Ok so I've heard some guys have this philosophy that you should wait a day or two to call a girl after meeting or a first date. But it seems to me that if a guy is truly interested he would want to see if the girl was interested and would stop the anticipation and just find out.
My question being if a guy was really interested in dating or talking to someone would he wait or call?
Depends on the guy.
I would be the type to call shortly after, but some are the waiting type. Personally I think making a lady wait is a game.
When I was dating, it sort of depended on circusmstances. Sometimes you called the next day to let her know that you really enjoyed yourself, other times you mailed a card the next day then followed up 3 to 4 days later and there were some times that you ripped up her phone number and got out the self hypnosis book to learn how to banish her from your mind forever.... it doesn't work - trust me I am haunted to this day by certain dates from way south (if you catch my drift)
Normally it is usually a judgment call.
Quote from: TheGirl on April 21, 2010, 06:00:40 PM
Ok so I've heard some guys have this philosophy that you should wait a day or two to call a girl after meeting or a first date. But it seems to me that if a guy is truly interested he would want to see if the girl was interested and would stop the anticipation and just find out.
My question being if a guy was really interested in dating or talking to someone would he wait or call?
It might take that long for some guys to work up the nerve to call. :hypocrite:
The "reason" a lot of guys wont call for a couple of days is they think it makes them looks "desperate". Bad excuse, but I have heard it more then once.
I think the conventional wisdom (used to be, I'm not much in the dating scene anymore,) is for the guy to wait two days.
I can see that if the guy has just gotten the lady's phone number. As Taco points out, there is the perception the guy is desperate if he calls too quickly.
After a first date, I think the call should either have been pre-arranged "may I call you toorrow/Tuesday/whatever".. or else send a small gift or thank you card.
That said, I have a horrible track record at calling women I have their phone numbers..then again, I seldom ask women out.one woman I dated several years ago, I tried (for me,) calling too much, as I thought that was the current convention among dating couples, from what I could see my much-more-actively-chasing-women friend was doing.
YMMV.
John :waving:
:lurk:
Lady Chel,
How often do YOu like for your men to call you?
John :waving:
The bottom line - there is no hard fast rule, just male fear of rejection! Remember -guys call girls 100% sure that she will laugh in his face or reject him with a sneer and grimace. 99.9% of all guys are totally shocked to find out that a girl is interested in them.
Guys will not admit it, but single girls scare single guy to death!
The same idiot that will drive one handed with his head out the window going 90 MPH is afraid of that 5'1" cutie!
The same macho goof ball that smashes coke cans against his forehead is petrified of that gal he was staring at last night.
The men are supposed to call?
Hmmmm...
Ok, that might explain some things.
QuoteI think the conventional wisdom (used to be, I'm not much in the dating scene anymore,) is for the guy to wait two days.
I can see that if the guy has just gotten the lady's phone number. As Taco points out, there is the perception the guy is desperate if he calls too quickly.
That perception is by other guys. Girls think if you don't call the next day that you're not interested anymore and the date must have been a dud as far as the guy is concerned.
Who makes these dumb "Rules" anyway?
If a guy calls the next day and tells the girl he enjoyed himself but doesn't ask for a date right away, how does that make him look desperate?
Whoa... just had an epiphany... your supposed to wait 2 days until after a date to call a girl... hmmm... :)
well I think its just, for lack of a better word, weird for guys to be scared. There are like millions of girls in the world so if a few say they'll pass wouldn't it be better to just go ahead and find out rather than to wait.
I guess I don't comprehend that guys are scared/nervous to ask a girl out (or call of whatever) I suppose because in a relationship I just expect a guy to be the relationship controller, so to speak. Does that leave to much pressure on a guy?
Someone else said something to the effect of "who said guys are the ones to call". . .guys what do you think, is it attractive for girls to make the first move?
If you keep your dignity you can roll through just about anything. If she ever loses respect for you then it's virtually impossible for a relationship to bloom. It's not about when you call, it's about who you are in her eyes.
