trouble too early in marriage LOL

[PianoGirl]

well, i dont know where to start. theres so many things to talk about. lol
i guess i should start by saying that i plan on talking to my pastor about some "issues" im having in my marriage(since talking to my husband dont seem to be working and we've only been married not even a year), but i figured id see what ya'll have to say as well. 
lets see, where to start. theres so many questions. lets start with this one

1. what if youre already unhappy??

and then theres....

2. what if your husband doesnt treat you right?

oh and this one...

3. what if your husband treats you like a child?

and i sure cant forget this one...

4. what if you feel your husband is too 'friendly' with opposite sex?

the list goes on...

5. what if your husband doesnt listen to you?

6. what if your husband is selfish?

7. what if your husband doesnt spend any quality time with you?

8. what if your husband isnt romantic?

9. what if your husband stays gone all the time?

and my 10th, and certainly NOT my last question...

10.  what if your husband just does not change his 'bad' habits in the relationship??

and a really good one...

11. what other reasons can you divorce over??

and even more important question...

12. will i ever learn to say 'enough is enough. i cant take anymore' and just leave?

*SIGH* lol men are so much trouble, im tellin ya lol

[nicolejoy]

From my experience, the first year is the hardest. There is so much adjusting to do - and both people can find it difficult at times!! There were times when I was first married that I thought "What do we have in common??" and "Why are we arguing over something so petty??" - I think that's normal.

One thing to remember is that we should not be getting all of our emotional fulfillment from our husband. It's my believe that there will be times even when we're married when we feel lonely, hurt, misunderstood, not treated right, etc... the reason for that is to remind us that we still need God - He is the source of our contentment and fulfillment!!

So while I'm not really answering all your questions one by one, I would encourage you to take your frustrations to the Lord and use your "unhappiness" to drive you closer to Him...

What to do in your marriage? Turn the other cheek. When your husband doesn't listen to you, ask yourself "am I really listening to him?" When he treats you like a child, ask yourself "How am I treating him?"

Divorce should not be a consideration in marriage - especially not this early!!

I don't know you and I don't know your husband... I don't know how bad things are... but given that you have only been married for a short period of time, I think it's likely that it is teething problems rather than "character flaws"... I hope that's what it is as well...

[Envelope]

that's why Dr. Laura invented the book, "the proper care and feeding of Husbands" followed by "the proper care and feeding of Marriage"

If you DID date for a year or more...........................you should have seen these issues and not expected them to "change" after the wedding date........................a leapord does NOT change his spots!!

If you dated less than a year, then I feel a bit sorry for you since less than a year is NOT long enough to get to know a person and know he's beyond the shadow of a doubt "the one"

As Nicole said.......divorce is not an option....................unless there's abuse, adultery or addictions..........

I'm not a minister................I'm just a lowly person...............but by all means..........talk to your pastor............

sharon

[RandyWayne]

From a guys perspective one of the biggest mistakes that women make (and men too, but women more often) is to think that their spouse will change after the wedding.  They do not.  Ok, maybe occasionally and in small amounts but the basic personality will not change barring major traumatic events, and even then......

Also, your questions while valid, give no hint to the degree at which something is a problem.  To one woman, flirting with the opposite sex may be him spending all night with her at a party, hands touching her leg,  while a more uptight woman may see the slightest hint of a glance as he passes someone in the grocery store and blow up inside in fear, doubt, worry, and jealousy.  Basically, men don't lose the ability to appreciate a pretty lady -they had just better think of it in the proper context now (and not for that long!)

Is he abusing you in the sense that he's slapping you around?  If THAT is the case then don't wait to talk to you pastor!  Talk to the cops instead!

There is no way for anyone HERE to honestly answer any of these questions because they do not know BOTH of you and have no sense of context.  One and one counciling is the best step here.

[nicolejoy]

From a guys perspective one of the biggest mistakes that women make (and men too, but women more often) is to think that their spouse will change after the wedding.  They do not.  Ok, maybe occasionally and in small amounts but the basic personality will not change barring major traumatic events, and even then......

