What is one thing (decision, choice, statement made, etc) from the early days in your marriage you would change if you could?
One disclaimer:
(If you're not happy with your choice of a spouse, we'd rather not know.) :o
:beret:
I've posted about this before here, but I would've given my hubby more space in the early days of marriage. I come from a family which is very tight knit, he comes from a broken family which was never as expressive. I expected all our arguments to be resolved immediately without considering that he needs time/space as a part of his "healing process" after an argument. In my trying to get it resolved IMMEDIATELY, I was doing more damage than good because I didn't consider HIS needs. I never really even knew that some people need to not talk to you for an hour and that could do more good for them than "talking it out".
I love my husband and we have a wonderful marriage. Our first year was pretty rough but we learnt from it and have a stronger marriage because of it. I do wish the learning process was quicker/easier though, but we both were just clueless to each other's needs and he saw me as being pushy and "in your face", I saw him as avoiding our problems and not wanting to sort them out.
I think that learning HOW to argue is one of the most important marriage skills. And we literally never really argued before we were married, so when we got married, we had a crash course ;)
:lurk:
I had moved out of town for a job before we were married, and then Tyler moved in with me directly after the wedding. He didn't have a job up here, and neither of us had friends or family. In some ways this helped because it limited the "advice" or "medling", but we were with each other 100% of the time, with no space and no one to talk to. If I could rewind the clock, I probably would have taken a job closer to home, so that the move wouldn't have been all about my career path, etc and he could have kept his employment until he chose to move on. Tyler still hasn't been able to find a job here, which I think has caused some stress on us, and at first made him feel "less" somehow.
We discovered we were expecting about a month after the wedding, so we didn't have much time to just be the two of us without the added responsibilities, stress, financial constraints of having a baby. I think in that first year, we focused all our attention on getting ready for the baby, having the baby, etc, and not enough on our relationship itself. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and thank God for her everyday, but I do think it would have been better on all of us if we had waited a little while before starting a family.
If I had the choice, I would not have moved on the same street as his parents.
i would have probably been more open to moving away from our families sooner. We both have great parents but they tend to meddle. Not great when neither set is in truth. It caused a lot of stress but now that we live away our visits are pleasant and there is very little stress. We live close enough in case there is an emergency and far enough away for peace.
If I had it to do over again..... I would have moved to Arizona
If I had it to do over again, I would listen more. I mean really listen - not just wait for my turn to talk.
I would change being so insecure, I would be more careful about who I listened to in the way of "how to have a successful marriage."
As silly as it may sound, as a SAHM, I would establish an excercise routine from the get go, not for looks but just because physical exertion affects so much, especially emotional fluctuations that come w/ a growing family. ☺
*reads and learns*