Some background first.
I've been in church all my life (36+ years) and have had the Holy Ghost for 26 years. When I met the man who would be my husband (June 1992) he had only been in church for two or three years. We lived a few hours apart and only saw each other at district functions. We would speak briefly, but rarely had actual conversations. In April of '94 he asked me out. Less than a week after our first date, we were engaged. (It's too long to get into, but he was everything God had told me my future husband would be. And then He confirmed it to me that this was the one.) We were married seven months after that.
Other than being older, more mature, and less selfish, I'm basically the same person I was 15 years ago with the same interests, likes and dislikes.
Okay, so the problem.
Wait, a little more background. (Sorry.) In February of 2006 (just a few days before Valentine's Day), my husband told me that he wasn't happy and wasn't sure he wanted to be married to me anymore. He had a list (not literally) of things he didn't like. A few of which were not legitmate as they were things from the past that I had since changed on my own. But I changed the couple possibly legitimate (though petty, in my opinion) things he complained about, he came back (he had bought a run-down tralier to stay in) and we went on with our marriage.
Anyway, my husband hasn't really been in the church/serving God in about four years or so. He quit going completely two or three years ago. His job (that he started working in July 2004) keeps him out of town and out of state a lot, for days, weeks or months at a time. (He's currently in Washington state after having been in ND for three weeks.) He continued to be a good husband. Loving, affectionate, generous, attentive. All the things a husband should be, short of serving God.
In April of this year, everything was great with us. We were happy. In May, he went to Texas (again) for three or four weeks and when he came home, he was not the same. It was like a stranger had taken his place. He wouldn't hug me or kiss me unless it was in response to me doing it first. He wouldn't say "I love you" unless I said it first. He quit snuggling up to me in the bed. When he'd come home from work, he'd go straight to his garage and tinker with his car and often came in late for supper, and then go right back out to his car.
Besides all of that, I could just tell and feel that something wasn't right. I asked him many times, "Are you okay?" and he would say, "Yeah, I'm fine." Or I'd ask, "Is something wrong? Are you upset with me?" and he would say, "No, nothing's wrong. I'm not upset with you. Everything's fine."
But it just kept eating at me. I began praying and crying a lot.
Oh, let me also say that I hadn't been going to church faithfully, only going once in awhile, though I still believed the same things and kept my standards. I started going back to church faithfully in June or July.
In late June/early July, we took a vacation to the beach with his family. He ignored me almost completely the whole time. And when I said something to him he said that he hadn't seen them in awhile and wanted to spend as much time with them as he could. But I felt neglected.
In July, I was trying to talk to my husband again and get him to tell me what was wrong. He finally told me that he wasn't happy and I began to sob. I said to him that the last time he told me he wasn't happy, he left me. He told me that he was not going to leave me. I asked him why he wasn't happy and he said he didn't know why. I told him that if he would go to God that God would help him. He told me that it didn't have anything to do with God. I told him that everything has something to do with God.
I apologize for the length of this.
In early August, my husband was sent to North Dakota for work and he told me he could be gone for a month. I was sad to see him go, as I always am, especially since I was hoping he would get back in church. When our kids (who are 12 and 9) would ask him when he was going back to church he would say, "I don't know". :smirk2:
This past Sunday evening, he sent me a text asking me if I was going to church. I texted him back "Yes". Later that night (after 1 AM), I got online and checked my email first thing as I always do and there was a message from him. He finally decided to tell me what was bothering him.
Again, as he did three years ago, he blamed me. Only this time he seemed worse, more serious, angry.
Let me tell y'all that I've been doing all that I know to do to make him happy. I cook good meals every night, I clean the house, I run errands for him, I make phone calls for him, I'm intimate with him (and not just because I should be), I take care of our kids, I don't do a lot of shopping, etc. I don't have an attitude. I don't fuss or yell or make demands.
I have a question. Especially for the men.
If something in your marriage wasn't making you happy or maybe it just bothered you, would you talk to your spouse about it? Or would you keep your mouth shut and expect things to just change on their own?
The only thing I can think of that's different now from 15 years ago is that I'm serving God and he isn't. And that I'm also a better wife and mother than I was then. Not that I was horrible, but we should improve with age and maturity. But I still have the same personality, same interests, likes and dislikes that I had when he fell in love with me and wanted to marry me.
For those first few days after getting that devastating email from him, I was in a very dark place full of heartbreak and despair. I love this man so much and I told him several times a day how much I love him. I was (and am) a good, affectionate, loving, interested *ahem* and devoted wife.
This news from him hurt worse than I could ever describe. I even thought about suicide, but I know my kids need me. And speaking of my kids, it hurts to think of how this will hurt them. Just as it hurt them three years ago. But they're older now and it'll hurt more this time.
Today (well, yesterday now) is the first day where I've felt better about things, though nothing has improved as far as I can tell. I actually slept Friday night and I've been eating now. Though my appetite isn't back completely.
I'm trying to trust God. I don't want to lose my husband. I love him more than life itself. God gave him to me. I asked God, "Why did you give him to me if you knew he was going to do this to me at all, let alone twice?" I'm praying that God will save my husband and not let him do this to me again. I can't tell you how bad it hurts when the man you love completely and would never hurt, hurts you and tells you that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Or how bad it hurts when your husband rejects you time after time.
Continued....
My husband knew for months what was bothering him and instead of talking to me about it, he kept his mouth shut for three or four months (perhaps longer) and then blindsided me when I didn't magically read his mind.
I sincerely believe that if he will turn to God, get refilled with the Holy Ghost and serve God, that things can only improve and he can only be happy. Like I told him, his unhappiness is inside of him and will always be there until he starts serving God again.
He seemed to be fine until he started working this job five years ago. It's as if he's allowed his worldly co-workers to influence him and lead him astray.
Am I wrong to pray that he loses this job? I'm praying that God will give him a job where his co-workers will be a positive influence, not a worldly influence.
So what am I doing? Well, I've been trying to send him positive and encouraging emails. And I pray a lot, of course. I will continue to serve God and go to church. I'm trying to have faith, but it's hard. And even though I feel like my place is here in the home as a homemaker and stay-at-home mom (something we both agreed on before and that God has told me to do), I'm going to try to find a second job this week. One that I will only have to work while my kids are in school. Even though I showed my husband (via a dual-income calculator) that my getting a job (I'm only qualified for minimum wage jobs) will actually hurt us financially, he said that he doesn't "believe it for a second". :roll: So I guess he needs proof.
We have only a little debt, compared to most people, and one of those debts will be paid off before the end of the year. The other two are our house and car. My husband pays the bills on time and we have enough for extra things in life. But I could tell he was feeling pressure (layoffs in the company several months back), so I quit asking for money for myself many months ago. Not that I ever asked for a lot.
I know that he is better than this. I remember the real him. This man he is now is not really him. My real husband is a good man. He's loving and affectionate and attentive and generous and kind. He would never hurt me for any reason, let alone for his own gain. My real husband puts our love and marriage first before himself. This man he is now is a stranger.
Please help me pray for my husband! I want him refilled with the Holy Ghost and serving God. Our kids need a godly father and I need a godly husband. I want him back home with us where he belongs, loving me with all his heart, being the kind of husband he's supposed to be and that I need him to be, and with a different job that pays him just as well (if not more) and doesn't send him away so much. I told him a few months ago that him being away so much was going to hurt our marriage. I know that it his job and him being backslidden that has hurt our marriage.
Thank you for your prayers!
~
Oh, sorry. I forgot something. There's actually a whole lot I could tell, but believe it or not, I'm trying not to overwhelm y'all with too much to read. lol
Another thing he said is that he's lonely. (He also said that he has not cheated and doesn't have a girlfriend, because I had said something about that months ago in a not-so-serious way.) In one of my emails I told him that of course he's lonely. He's gone for months at a time. That's not my fault. When he is home, I try to spend as much time with him as I can. He should not feel lonely when he's home. I stick to him like glue as much as I can when he's here.
He also told me that even though he's not going to divorce me, that if I met someone who could make me happy (because he thinks he can't make me happy, though I never acted unhappy or told him I was unhappy; I was very happy) and that I wanted to marry, that he would give me a divorce so that I could marry this other man.
That made me so angry and hurt me so deeply. As I've said to him a million times, he is my one and only. I don't want anyone else and there never will be anyone else. God gave him to me and me to him. He is mine and I am his. Period. It hurt me that he could think that I would stop loving him or give up on him.
I will not give up on him! He has my heart and I love him with everything that is in me. I've told him this millions of times, ever since we were married. He is the only one for me.
I'm sorry for how long all this was. I promise I did try to keep it short and I kept out some details.
I want to know what fellow Holy Ghost-filled, Jesus name-baptized believers think. And I need your prayers. My husband needs your prayers. I want my husband saved and our marriage saved. I will not give up.
Thank you.
QuoteIf something in your marriage wasn't making you happy or maybe it just bothered you, would you talk to your spouse about it? Or would you keep your mouth shut and expect things to just change on their own?
i probably wouldnt say anything, guys dont normally like to talk about things.
although, Ive read this whole thing.. pretty strange, indeed.. maybe im missing something entirely, but.. He aint just gonna leave for 'no reason' apparently theres something going wrong, which is probably not even your fault at all.. - Just know, the Lord will never leave you or forsake you! Even when you feel he has, or you feel he's so far.. He'll be with you all way!
Without getting into a lot, I think you're right about him making excuses and there's something deeper. Only God can reveal that if he won't. I've been on the receiving end of this kind of thing, and I know that men hate to talk about things like that, and make excuses to cover for what's really bothering them, so they play the blame game. They hate to deal with feelings so they won't usually talk. They don't want to deal with your feelings, either, so they don't talk.
My heart hurts for you, friend. We'll be praying for you is all I can say.
Not just to side with you Niki, I think there is something deeper than just you.
Being a guy, and a idjut at least 90% of the time, and plum stupid the other 10%, I know when I get upset with something I "see" in my wife, it is a REFLECTION of something I see in myself.
Please understand this, and it is not meant to be chauvinistic in any way: God made man in HIS image. The woman REFLECTS the image. If hes seeing something in you he doesn't like, its his own reflection, not yours.
Niki
All I can say is WOW, and I am so very sorry to hear this.
I remember the problem from 2006 and hoped it had just gotten better. We will pray.
will be praying Niki.
Mini's post is what I was going to say as well. (It often even works the same with our kids.)
Whatever is going on, you have some info. Porn is involved. You have to realize he is in a delusion because of that. They watch that junk and think if you're not swinging from the rafters and screaming like a banchee that you're not into it. :roll: It works the same way for women who read those stupid romance novels more than their Bible, and maybe at all. It creates a FALSE representation of what love, romance and sex is about and then a destructice expectation.
You asked what we think. I think what the Bible says. If they leave, let them. If they stay, let them.
1Cr 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.
You will hear church folks say all kinds of stuff on marriage and divorce and remarriage, but the Bible speaks for itself. God makes it clear that the spouse can leave but that a door be left open for reconciliation. There are TOO MANY stories from spouses that prayed and fasted and seen thier spouse won to God completely! You are ONE and your part of the oneness can WIN the entirety because God is in it all.
Nothing is impossible to them that love the Lord, nothing is impossible to them that believe. God_does_not_lie. I believe you when you say you love him more than life itself and that is the kind of love that will persevere until you see him won.
Just a moment back into the presence of God can put things back on track Niki. The farther people get from God, the harder it is to remember what God really is. But God can move into his room any night and saturate him because of your prayers.
Something can be God's will but we always have a choice. He is the man God had for you and it was His will from what you have said. But your husband still has a choice. This world is not our home Niki, the pain and hardship is only a training ground. It is worth enduring Sister. It's not just about you and him either. You are demonstrating to your children what LOVE, ie: GOD looks like! God does not give up, and neither should you! I know you're not.
Pray for your children along with your spouse. They need to not be sheltered, they need to understand and see God work. You can't keep what's happening from them, but you can have answers from God for them. And you can beam with love for your husband and them even when you're in pain. They will wrestle within themselves but your testimony will lead them.
Stay faithful to church, but more than that- prayer and Bible reading. Fellowship x 3.
The thought occured to me: what if you get a job, do everything you can and let him do his thing? He may just see afresh that he is on the outside of something beautiful that he actually does want to be a part of.
You know who and what you are. The devil is lying to him and he is telling you those lies. The devil is a liar Niki! You are beautiful, I don't have to see you. You are valuable to God and thus valuable period. Not everyone knows how to treat a grand piano or see the brilliance in an art piece. Not everyone can tell the difference between a diamond and a zirconium. You are lightyears beyond the value of these things! Your husband cannot see it right now because like Mini said, he's not really looking at you, he's focused on himself.
You are spoken for before and after your husband. You belong to God first, HE is your eternal groom. Sometimes a spouse will manifest God's husbandry and other times he won't. But your Lover, your all in all, is Jesus. Let him ravish you, Niki, let the Holy Ghost comfort you.
Thank you all for your words and prayers.
He came home for a few hours today. His boss flew him in from Washington State to pick up some contracts for work that would take too long to arrive if shipped.
We (including the kids) went out to eat for lunch, then played tennis for an hour or so. He had to leave shortly after that to catch his flight. We didn't get any time alone together. :( When he was ready to leave, I started to walk with him to the door, but I began to cry, so I walked back to our bedroom. After kissing and hugging our kids, he came back to the room (my back was to him) and he asked me if I was going to kiss him goodbye. I couldn't speak because I was crying, so I nodded my head. He came around and hugged me and then I really cried. :smirk2: Then he kissed me and left.
*sigh* I'm afraid to hope that his hug (he held on for awhile) and kiss are a good sign.
Know Im praying for you.
Ive been there. I know the feelings. I also know a God that showed up and did a complete work in my marriage.
PM me if you need to chat.
I've never been married, and have little right to interject much but prayers into this topic, but pelase know that I will be praying, Niki.
**HUGS**
Have you ever read the book "Love and Respect" by any chance?
On the job front: I checked no less than 12 stores and no one's hiring. Doesn't surprise me. With all the layoffs (thousands of them), people who no longer have their preferred jobs are taking whatever they can get.
To be honest though, I'm fine with that. Our bills are getting paid just fine and we're nowhere close to going hungry or losing anything.
Rainbow,
No, I've never read it.
~
Oh Niki, my heart hurts for you. I can't offer any helpful words, but I will pray for you and your husband.