Quote from: YooperYankDude on April 22, 2010, 01:31:21 AM
Whoa... just had an epiphany... your supposed to wait 2 days until after a date to call a girl... hmmm... :)
*rWooby smothers a laugh*
Quote from: TheGirl on April 22, 2010, 03:12:26 AM
well I think its just, for lack of a better word, weird for guys to be scared. There are like millions of girls in the world so if a few say they'll pass wouldn't it be better to just go ahead and find out rather than to wait.
True, dat. From my observation, it's a pride issue. They're afraid of hearing "no" because it's a blow to their ego/self-esteem/whatever-you-want-to-call-it. In my opinion, this is one of those things that sets the men apart from the boys. :)
Quote from: The Cold Water Kid on April 22, 2010, 03:50:06 AM
If you keep your dignity you can roll through just about anything. If she ever loses respect for you then it's virtually impossible for a relationship to bloom. It's not about when you call, it's about who you are in her eyes.
Uhhhh... yeah. And that has a lot to do with WHEN you call.
And loss of respect makes it completely impossible for a relationship to move forward. How can you love someone you do not respect?
My two cents.
:beret:
I also think it sometimes has a lot to do with how serious you think the relationship is or will become. If you see it as being very serious you would be much more likely to call her the next day. If you see it as just another date you would be much more willing to play silly little games like the phone waiting game. Trust me the silly little games part can go both ways though.
So how long should this said phone call be?
I usually have trouble cutting it short... :grin:
Quote from: taco_harvell on April 22, 2010, 04:16:50 AM
Trust me the silly little games part can go both ways though.
For sure! Like the answer of "No, I can't go out with you Friday night... I'll be too busy ironing." :lol:
Quote from: YooperYankDude on April 22, 2010, 04:26:02 AM
So how long should this said phone call be?
I usually have trouble cutting it short... :grin:
Tee hee. I'm quoting you, 'cause I have a feeling Sir John can use this one. *cheeky grin*
:beret:
Good grief Charlie Brown - do we have to hyper analyze everything. Forget the bloomin' so called rules... just go with the flow.
:demand: :demand: :demand: :demand: :demand: :demand: :demand: :demand: :demand: :demand: :demand:
Each date is different, each person is different.
The basic bottom line is that the guy will call when he gets the courage to call. It might take 2 days, it might take 1.
I may have been married 25 years, but she didn't come in a box of cracker jacks folks.
I think we try to make dating a science, make it apply to certain rules and figure it out. We cannot......
Let me repeat my self..
We
CANNOT
Figure
It
Out!!!!!
Dating is an emotional issue and emotions are weird!
I agree with a lot of what you said Scott, except for the part about a guy calling when he "gets the courage". I can't remember ever being afraid to call a woman on the phone.
Talking on the phone is a piece of cake.
Talking on the phone is a piece of cake...so's talking online....talking in person is a whole 'nother ball game.
There's two ways this next scenario can be taken: after the guy's dropped her off home after their date, and shortly before she goes to bed she gets a call or message letting her know how great it was talking with her/hanging out/or how much fun he had and hoped she had as well. That can either be seen as adorably sweet or clingy/creepy. It depends on the girl and what the date was like and what the guy was like. Just don't call in the wee hours of the morning, she definitely will not appreciate that nor be in a good mood nor be receptive to agreeing to a second date.
Gotta love the turn down line 'sorry, I'll be washing my hair that night' :laughhard:
Quoteshe didn't come in a box of cracker jacks folks
She didn't? :laughhard:
Yes Scott? I do believe its Scott anyway... I agree that its emtions and we'll probably never figure it out, but whatever info I can get now would be somewhat useful :)
Talking on the phone is easier maybe face-to-face but online is WAY easier than either. Otherwise I never would have brought up this subject :thumbsup2:
True, dat. From my observation, it's a pride issue. They're afraid of hearing "no" because it's a blow to their ego/self-esteem/whatever-you-want-to-call-it. In my opinion, this is one of those things that sets the men apart from the boys. :)
If this were facebook I'd click "like" :)
Quote from: Sis on April 22, 2010, 07:15:19 AM
Quoteshe didn't come in a box of cracker jacks folks
She didn't? :laughhard:
:laughat: That was great, Scott!
omw... there are rules for this stuff? :o
Was it written by the same guy as "who wrote the book of love?" :grin:
As far as all this stuff goes... hmmm...
