings than the other's feelings, or because they think their own feelings have been ignored. When Nicole said "sacrifice", it's not so much a sacrifice as in giving up things, but taking self off the throne and putting Jesus Christ first, spouse second, family next then self.

[Tsalagi]

Marriage is aaalllll about sacrifice and compromise and coming TOGETHER instead of being all independent...

This is good.

Most of the time however, it is due to one person being more concerned with their own feelings than the other's feelings, or because they think their own feelings have been ignored.

This is very true.

I think forgiveness is important, but I believe it is secondary to putting the other person first.

I have also heard some married folk say things like, 'My children are my #1 priority'.  Your spouse had better be, there are too many couples who fight over the children, or use the kids to manipulate one another.

Dad likes to use the word "blending", it is two becoming one in every sense of the word.

Yes it is. 


 

[Sis]

I think the same about forgiveness, MOM.  I knew it didn't feel right but didn't know why. Thanx for wording it so well. I didn't go into this thing thinking I would have to start forgiving. You have to forgive everyone around you if you want to BE forgiven.

Thinking about others and your spouse first and formost should be second nature after you've walked with God for any amount of time. Thinking about what might hurt and zipping your lip happens a lot. If I something is bugging me, I just try to remember all the good and weigh it against what's bugging me. Most of the time, it's just a momentary thing because I am in a bad mood. Sometimes we talk about things like that, others I zip the lip.

Enough babbling from me.

[Niki]

I agree with everything that's been said here. And I've found that the older I get, the easier it is to think of my husband's happiness rather than just my own. In my 20s, even though I was a wife and mother, it was all about me. (Not that I was neglectful, of course.) I would pout if I didn't get my way. Thankfully I've grown out of that.

Making my husband happy makes me happy. He in turn does and says things to make me happy (though not insincerely), which also makes me happy. And him making me happy adds to his happiness. lol That's a whole lot of happiness. But seriously, I believe that's how it's supposed to work.

[SippinTea]

Good thoughts, peoples.

Thinking about others and your spouse first and formost should be second nature after you've walked with God for any amount of time. Thinking about what might hurt and zipping your lip happens a lot. If I something is bugging me, I just try to remember all the good and weigh it against what's bugging me. Most of the time, it's just a momentary thing because I am in a bad mood.

I like that, Sis. Nicely worded. *smile*

I think perhaps that's what RQ was getting at, but you said it better.

I have also heard some married folk say things like, 'My children are my #1 priority'.  Your spouse had better be, there are too many couples who fight over the children, or use the kids to manipulate one another.

Aye. Looking at it from a woman's brain, I've seen a lot of women who almost idolize motherhood. Big mistake #1. Being a good mother is one of the most important things a woman can do, perhaps. But only one of. And the most obvious thing that ranks higher than that is being a good wife.

If you don't have a strong marriage, than there isn't a strong foundation for your family anyhow. *shrug* Putting parenting ahead of your marriage is putting the cart before the horse. (Please forgive the cliche--it's the best I can do at the moment.)

Making my husband happy makes me happy. He in turn does and says things to make me happy (though not insincerely), which also makes me happy. And him making me happy adds to his happiness. lol That's a whole lot of happiness. But seriously, I believe that's how it's supposed to work.

Methinks you just might be right. *grin*

[nicolejoy]

Some disagreements, which lead to general unhappiness, is caused by simple misunderstanding. Most of the time however, it is due to one person being more concerned with their own feelings than the other's feelings, or because they think their own feelings have been ignored. When Nicole said "sacrifice", it's not so much a sacrifice as in giving up things, but taking self off the throne and putting Jesus Christ first, spouse second, family next then self.

That entire post was AWESOME - but I especially loved that last paragraph - like the bible says "serve one another in love" - and "preferring one another more highly than yourself"... ESPECIALLY in marriage, that is ESSENTIAL...

It can be easy, especially when you're first married, to have the attitude "What about ME - I want you to care about ME - focus on ME ME ME" - but when we look after our spouse FIRST (after Jesus, of course) and put ourselves LAST, we find that our needs are met as well, and we have a happy spouse and a happy marriage!!

Often it's the little things that make aaallll the difference. For my husband, the best thing I could do for him is to keep a tidy, organised house. To me, it's not so important - I don't mind a bit of mess... but I try to do that because I love him and I know that's one of the best ways I can say "I love you" to him - even when to me, it seems more "extreme" than I would be if it was just me living in this house...

Marriage is sooooo much more about the little things than the big things!!

[Sis]

Good thoughts, peoples.