~Ruby
I thought of something the other night as I was getting in the bed. I was almost 22 when I got married. I was young, selfish, demanding, immature (compared to now), stubborn (I'm still stubborn, but not as bad). For the first 10 years (or close to it) of our marriage, I didn't cook or clean often, wasn't really interested in sex and I shopped a lot. Yet my husband never once broke my heart or threatened to leave me.
Now I cook good meals almost every night, I clean the house often, I'm much more interested in sex, I hardly ever go shopping (even though he makes more money than he did in the days when I was always shopping), I'm less selfish, wiser, more mature, less demanding (I make hardly any demands), less stubborn.
I may not be as young as I used to be, but I'm definitely better than I used to be. I'm the best I've ever been, and hopefully I will continue to improve.
And yet, it's while I'm at my best that my husband breaks my heart and threatens to leave me.
What gives? I'll tell you. Those first ten or eleven years of our marriage my husband was in church and serving God. His thinking was clear on what marriage is and how important those vows are and he loved me no matter what. But for the past four or five years of our marriage, he has not been serving God and he has not always been thinking clearly. So even though he has a wife who is the best wife and mother she's ever been and who loves him with all her heart and shows it, without God it's too easy for him to walk away over an unhappiness that comes from within himself.
Basically, it comes down to where he is spiritually. It reminds me of that saying. "If you live for God easy, it's hard. But if you live for God hard, it's easy." He's not living for God at all, and so doing the right thing (in life and in our marriage) is difficult for him right now apparently. And without the love of God inside of you, how can you truly love the way you're supposed to - unconditionally, completely, purely, without end?
I'm just going to keep holding on. I'm going to keep doing what I know to do and what I know is right. I'm going to keep serving God and loving my husband. And I will tell him everyday that I love him. And I will wait for as long as I have to for him to come home to me and to get right with God. What other choice do I have? Give up on my husband and divorce him? (Which would be a sin.) Stop loving him? Leave God? No. I will not do those things.
I'm just going to hang on until this roller coaster is done. It's all I know to do.
That's awesome Niki. Sounds like God is speaking to your heart.
Niki,
Talk to your pastor about finding a good marriage counselor. He probably knows some that are Christian based and work on a sliding scale. Ask your husband to go with you. If he will not go, go alone. You are worth it.
:hi: Hey Zo! Long time no see.
Niki: I was just curious. For me, it changed my perspective on my relationship with the men in my life overall. I realized that some things I was doing weren't coming across as I intended. It may not help in your situation, but it is definitely a great way to get a renewed perspective on things.
**HUGS** Niki again
Not much I can say but just wanted to you to know I
(http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:5HLRZrjBY-TvMM:http://www.comments.zingerbugimages.com/glitter_graphics/luv_ya_orange_glitter_heart.gif)
And praying for ya!
Praying!
He moved out and is staying in the camper he said he bought for the family but actually bought for himself. I don't know exactly where he is. Probably about 30 minutes or so from here, closer to his job.
He came home (though not our house) on Saturday and spent most of the day with our son. I had to track him down with our daughter. When I met up with him and Sean, he barely looked at me or spoke to me. And when I asked if we could talk alone and have my mom watch the kids that evening, he said no. That he had to get his camper off his friend's land and move it somewhere so that he could sleep there that night. :mad:
So when we got to our house (he was in a work truck and I was in my car), I walked to his truck as quickly as I could and told Sean not to close the door. (He was going to drive off as soon as Sean closed the door.) I got in with my husband, closed and locked the door and tried to talk to him. He was emotionless and unmovable. I won't go into what we (mostly I) talked about. Other than him saying that "we don't have anything in common". After 15 years, that's the excuse he's using for leaving me and the kids? In spite of promising to never leave me.
He does answer the phone when I call and acts normal, but he's made no moves in the right direction. It's very discouraging.
I know that he's just making excuses and I suspect that he just wants to live as if he's a single man.
The kids still don't know what's happened, but they could figure it out if my husband doesn't come to his senses soon. They've asked me a few times where Daddy is and all I can say is, "I don't know". Which is true. I don't know where he is exactly. There are a few small towns he could be camping out in. But I know I can't keep saying, "I don't know" before they figure out that something is wrong. I always know where he is and can tell them. It's not normal for me not to know.
As I said, he answers the phone when I call (except for at night when he's at his camper; I guess he doesn't get a good signal there) and I talk to him a few times a day. He told me today that he may be going to New York this weekend. I don't know how long he'll be gone.
I hate that I can't speak to him at night. We'd have more time for actual conversation at night. And if something important comes up or there's an emergency, I won't be able to get up with him. Of course, if he were here where he belongs, I wouldn't have to worry about it. :smirk2:
Anyway, y'all please keep praying. I'm thinking he may have to keep running from God for awhile longer before he gets desperate enough and low enough to turn around.
In the meantime, I'll be waiting for him and praying. What else can I do?
~
Many prayers are going up for you!!
Praying for you
QuoteI thought of something the other night as I was getting in the bed. I was almost 22 when I got married. I was young, selfish, demanding, immature (compared to now), stubborn (I'm still stubborn, but not as bad). For the first 10 years (or close to it) of our marriage, I didn't cook or clean often, wasn't really interested in sex and I shopped a lot. Yet my husband never once broke my heart or threatened to leave me.
Here's a thought. (I know you don't know me, and I don't ask for what I'm going to write to be taken into any kind of extra-special consideration. Just think about it.)
After reading this quote, and knowing a little something about the male psyche, I wonder if the issue at heart is a combination of expectation and unforgiveness.
Let me explain.
Let us assume that when you and he fell in love and were set to marry, the proverbial blinders were on to some degree (seems to happen to everyone who marries). Let us assume that there were likely things about you and him that neither one of you yet knew, or were willing to overlook at the time because the force of your love overpowered, in some small or even large way, the rational mind. (Perhaps just a little?)
Anyways, it may be possible that your husband had a type of expectation for you that, as you admit in the above quote, wasn't met. Maybe he expected you,
off the bat, to be selfless, undemanding, mature, pliable (vs. stubborn), that you would cook, clean, be a ready partner in the marriage bed, and be someone who wasn't going to spend what he likely felt was "his" money. After all, you were ready to marry within two weeks, was it? And were married within 7 months? No one can know everything about anyone within that amount of time. Somethings about you probably blindsided him after you got married. But he, willing and wanting to be the dutiful, Christian husband thought he was supposed to forgive and not talk about it, that to confront would not be love as God demands of husbands.
Perhaps these were his expectations and what happened??? And if what you admit about yourself was true, then after ten years of not having his expectations met (whether his expectations were/are fair is not what I'm trying to address, just that he probably had some, illegitimate as they may or may not have been), and after ten years of probably doing the typical male thing, i.e. stuffing everything down deep inside because it's easier not to deal than to confront, thinking he was more honorably loving you by doing this, he reached a tipping point. The job came, escape came, and in his unforgiveness for you not meeting his expectations after so long, he flew the coupe.
He's not going to see the changes you've made over the years. He's only going to remember the first ten. Until the past can be dealt with, forgiven and if not forgotten, at least letting the pain of it all become a distant memory, there may not be a future. Especially without God, Whom he will not have access to as long as unforgiveness is in his heart. Like you said, he says his problem is not with God. That leaves only him, or you, or both of you. But ultimately, it's still with God, since God authored your marriage and is the only One that can fix it.
However, I will say this. Men spell love, R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Aretha Franklin didn't write that famous song. Ottis Redding did, and he sang it to his wife, not the other way around. Know what I saying? A man wants, nay needs "his propers when he gets home", as the song states. As Paul wrote, "see that the wife
reverence her husband." As crazy as it may seem, wives are to, in a way that glorifies God, worship their husbands. Just look up the Greek word for reverence. And men/husbands are programmed by God to expect it. When husbands don't get it, their jealousy (again programmed in by God, but tainted by sin) will kick in.
So, if he expected you (during that first ten years) to be something you weren't, he may have felt such an inner, hurtful disrespect (warranted or not) that inwardly crushed his spirit and caused him to fall out of love (i.e. becoming unwilling to keep his commitment).
After ten years or so, something switched in him and he went off.
Like I said, just a thought, something to consider. Reject it as necessary, accept it only if the Lord confirms it as wisdom.
But there may need to be some humility and some soul searching on both parts. It always take two. Rarely, except with God, are both party's completely innocent. Even if your conscience is clear, his is possibly still offended (at least it seems that way, according to what you've written).
It may seem a strange thing to seek his forgiveness, especially since you're not the one who left, and aren't the one causing the current pain. But if he was at all hurt by what you've already said about yourself in the above quote, then you're the only one who can take the pain away. By, believe it or not, apologizing.
Granted, in a perfect world, he should just forgive and not require it of you. However, an apology, heartfelt and deep, goes a long way, and sometimes is the only way, to heal and allow for forgiveness to come about, especially if you, after searching your heart, honestly answer that you didn't respect him by your behavior early in the marriage.
None of this is to excuse or permit his behavior. He has an obligation to love you as Christ loves the church, by giving himself to you and losing his life for your sake.
But what I've written is the other side. It doesn't make a lot of sense to women. Many baulk at the idea. But men know differently. If only we could understand how to love you as much as we need you to understand how much we need you to respect us. What a blessed marriage we'd all have. And many of us do, praise God. Those that understand this principle.
Hope this helped. :)
God bless,
Aaron
PS. Try to make sure you are accurately representing his side of things on this message board. After all, if he knew you were posting about this, would he be accepting and thankful, willing to also participate and share his side, or would it cause more problems? It can be a dangerous thing to bring outsiders into your marriage to ask for their help. Please be careful.
What you say makes sense. And I did apologize the first time he left in 2006 (we had been married for 11 years at that point) for how I had not done all that I should have done in those first years. By 2006, I had already stepped things up quite a bit and was doing all that any good wife should do. All the while being very affectionate and loving to him. I apologized to him many times that first time.
His problem this time, he says, is that "we have nothing in common". (Suddenly, after nearly 15 years of marriage.) Which is completely untrue.
I personally believe that our spirits are in disagreement with one another. He quit serving God about four or five years ago. Which is around the time when he started working at his current job. This job keeps him away from home a lot. (Months at a time.) He's around worldly co-workers who look at pornography (and show it to him), drink alcohol, cuss and do who knows what else.
It seems to me like he desires that "fun", worldly, single lifestyle.
Between turning his back on God, being away from home far too much and being around his worldly co-workers all the time, it's taken its toll on his soul and our marriage.
I have done all that my husband has asked of me and have never complained or grumbled or fussed. I continued to be very affectionate with him, loving, and receptive of his desires. I am a peaceful person who loves completely and without reserve.
I was in a very dark place that first week or so after he broke my heart. I even thought about death. I came out of that, but still cried everyday. Sometimes several times a day. I was full of fear and doubt. A few nights ago I had a breakthrough in prayer. My faith was restored and I haven't cried over my situation since that breakthrough.
I thank God everyday for saving my husband and healing our marriage.
I continue to speak words of love to my husband. I try not to attack or accuse or even preach, but I do try to encourage him without being pushy.
I feel better about things in spite of no outward signs of improvement. I'm trusting God to fix things and to make things right.
~
There may be SOME truth to what Raven said, but most of it is terribly one-sided. It can't all be dumped on the woman. Niki was doing some introspection and found some of her problems but he's refusing to do the same. That doesn't make it all the woman's fault.
Respect needs to happen on both sides. Men aren't the only ones who need to be treated with TRUTH and respect. What men tend to do is run away rather than face things because they don't want to see women cry. It makes them feel out of control and they hate it, so they make up excuses and run away. He's running.
I think Niki is closer. He is running not only from his family but from God. His spirit wants freedom from the whole church thing that Niki stands for. Niki is so sold out, even when she wasn't going to church, which I think had more to do with depression than anything else, that his spirit can't stand to be around hers. What we've been praying for is a healing in his spirit, and a sense of loss so he will want to return to God.
After reading all the post on this thread, I have come to the conclusion there is not enought information here to give advice outside of saying continue to pray. There is no way to give sound advice without first hearing from both parties. I can say I am sorry anytime I hear of people falling out of love with God and then their spouse.
To the others on this thread, let us not turn such a terrible situation into an opputunity to attack the oppisite sex. There are no doubts areas where we all can raise the bar a bit.
Well, I guess I should update. He moved out around the last time I posted here. Anytime he comes up with a "reason" for why he left, I address it and then he comes up with a new "reason". His latest is that back in May I cried over him telling me "no" when I told him that our daughter needed something. He said that was his "breaking point". Huh?? :think:
He and I hardly ever disagree about things and when we do it's rarely emotional, not often a big deal, and rarely do I get upset. So how could it be his "breaking point" when we always got along so well? Seriously, we were always flirting, laughing, talking, being affectionate with one another, getting along great. Then all of a sudden he's like a stranger, ignoring me and then leaving me. I really don't get it.
Anytime we communicate (mostly through texts; I email him every couple days, but he rarely responds) I'm always patient and I always tell him how much I love him.
Our 15th wedding anniversary is today. I gave him a card when he was here briefly (less than 5 minutes) Tuesday night, but I don't expect any recognition from him. :(
Anyway, the biggest news is that he is trying to change jobs. Only it's with a job that he will still have to travel a lot for and he'd have to go to Lubbock, TX. He says he doesn't want to go there and doesn't know how long he'll have to be there, but he thinks this is a good job opportunity. He says he'll try to get transferred back to NC (it'll be near Durham; about an hour east of here), but he doesn't know when he'd get to move back.
Naturally, given his current state of mind and soul, he hasn't said anything about me and the kids going there with him. But I told him that if he decides that he wants us back together, I will join him there if he wants me to.
I refuse to give up on him. I love him with all my heart. I'm trying to trust God to fix things. People tell me that I shouldn't put my "life on hold for him". All I know is what the Bible says. It commands wives to love their husbands. There are no conditions added to that. Divorce is a sin and there's no way I'd divorce him, even if it weren't a sin.
I'm trying to continue to be submissive to my husband (something I was doing even before he changed), I'm continuing to love him, be kind to him, forgive him (because every day that he's not here he breaks my heart and I have to forgive him again), be patient (not easy), do good to him in spite of his coldness to me, take care of our home and kids, go to church, pray almost constantly lol, read my Bible, fast and just do what I know is right.