I think another big mistake is that, when there is a problem, they (well, we) nag, complain, whinge, want to be heard and acknowledged. We think that if we can "make" them listen to us, that things will get better. What we do not realise at the time is that we are pushing them further and further away and making the problem worse than it really is... Sometimes, the best thing to do is to smile and give our hubbies a backrub and a nice dinner and lots of attention - even when we don't feel like it!!

[rootbeer]

Try to find activities that you can enjoy doing together.  Think of positive things to say.  The main thing is to pray together.

[Ashlee]

I'm no marriage councelor, hey, I'm not even married.  But I do have a bit of advice for you.  Try it and things might just turn around for you.

1.  Make a list of all the things that you love and appreciate about your husband.  Trust me, once you sit down and start writing, there will be more than you realized.

2.  Do something special for him.  It may be something that you don't necessarily like doing, but he does.  Maybe there is something that your husband has given up since meeting you.  Do it with him.  If ever this annoys you, or you think it is unnecessary, refer to number 1.

3.  This one might be the hardest.  Make a list of your bad habits.  Be honest with yourself.  This is only between you and God.  Pray about these things and vow to change.  Again, if this seems hard or unnecessary, refer to number one.  While you are praying for yourself, don't forget to thank God for what a wonderful husband He gave you.

[angelofthe_lordz]

1. what if youre already unhappy?? You need to enroll in some counseling with your pastor and his wife or get professional help.

2. what if your husband doesnt treat you right? Again you need to get some help

3. what if your husband treats you like a child? A lot of times they don't realize they're doing it. Case and point he shouldn't if he loves you. He needs to treat you as an equal. But that doesn't give you the right to treat him like a child either. It sounds like you both need to grow up.

4. what if you feel your husband is too 'friendly' with opposite sex? He shouldn't be sooo friendly with a girl that it makes you feel uncomfortable. I have many friends that are guys and my husband trusts me but its not like we're making lunch dates or talking on the phone all the time.
the list goes on...you sound insecure.

5. what if your husband doesnt listen to you? If you telling him what to do he doesn't have to listen to you.

6. what if your husband is selfish? Its a guy thing. Lol jk. Sometimes guys don't think about it. Flip the coin though are you selfish??

7. what if your husband doesnt spend any quality time with you?  Do you make any effort? He needs to make the effort to do it. I've learned my husband and I don't like to do the same things but we still make time for each other.

8. what if your husband isnt romantic? Its not your fault. Not all guys are.

9. what if your husband stays gone all the time? maybe your to worried for you own good..

 and my 10th, and certainly NOT my last question...

10.  what if your husband just does not change his 'bad' habits in the relationship?? What about your bad habits? I'm sure your not perfect. Good Luck Sister. Chances are he won't right away. Grin and bear it.

and a really good one...

11. what other reasons can you divorce over?? Divorce shouldn't be an option unless one of you are commiting adultery.

and even more important question...

12. will i ever learn to say 'enough is enough. i cant take anymore' and just leave? Instead of leaving i would hope you would seek counseling from you pastor and his wife. Every marriage has its problems but you need to work thru them.

*SIGH* lol men are so much trouble, im tellin ya lol.   Just a hint us women aren't perfect either. We're used to being daddys girls and when we cry or whine we get our way with our dads. News for ya Your husband is not your dad. A lot of times we expect our husbands to be like our dads but they're not.
It kind of sounds like you weren't ready for marriage.

[PianoGirl]