Thinking about others and your spouse first and formost should be second nature after you've walked with God for any amount of time. Thinking about what might hurt and zipping your lip happens a lot. If I something is bugging me, I just try to remember all the good and weigh it against what's bugging me. Most of the time, it's just a momentary thing because I am in a bad mood.

I like that, Sis. Nicely worded. *smile*

I think perhaps that's what RQ was getting at, but you said it better.

Well, it took a couple of near accidents to make me remember that a life can be lost in seconds. It's been on my mind a lot since the last time. I keep thinking if I lost him would this seem so important? Would I even remember it?  Most of the time it doesn't seem important in that light.

[Brother Dad]

Making my husband happy makes me happy.

With this been said I must say that Sister Mom has to be the happiest person in the world because of all the JOY she brings to my life.

[Sister_Mom]

You've brought out another important point Sis, we have to keep our priorities aligned with putting the other person first. Something about the other person may bother us, but we have to look at the big picture and ask ourselves, "how important is this, really?".
I know if anything were to happen to my husband, I know I would feel worse about the things I didn't do for him than the things he did or didn't do. We must not give importance to the petty things and we must pray for discernment on what is petty and what really should be changed for the good of the marriage as a whole, not for ourselves.

[iridiscente]

One of the biggest things I've learned from marriage so far is how selfish I am. That knowledge quadrupled when we had Ariel, seriously. I takes all of the things you've heard all of your life and KNOW are true, and makes you put them into practice, or be miserable. But, at the same time, you want to. I have a lot left to learn. People like my mom and SisMom and others who've posted really help me see things from a more mature* perspective. Thanks.

*mature does NOT mean "old" here.

[Sis]

Dina, thanx for not putting me into the "mature" category!   

You've brought out another important point Sis, we have to keep our priorities aligned with putting the other person first. Something about the other person may bother us, but we have to look at the big picture and ask ourselves, "how important is this, really?".

Dear Abby used to say (When referring to teens but also works in marriage) Pick your fight.  In the long run, is it really important enough to take a stand on?  If it is, then don't hold back, but if it's petty or just a mood, drop it. Walk away. Go count to 100. LOL

[Sister_Mom]

*mature does NOT mean "old" here.

Of course not, I was listed there. 


Dina, we are all selfish, just to different degrees and we each handle it differently. Selfishness comes natural to us. Without thinking of self I wonder if there would be any sin? Hmmm.... something to think about. I think that without the desire to satisfy self there may not have been any need for the cross. Of course nobody gets it perfect Dina, that's where forgiveness comes in. Any time we are offended or hurt, we have to remember, we have either hurt or offended or we will and we want to stop and think and respond the way we would want it to be handled if the shoe were on the other foot. We have to keep in mind, we may not need mercy that day, but we have before and will need it again.



Sis, I don't think you have to worry about being put in a "mature" category, you'll be young at heart forever.  :grin:

[sunlight]

* sunlight hugs SisMom

[Sister_Mom]

* sunlight hugs SisMom

Awwwwww!!!!! It's been a while since I got hugs from you girl. Thanks! *hugs* Chel

[sunlight]

* sunlight hugs SisMom again... and again. I wish I could give you one in real life right about now...

[iridiscente]

* iridiscente makes a "mature" category for Sis... hehe...

[iridiscente]

*mature does NOT mean "old" here.

Of course not, I was listed there. 


Dina, we are all selfish, just to different degrees and we each handle it differently. Selfishness comes natural to us. Without thinking of self I wonder if there would be any sin? Hmmm.... something to think about. I think that without the desire to satisfy self there may not have been any need for the cross. Of course nobody gets it perfect Dina, that's where forgiveness comes in. Any time we are offended or hurt, we have to remember, we have either hurt or offended or we will and we want to stop and think and respond the way we would want it to be handled if the shoe were on the other foot. We have to keep in mind, we may not need mercy that day, but we have before and will need it again.



Sis, I don't think you have to worry about being put in a "mature" category, you'll be young at heart forever.  :grin:

True! "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it?" We're definitely born with the sinful nature... and selfishness is a MAJOR part of that!

[almondjoy]

 

[BenJammin]

A preacher was walking down the street of his small town when he happened across a couple that he had married several months earlier.  He stopped to speak to them and asked how thing were going.

The husband said, "Reverend, you know how you told us to never go to bed angry at one another?"

The preacher replied, "Why, yes, I do.  How is that working out?"

The husband says, "I don't know.  I haven't had a wink of sleep in 6 weeks."

BenJammin