What more can I do?
I tell God all the time, "You chose him for me. It was because of Your will that I married him." (Long story.) Plus, of course, I was in love with him. But I wouldn't have married him if God had said, "no". God brought us together and He does not make mistakes. I will not give up on my husband.
I keep asking God to give me some little thing that shows me that things are going to get better with my husband. That my husband will get refilled with the Holy Ghost (the answer to this problem), get back in church, and come back to me. I need just some little something so that my heart will be strengthened. So that I can keep holding on.
I also pray that if my husband isn't going to come back (God forbid) that God will let me know and show me the path He wants me on. Show me what to do. I don't want to keep hoping and praying and believing for something that God already knows isn't going to happen, if in fact that's the case.
*sigh*
Oh, another thing. The three times I've seen my husband since Labor Day he's avoided looking at me. It's like he can't look at me and will only speak to me if I speak to him first. My mom thinks it's because he's ashamed of what he's done. I certainly haven't done anything to him. I mean, I could understand not being able to look at your spouse if they'd cheated on you or something, but I've been faithful, loving, attentive, affectionate, submissive. Even throughout this ordeal with him.
Anyway, I'm sorry for rambling on. I just ask that y'all please pray about the job situation (I don't know yet if he's been hired or turned down; maybe he doesn't know yet either), pray for my husband's spiritual condition and pray for our marriage.
Thank you.
~
Niki, you are my hero.
Most people love parts of God's Word, some people love most of God's Word but few love all of it and actually do it.
Whatever the future holds, God WILL find faith and faithfulness in you when He returns. I'm so touched by your courage especially in the face of "justification" to let go. It's revealing the reasoning people come up with in a cloak of "support" to make themselves feel better for not following God's Word like that.
This is making you stronger than I bet you thought you could have ever been, but girl, when you come out... watch out world! Your testimony is going to save people.
God Bless Niki!
God has given me various scriptures over the past couple months. I sometimes mark the date and time in my Bible.
October 8th, 2:41 AM:
Jeremiah 33:6-8
"Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth.
"And I will cause the captivity of Judah [praise] and the captivity of Israel to return, and will build them, as at the first.
"And I will cleanse them from all their iniquity, whereby they have sinned against me; and I will pardon all their iniquities, whereby they have sinned, and whereby they have transgressed against me."
October 28th, 3:00 AM (I cried so hard as I read through this one that I could barely read it.):
Psalm 4 (I'll only type out the parts that stood out.)
"Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.
"...the Lord will hear when I call unto him.
"Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.
"Offer the sacrifices of righteousness [it is a sacrifice when it seems like living right isn't producing the desired result of healing and salvation and deliverance], and put your trust in the Lord.
"...Lord, lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon us.
"...I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety."
I had just been talking to God, with my Bible in my hand, saying things like, "Don't you hear me? Can't you see my tears and my torment?" And so on. When I opened my Bible, my eyes fell on Psalm 4. So I guess you can see why I was crying so hard. lol
Habakkuk 3:17-19 (One of my favorite portions of scripture.)
"Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls;
"Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.
"The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. ..."
He gave me Daniel chapter 10 last night/this morning around 4:15 AM. I'm not going to type all that out. lol At first as I was reading it I couldn't see how it could possibly have anything to do with my situation. But yet I began crying around verse 4 or 5. I continued to cry, barely able to read more than a few words at a time, and I kept saying to myself, "Why am I crying?" lol
Verse 5 [after Daniel had been mourning and fasting for 3 weeks]:
"Then I lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a certain man clothed in linen, whose loins were girded with fine gold of Uphaz...
Verse 7:
"And I Daniel alone saw the vision: for the men that were with me saw not the vision; but a great quaking fell upon them, so that they fled to hide themselves."
Verses 10-12:
"And, behold, an hand touched me, which set me upon my knees and upon the palms of my hands.
"And he said unto me, O Daniel, a man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak unto thee, and stand upright: for unto thee am I now sent. And when he had spoken this word unto me, I stood trembling.
"Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.
"But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me; and I am remained there with the kings of Persia." [Spiritual battle.]
Verses 16-19:
"...my sorrows are turned upon me, and I have retained no strength.
...straightway there remained no strength in me, neither is there breath left in me.
"Then there came again and touched me one like the appearance of a man, and he strengthened me.
"...greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee, be strong, yea, be strong. And when he had spoken unto me, I was strengthened, and said, Let my lord speak; for thou hast strengthened me."
I believe this could mean that God heard me the first time I prayed about my situation and that God will strengthen me. Has an angel been sent? Is there a spiritual battle going on?
A week or so ago, God gave me Galatians 6:9 within minutes of my saying to him that I was tired of believing and trusting and doing right, and getting no results.
"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."
One more thing. (I apologize for the length of this.) I remember hearing several years ago that we should pray the scriptures. So for the past few days or so, I've been praying Hosea 2:6-7. That God would hedge up my husband's way with thorns and make a wall that he would not find his paths away from God or away from me. That whatever he pursues outside of God and our marriage, he would not be able to overtake them. And whatever he seeks after outside of God and our marriage, that he would not be able to find them. That God would bring my husband to a place where he will say to himself, "I will go and return to my God and my wife; for then was it better with me than now."
~
This isn't a movie!
Somehow I keep forgetting that. I keep expecting some hero to come in and rescue me. Or something magical to happen that will make everything right. All kinds of scenarios run through my head nearly everyday. At first it didn't occur to me that I was being influenced by movies. lol But then one day I stopped myself mid-daydream and said, "Don't be so silly. This isn't a movie." All the scenarios I was picturing were things I had seen or am likely to see in the movies.
I still dream of how I would like for things to get better. Only now I'm aware that it's for the most part pure fantasy.
I'm going to keep believing that things are going to return to how they should be even if it kills me. But I'm also going to try not to expect things to return to how they should be in a less-than-realistic way. There probably won't be an angelic choir or music soaring. And there probably won't be a literal light of realization shining down with all made right in an instant. Nor will there be a hero who will come crashing in and save the day.
No, it will continue to be an uphill climb on a very rough mountain side. It will continue to be one day at a time, one step at time, and sometimes one inch at a time. But every day and every step and every inch brings me closer to the top of the mountain and the end of this struggle. And hopefully it will end the way I most want it to. But at the same time, I have to remember that God knows best. And maybe what He has for me is not what I want. But I know from experience that what God wants for me is always better than what I want for myself. He and I could be in agreement, or it could be that what He has waiting for me is not only not what I've been praying for, but also more wonderful and more beautiful.
I'm trying to be a little less specific when I pray (You have to do this and this, and You have to do it by this time) and pray more that His will be done and not my own. Yes, that's scary. To know what you want more than anything in the world, but then stop praying that you get it and that instead you get what God wants you to have, even if it's different from what you most want. Ahhh! But God is good and He will not bring about the end of all of this leaving me miserable and disappointed. He never has before.
All things work together for good to them who love God and are the called according to His purpose.
Oh my goodness, I literally just now had a "revelation" as I was re-reading this before posting! There have been many times throughout this where I felt like God has disappointed me and failed me. (My husband was allowed to break my heart, God still hasn't brought him back, and I still don't have the physical healing that I'm desperate for. Just being honest here.) But as I read again the part about God not bringing about the end of all this leaving me miserable and disappointed, I realized something. (Yes, I can be slow.) Don't say that God has disappointed or failed you when it's not even over yet.
It ain't over until God says it's over. And it's not over yet.
~
"Listen closely to what God is telling you and do what He wants you to do."
That's what someone said to me. (Not an exact quote.) The thing is, God isn't telling me anything. Well, not anything beyond what I find in scripture: love your husband, be submissive, take care of your home and children, pray, read the Bible, etc.
Done. And things are still the same. *sigh* He's still gone, I'm still lonely and I have no idea what more to do. I keep begging God, "Please show me what You want me to do and what path You want me on. Because I don't have a clue."
Contacting a lawyer is not an option in my opinion. "Wives love your husbands" has no conditions attached to it. Divorce is a sin unless there's adultery involved. And I refuse to divorce him anyway. And knowing him like I do, any sort of involvment of lawyers (even if it's not divorce) would just tell him that I'm over him and don't want to be with him anymore. It would push him further away.
"Use tough love." I'm not sure that would work with him either.
So what do you do when you're doing everything right - obeying God's Word, and nothing is changing for the better? How much longer do I have to endure this before God steps in and makes things right? My heart can only take so much neglect and pain and loneliness.
Things could be worse. But they're also bad enough as it is. Haven't I suffered enough? Haven't my kids been fatherless long enough?
:mad:
:cry2:
~
i think your working to better your family by talking to others you have to remember you had a life before you married be strong you have a family to take care of and thats number one--time has a way of taking care of things- been married 32 years and it worked for me-god bless you
When I pray, no matter how much I feel like giving up, by the next morning I don't feel like giving up anymore. By the next morning I find myself believing again that God is going to save my husband and bring him back to me.
Is this God really telling me this or is it just wishful thinking? It'd be really great if God gave me a clearer and much more obvious answer. Because it's scary not knowing for sure.
Continue to pray about it and seek some kind of counseling, either from a good minister or marriage counseling that you go to alone. Then protect yourself and your kids. You don't have to file, but you might should consider consultation with a lawyer just to see about a few things. I don't know the laws in your state, but can he run up debt that you are responsible for even if you don't consent to it/know about it? Can he just come pick up your kids from school one day and move them off to wherever he is without your consent? There are alot of questions like these that only a good attorney who deals with divorce in your state can answer. A legal separation might acctually protect you and your kids without you having to file for divorce, but a good attorney can give you a better understanding.
I think you're right, Niki. So far he's supporting you, and if you feel like that after praying, I'd continue doing what you're doing.
amen Sis. Our flesh is carnal and emnity w/ the Spirit. The flesh is not going to want to stay with him because it doesn't please the flesh. So if you want to stay, it is of God. You're not some crazy crack head going back to an abusive pimp because you "love him." You are a Godly woman seeking God, submitting to God and biggest of all, following the Word of God which does not give reasons for divorce other than adultery. Separation is a case by case basis and I think you have your head on straight even with all the emotions.
When you get to heaven you want to see your husband there too. This is a huge testimony directly to him about the love of God. And if he doesn't choose right, you want to know that you were faithful to him and God, you did not justify your flesh and settle becuase it was "hard." Because God doesn't give you more than you can handle and He gives you the strength you need each day to make it through that day, you're filling up by prayer daily and it's holding your family together. Your kids are going to follow YOUR example Niki.
You are a testimony to me. The truth of God's Word about submitting and Him carrying, strengthening, keeping your faith, speaks volumes to my life. I am so thankful for your testimony Niki.
Thanks, Mellow. Though I certainly don't feel like I've done anything worth admiring. I feel so weak and insignificant.
I wanted to share this with y'all:
I sometimes am so overwhelmed that I feel like giving up and saying to my husband (though he isn't here), "Fine. You win."
My strength often fails me and I don't know if I can face another day. I weep and sob, I cry myself to sleep, and I beg God to intervene.
But then when I pray, really pray, God strengthens me and I no longer feel like giving up. My trust in God that He is going to fix things and bring my husband back is renewed. And then I have to believe again. It happened again just a few nights ago. I stood there in our darkened living room crying my eyes out and begging God to help me, to show me what to do. I told Him that I'd had enough and that I didn't have anymore fight left in me. I told Him to either bring my husband back or set me free of him.
And then when I woke up the next morning, I found myself believing again that God is going to fix things and bring him back. The results of my prayer are never that it's over.
Call me crazy, but I choose to believe what God is telling me over what my husband is telling me. And "it ain't over until God says it's over".
HISTORY
When I was praying the other night, I talked to God about how I'd prayed for and about my then future husband even when I wasn't dating anyone.
You see, I think that I was different from most girls. Seems like most of the ones I knew dated anyone who was cute and nice and who they got along with. They tried them on like clothes to see who the right fit was.
I wasn't like that. I would not go out with a guy just because he was cute and nice. I watched him. If he wasn't a worshipper and wasn't really into God and church, I wasn't interested. I didn't care how nice he was. God had to be the reason he lived.
"You're the only reason I live, but oh what a reason."
I remember very well when I was staying with my grandma to help her out. One night as I was praying in the living room, as I did every night, I prayed about and for my future husband. I think it had just been taught in singles class at church. So I did that. I prayed for my now husband that night, though I didn't know it was him. (This was in early '93.) I prayed that God would bless him, keep him safe and keep him in His will.
Fast forward.
I remember on our first date how comfortable I was with him. He was so easy to talk to. We had (and have) so much in common. I enjoyed his company.
But that wasn't enough. I wasn't going to marry him or fall in love with him just because I was attracted to him or just because he was nice or just because we got along so well or just because I was comfortable with him or just because he was easy to talk to.
It had to be God's will or that would be the end.
After our first date, I thought again about the prophecy that visiting preacher had spoken to me about my then future husband. And I looked at the list that he had told me to write of what I wanted in my future husband.
My now husband was everything in the prophecy and everything on my list. It was funny because that night, before he had even asked me to marry him, I said aloud to myself, "Oh my gosh. It's him. I'm going to marry him."
I knew before he even asked me that he would be my husband.
And then I did what the preacher told me to do and asked God for confirmation. I asked that if he were the one God wanted me to marry that he would quote the scripture to me: "The joy of the Lord is your strength."
Later we were talking on the phone (I remember I was sitting at the dining room table) and I'd pretty much forgotten about that confirmation. I wasn't thinking about it as we were talking. And then he quoted that scripture and I knew he was the one. God told me so. And He doesn't lie.
And when we got married, our pastor said on our wedding day, "I feel the will of God in this marriage. And I feel confident that the blessing of God is going to rest here."
My husband is the one God chose for me. And I feel like to give up would be like calling God a liar.
I cannot give up on what God said His will for my life is. He chose my husband for me (and me for him) knowing that he would break my heart. And I have to believe that God also knew that He would bring my husband back and make things right.
God knows what it takes to reach my husband, to bring him back to Himself where he belongs (he doesn't belong out there in the world; God redeemed him and he belongs to God), and to bring him back to his wife and children where he belongs. And I have asked God to do whatever it takes. As long as my children are safe, I want Him to do whatever it takes.