someones post said that i shouldve noticed things about my husband before i married him. while true, and i did, he started changing into something really good. but once we were married, the first week,  he was home and attentive and spending time with me and then after that....it all changed. we disagree about alot of things. he thinks things should be the way he wants them to be. that if things (i.e. cleaning house, etc) istn done his way, then its wrong. hes not really open to learn others ways of doing things. or at least thats not the attitude ive gotten from him. money is an issue. he wants to keep all the money, spend on what HE wants. dont really ask me if i want and/or need anything. dont take me anywhere he goes, not even out to eat, unless i suggest it, and even sometimes when i suggest it, his acts like hes not into it.
and i wanna make one thing clear here lol, i do NOT treat him like a child. not in the least! i know how that feels and id never treat him that way. but anyway, back to what i was saying lol
we did date over a year before marriage, and had broken up as well, during the relationship. i guess, looking back, i do blame myself(in a way), for the things going on now. i mean, like one of you said, a leoperd never changes his spots. and thats true. i guess i wanted to see the good things and ONLY the good things about him. 
i will try to respond to everything posted. if i look over everything, i apologize. anyway...
i dont try to get every emotional fulfillment from my husband. thats silly to think that i could ever do that cuz i DO know theres more to life than things like that. its good to have emotional  investments into your husband but most important is what do i have invested in the Lord. and hes not hitting me or anything. just, get defensive and irritated easily when i want to discuss important matters, doesnt listen to me when i try to tell him that we need to do things together and spend time together. i mean, he wont even sit down and watch a movie with me. i could probably count on one  hand how many times  hes set down a watched a movie with me since we've been married. he'd rather hang out with his friends and do his own thing rather than have a nice day at home with me. hes out late almost every night the past two weeks. and i understand he wants to do guy things, but  like my mother says, he doesnt even act like hes married.
i mean, he has his good qualities and then theres his bad qualities, which i understand we're all human and we're all like that. but our good should out weigh the bad, right? ive made that list before and the bad out weighed the good. that shouldve been a clear sign to me. i guess im dumb lol always wanting to see the best in people, but not really suprised when they let ya down, ya know?
i also understand that its not my fault if his not romantic, but he makes NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER to be so. i mean, no flowers, no b-day card (unless ive asked about it), no kiss out of no where, no "you look nice today", or "i love you so much", etc etc etc etc. nothing of the sort.
and i hate to sound like a complaining whiny box, but these things are true, and yes i mightve thought marriage would change things....even each other. i always thought it would change each other for the better. *hugz* maybe thats a wrong concept to think.
about the flirting, well...i dont think he always knows hes doing it...but i think theres times hes crossed the line with flirting. but i can tell him until the Lord comes back that i feel uncomfortable with the way he approaches and talks to other females, but it doesnt do any good. ive been talking for over three years. again, i guess i shouldve seen another sign.  but me...always holding out for hope.
i tell my husband he needs to spend time with me...goes thru one ear and out the other. i dont even think counsiling would help to be honest. one, i dont have the money to afford a professional counsiling session and two, i dont think id want to bring him to the pastor and his wife cuz im not so sure if that would even help him either.  hes not saved at the moment and i guess maybe that would play a factor into the way he approaches things...especially the relationship. but aside from him not being saved....i mean, as a human...as a man, he should love his wife (me) as christ loved the church. thats the way a man should love his wife. and if he doesnt, then what? lol
and another thing, its hard to work thru problems when youre husband doesnt seem to be interested in communication and discussing issues without it turning into getting defensive with me. its hard to talk to a hard headed man and make him see how things are from your perspective. though i am not perfect either, never will be until we all get to heaven, and im sure theres things about me he doesnt like but i do my hardest to be a good wife. i try to be thoughtful and considerate. i think about hes needs and wants or something he likes to do. just the other night i went with him to participate in an outdoors activity. we had a good time but of course it wasnt a "quality time" thing cuz a friend of his came along too.
he puts everyone else above me.
boy, i have alot of issues dont i? lol maybe i do need a professional counsiling. lol lord help me.
i'll say one more thing....even though theres so much more i wanna say, but...to be honest, i dont know if he is cheating on me. ive been feeling for a while now like he is or has. i have asked him (in a jokingly way) about who else is he with besides me and he says only me. but i just dont know. i dont know if its the devil just aggrivating me or just my imagination. i really cant tell right now. and i know he wouldnt tell me if he has (or is) cheated. he has said before  that if hes lying he couldnt look me in the eye. but the thing is, ive trusted him and if he knows that then he can stand right to my face and tell a lie and i wouldnt know the difference. except now that im wising up and thinking back to things that hes said to me about himself or others....its making me wonder. ive prayed about it. still am. and im praying the Lord will let the truth be known cuz right now, i just dont trust him enough to ask him if hes doing anything becuz i dont know if  hes being honest or not. and yes i know that divorce cannot be an option unless hes cheated. thats the only thing thats really prevented me from leaving. but i just feel like im waiting for the other shoe to drop. i just feel like (and i hope its not all in my head) that its gonna drop. and though im asking you guys' points of view, i still am seeking the Lord and TRYING to leave it in his hands. my mother told me recently, that she felt like ( i guess in her spirit) to wait it out and let the Lord handle it and he will bring the truth out. so, thats what im going try to do. only the Lord knows whats best for me.
but i really do appreciate the advice.

