Success or failure - which one do you fear most?

[SippinTea]

I'm currently reading a book titled What Women Fear, that (so far) has been really good - very thought provoking. In it, she brings up a concept I've heard before, and pondered over in various situations in my own life.

Fear of failure vs. fear of success.

Generally, people seem to say they are afraid of failing. But sometimes our actions demonstrate more of a fear of success. Maybe because when we realize we ARE succeeding at something, we realize all eyes are on us, and the only place we can go is down?? Or is there more to it than that?

I'd like to see some discussion on this one. (You know, the kind of discussion we used to have around here years ago.)

Are you more afraid of success, or failure?... or does it depend on the situation?
Why are you afraid of failure?
Why are you afraid of success?
And are those fears really the root issue here, or is there something causing those fears that we need to address?

[MsJennJenn]

Strange that you post about this - we're just ending a 3 week series in our Young Adult class on Fear of Failure!

[Melody]

oooh deep subject.


Up until well, maybe a year or two, I would've said failure.  I think I got too good at failing though to be afraid of it.  Success is an entirely different thing.  It depends on what it's about.  I often wonder what success looks like before it's clear that it successful? 

I'm coming into a place where I feel like even if I feel like I fail at being a parent, I know from experience that God's grace can come in and heal and restore.  That doesn't mean I WANT to fail, I don't!  But I also don't know that I would ever be satisfied with what I've done/haven't done enough to say I was successful.


I'll tell you something as a mom/wife that intimidates me.  I often do not pursue success of certain things because I feel in order to be successful at them, something else would be neglected.  I do not feel like I am a super mom/wife that can do it all. So I have chosen and continue to choose to forgo somethings and be a simpler, maybe less deep person because I don't think I can afford to neglect other things in which I don't even feel I have figured out.  If that's clear as mud then an easy example is that I actually long to play the piano/guitar/write/paint, all of which takes time. I even have wondered if God is calling me to pursue music? Time that presently I use to spend with the kids, husband, occasionally actually talk to a friend or family on the phone, doing menial tasks that don't seem important individually but that most certainly DO make the running of this household efficient and reduces unnecessary opportunities for the devil to play on our chaos. Not to mention allow for teachable God moments.


I think about super "successful" people who's dynamic resembles mine, and think either they really are amazing and much better of a person than me, or something is suffering somewhere.  I think some of them really are amazing.  Those are people I truly admire and watch.


I also am slightly afraid of pursuing something that may seem right for *me* but not fitting with where my husband is willing/wanting/called to go.  We can be a help or a hinderance to our spouse.

[kmymbir]

I agree with Jenn on this, it is strange that you would post this now, My feelings on the new situations in my life really go with this topic.
I'm planning to post more on this, but at current I want to really soul search and see what I am feeling and why, and then I want to consider your questions.

[Lynx]

If at first you DO succeed... try not to look too surprised! 

[SippinTea]

I'll tell you something as a mom/wife that intimidates me.  I often do not pursue success of certain things because I feel in order to be successful at them, something else would be neglected.  I do not feel like I am a super mom/wife that can do it all.

Totally agree. But are there times that you purposely neglect something in favor of something else, and then realize later that the REAL reason was because you afraid of either failure or success with said other item? Sometimes I've been able to temporarily fool myself into thinking it was a time management conflict, when really it was an "I don't want to take the risk" kind of thing.

[Melody]

I don't know if I truly know the answer to that.   

So glad you could drop in to roll your eyes, Isaac.

[Roscoe]

Wish I could add to this thread.....but I really don't know which I fear most. Depends on what in particular I am looking at/doing. for instance, preaching is one of the items that has petrified me forever. I told myself and others, prior to accepting that calling on my life, that I was most afraid of failing and causing someone else to fall...

While I admit that still plays on my mind, nowadays, I'm more concerned with being a success at it (really don't think I have alot to worry about  ) and where God might want to take me if I am successful. Then I'd be concerned about failing again... It's a vicious cycle, one I guess everyone has to deal with in some form or another...

Just my quick outlook and ramblings....carry on. 

[Scott]

Simple: I fear Failure. I've had both and trust me the failure is far worse.

[SippinTea]

Failure itself is far worse - yes. But personally, I'm beginning to think that the FEAR of success is almost worse than the fear of failure. And Rscoe, I'd have to agree... it's a vicious cycle for me too. :/

[MsJennJenn]

I think that the fear itself is worse than the actual failure.

[SippinTea]

*nod* Definitely.