And so I will wait for as long as I have to wait. (Love is patient and longsuffering. And it is unconditional.) And when he finally decides to give his life back to God and to come back home to his wife and children, I will still be here waiting for him.
I love him with all my heart. More than words could ever say. More than actions could ever express. He is my one and only. The love of my life.
~
My pastor said that the greatest anointed ministers are the ones that often sound as if they are so far from God, as in there is so much more and further they want to go. So don't lose that.
And remember, your children as well as others in church are watching how you're handling things. It's best to not jump into or out of anything. Whether or not you like it, you're a witness to others right now. Your children are going to see a strong woman. A survivor. A woman who only wants the will of God.
When they get older, they will handle things they way you have shown them. To not act hastily and depend on God. Basically we have nothing in this life but what God allows. We came in naked we will leave the same way. So it just makes sense to depend on god for everything.
I don't know if y'all have been wondering about things or not. Maybe you're bored with my "drama". lol Hey, I'm bored with it too. Actually just plain sick and tired of it. Even if things have mellowed.
There has been no talk of our situation since my husband said he was sorry he hurt me. Randomly in a text conversation we were having a few weeks ago. I didn't respond to that at all and just continued on with our conversation as if he hadn't said he was sorry. It was after 1:00 AM (midnight in TX where he's been since Christmas), very unusual to hear from him at that time of night, and I didn't really want to get into all of that at that time. Plus, it really surprised me and I didn't know what to say or think.
Anyway, yesterday (Sunday) was his birthday. I reminded the kids and they called to talk to him. Kelly forgot to tell him happy birthday and later I texted him that Kelly says happy birthday.
He texted back thanks to Kelly and then said that it wasn't a happy birthday. Hmm. I texted to him, "Because you're not with your family?". (Notice I didn't say "kids". I can't help but include myself.) He said yes and because he's having to drive (as in a long distance) on his birthday. My husband hasn't been happy with his job and is sick of the traveling.
By the way, he's on his way to NC, but he doesn't know what city. And there's the possibility that he might get sent somewhere else before he even gets to NC or soon after. So I didn't tell the kids because, as I told my husband after I asked him if he had told them he was on his way to NC (he said no), I didn't want to get their hopes up.
Now, I know we're supposed to walk by faith and not by sight, and not just go by what we're feeling, but I've felt for a little while now that my husband will come home. Perhaps partly because I tell God everyday, several times a day, "Thank you for saving my husband and for saving our marriage".
And then my husband says in that text that he's not having a happy birthday. After getting that text, I felt all evening, and still now, that he's not happy at all (duh) and that maybe he's starting to realize that leaving me has done nothing to bring him happiness. Double duh.
I've felt moved upon so strongly for him spiritually. He's lost out there without God. Triple duh. lol I'm wondering if and hoping that some light is beginning to dawn on that hard head of his.
I pray for him several times a day. Not just for myself or our marriage - but for him. I love him more than words could ever say and I want so much for him to be happy. I know that the only way he can ever be truly happy is if he lives for God and does what God wants him to do.
Anyway, I have no idea when he will come home, but I feel that he will someday and I'm trusting God to bring him home. And to get him back in church and serving Him.
Please pray for my husband. I feel like my burden for him and his soul has gotten heavier. My heart aches no longer just for myself and my kids, but for my husband also. Even more than before.
Oh praise God for His tender mercies and loving kindness!
We could pray and seek all day for the gifts of the Spirit but they are nothing w/out the Fruit of the Spirit.
From what you've said, Niki, I can tell you, you are an anointed woman of God! Keep praying, your prayers are so powerful.
Been praying that he will be discontent anyplace but home with his family.
I need y'all's prayers. Well, more prayers. It's not a huge deal, but it hurt and I cried a lot. I guess I just foolishly expected things to be improving, even if only slowly, and then he texts me and asks if he can take the kids with him to his sister's house in Raleigh for the day on Saturday. (Raleigh is a little over an hour from here.) He said that his sister wants to celebrate his birthday (which was this past Sunday) and see our kids.
I guess that answers the unasked question of whether or not his family knows, since apparently I'm not invited. Not that he mentioned anyway.
The part that hurts me is the being excluded. (And now I'm crying again.) We're supposed to be a family. And I hate to be left behind while he celebrates his birthday with our kids, but without me. (I got him a birthday card that's waiting here at home for him.) I told him that the kids are going to wonder why I'm not celebrating his birthday with them. They don't know that he's left us. It's so normal for him to be gone all the time for work (often months at a time), that they've thought nothing of it. I'm hoping he'll come back home before they find out.
Anyway, I cried hard for a long time. It just broke my heart all over again. To be excluded and rejected by your husband. I can't describe how bad that hurts.
Mellow said something about me being anointed. I don't feel anointed at all. I feel hurt and afraid and desperate for God to make things right. I'm trying so hard to live right and do right and love and forgive, and nothing seems to change. I'm so tired of being lonely I can hardly stand to face the day sometimes. The pain feels like more than I can bear.
Maybe it's foolish, but I asked God the other day, "What do I have to do to get You to save my husband and save our marriage? What more can I do? I'll do anything."
But I got no answer, and then my husband breaks my heart again. I can't tell you how discouraging that is. It's hard to have faith when my heart is broken.
Anyway, I hope y'all will pray. I really need it. I need a miracle. If God doesn't help me, no one can.
As soon as I finished that last post, I got off my computer and prayed for a long time. Well, I prayed when I was able to. I sobbed for awhile first.
At first I talked to God about how hurt I am and about my husband and our marriage. But then somehow I began praying for myself, not just about myself. I asked God to change me, to make me what He wants me to be, to touch me (I needed it desperately) and to use me. I even thanked God for breaking me so that he can re-mold me into what He wants me to be. And then I laughed for thanking Him for breaking me. It seems insane to thank God for such a thing, but thank Him I did.
God did touch me, and I thanked Him for that too. Now I just need Him to help me, my husband and our marriage. It's about time for all this darkness and loneliness to be over. It's about time for this trial to be over. I can't stand it any longer. In my opinion, it's past time for it to be over. But then I guess God will do things in His time no matter what my opinion is. lol
I only got about 2 hours sleep last night and my eyes are swollen from crying. I'm going back to bed soon now that the kids are at school.
I had a reply all typed out and then got 2 phone calls and a baby I'm watching woke up...lol
It's always darkest before the dawn. It may sound cheesey and cliché-ish but it is true. You may not feel anointed Niki, but you are. You are building a precious alter, a landmark for you and your children. How many times have we heard about Bro.Urshan's testimony! You are not the only one Niki to go through it, you just have the choice of how you come out.
And while I think you are an amazing woman, you are also doing what ALL of us should be doing with our own crosses/trials. Many people feel justified not upholding the covenants they've made to God if others don't uphold theirs or if they have been wronged. What is being wronged when we have so many times wronged God? What is being treated unjustly when we know that the Righteous Judge will recompense in Due time, to everyone for what they've sewn? To the wicked, eternal hell, but to the righteous- eternal bliss. We are human, but it is not a valid excuse for still sinning when we have the Word and power of the Holy Ghost. God's grace is so deep and you are testifying of that with each post Niki. It's HARD, you are in the trenches, but God is seeing you through.
I hope this thread is never deleted. How compassionate is our God, that if we live this life for heaven, heaven is what we'll recieve.
Do I detect a bit more boldness these last few posts? Maybe it's time to kick some devil booty? ☺ If so, armor up, scripture up, and know that:
You_can't_lose.
You_will win.
You not only have the authority of God but you are a princess who's inheritance is even greater authority for all eternity & to see the devil be cast down for good!
So many know what the Word says but they don't know how to do it, or what obedience looks like in the really hard situations. But YOU, you Niki are leaving familiar landmarks on the map for those who have to also walk the same road. Thank you Niki. I hope I will never be in the same situation but no one can make it to heaven without becoming broken, so my cross/trials will/are be what they need to be for me to be broken, that I might know Him. You are a blessing Niki, a beautiful blessing in your brokeness, who's strength from God is reaching further than you know.
I'm still praying for you. ♥
Quote from: Brother Dad on October 14, 2009, 07:38:42 PM
After reading all the post on this thread, I have come to the conclusion there is not enought information here to give advice outside of saying continue to pray. There is no way to give sound advice without first hearing from both parties. I can say I am sorry anytime I hear of people falling out of love with God and then their spouse.
To the others on this thread, let us not turn such a terrible situation into an opputunity to attack the oppisite sex. There are no doubts areas where we all can raise the bar a bit.
I am late to the thread here, but I agree with this post.
Niki, just going on what you have posted I have to admire your ability to stick it out and wait on God. We have NOT heard your husbands side in any of this, but based only on your description of events it sounds almost like their either is a case of bi-polar, or possibly heavy work influence going on. On another note, I would advise YOU to not put your church ahead of him -I did not say GOD, I said your church, they are almost always two very different things. A man can be very put off when he feels his wife puts the wishes of her church/pastor/church families in front of his, and it can take years for the bitterness to finally start seeing the light of day.
Mellow,
I haven't heard Bro. Urshan's testimony. (Or maybe I have and I just don't remember it.) Can you share it with me?
Randy,
It's all very confusing to me. My mind cannot grasp him leaving. It's been lies and excuses. I know he's not happy. (And it's always easiest to blame someone else for your unhappiness.) He backslid several years ago. How can anyone be happy or satisfied without God? The man he is now is not the man he is when he's serving God. When he and I were first dating, almost every time I called him (he was staying with one of his sisters back then) he was either knocking doors with his pastor or reading his Bible or praying. And he was also a worshipper. This continued for awhile into our marriage.
He didn't really backslide/change until he started working for the company he's with now back in the summer of 2004. It was gradual, of course, as backsliding always is. But between being out of town for work all the time (which has become more frequent as the years have gone by), and missing church because of it, and the influence of his co-workers and boss on him (including sending him pornographic emails), it's all taken its toll on him.
As for me putting church before him, I wasn't going to church much myself from mid-2006 through early 2009. I went a handful of times a year. So there was definitely no putting church before him. (I often stayed home just so I could be with him. With him being gone all the time, when he would be home I wanted to be with him.) I almost never talked about God or church in those years. Though I didn't out and out backslide (my beliefs and my standards remained), I wasn't as close to God as I used to be or should've been.
I sometimes blame myself for my husband's spiritual condition. "If I had been serving God like I should've during those years, maybe he wouldn't have left me and maybe he'd be back in church himself." Though at the same time I realize that we are each responsible for our own salvation and our own decisions.
And as for his side of things, I only know what he's told me and I've shared that here. I agree that there are two sides, but I'm doing my best to be honest about things. (I'm no more interested in bashing the opposite sex or my husband than you or anyone else would be interested in reading it. I don't think I've done that here.) I'm no angel and I'm far from perfect. But what I most definitely am is sincere and in love with my husband and desperate for God to help us. And I came here with our story because I believe in the power of prayer and I want fellow saints of God to help me pray.
I want my husband saved and on his way to heaven. I want my kids to have the godly father they need. And I want my pain and loneliness and dark trial to end. Only God can make those things happen.
God gives me scriptures all the time. And He often puts things in my mind that I've heard in songs or from preachers. One of those things is "Show Yourself Strong", a song by Fred Hammond. I hadn't listened to it in quite awhile and I couldn't remember the words. So last night I listened to it in the car a few times while the kids and I were out.
(Verse 1)
Out of the dust
We're now rising up and we say
Oh Lord, we're calling You
Show Yourself strong
Our unending source
You provided before
Oh Lord, we're calling You
Show Yourself strong
Oh Lord, we're calling You
Show Yourself strong
(Chorus A)
Mighty Lord, You're mighty Lord
Rise up and hear the voice of Your people
Show Yourself strong
Singing Hallelujah
(Verse 2)
Lord of the harvest
Show us Your goodness, say
Oh Lord, we're calling You
Show Yourself strong
Restore the years
That we've sown in tears
Oh Lord we're calling You
Show Yourself strong
Oh Lord, we're calling You
Show Yourself strong
(Repeat Chorus A)
(Chorus B)
Able Lord, You're able Lord
Rise up and hear the voice of Your people
Show Yourself strong
Singing Hallelujah
(Chorus C)
Faithful Lord, You're faithful Lord
Rise up and hear the voice of Your people
Show Yourself strong
Singing Hallelujah
(Repeat Chorus A)
(Vamp A)
Mighty, mighty, mighty, mighty, mighty, mighty,
Mighty, mighty
Rise up and hear the voice of Your people
Mighty, mighty, mighty, mighty, mighty, mighty,
Mighty, mighty
Hallelujah
(Vamp B)
More than able, more than able, more than able
More than able
Rise up and hear the voice of Your people
More than able, more than able, more than able,
Hallelujah
(Vamp C)
Faithful, faithful, faithful
Faithful
Rise up and hear the voice of Your people
Faithful, faithful, faithful
Faithful
Hallelujah
(Repeat Vamp A & B)
(Repeat Chorus A)
The part that most touched me was "Restore the years that we've sown in tears."
After listening to a couple Fred Hammond CDs, my son put in a Kirk Franklin CD and the song "I Am God" really ministered to me. We listened to it over and over. The parts that most touched me:
"I feel like I'm in surgery, Still You cut deeper."
"Lord, how much longer, Till You through with me?
Please take what You need."
"Some things I don't wanna change, So You keep breaking me."
"It's like I'm fighting for my life.
You hit me with another right.
I feel like Jacob in the night.
Won't stop till You bless me."
"If I could I'd fly away from here.
But even when I'm far You still are near.
I gotta get out.
There's no way out.
But what if I run?
There's nowhere to run.
Let go, don't go, gotta go, can't go."
"You win.
I've been trying to do it on my own.
But right now I gotta surrender.
You know what's best."
"It's not easy waiting on You.
It's not easy believing that You got this together.
But without faith it is impossible to please You.
So Ima stand right here.
You got me."
As for words from preachers, something I heard Bro. Arnold saying is always on my mind. "If you get involved in God's stuff, He'll get involved in your stuff."
I was reminded of that again in prayer the night before last. I felt like God told me that if I'll just focus on serving Him, then He'll take care of my husband.
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."
~
Quote from: Niki on February 27, 2010, 11:05:01 AM
.....