Talking on the phone to girls is easy as long as your a guy who enjoys talking on the phone... the same could be said of the girl... but come on... does anyone know of any females who don't like talking... :P Just kiddin...
Same with online chat... it is easy unless you dont like it...
And the same could be said for being in person...
Some people just don't like talking... period... but as far as being too shy to call a girl... nah... the worst she can do is hang up, call the cops, get a restraining order, hire a hitman, and you have you removed from her and everyone else's facebook page... :teeth:
All I know is if you think God is opening the door, there is a reason... so walk through... if you dont... for whatever reason, you'll regret it later and always wonder from having not attempted!
So in short... if a guy is interested call... if the girl is interested... smile at him... or call him, or whatever... it never hurts to verify that your going to call her... that way she has been dutifully warned, and won't be busy doing her hair...
Just my randomized :twocents:
*grin* There are several reasons I like you, Mr T. One of which is posts like that one.
Box of cracker jacks? The only gal I know that's small enough for that would be Mary. ;)
:beret:
Quote from: The Cold Water Kid on April 22, 2010, 06:27:33 AM
I agree with a lot of what you said Scott, except for the part about a guy calling when he "gets the courage". I can't remember ever being afraid to call a woman on the phone.
Talking on the phone is a piece of cake.
I don't buy it.
99.9% of guys that really like a gal in a romantic way need to work up their courage to call that first time or two. I can remember so many times telling a friend, ''just call her''... I've seen it too often.
*siiigh*
If I can give any dating advice here it is...
Girls: Some how, some way - if that guy appears interested and you are interested; don't play mind games with him. Don't be coy, just help the poor boy along and find a way to let him know you are interested. IF you are smart though, make him think it was his idea.
I remember a girl playing games with me once, she thought she was being funny and clever. I just gave up and moved on. Years later after we were both happily married to other people - circumstances allowed us to bump into each other, she told me that her clever attempts at coyness and games didn't work. She apologized for the games.
One other thing: Guys cannot read your mind! Do not assume they know what is wrong, do not assume they know where you want to go on a date, do not assume they know that you hate pizza but love Mexican food. Give some input when on a date. Don't be afraid to ask what they have in mind and to offer suggestions. If a guy asks where you'd like to eat, consider his income :hypocrite: and always suggest something reasonable.
If it is an ongoing relationship: gals offer to pay for his meal once in a while. I dated a gal once who chewed me out one night. We usually went out to dinner 3 to 4 nights per week (Wed, Fri and Sun for sure - church nites) and like all macho cool 20th century males I paid. She told me that we both worked full time jobs, both had apartments to pay for, both had bills and what not. She said that from this day forward, we'd take turns paying. It was hard for my pride at first, but I later came to appreciate her wisdom in the matter. We eventually grew apart when she backslid. The neat thing is that after my wife and I got engaged, I visited her town, looked her up, invited her to church and prayed her back through to the Holy Ghost - after preaching that night.
Guys: Don't always look for the fashion model - go for the gal you connect with emotionally and mentally.
If while dating someone, you cannot be yourself, if you cannot burp or talk about your hobbies. WRONG GIRL!
One of the most unhappy dating experiences I had was dating a gal who hated the things I liked. I loved baseball - she hated it and let me know it . I loved football, she hated it and boy o boy did she let me know about it. She didn't like my taste in music and if she caught me chewing gum - she ripped me. God forbid that I spit it out in her presence.
Oh and meeting my family - sorry honey - we are hicks, hillbillies and rednecks. We own guns, dogs, drive trucks and yes we have moonshiners in our family tree. Yes 'Hey' means 'hi' and we will use down yonder, y'all, offer you a cold co-cola (pepsi or coke?). Beans and corn bread, black eyed peas and blackberry dumplings. Yes that is a horse in my next door neighbors yard and that smaller thing is a goat. Yes those are chickens and that is a sheep. Um where are you going?
I had to dress up to meet her parents - on a Saturday afternoon no less. C'mon, doesn't everyone wear a suit a tie after umpiring two ball games?
When I broke up with her, a great burden was lifted from my shoulders. That was the best phone call I ever made -
'Hi ''snob" (not her name) I just wanted to tell you that we are through, done, kaput, breaking up, over with, no longer dating, not seeing each other and it will be a cold snowy day in the sahara desert before I will ever think of dating you again.''