[nicolejoy]

Another thing which I just thought of after you posted, maybe you could ask him something like "If we could spend one day together doing anything, what would you like to do?" and then try to do it... chances are, it might be something that you don't like... but in some ways, if he's enjoying spending time with you, it will make him want to spend MORE time with you... and sometimes if we give our husbands something that THEY like, they're more "willing" to do that kind of thing in return for us...

It must be hard living with a husband who comes home late all the time and "doesn't act like he's married"... I'm really sorry that you have to go through that... but God can do anything... so I'd be praying lots!!

[mini]

 

Marriage is a great and hard lesson, eh?  Ok, this seems to be a hubby bash (the dirty dog forgot to bring home a dozen roses twice this week) so Im gonna point the questions back at you.

1. what if youre already unhappy??

Well, we see that YOU are unhappy, you never mention that he is unhappy.

2. what if your husband doesnt treat you right?
3. what if your husband treats you like a child?

Bet you don't treat him any better do you?

4. what if you feel your husband is too 'friendly' with opposite sex?

While some of this may be justified, alot of peoples only source of exercise comes from jumping to conclusions.  (looks for your metnion(s) of prayer for him)

5. what if your husband doesnt listen to you?
6. what if your husband is selfish?

No offense ment, but this whole deal is your viewpoint.  And you sound very selfish.

7. what if your husband doesnt spend any quality time with you?
8. what if your husband isnt romantic?

My favorite part in newlyweds.

i also understand that its not my fault if his not romantic, but he makes NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER to be so. i mean, no flowers, no b-day card (unless ive asked about it), no kiss out of no where, no "you look nice today", or "i love you so much", etc etc etc etc. nothing of the sort.

Let me guess: 1) your father did this for your mother 2) you have your head full of romance books, movies, etc.

If it is #1, you should have married your father.  If it is #2, keep on reading the books.  Hes not gonna act like daddy or some story book hero.  Pry your eyes open and see what he does for you.

9. what if your husband stays gone all the time?

Have you rolled out the welcome mat on your door step lately?  If you are brave enough to post this online, I can only imagine what it sounds like in your house.

10.  what if your husband just does not change his 'bad' habits in the relationship??

Did you?

11. what other reasons can you divorce over??
12. will i ever learn to say 'enough is enough. i cant take anymore' and just leave?

*sigh*

Easy in, easy out.  Eat, drink, be merry, giving in marriage today, divorcing tomorrow.

Honestly, it sounds like you are the one who wants out.  Can you blame your husband for wanting to spend long hours away from the house?  Would you want to come home to a house that was miserable?

Read:
Proverbs 31
10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
       She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
       and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
       all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
       and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
       bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
       she provides food for her family
       and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
       out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
       her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
       and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
       and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
       and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
       for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
       she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
       where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
       and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
       she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
       and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
       and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
       her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
       but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
       but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
       and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Anyways, it sounds like you need to spend some time on your knees first becoming who you should be before you start trying to mend your relationship.  I am not trying to justify what he is doing/has done as right, im looking at the gaps in this conversation.

[RandyWayne]

This is all interesting in the most general sense but totally useless when trying to "help" someone that no body really knows.

One particular girl who grew up being the "Apple in Daddies eye" and who was given her first car at 16 may think that her husband isn't treating her right when HE doesn't give her that new car on their first anniversary.  She may very well say "He doesn't treat me right!".  Another woman may grow up in a family of rugged individuals without a prissy bone in her body, then get unlucky enough to marry a bona fide wife beater.  She may ALSO say "He doesn't treat me right!" and in the exact same tone.