Randy,
It's all very confusing to me. My mind cannot grasp him leaving. It's been lies and excuses. I know he's not happy. (And it's always easiest to blame someone else for your unhappiness.) He backslid several years ago. How can anyone be happy or satisfied without God? The man he is now is not the man he is when he's serving God. When he and I were first dating, almost every time I called him (he was staying with one of his sisters back then) he was either knocking doors with his pastor or reading his Bible or praying. And he was also a worshipper. This continued for awhile into our marriage.
He didn't really backslide/change until he started working for the company he's with now back in the summer of 2004. It was gradual, of course, as backsliding always is. But between being out of town for work all the time (which has become more frequent as the years have gone by), and missing church because of it, and the influence of his co-workers and boss on him (including sending him pornographic emails), it's all taken its toll on him.
As for me putting church before him, I wasn't going to church much myself from mid-2006 through early 2009. I went a handful of times a year. So there was definitely no putting church before him. (I often stayed home just so I could be with him. With him being gone all the time, when he would be home I wanted to be with him.) I almost never talked about God or church in those years. Though I didn't out and out backslide (my beliefs and my standards remained), I wasn't as close to God as I used to be or should've been.
I sometimes blame myself for my husband's spiritual condition. "If I had been serving God like I should've during those years, maybe he wouldn't have left me and maybe he'd be back in church himself." Though at the same time I realize that we are each responsible for our own salvation and our own decisions.
And as for his side of things, I only know what he's told me and I've shared that here. I agree that there are two sides, but I'm doing my best to be honest about things. (I'm no more interested in bashing the opposite sex or my husband than you or anyone else would be interested in reading it. I don't think I've done that here.) I'm no angel and I'm far from perfect. But what I most definitely am is sincere and in love with my husband and desperate for God to help us. And I came here with our story because I believe in the power of prayer and I want fellow saints of God to help me pray.
I want my husband saved and on his way to heaven. I want my kids to have the godly father they need. And I want my pain and loneliness and dark trial to end. Only God can make those things happen.
Thanks for your response. While there are still two sides I sense that your being as honest and open as you can about the situation and respect you for it. I also liked what you said about
staying home from church to spend time with your husband! I have seen far too many situation where 'church' (and not God) has become the most important thing in a woman's life at the expense of her husband -and God. Also, you mentioned that he used to always be talking to his pastor/praying, etc..... While I do not want to necessarily compare it to your situation I have made the oft observation that guys acting overly "religious" and spiritual has more to do with meeting women then actually being holy. I was reminded of this recently when watching a video of Lee Stoneking that someone posted on another board (and a whole nuther topic!) and saw several younger college age men running back and forth at the alter area while he was talking. It was immediately apparent that they were doing this for the sole benefit of the
Lay-Dee's/Babes watching rather then true worship. You could imagine Steve Erwin narrating the scene with his Australian accent "And now look how the males run band and forth saying 'look at me ladies!'". This is another issue with me but I bring it up (partially because you did) to say that YOUNG men rarely act the same way in worship settings in a married state as when they were single. This isn't a change that happens overnight (although sometimes it does) but rather takes years.
It's possible. What I do know for sure is that God hates divorce and tells men not to leave their wives. And I know without doubt that God doesn't want my husband to be doing what he's doing. I'm trying to trust God to work on my husband. I believe that God can help him to be the man He wants him to be.
I think I wrote before about how God brought my husband and I together. As much as we had in common and as easy as it was to talk to him and as much as we were attracted to each other, I wouldn't have married him if God had said "no".
I say to God sometimes, "You chose him for me. He was Your will for me. I will not give up on Your will."
I don't believe that it's ever God's will for people to disobey His word. I don't believe that He would choose my husband for me and then will for us to separate. He chose my husband for me knowing this was going to happen. I have to believe that He's going to work it out.
I'm not saying that I think you're saying that this is God's will. It's just something I thought about last night. :)
Niki, I just read this - I'll be praying for you and for your family. I don't really have any words of advice or anything, other than saying I really admire your desire to love your husband and pray for him through all this. I know that in doing this, you're making yourself vulnerable and open to be hurt more. But you're also leaving the door open for him to come back, and for your love for God to be able to make a difference in your husband's life. Most people's reaction when they are hurt is to hurt back, to build walls, to try to prevent the same hurts from happening again. This isn't the reaction that God wants us to have though...
Stay strong in the Lord and let Him fulfill your needs.
*hugs*
Believe me, I've been tempted. Tempted to throw out everything of his that's still here. (Which is a lot.) Tempted to yell at him and call him names (without cussing, of course) and give him a piece of my mind. Tempted to say "forget him", let him go and let it be over.
But when I read the Bible, God tells me to love my husband (Titus 2). There are no conditions listed. It doesn't say, "Wives love your husbands, unless they leave you." God tells me to be submissive, no conditions attached. (Other than if he were to tell me to disobey God, of course.) God tells me to forgive, or He will not forgive my trespasses.
My role as a wife, mother and woman doesn't change just because my husband has left. God's commands for me don't change. I can't throw out and disobey the command to love my husband and be submissive to him just because he's being disobedient.
And it's not just because I'm commanded to love my husband and because God chose him for me that I love him. I've loved him for going on 16 years without ever thinking about those things. I can't just turn my love off. I don't know how not to love him.
I told my husband all the time (and still do) that he's my one and only. I've never loved anyone else as much as I love him or given myself to anyone else but him. But when I was praying the other night I felt like God told me that I need to get my focus on Him. My thoughts and my prayer life have been completely centered on my husband. But what about my spiritual condition? And what about all the others who need prayer?
Have you ever seen the movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman? (I know some don't watch movies, but let's not turn this into a movie/anti-movie thread.) The main character's husband kicks her out and moves his girlfriend (and mother of his children) in with him. The main character (Helen?) visits her mother at the nursing home or retirement community and she of course is sad about her husband. She tells her mother that he was her everything. Her mother says, "God should be your everything."
I've felt a little convicted. Not because I love my husband so much. I know that that pleases God. But because I lived more the past few years to please my husband than I did to please God. Everything I did I did it with my husband in mind. "Will he like this meal? Will he agree with this decision? Will he like this purchase? Will he be happy/pleased/proud of the work I've done in the house today? Will he even notice? What will my husband think about this or that?"
And really, none of those things are bad in themselves. It's good to want to please your husband. But I almost never thought about what would please God and what He would like and how He would feel. God was on the back burner, at best. And how on earth can you expect things to be good in your marriage or anything else in your life if God is not the center of it?
So when I prayed the other night and, as I said in an earlier post, my prayer suddenly changed and wasn't about my husband or our marriage anymore, I made a real connection with God. I turned the magnifying glass on myself (or perhaps it was God who did it) and saw that there were some things that needed to be gone. I repented of those things, I asked God to cleanse my mind and my heart of my bad attitude and of doubt. I asked Him to make me what He wants me to be. And I said "Yes" to Him. "Whatever You want to do with me and however You want to use me, I say yes."
I got more at church yesterday. "Take your hands off of it and let God do it."
Wow.
My husband was once full of the Holy Ghost. He's been baptized in Jesus' name. He's spent time in prayer and studying his Bible. He's worshipped God and heard His Word preached. God reached him before, He can reach him again.
Anyone who's ever backslidden knows that you can never really get completely away from God. You know too much about Him to be totally like those who have never known Him.
It's like that scripture in Psalms (138?) where David talks about God being wherever he goes. Part of it says something like "if I make my bed in hell, you are there". And so, among other things that I'm praying for my husband, I'm praying that wherever he goes and whatever he does, that God will be there. That my husband will see things and hear things that remind him of God. That songs he's heard at church and scripture and things he's heard preachers say will suddenly pop into his mind. That God will touch him and draw him back.
And I'm praying that bad influences and bad advice (if he's getting any, which I've suspected he is) will be removed from his life. That God will shut the mouths of those who may be telling him to do things that don't please God.
I'm praying that God will give my husband dreams and send people (or even angels) to him who will nudge him in the right direction. A kick in the pants would be good too. ;)
Every night I pray Hosea 2:6-7, putting my husband's name in it. "Lord, hedge up his way with thorns. Any path he takes that leads him away from You, put up walls to block those paths. Anyone or anything he pursues outside of Your will, do not let him be able to overtake them. Anyone or anything he seeks after outside of Your will, do not let him be able to find them. And I pray that he finally says to himself, 'I will go and return to my God and to my wife, for then was it better for me than it is now.'"
I pray that he doesn't find any happiness or peace as long as he's not serving and obeying God. It would be a false happiness and a false peace anyway and wouldn't last.
This has been very hard for me, to say the least. I don't know if I ever told y'all, but I even had suicidal thoughts a few times. The pain and the heartbreak was so much that I didn't want to live anymore. I asked God to let me die. (Thank God for unanswered prayers, right?) I wanted to be free of it. But it wasn't just the thought of hell that kept me from killing myself. It was my kids. They need me now more than ever. And it would be the height of selfishness (even worse than my husband's selfishness), as well as stupidity, to kill myself.
Besides my mom, I am the only one my kids have who is serving God. And not only that, I am here and their father is not. Even if he were here, not only is he not serving God, he travels so much that he could never raise them on his own. It would just be a big ol' mess.
Anyway (I know this is really long), I have to believe that God is going to make things good again in my life. It reminds me of what my pastor preached about last night. That everything we could ever need is already available to us. And every solution to every problem we will ever have is already there. The problem I have is not unique. Other wives have had their husbands walk out on them. God has helped other woman before. He can help me. All I have to do is pray. Prayer doesn't create the solution. It brings the solution, which already exists, into our lives.
I just have to trust God, quit trying to fix it myself (which is hard when you feel like God is moving too slow) and pray. And of course, worship and serve God no matter what. Make Him the center of my life and believe that all things work together for good to them who love God and are the called according to His purpose.
~
Another "promise" that you can hang on to is Genesis 50:20 "But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive." - that's one of my favourites for bad situations. God WILL bring good out of ANY situation, no matter how horrible. He may not always answer our prayers the way we want them answered, but He WILL hear us, and He WILL bring good out of it, even when we don't understand how...
Yes, it's me bugging y'all again. lol
My husband texted me tonight and said that he's going to come by on Wednesday to get our tax papers so that he can get the taxes done that day. I'm so nervous about him coming. The last time I saw him was Christmas day and as usual, he couldn't look at me. And would only speak to me (without looking at me) if I asked him a question.
I don't want things to be like that again. I'm begging God to make it so that my husband will look at me and smile and hopefully feel the love again. I want him to wish that he was still here when he sees me. I don't want the usual distance between us and the lack of emotion from him. It's just as painful as if he were saying hurtful things.
Please pray.
~
**HUGS** Niki
My husband has asked me to take care of the taxes, which means he won't be coming by. Not until he's ready to sign, of course. I guess he's still "around", but he might not be. I don't know.
Y'all keep praying. I'm not going to go into specifics (it really has nothing to do with my husband directly), but I really need some serious prayer. To say that I'm discouraged wouldn't begin to cover it.
Niki, we are praying! You are not alone, we ARE beside you, behind you holding you up to God. I prayed especially for you yesterday and this morning over your husband coming over. Don't give up! Your warring angel could be on his way to accomplish this work!
I saw this yesterday and thought of you sister.
Think about this: Frankincense and myrrh are both harvested from trees slashed or wounded to release its sap. The Bible uses trees symbolically to represent people. If I am a tree, is it my life's wounds that release the sap used to create the incense that mingles with my prayers before the Lord?
You do whatever you have to do to keep going. Freefalling into the hands of God is the safest place you'll ever experience.
Okay, so there's a chance he might be home today. My son called him to talk to him and asked him when he was going to be home. I didn't talk to him, but from what I could hear from my son's end of the conversation, he might be home today. My son asked if they could play golf or go bowling.
Now, if he does come home, I would be surprised if he actually slept here. He'll probably tell the kids he has to leave for work. That's what he told them on Christmas day (the last time we saw him) when he left that evening instead of staying here.
I've had a very hard week emotionally and spiritually. I really don't want to go into it, but there were a lot of tears and, I'll admit, anger. I'm just so sick of this whole thing.
I told God that I don't want to spend the rest of my life (or even the rest of this month, for that matter) unloved, unwanted, and without the affection and companionship of my husband. I'd rather be dead than live my life alone. (Not that I want to die right now or anything. lol) I cried for awhile in the bed Thursday night, but then I got distracted by my physical pain and fell asleep wishing it would go away.
I haven't mentioned that, have I? Pain is something I live with everyday due to the many cysts in my ovaries. (My doctor told me they're "full of cysts".) This is because I have a condition called PCOS (for which there is no cure) that has really taken its toll. I feel like my body has turned against me.
Anyway, as I was saying, I hurt physically everyday. Sometimes one side, sometimes both sides. Sometimes constant pain, sometimes sharp pains that come and go. It can literally stop me in my tracks and nearly bring me to my knees sometimes.
It's only what I would call excruciating if a cyst bursts. It's happened a couple times and is probably the worst physical pain I've ever felt in my life. It can last anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or longer. The first time I was doubled over in pain for 2-3 days. (Ibuprofen did nothing to help.) The last time it happened, less than a week before Christmas, I was moaning and yelling and crying in pain for about 30 minutes. My son wanted to call 911 (he and my daughter were both a little scared), but there's nothing they can do. All that can be done is to wait it out.
If a cyst bursts, it can cause infection to get into your body and can cause internal bleeding. My real fear with the cysts is that they can become cancerous.
It would be bad enough to live my life alone, but to possibly also have to face cancer alone too? *sigh*
I pray every day not only for God to bring my husband home and save him, but to also heal my body. I'm sick of the pain and the other things happening to my body. I want it to end now. And I want this ordeal with my husband to end now. I'm sick to death of it all.
So please pray about today (I really want my husband to come home for good) and for my health. Thank you.
~
He didn't come home today. Something about the parts he was waiting for not arriving. I thought he was already on his way to this area last night. *sigh* I may have misunderstood.
I'm disappointed, though not surprised, but also a little relieved. Relieved because I was so nervous.
Continued prayers for me and my family are appreciated.
Niki, have you read the recent post in the devotion section from Yooper? The one about not hanging up on God when He has you on hold? I think you'd find encouragement there, if you haven't read it yet.
:beret:
I hadn't read it before your post here.
I've been "on hold" for several months and I feel like others have "gone ahead" of me. lol
Unfortunately, God isn't like the airline phone numbers. He doesn't promose answer our calls "in the order they are received." He answers them in His time.