Wow.
As for "rules" on this topic and who made them:
Momma made 'em. And her momma before her and so on back down the line to Eve (or Ma Bell, whichever had the phone first).
For the most part, I tend to not call guys unless it's strictly a platonic thing and/or I have a real reason to call (i.e. please meet me at the church early to help lift the tables), or if we got disconnected during the conversation.
As for when a guy "should" call... whenever he wants to. I like Scott's take on "whenever he gets the courage." Makes me feel better about those guys who never called after the first date. Musta just been chickens. lol
Quote from: Scott on April 22, 2010, 06:21:24 PM
I don't buy it.
Maybe not, but I'd buy some of those blackberry dumplings right about now. :freaky2:
Quote from: The Cold Water Kid on April 23, 2010, 03:06:11 AM
Quote from: Scott on April 22, 2010, 06:21:24 PM
I don't buy it.
Maybe not, but I'd buy some of those blackberry dumplings right about now. :freaky2:
hooo boy my mom makes the best
Have never tasted them. Sounds interesting, though.
They sell blackberries at some grocery stores now, you should try it.
I'm not a desserts person. I don't eat ice cream, pies, cakes, etc... but I seldom pass up a chance to have good blackberry cobbler. It's the perfect mix of tart and sweet... amazing stuff.
Quote from: Sis on April 23, 2010, 05:17:26 PM
Have never tasted them. Sounds interesting, though.
Imagine chicken and dumplings without chicken or veggies, but the dumplings and blackberries and blackberry juice and hot with a dolop of vanilla ice cream.
I've had peach dumplings that my grandma used to make me. They were wonderful, so I can see how the blackberry ones could be good, too.
*suddenly wants a blackberry dumpling*
:beret:
That sounds good, but I am craving some Sweet Potato pie... or some Pecan Pie... or Mom's Apple Crisp... or Peach Cobbler A la mode... lol
:roll:
So typical GP! I think we're finally going to get a thread that will give some helpful advice, and it turns into a thread about FOOD.
:offtopic:
Quote from: TheGirl on April 22, 2010, 01:22:40 PM
True, dat. From my observation, it's a pride issue. They're afraid of hearing "no" because it's a blow to their ego/self-esteem/whatever-you-want-to-call-it. In my opinion, this is one of those things that sets the men apart from the boys. :)
You ladies might be surprised to hear this, but not all guys are chest-butting meat-heads. Some are quite sensitive and can get their feelings hurt pretty easily. Why do we have the double standard that says if a woman is hurt by rejection it's OK to feel sorry for her but if a guy is hurt by rejection he's just prideful? Does it trace its roots back to the whole "real men don't cry" nonsense that we Apostolics know is a bunch of bologna (no offense to any of you bologna lovers out there - you know who you are ;) )? Rejection is at least as painful for men as it is for women.
I am heartily offended...! :cool:
I love lebanon bologna... it was as much a part of growing up in PA as Birch Beer (for all you who have no idea what that is, it is similar to Root Beer, or Sarsaparilla... only better!)... regular bologna tastes horrible... ahh... But Lebanon Bologna... good for the heart, mind and soul! The north's soul food! lol, jk
We now return you to your normal scheduled conversation...
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Really?
Not all men are chest-butting ( or beating...lol)-meat-heads...?
I have heard of this... this thing called Male sensitivity... and although it may be thought to be on the endangered species list... there are guys like that out there! :grin:
So... let's put this to the test. A gentleman gave me his business card yesterday while I was at the playground on date night.
Since I don't tend to call guys, I gave him my card as well. How long will it take for him to call me?
And do you think the company that I was keeping was offended that I gave the guy my card?
aww.. cute ..men have feelings to. .jk I know this.
Has anyone ever read the poem "The love song of J. Alfred Prufrock"? For anyone who hasn't its about a man who goes to some type of event, a party, dinner something and basically has this conversation in his head all night dealing with his fear of rejection. He even pondered talking to a girl and said something to the effect of "do I dare disturb the universe" . . wow.. its really not that big of a deal!
lol Depends on whose head it's in, TG!
I suppose