We simply have NO frame of reference for anything that has been said and it's validity.  But, just like the last post eluded too, if my wife came on and listed 20 things I was doing wrong, I may very well be trying to avoid her as well if that was truly her attitude toward me..... 

[EmmazMommy]

I have no legit advice because I dont know both of you or the situation.

BUT, Prayer and Fasting is always good!

[Melody]

I think there have been a lot of things said here that reguardless of your situation, you can find some good pointers here.  If he is not abusing you or having an affair, then you wanting a divorce says more of you than all you listed about him.  You need to spend some time in prayer/Word. 

Think about why on earth you would consider doing something (if abuse and adultery aren't present) that is so contrary to God's Word?  Why you have so little committment to this lifetime, God ordained, covenant?  I ask you to not answer this on here because those are very personal questions, but ones you need to address.

[PianoGirl]

well, i would like to say thank you for everyones "advice" or "opinions" or anything else you guys/girls brought to the table. however, i think ive made a mistake in coming here for help. im sorry to have even bothered with writing my post. so, im sorry for the inconvenience. i'll remember next time when i have a problem and want "opinions" that i will just keep it to myself or talk to my mother instead of coming here.
thanks anyway for the help. *hugz to all*

HOWEVER, id like to make a response to minnesota68 (and this will be a long one) with all do respect but i think youve been very rude to me. yes, this is only a one sided view of the marriage. but i can tell you one thing, when something isnt right and when someone isnt treating you right, no matter how you slice it and dice it, its NOT RIGHT. plain and simple. you have no idea who i am and your "opinions" of what is going on in my situation is way off.  but i will respond to each of your replies.


about him being unhappy.....yes i just mentioned me. why? because i cant get nothing outta my husband. i cant hardly have a serious conversation with him without him turning it into a joke. so God forbid if i dont know if  hes happy or not. its not my fault that i dont know. ive tried to talk to him several times. he just simply does not listen when i talk.

do i treat him like a child or mistreat him?? how dare you even suggest that i dont treat him any better. i dont treat him like a child. sure, i may ask him where hes going when he leaves the house. you never know when an emergency may come up. i may even ask him how long hes gonna be. i think, as his wife, i have every right to know where and when and what time. i dont nag him when hes gone by calling him continuously or lecture him when he gets home. however, i have questioned him on what hes being doing when he comes home 2 a.m. wouldnt YOU?? i think you would do the same. i dont mistreat him. i always think about him and his feelings. i ask him what he thinks about things i do/am doing/will do. i ask him if he has any plans before i make plans or even if i do make plans, i let him know whats going on or ask him if its an inconvenience to something he wants to do. i have always treated him the way a person needs to be treated...dating or married. im not stupid, you know. i treat people the way id want to be treated. duh!

i tell ya....im trying to be nice here, minnesota 68 but youre making it very hard. you know, theres nothing wrong with romance. i dont expect a room full of roses and petals when i come home or gifts laying at my door step every morning. thats stupid to even think thats what i want. i do want romance as far as putting thought into something or doing something thoughtful, instead of thinking of "self" all the time. i dont think thats too much to ask.  every girl wants someone who is selfless. and another thing, i dont read romance books, okay?? im not into that kind of reading thank you very much.

oh and i, i dont know what my father did for my mother, since i cant hardly remember my childhood and my father wanted nothing to do with me growing up and my mother is dead. besides, i was adopted, sure, but like i said, i cant hardly remember my childhood so i dont know what my father (or adoptive father) did for my mother (or my adoptive mother) so i suggest you not even go there again with me. and before i forget, i dont think id wanna marry my father. and for you suggest i shouldve married my father...well last time i checked marrying your father is insest.

i dont beleive in fairy tales. i dont believe in all that prince charming *Oh my, I need to improve my vocabulary*. yeah sure little girls dream of that *Oh my, I need to improve my vocabulary* but you grow up and realize fairy tales are just that...a fairy tale. and i dont have to pry my eyes open to nothing cuz i know what he does for me. i dont forget nothing. im not dumb. stop talking down to me.