**HUGS** Niki
RJ,
Yep.
I was in my kitchen doing dishes a little bit ago (at 4:00 AM lol) and I had turned on the radio to listen to music while I cleaned, as I usually do. But then I felt like I should turn it off and talk to God. I felt like God told me something again while I was talking to Him that I felt like he had told me way back in July or August when this trial was really starting to rev up. (It had been a slow build up in May and June.)
"It's not about you."
My son and I were up late last night reading our Bibles. (My daughter was too tired to stay up as late as we did.) Before we actually read any scripture, I somehow got on the subject of Job. I told my son about the devil telling God to remove the hedge so that he can get to Job, etc., etc., and how that in the end Job didn't curse God and that God blessed Job greater than he had been blessed before. I also told him how that Job had said that even if God kills him, he will still trust Him.
Anyway, I then told him that when we go through a trial we have to hold on and trust that God is going to bring us through it and bless us.
My point being, it was a good frame of mind to be in when I was doing the dishes and then felt like I should turn off the radio. Does that make sense to y'all?
So it was as if when I was telling my son about going through a trial (I told him that I was going through a hard one right now where I needed God to do something for me) that God then wanted me to know that the trial isn't really about me.
Yes, obviously it's affecting me. And obviously God can and will and is working on me and teaching me things. But that it's really about my husband. That God is trying to do a work in my husband, but he is fighting God and running and resisting. I just have to be patient and hold on. Not give up on my husband, but pray for him and wait. And, of course, allow myself to be changed for the better.
Now, I'm 37 years old. I've been in this truth all my life. I've had the Holy Ghost for almost 27 years. I know all about not going by what you feel and being careful that what you're feeling or hearing isn't really just yourself, but actually is from God. I know that what I've felt twice now could just be coming from my own mind. So I'm hoping God will confirm this somehow if it is from Him. Because it could be dangerous (spiritually and possibly for our relationship) to be wrong about something like this.
If this is from God, I feel like (there's that F word again lol) it might be easier for me to not be so panicky and afraid and tormented by it. And tormented is a word I've often used to describe how I've felt throughout this ordeal. It might be easier to be patient and allow God to do the work that needs to be done in my husband, while also doing a work in me.
~
God's been dealing with me and speaking to me a lot this past week. I think maybe more than He has been during this trial. I really can't think of how to put it into words, but it feels like there's been a change inside of me as far as how God is touching and speaking. (I'm really struggling to describe this.) It's like sunshine. lol I know that probably sounds corny, but that's the best word I could come up with.
One of the things I've felt like God has been telling me is that I need to worship Him. It's something I've done a few times while praying at home, but I feel like He wants me to do it at church. As in, dance. But just dancing at home has been hard enough for me. It's been very difficult for me to get past myself and past my pain to worship Him. Though I know I need to and should.
Last night my pastor taught on experiencing a defeat without being defeated. (He was all over my situation.) One of the many great and relevant things he talked about was praising and worshipping God to bring victory.
The scripture he preached from was Judges 1:1-2, 19. Judah (praise) led the army and they had victory until they saw iron chariots coming. They had victory until they saw something coming that they had never seen before and thought was too difficult for them to overcome, though God had warned them ahead of time that it was coming. If they had just trusted God they would've won.
Last night's message was God telling me again that I need to praise Him for the victory.
Late Monday night, I listened to the message Bro. Arnold preached at BOTT this year - An Anchor for the Soul. That message too was all over my situation. I wrote down some of the things he said and also typed them out here at Godplace in the Devotion area.
Sunday night, a visiting minister preached about going through a tough trial (one of the words he used that stood out to me was "suffering"; a word I've used many times to describe how I feel) and how it kicks up dust. Then the rain comes and settles the dust. He said that a rain is coming to refresh and deliver. I want so much for that rain to fall on my life.
So, what I feel like God has been telling me is:
Rain is coming.
He will bring me through.
Praise Him for the victory.
Among other things. He is on my side (though I don't mean by that that He is against my husband) and if God is for me, who can be against me? He will work it all out for my good. I have to believe that.
~
Go Niki, Go! God is worthy, Bless Him!
I have a problem with praying. When I really pray, I feel God strongly. That builds my faith and causes me to believe 100% that God is going to save my husband and bring him home soon.
So what's the problem? The problem is a day goes by, and then a week goes by, and my husband still isn't home. That causes my faith to crumble a little and I feel very disappointed and depressed. And then I don't want to pray again because I know my faith will be built up again and again I will believe with all my heart that God is going to do something. And I don't want to be disappointed again. That just hurts too much.
Somehow it's easier to wait on God without praying. lol Because then it's like I have sort of a basic faith and not this huge amount of faith and no high expectations that God is going to fix things soon.
At the same time, I know that I need to pray.
Now some of you might think that maybe, like most Americans, I want "instant gratification". But it's been about 9 months now of loneliness and having a broken heart. I want my husband. :(
I'm sorry if this makes me sound too needy. But I hope that y'all will pray for me and my husband.
~
It's good for you to be able to pour out your feelings, and if it's here, go ahead. I don't think anyone thinks badly of you for doing it.
I know there are those times that it's hard to pray. Keep your mind stayed on God, and he will hear those silent prayers and he knows the heartache you're going through.
prayer isn't about asking for the things you need/want, though that happens. Prayer is about talking to God and keeping an intimate relationship with Him, Niki. The only thing you accomplish by not praying is lessening your relationship with Jesus. Don't punish Him because life is hard right now, don't punish yourself from breaking off that source of comfort in your deepest time of need. If always praying and weeping about your marriage is putting a strain on your relationship with Jesus, then talk to Him about other things as well and focus instead on you and HIM, instead of you and your husband. ??
Not knowing what you pray, I don't know how much that helps. We don't base our relationship w/ Jesus however, on whether we are getting what we want, or on our relationships with others. I have to love Jesus for who He is and not what He does or doesn't do, because really, that's how He loves me already.
My husband and I don't talk to each other 24/7. Sometimes we spend an evening not talking at all. But we still have a relationship, and it's a strong one. Sometimes you can be thinking about God and thinking about praise songs, or thinking about what he's done for you, without talking constantly. That's all I was saying.
When I was going through a difficult time in my marriage God spoke to me and said that I am quick to want to resolve issues when my relationship with my husband is broken...but what about when my relationship with Him isn't right?
I stopped praying for my marriage---I asked God to streagthen our walks with Him. I asked for strength to walk through life without my husband if that is the decision he made.
God gave us all freewill and just because He blesses a union doesn't mean people don't make horrible decisions. As desperately as I wanted my marriage to work--I needed to have the desire to live for God regardless of the situation or what it brought.
God did wonderful things in my life and restored not only my spirit but my marriage.
Nikki...i know the heartache and the desperate prayers--know Im praying for you.
Thank you.
Wow. I just read your story and I though I don't have any advice to offer I just want to say how impressed I am w/ the way you (w/ God's help) are handling this. You handle it so gracefully. I don't know that I could do that.I know you don't feel that way but let me tell ya, compared to the way that I think I would have responded, its graceful! Reading your story has made me see so much in myself. Things that needs changing.
I don't say that to make light of your situation nor do I glory in what you're going through for the sake of making me see myself. I tell you this so that you can add it to your testimony! In the end you will have a testimony of endurance and patience to name a few. You'll be able to testify about the faithfulness of God and really KNOW what you're talking about. Along w/ that u will be able to testify that your trial ministered to others and helped them in ways that you could never know!
I appreciate u sharing your story. You came here to tell your story so that you could receive help and ended up BEING a help.
I am most def praying for you sister! I have such a burden (burden, not pity. I know that's not what you're after) for your situation. I will pray for you w/ the mindset as if it were I going through this. It can't be easy. Just remember that just b/c you don't feel strong doesn't mean you're not. Hey, you're already stronger than you thought u were. Think about it. Had someone told you that u were gonna have to go through this before u went through it, do u really think that you'd think that you would be where you are now? Or do u think that you'd figure you would have given up months ago? See? That just shows that God sees the "big picture". He knows. He cares. He sees. He's there.
I look forward to the day that I can come and read that your husband has come back home and most importantly came back to God! I believe that he will be stronger than he was before all of this. Having been away from the church for a length of time has a way of making you want to hold onto it a bit tighter when yoiu finally make yourself back.
God bless you sister!
Thank you.
Your mention of strength reminds me of what I've been feeling. It's been an up and down trial for me. Some days I feel victorious, full of faith and strength. Other days I feel as weak as I've ever been and I feel like giving up. But then I pray and I don't feel like giving up anymore.
Lately I've been thinking, though I haven't actually said it to God yet (of course He knows), that I'd rather not get stronger or learn anything if I could be spared this trial. lol I'll probably look back on that and think how foolish I was for thinking that. But this is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my entire life. Harder than living with my abusive father (it probably helped that I got none of the physical abuse and relatively little of the mental abuse), harder than growing up "different", harder than being poor.
I've never been so heartbroken or cried so much in my life. Even now, nine months after this nightmare began, I still cry myself to sleep some nights.
Bro. Arnold said in his message "An Anchor for my Soul" that we have a greater testimony when God brings us through than when He brings us out. And that God wants us to experience rather than escape, and discover rather than be delivered.
As with preferring not to go through this even if it means learning something and getting stronger, I also often think that I'd rather not experience or discover anything if it gets me out of this trial and I'd rather not have a greater testimony if it means not going through this. Again, I'll probably look back (someday) and think differently.
Many times I've told God that I can't take it anymore. It's too dark, I'm too lonely and the pain is too great for me to bear. And yet, here I still am in this trial and still alive. Just how the heart can take so much pain and tearing into millions of tiny pieces and still keep beating, I do not know.
Anyway, you're right that it's help (i.e., prayer) that I'm after more than anything else by posting here. Prayer from those who are Holy Ghost-filled and know that God is a miracle-worker. That He can make a way where there is no way. I feel like I'm stumbling in the dark and I can't see the light at the end of this long, dark tunnel/trial, but I have to trust God. What other choice do I have? He's the only one who can fix things and make things right. If I give up on God, who else can I turn to? No one.
~
My testimony song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Fx3l2DMDh4
Niki: I just heard your talk/behaved sig line quote the other day on "New Life Live" radio show. I thought someone on there had coined the phrase. It's really good.
Niki, I just wanted you to know I thought of you and prayed for you today.
~Ruby
Thank you.
i've read through your posts on and off the last several weeks and debated if i should say anything or not.
i have a lot of experience walking the same path that you're on. you are learning things about God that no one can ever take from you and your relationship with Him will grow exponentially. keep trusting. keep believing. keep walking with Him.
you're right that you're still alive. feeling may not be exactly what you want to do most of the time, but keep feeling. keep reminding yourself that you are alive and your life has a purpose. there is more to you than what is experiencing this sadness.
focus on the good things.
your kids realize more than you think. be conscious of helping them, too.
and pray. be transparent before God and those He gives you to share this path with you. you're really not alone. look around and see who God has given you to help hold you up.
it might be a long walk, but be still and know that God is with you.
Thank you.
I'm trying my hardest to hold on and not give up. I want my life to be happy again. There are parts of it that make me happy, but I'm not as happy as I was when I had my husband. I want a life of love and joy again. I miss it more than I could ever say. I want my husband to love me and to hold me and to be here with me.
Psalm 23
1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever
Here's an update on things. Nothing encouraging, I'm afraid.
Tuesday last week, my husband came by very early in the morning - about 5:40 AM. The kids and I were of course in bed, but I wasn't asleep. I heard my dog bark a little and then the jingle of keys. Then the light in the dining room came on. I figured it was him, but stayed in bed because I assumed he'd come to the room and say something or maybe ask me something.
About 5-10 minutes later, he left. He didn't come see me or speak to me, didn't look in on the kids and kiss them. He hasn't seen them since Christmas day and he just leaves. Doesn't even leave a note.
I got up and went to the front of the house. I could hear him trying to lock the front door and waited to see if he would come back in. When he was done messing with his keys and the lock, I looked out the window and saw him (well, his shadowy figure) getting into his work truck and then he sped away.
He had taken the Valentine's Day cards and birthday cards the kids and I had for him on the microwave, and also took the notes and pictures the kids had there for him. He also had signed our tax papers (which had also been on the microwave) and left them on my desk. Oh, and he left a Barbie movie here for my daughter that she'd been wanting.
I was disappointed that he left without seeing us or speaking to us.
I've thought a lot about how my husband has changed. It's like he's done a 180°, unfortunately not for the good. He used to be so kind and generous and good and loving and affectionate and sensitive. He was a family man who would, as it should be, always put his family before himself. He was commited to me and our kids. He would never do anything to hurt me or our kids.
Why can't he be happy with the wife God chose for him? A wife who loves him with everything that is in her and always said it (I still do say it) and showed it. A wife who is affectionate and submissive to him. A wife who keeps the home clean and cooks good meals. (Even if I do say so myself. lol) A wife who loves her kids and takes care of them. A wife who loves and serves God.
Why am I no longer good enough for him when he used to think I was perfect just as I was?
I know it's because he quit serving God and then started hanging out with his worldly co-workers and allowed them to influence him.
This hurts me deeply. More than deeply. I wish I could put into words how desperately I need God to just make this stop now. Put an end to this now. Save my husband now. I want this nightmare and this loneliness and rejection and heartbreak to end now.
:(
~
On another subject, I feel more certain about where I am and what I'm doing. It's funny how information about who and what I'm supposed to be and do as a woman, wife and mother just keeps coming to me. Even though I don't seek it out. At least not the specifics of it. And I don't go looking for opinions or teachings to "back up" what I want. I know what I want, but more than what I want, I want what God wants for me. I want to do things His way.
I read the testimony of a woman (not Pentecostal) about how her husband had left her and their kids, abandoned them completely, and how God has provided for them. Often in miraculous ways.
God keeps reminding me of His word. That He will supply all my need according to His riches in glory. That the righteous are not forsaken and don't have to beg for bread. And to not worry about what we will eat or drink or wear, but to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added.
I know it is because of the grace and mercy and blessings of God that my husband hasn't abandoned us financially. He's still paying the bills and providing money for us for food. He still pays for our health care (something I really need with my health issues) and provides money for needs that come up for our kids for school and other things. I know that things could be worse.
I thank God for the little blessings. But I'm waiting on that big blessing. The one that will make our life good again and what it should be. The blessing of my husband's salvation and the salvation of our marriage. I will not accept any other outcome. I don't want God to make me happy without my husband. And I don't want another man to take his place. I just want my husband back, serving God and in love with me.
Is that too much to ask?
~
Another thing I've been thinking about is how that some people have to hit rock bottom before they'll wake up and realize how messed up they've made their lives. Why do they do that?
My husband was blessed with a wife and children who love him. He had a beautiful family, a good home, God's blessings. How could he walk away from that?
For the past couple months I guess my husband's boss has only allowed him and the other employees to work 40 hours a week. No more overtime. This really bothers my husband and he's asked that I contact our internet provider and have it dropped. (My mom lives a mile or two away. I can use her computer until I get my internet back.) The thing that gets me though is that he spent our savings on a camper to live in back in July (he was supposedly worried about finances then too), pays $200 a month for the campground rental, bought a $700-800 TV for himself that he's having to make payments on, has to buy his own groceries. And he's worried about finances? Why spend money on completely selfish and unnecessary things if you're trying to cut back on expenses? Why not cut out those expenses?
Mind boggling. It's as if any expense is fine if it's for something he wants.
I will of course do what he wants me to do and have the internet dropped. If the contract allows it that is.
It's funny because I keep hoping that if I just keep being sweet and good and submissive and loving that he'll come to his senses and come back home. But I was that way before he left and he left anyway. :smirk2:
Anyway, sorry for three posts in a row. And sorry if I complained too much.
~
talking is good, nikki. keep talking. it's like letting bad air out. if you hold that in your mind, it will make things worse.
the only thing i can say about all of what you said is that he's wrong. you're not wrong for being exactly who you are. don't hold any guilt or thoughts of "how can i be better?"
what if he's simply wrong? you can't change him or make his decisions or see through his eyes. give him the right to be wrong. you can't live up to unrealistic expectations.
you can be a better version of yourself. we can all always improve. but growing is a natural part of life. that's not "changing to please someone else." you keep doing the best that you can each day. enjoy what you can of your kids, your family, the new life of spring. look outward, not inward.
God clearly means there to be reconcilliation. keep believing.
but also remember that God won't force your husband to do what he doesn't want to do anymore than God would force you. He isn't like that. you and God are only two pieces of this puzzle. keep holding on to God and whatever happens, you'll still have God to get you through.
and know that you have been prayed for. a lot.
I will be praying for you too, Nikki.
I know that it absolutely makes no sense. I couldnt make sense of it either when a 'similar' thing happened to me with an ex husband. I came home early on valentines day to find another woman in some lingerie. There was definately a confrontation, because I needed some answers. Then he admited he had met this woman nearly 6 months earlier and had feelings for her. ( And I never had a clue.)
I thought that I did everything as best as I could, but somehow it's not enough to some men. But the only thing we can be sure of and have an answer for, is that God is your Pilot. You have to trust Him and hang on.
I never in a million years could even concieve in my mind that I could love somebody else. Low and behold, God did send somebody else. And the husband I have now makes me wonder what in the world I ever saw in my ex. You have to find a way to heal. A grieving heart will kill you and the devil knows this. If he can't destroy you by health, or finances, he'll try getting to you through the one you love.
Sometimes they realize what they've done wrong and they come back, but in reality, he may never come back since he seems to have made some kind of decision. Your time is precious so don't waste it on a broken heart and a marriage that you were obviously in by yourself. You can't unscramble eggs.
I know I don't know your situation, but I would try to think of it as an opportunity to do better. And know that God is on your side.
I know that if your husband has been filled with the Holy Ghost, it doesnt matter where he goes, what he gets into, who he's with, it will only be a curse to him until he's back on the right track. But it's up to you whether you want to spend your life waiting on it.
One morning you'll wake up and it just won't hurt anymore. His loss.
oh Niki, I do not say it lightly that you are a strong woman, that your testimony is changing and encouraging lives now and in the future.
It's totally contrary to the world's mentality, it's completely conflicting to the flesh, and it's a drop kick to the devil's foothold.
Have you thanked God for saving your husband? Not as in the 1st time and not according to where he is at this moment, but for what you feel GOD has put in your Spirit. I would take what you have in your spirit as a promise from God because the devil doesn't tell Godly women that Jesus is still going to reconcile and save their marriages, and the flesh isn't that tenacious.
Tonight I was reminded of the times I have literally thanked God for something that ended up happening. Now, whether I thanked Him because He put it in my spirit that it was going to happen or because my eager joy moved Him to do it, I don't know. But I do know that when I started thanking Him, not just praising, not just claiming the victory; but thanking Him pretty much like going through the testimony as if it was already done... when I did that, it happened! I don't recommend this without direction from God but goodness Sis, you got more unction in you than any woman I've known personally in such a trial.
You may feel down trodden, you are carrying a cross, but it is worth it. We could never number the women that will always secretly wonder what would have happened if they had prayed and fasted with all they had, a little longer, and with a little more faith that God was doing it. You have scripture and you have strength confirming you.
One day Niki, you are not just going to survive, you WILL thrive.
Please don't misinterpret my boldness, I'm in awe of the grace of God in your life right now. There's no exceptions to God's promises.
2Cr 5:18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
If I come across as strong it's only because of God. As far as what some may see as my strength or unction, I think may just be stubbornness. lol I read God's Word and I see what is commanded of me by God and if I am to please God then I have to obey Him. And if I am to come out of this on the other side victorious, then I have to do it God's way.
I don't feel strong at all. I feel like I've been knocked to the ground, seriously wounded, and I can't get up. So whatever fight is in me, I'm fighting while on my back.
I too have wondered about women (mostly godly women) who seem to have given up the fight for their marriages. I can't help but wonder if they just couldn't take it anymore (completely understandable) and decided to just quit fighting and let their husbands go.
I've felt that way myself sometimes, so I don't say that in a judgmental way. I've said to God more than once that it wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't love my husband like I do. If I could just quit loving him and say, "Whatever, do what you want. You don't have to come back. We'll get divorced and then we can go on about our own lives.", maybe I would be free of the heartache and pain.
But God hates divorce. It's a sin. And the love God commands husbands and wives to have for each other is unconditional. When you read "wives love your husbands" and "husbands love your wives", there isn't a list of conditions following that command. It doesn't say, "Wives love your husbands, unless they leave you". God commands unconditional love.
The same scripture that commands wives to love their husbands, love their children, be keepers at home, be good, be sober, be chaste, to be obedient to their own husbands, to be discreet, says that to not do that would be blasphemous of the Word of God.
Can a person go to heaven if they blaspheme the Word of God? I don't believe so.
I will not give up on my husband. I can't. To just let him go and quit fighting for him (I'm not trying to fight against him) and quit fighting for our marriage would be wrong, in my opinion.
I feel like if I just let him go and quit fighting (and by fighting I mean prayer, fasting, refusal to give up, etc.) that I will be showing a lack of faith in God and in His ability to save my husband and heal our marriage.
Yes, I know there's free will and all that. But I also believe that with God all things are possible. That nothing is too hard for God. That if He drew my husband to Him once, He can do it again. I believe that God knows what it takes to wake up my husband and bring him back to Himself and back home.
How many of us have heard awesome stories of God reaching someone who seemed unreachable? Saving the seemingly unsaveable? Stories of God bringing down the walls that someone had put up between themselves and God, and between themselves and their spouses? God has done it many times. And as I've said to God, if You did it for them, You can do it for me.
One of my favorite stories that I heard Bro. Keith Clark tell was about a woman and her husband. They used to drink and party together. Then she came to church and got filled with the Holy Ghost. This made her husband angry because she wasn't partying or drinking anymore.
Then Bro. Clark came to her church to preach revival services and she was going more often for those special services. This made her husband even angrier. As she was on her way out the door with their kids, her husband told her not to go. That if she went, when she got home he would beat her within an inch of her life. She kind of laughed and said, "That's funny. When I was praying earlier, God told me that you're going to get the Holy Ghost tonight."
He yelled and cussed and said that he'll never do that and he'll never go to that church. She said to him, "I'll see you at church".
After she left, he went to one of the bars he always went to. After a drink or two (so he wasn't drunk), he felt someone sit down on the bar stool next to him. The "person" said to him, "You oughtta go down to the church". He said he wasn't going to do that and when he looked over to see the "person" who had spoken to him, there wasn't anyone there.
He left that bar and went to another bar. Had a couple more drinks. Again, he felt someone come in beside him and again he told him he should go to the church. He said, "I'm not going!".
He left that bar and went to a third. And again, someone he couldn't see spoke to him and said, "This is the last bar I'm walking in with you. You should go to the church. They're closing up service soon."
So the man left and went to the church. The pastor of the church asked Bro. Clark to close out the service. Bro. Clark saw that man come staggering into the church and stand behind the last row of pews. He gripped the back of the pew and was swaying from being so drunk. Bro. Clark said, "Is there one more person who'd like to pray?" That man raised his hand and came staggering down the aisle.
Bro. Clark went to him in the altar to pray with him. He said the smell of alcohol was so strong it made him feel sick. God told him to get back down there and keep praying with him. Bro. Clark said, "I can't, the devil's got him!" And God said to him, "Well, cast him out!". So Bro. Clark laid hands on him and commanded the devil to let him go. The man got filled with the Holy Ghost and was instantly sober. Then he got drunk on the Holy Ghost.
A few months later, he brought 40 people to a revival that Bro. Huntley preached there.
I remind God of what He did for that woman and her husband. I tell Him, "You did it for her, You can do it for me. You sent an angel to speak to him, even in a bar, You can do the same to my husband."
My husband is very lost, but he's a saint who's lost. Someone who knows God's voice and knows what God feels like. He knows the Word and he knows the truth. I ask God to not let him get away. We who know God can't fit in with the world the way that a sinner can. There's always something different about us, even if only internally.
I ask God all the time to give my husband dreams, to send someone (an angel or a human) to speak to him and say something that would move him, to bring back to his memory scriptures and church songs and favorite things he's heard preachers say. Remind him of what it was like to feel God's presence, to be surrounded by hundreds of people worshipping God.
I sometimes tell the devil to get his hands off of my husband. That he has no right to my husband or my marriage or my home or my family. My husband belongs to God, even if he is wandering like the prodigal son. I ask God to wake my husband up and help him to see the pig pen he's gotten himself into. God help him to see how much he needs Him and how lost he is. Help my husband to see what a beautiful thing he's turned his back on - God, church, his wife, his children. He had a great life here with his family. God help him to see that.
I want my husband to remember and actually understand how much God loves him and how much I love him. He told me once, back in October, that he knows I love him. (Which really just makes it hurt that much worse. He knows I love him and knew that what he was doing would hurt me, but he left anyway.) But I want God to help him to truly understand what that means. I want my husband to understand that I love him more than anyone other than God will love him. That my love for him is unconditional and will never die. I'm trying to show him that by not giving up on him and by telling him whenever I get the chance that I love him.
Anyway, I know this was long and probably boring. I apologize for that.
If anyone reading this could remember to pray for my husband, I really appreciate it.
~
More whining from me. lol
This is sort of an update.
My husband called late Tuesday afternoon to talk to the kids, but our daughter had fallen asleep reading a book and our son was at my mom's house. He also asked what bills were due (I can't tell y'all how thankful to God I am that my husband still pays the bills), he usually asks for that information via text, and then told me he was in Oklahoma and will be there for a few days. After that, he'll be going back to Texas where he's been for a few months now. Most of the time I'm not sure where he is. He doesn't keep me informed like he used to back when he was himself.
Anyway, we said a couple other little things that I can't remember, and as he was saying good-bye I said, "I love you" and he hung up.
I tell him I love him all the time in emails and texts, but I haven't actually said it out loud in months, not only because we rarely actually speak to each other, but also because it hurts too much to say it to him and then him not say it back. I was really nervous about telling him I love him, but it came out anyway. I didn't expect him to say it back, though I have every right to, but it still hurt and I cried later that night, long after the kids had gone to bed.
I talked to God that night about how I need Him to tell me something or show me something beyond any doubt. I'm tired of the up and down from my husband.
Examples:
Our anniversary was December 17th, no acknowledgment from him whatsoever. But for Christmas, he gave me a bunch of money to buy myself some things.
Sometime in January, we had a long text conversation :smirk2:, during which he told me he was sorry he hurt me.
My birthday was in early February. He texted "Happy Birthday" to me and gave me a bunch of money to go shopping with.
His birthday was February 21st and he came back to the area for a few days, but didn't come see us. He then texted me wanting to take the kids with him to his sister's house in Raleigh because she wanted to make him a cake or something for his birthday. He didn't invite me and it really hurt. I hadn't wanted to get my hopes up over the Christmas money and the "I'm sorry I hurt you" text and the birthday money, but I had anyway and so being left out really hurt. He ended up not showing up.
In about mid April, I had written something in an email about him not reading my blog. How that I thought he'd at least want to know what was going on with his family even if he wasn't interested in living with us or seeing us. He texted me that he does read my blog and he finished his text with a response to something I had written in my blog. I had written that I'm sometimes tempted to floor it when I'm driving, but that I never would. Then I'd said that maybe I should be a drag racer and that my husband has a car I could drive. In my husband's text, he ended it with "And yes, I do have a car you could drive".
There he went getting my hopes up again. *sigh*
But then there was the other day when I said "I love you" and he hung up.
Up and down, up and down. I need God to tell me something beyond a shadow of a doubt that gives me a real reason to hold on and to keep hope alive. Regardless, as I told God, I'm not going to stop asking Him to save my husband and bring him home until He does it. I refuse to give up.
~
So, Mother's Day. I had hoped he would have flowers delivered, but he didn't. :( He did give me a little money and texted me. "Happy Mom's Day. I hope you have a wonderful day."
Hmm.
As with the other situations I wrote about in my previous post, I'm trying not to let this get my hopes up. :smirk2:
I wanted to ask you how did Mother's Day go for you...if he had gotten you anything or not but didn't want to cause pain for you if it didn't turn out the way that you/I wanted.
This is the 1st thread that I check every day that I come in here. I'm always looking for an update and will be so excited when I come and see a victory report!!!! Still praying for you sister!
Thank you very much. That means a lot to me. Most of the time I feel like I'm talking to myself. But this is the only place where I write about my situation on a somewhat regular basis. Because this is the only place where I feel like I can get not only prayers from whoever might be reading, but also input from people who are Holy Ghost-filled and understand what God's Word says about marriage.