with my husband staying gone all the time, thats not my fault. he does not want to stay home. thats who he is, i suppose. he enjoys staying gone evidently. i dont know. you'll have to ask him about that. and i dont have to roll out no welcome mat for no one to make them feel welcomed around me. hes always welcome around me.  but i tell you this, you do me wrong, dont come around trying to pet on me and kiss up...just back away and give me time to cool down and collect myself. and when you get the short end of the stick for so long, what else you suppose to do? lay down and let them walk all over you. i dont think so. im trying to make this thing work. i cant help it if he walks around like hes not got a care in the world, leaves me home alone all day and night practically. i dont know why he doesnt want to do anything with me or take me anywhere. eveyone always asks him where im at. ...id like to know what he says about that one myself. *shrugz* oh well. lol

i dont think im selfish at all. i think about what my husband wants, needs, or desires and more. in this marriage, i think im selfless. i think about him more than myself, to be honest with you. you can choose to not believe that, i could care less if you do or dont.  and besides, you dont know me personally so you have no idea what kind of person i am. all you know is just a post i made. thats it. you judge me by a post. nice work. i come here for help and all you can do is judge. *sigh* people!

as for my bad habits, the only one that i can think of is that im jealous. to be quite honest, i cant remember the last time ive gotten jealous. honestly, i cant remember. i know ive caught my husband starring at women and told him to quit. lol thats about all i can remember. and besides, hes never said i have any bad habits, except  being alittle too jealous. and NO i dont follow him around like a lost puppy dog or anything like that. however i will say, ive learned to just keep my mouth shut about jealously. if i feel jealous, i just talk to my mother about it or something. that a way, its not another arguement between he and i. i think im learning (here recently) to pray more about the things thats bothering me in my marriage. and  yes i do pray for him. ive even requested prayer for him in my church.

i highly doubt that you can/should be so critical of me and on how much time i spend on my knees. for your information i talk to God quite alot. and how do YOU know what type of person i should be? (again) you DONT know me and you definitely dont know my prayer life. youre judging me for something that you really know nothing about. maybe if you spent more time on your knees, you wouldnt be so judgemental and learn to be alittle bit more sympathetic towards peoples feelings.

so, thats my whole response to minnesota68. 

as for everyone else, thanks for trying to help but i think i'll stick with talking to my mother and GOD about my problems instead of coming here. if i wanted to get bashed, id just stand outside and let everyone line up and stone me. geez.

so, i dont think i'll be posting here anymore. im sorry if i offended anyone or said anything to anyone that was out of the way. just pray for me as i pray for all of you. thanks for listening. God bless.

[nicolejoy]

I'm sorry that we hurt you - and I'm especially if anything that I said has hurt you. I probably said "too much too soon" without listening to what was really going on...

[EmmazMommy]

im sorry if i offended you. I know how you feel because I have went through the same thing.... I lov ya! PM Me if you needa talk!!

[angelofthe_lordz]

I hope everything works out for the two of you. With your husband not being in church it complicates things more. I will pray for the both of you. Take care if you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me anytime.

[Raecheal]

No one meant to offend you in the least PianoGirl.. Minnesota pointed out that he was only looking at the gaps and that he wasn't trying to justify your husband or his actions.  There was limited information - people see things differently and attempt to offer different perspectives .. No one is judging or bashing you (deliberately) and we're sorry you feel that way.

As for Minnesota.. He's more than capable of responding to your post but he hadn't any way of knowing about your parents (I am sorry for your loss). 

i dont think im selfish at all. i think about what my husband wants, needs, or desires and more. in this marriage, i think im selfless. you judge me by a post. nice work. i come here for help and all you can do is judge. *sigh* people!

Even if anyone was judging.. there were only the posts to go by in order to respond.. So I can understand how with limited information, it might seem our responses may come across differently.

i highly doubt that you can/should be so critical of me and on how much time i spend on my knees. for your information i talk to God quite alot. and how do YOU know what type of person i should be? (again) you DONT know me and you definitely dont know my prayer life. youre judging me for something that you really know nothing about. maybe if you spent more time on your knees, you wouldnt be so judgemental and learn to be alittle bit more sympathetic towards peoples feelings.

No he doesn't know you - but he was only going with what was written.. I thought it was a great post - even if not applicable to your situation, it's food for thought. And if there's anyone on this board who hasn't come across as judgmental, it's probably Jeremy & Michel - they're lovely.

Do come back PianoGirl.. Disagreeing or new perspectives is not always sitting in judgment. May God bless your marriage.  Undoubtedly some of these people who have posted have been through situations in their marriage - some of been married for years..

[Nelle]

I'm by no means married or whatever.. but I did read through this entire thread.

I think sometimes it's not what we say, but how we say it. There are always better ways of putting what we need to say out there in a way that it will not offend.

PianoGirl:

I don't know if you've even been back here since your last post, but.. I had some thoughts that sprang to mind when I was reading through this thread.

I do think that your idea to 'divorce' so quickly speaks of your willingness to end the relationship. I'm not trying to belittle your feelings or the problems that exist in your marriage. I suggest very adamantly that you speak to your pastor and/or pastor's wife for guidance. They know you SO much better than anyone on this forum. They are probably even in a better position than any of us about your husband. In addition to your pastor/pastor's wife, God is the best help we can find.

I'm not sure how to put this next thought.. because no matter how I try to get it out, it comes across in a harsher way than I intend. It involves how much of your problems you're speaking to only your mother about and what she thinks of the situation. I've seen many many couples get into issues when they involve their parents or the in-laws in their marital problems.  I do admit though, after seeing one response from your mother, she didn't seem to take sides as much as I've seen in other couples.


The ONLY advice ~I~ can offer, is pray, pray, pray.. and keep on praying. As EmmazMommy brought out, prayer and fasting is always good! He can work things out so much faster, smoother, and better than a million of us could. He's just good.


Hope that things are getting better and that you've found some peace. Please have a wonderful week! May God tremendously bless your marriage and your lives.

[TRAV]

I wonder if PianoGirls husband read this....would it make a difference....eeeesh...

[mini]

PanioGirl, I want to apologize.  Sheesh, I did sound like a jerk/bully/idjut.  I completely hope that you and your husband are still together, and things have smoothed out.

[Nelle]

No offense to anyone else on this board, but.. I know that if I read half of what some on here say about their spouse, and I was on the other side (as in.. if this situation were mine, and I were the spouse being written about), I know I'd be pretty hurt.. :/ Hopefully I'd have an open mind and heart, and be able to accept and work on the things that I'd obviously not been doing right. :/

[titushome]

Pianogirl:

I don't know if you're even still reading this thread, but for you or any other newly married person who feels this way, it basically boils down to an issue of differing expectations: it is apparent that what you expect to put into and receive from marriage is quite different from what your husband expects to put in and receive.

This is where getting counseling from a minister or other impartial yet wise/experienced third party can be extremely helpful: he or she can help you and your husband - provided you're both committed to making the marriage work (and don't dismiss your husband too quickly on this count) - get your expectations into closer alignment.  The further apart are your expectations and his, the more you will each have to compromise; but for the sake of your marriage, it is more than worth it.

God bless you and your husband.

[mini]

Pianogirl:

I don't know if you're even still reading this thread, but for you or any other newly married person who feels this way, it basically boils down to an issue of differing expectations: it is apparent that what you expect to put into and receive from marriage is quite different from what your husband expects to put in and receive.

This is where getting counseling from a minister or other impartial yet wise/experienced third party can be extremely helpful: he or she can help you and your husband - provided you're both committed to making the marriage work (and don't dismiss your husband too quickly on this count) - get your expectations into closer alignment.  The further apart are your expectations and his, the more you will each have to compromise; but for the sake of your marriage, it is more than worth it.

God bless you and your husband.

I agree wholeheartedly with this.  The only thing I might add is this:  Be careful about taking your problems with your spouse to your parents, or even his parents.  This will drive a wedge between your spouse and your parents and you.