I have a blog, but my husband reads it, and it seems more public than Godplace. (Meaning, it seems more out there and easier for people to find or stumble upon.)
Plus, I have followers and readers who probably wouldn't see things as we do. I have no doubt that they would call my husband names and tell me things like, "Kick him to the curb!", "Get a lawyer.", "He's not worth it." and so on. I don't want or need to read things like that. None of it lines up with scripture, according to how I see it. And I love my husband too much to open him up to hatred and name-calling, and I love him too much to ever even consider giving in to what he's done or putting a true end to our marriage. Divorce is a sin (except for in the case of adultery) and God hates it.
Anyway, I wasn't planning on writing all this in this post. :)
~
I just read this at a blog I recently (as in today) started reading. I haven't read the article the writer refers to though.
"Gary Thomas' article "Anyway Love" tells of a woman whose husband had continually disappointed her with his insensitivity. Even after she gave him books about "how to love your wife" he didn't change.
"Gary recounts what she said:
"I've realized this is never going to change," she confessed. "But I love him anyway."
"Then Gary's response:
"That last statement of Meg's, "but I love him anyway," is one of the most profound theological statements on marriage I've ever heard. Most of us base love on because, not on anyway. I love you because you're good to me. I love you because you're kind, because you're considerate, because you keep the romance alive."
"He pointed to Jesus' words about what makes a child of God different from one who is not. How piercing this thought was to me! I have read this verse numerous times, and I've never really thought about it in the context of marriage. There is no "credit" for loving a spouse because they love us. We only get credit when we "love anyway" a spouse who doesn't deserve it! Yes, unfortunately, there are times when a spouse becomes an "enemy". And even then, we are instructed how to live:
"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that....But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked." Luke 6:32-36
"I thought of the marriage of my friend, each blaming the other for failed hopes and unfulfilled responsibilities. "I can't love him because he doesn't _____." And so they're walking away, unwilling to "love anyway".
"Christians have been called to many hard things through history. Perhaps even harder than a "one-time choice of martyrdom" is the choice to do hard things day in and day out.
"And yet, what difference it would make in our marriages...what difference it would make as a living picture of Christ's love for us. And if we should even suffer? Can we believe that it's worthy of rejoicing if we suffer for doing what is right?"
Wow.
~
Oh you're welcome Nikki! *hugs* It challenges me to read this.
That was an awesome blog! Thanks for sharing...
I Keep On Lovin' You by Reba McEntire
Love takes the patience of Job
That's what my Mama always said
Faith is the belief in something more than what you know
That's what the Good Book says
You gotta play the cards you got
Who knows what fate is holding
At times you gotta go without knowing where you're going
That's why I keep on lovin' you
I keep on lovin' you
Through the baby don't leave me's
And never will again's
And I promise to's
I keep on lovin' you
Lord knows we've had our share of fights
Our sleepless nights, our up's and down's
We've had plenty and then some of baby I'm gone's and turnaround's
Sometimes I swear it might be easier to throw in the towel
Someday we're gonna look back
Say look at us now
That's why I keep on lovin' you
I keep on lovin' you
Through the baby don't leave me's
And never will again's
And I promise to's
I keep on lovin' you
Keep on lovin' you
Through the I take it backs...I didn't mean it like thats
I'd never hurt you's...Oh, I keep on lovin' you
I keep on lovin' you...I keep on lovin' you
Through the I take it backs...I didn't mean it like that
I'd never hurt you's...Oh, I keep on lovin' you
I keep on lovin' you...I keep on lovin' you
Don't give up Niki. Someday you'll look back at all this and see what an amazing work was done!
I just found this post today. I'd be scared to offer you spiritual advise, but there is one bit of practical information you should know. If your relationship ends in divorce, and if he fights you for custody, one of the first things his attorney is going to do is look at your blog, your MySpace, your Facebook, etc. Any references to thoughts of suicide or mental illness would be admissible and could cost you your parental rights. I just finished a Personal Law class at my university; the professor is also an attorney who specializes in family law; she told us about a young woman who lost custody of her kids for just the reasons I've described; my professor was the husband's attorney. So please, be careful, and if I were you I would go over my previous posts, blog entries, and what-not and delete anything that could be used against me... but that's just my opinion; some might disagree with me and that's OK... I just want to make sure you understand the risks.
My husband might be home by the end of the week. Well, he didn't say home. He said he'd "be back in NC". *sigh*
I had to go to Lowe's yesterday to get something and while I was there, I suddenly got a lump in my throat and had to fight back tears. I think maybe because my husband and I went there a lot in 2007 when we were doing some improvements to our home - tile, paint, lighting, fixtures. I almost let myself cry when I got in the car, but I stopped myself. Partly because I was going to my mom's house next and I didn't want to show up looking like I had cried.
Cold Water Kid,
Thank you for the advice. But I'm trusting God to save my husband and bring him home. And I won't stop asking God to do that until He does it. I will not entertain thoughts to the contrary and I will not accept any other outcome. Either everything is possible with God, or it isn't. Still, I will keep what you said in mind when writing. I haven't said anything at my blog, MySpace or Facebook about this situation with my husband, so no worries there. :)
~
nikki, i heard a speaker talking about going through a difficult divorce a couple of years ago who said she gave herself 15 minutes a day to cry. her situation was somewhat like yours in that it was totally unexpected. she was married to a wonderful man and had a wonderful life and things were wonderful and she came home from a trip to find him packing and leaving. it devestated her. she believed he would come back and did everything she could to make that happen. but it didn't.
and through all of it she held on to God to keep her through it AND she allowed herself to cry. not be depressed or overwhelmed or sunk in grief.
it's ok to cry. it means you're feeling and if you're feeling you're still alive. some odd things will make you cry at the craziest times. and some things that seem mundane and silly to others will pack huge memories for you. feel those things.
i'm glad to hear you're still doing things - fixing things and going places. those are good. you can be hurt and sad without wallowing in it. and it sounds like you're doing that.
i know i've mentioned before that i understand what you're going through. you're going to be ok. hold on to God, no matter what. keep living. keep loving your kids and doing what you can to help them with all of this, too. when the day is topsy-turvy, remember to be still and know He is God.
Good post, Kris.
Niki, I prayed for you this morning. I'll echo what Kris said... hold onto God. Everything else in your life may be unstable and unpredictable, but He is always stable and faithful.
~Ruby
Thank you.
Well, I got a bit of a surprise tonight. My husband and I were texting about some financial things (non-stressful) tonight. (Texting has been his preferred means of communication for several months now.) Then he told me that a co-worker of his should be coming by this weekend to pick up some things for him from the storage building. (All he has in there are car parts and tools.) The co-worker is supposed to send whatever it is my husband needs to where he is in Denver.
I said, "Okay. I love you." Then he said, "I still love you too."
Wow. You know, it's pretty sad not only when it surprises you that your husband says he loves you, but also when it makes you wonder what he's up to. Is he trying to soften a blow that's coming?
It's too bad he's made me not trust him.
I'm trying not to let this get my hopes up too high. Because I could do that. "Ooh, I wonder if he'll be moving back home soon."
Actions speak louder than words. Especially when they're texted to you. lol So I reckon I'm in a wait-and-see place.
Y'all keep praying, please.
***edited in***
Oh, forgot to say that I think the reason he might want some things out of his building is because someone stole my mom's lawnmower from behind our house a couple days ago. He's probably worried that someone might break into the building and steal some of his valuable parts or tools.
~
Please pray. I'm hurting so badly right now. I'm crying as I type this. My husband came back to the area, wherever he's staying, Saturday night. He hasn't come by to see the kids. He texted me asking if he could take the kids with him to his sister's house in Raleigh for this coming weekend.
He said he wants to see them for more than a few hours, the way he has the few times he has seen them since he left. I told him that if he comes home, he can see them all he wants. He only gets to see them for a few hours because he made it that way. It's the choice he made.
I can't tell you how badly it hurts to be rejected and excluded. We've always done things as a family. He's the one who has insisted that the kids not know that he's moved out. So I asked him what he's going to tell them about why I'm not with them. He said he doesn't know.
I've asked him to please come home. I told him that our kids deserve to have their father living here with them. That they miss him so much and need him. I also told him that I love him and miss him. Nothing seems to move him.
Please pray that God will do something and bring my husband home. It hurts so much to know he's just 30 minutes away, but chooses not to see his own kids. Chooses not to see me and chooses not to live with his family. The family he's responsible for protecting and loving and leading.
Quote from: Niki on June 15, 2010, 03:40:14 PM
Please pray that God will do something and bring my husband home.
Several years ago, not long after I got in church, my younger brother's wife left him. He wanted God to do "something" too. I, like you, knew God could do anything so I encouraged him that God could reach her somehow, but when we visited several ministers and elders looking for prayer and advice they all said the same thing; basically, God wasn't going to force her to desire reconciliation. It takes two willing people for a relationship to be healed. Of course I didn't really believe it; I knew faith could move mountains.... but it turned out they were right. In my humble opinion, if God were in the business of forcing people to love then He'd force them to love Him, the most important love in their life. But it just doesn't work that way, and torturing yourself week after week, month after month, year after year won't change it.
Have you considering talking to your doctor about this situation? He can prescribe you medication that will give you some relief from this obsession... a fresh perspective might do you good.
I don't think its an obsession to want the person that married you to live with you. Sure she's going through a bad time, but asking for medication to take the pain away isn't being faithful in God, and Gods people of all shouldn't be discouraging those who are trying to be faithful. I'm sorry for both of these situations (The Cold Water Kids brother and Niki) but Niki you are so strong, I have been reading this thread for a while now. No, God won't MAKE your husband do the right thing, but he will help you through this, if your husband comes home or if he doesn't. Don't give up! I'll be praying for you the best I know how and I know there are many other people on here that have read this and are praying also!
Quote from: TheGirl on June 15, 2010, 07:23:26 PM
I don't think its an obsession to want the person that married you to live with you.
obsession - the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc. (taken from dictionary.com).
I don't use the word in a derogatory way, but this is clearly an obsession. Not only is it an obessesion, but it's not Biblical:
# 1 Corinthians 7:15
But
if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances;
God has called us to live in peace.
Would you describe what she is living in now as peace? Of course not!
Quote from: TheGirl on June 15, 2010, 07:23:26 PM
but asking for medication to take the pain away isn't being faithful in God, and Gods people of all shouldn't be discouraging those who are trying to be faithful.
This is simply not true. Taking medication for an illness, physical or mental, does not equate with being unfaithful to God.
lol
Actually, God gave me peace a few months ago. I know He's going to take care of me. I have no doubts of that. I also have no doubt in God's Word that with God all things are possible and that nothing is too hard for Him. By this do I mean that God will force my husband to do the right thing? No. But I do believe that God knows just what it takes to reach my husband and I will not give up on my husband as long as there is breath in my body.
Really, the only time I feel upset is when my husband does or says something new that is against what's right. Most of the time, weeks, sometimes months, will go by with no new bad or hurtful thing being said. It was only a week or two ago that my husband told me he still loves me.
As long as my husband is still alive, there is hope.
As for I Corinthians 7:15, my husband is a backslider, not an unbeliever. Some may think they're the same thing, but I do not. I've been a backslider before, but I still believed in God and the truth of His Word.
God commands wives to love their husbands and to be faithful to them. No conditions attached. I will obey God. And I will trust Him to bring my husband back to Him (He did it before, He can do it again) and I will trust Him to bring my husband home.
I will not give up. I will not lose faith. I refuse. To believe that God will not save my husband and bring him home is to not have faith in God. I have faith in God. No matter how long it takes, I will have that longsuffering, enduring love that I Corinthians 13 talks about. A love that waits for as long as it has to wait. A love that never ends and never gives up. That is true love and that is the love I have for my husband.
And I do not need medication. Just because I feel sad and frustrated sometimes doesn't mean I'm losing my grip or that I'm swimming in a dark sea of despair that I cannot escape. I'd be more concerned if I didn't feel sad sometimes.
God is more than able to give peace that passes understanding. Which He's already done for me. I cast my cares on Him.
~
man, I tried to reply by my phone earlier and it didn't work.
There is a big difference between having faith and obsessing unhealthily. The lack of testimonies in no way should deter a person from holdind on. I'm skeptical to heed elders who's generation pacified saints for divorce & remarriage till the % is the same in church as it is out, something is terribly wrong w/ that. Fast and seek God for a clear Word from Him is all there is I would know to do/say. Unless there is a clear end to the marriage, it is not unGodly to hold tight. By CWK's perspective, all intercessors should stop.
Medication is never the answer when it's a life/emotional/spiritual issue- period. Medication does nothing but INCREASE depressing thoughts and suicide, it numbs the natural system made to release the pressure of stress- stress that can change us, bring revelation. No, that kind of medication is for those who lack submission to God, God brings balance and sensibility, even if it doesn't seem logical to the immature and inexperienced.
Praise God Niki, that God has given you a stable mind, even in the midst of heartache. That you are holding to what the Word of God says above what man does. THAT is a testimony worth repeating to others!
Quote from: MellowYellow on June 16, 2010, 07:43:40 AM
I'm skeptical to heed elders who's generation pacified saints for divorce & remarriage till the % is the same in church as it is out, something is terribly wrong w/ that.
You're preaching to the choir on this issue; I never said anything about divorce. The Bible makes no allowance for believers to divorce and remarry. As for your thoughts on medication, all I can say is I know of two licensed ministers who were having problems and needed medication for a time, and several more saints. There is a difference between the brain and the mind in a Biblical sense. The mind is spiritual, but the brain is very much an organ of the body and therefore subject to the same rules of the flesh as the heart, liver, kidney, etc.
Quote from: Niki on June 16, 2010, 04:34:25 AM
As for I Corinthians 7:15, my husband is a backslider, not an unbeliever. Some may think they're the same thing, but I do not.
I agree with you, a backslider is a horse of a different color. But the justification Paul uses is not that the person is an unbeliever but that we are called to live peaceably
with all men. If we take your interpretation then the verse might read like this:
1 Corinthians 7:15 (New International Version)
15But if the
unbeliever leaves,[don't] let him do so. A believing man or woman is
not bound in such circumstances; God has [not] called us to live in peace [in such circumstances].
I don't believe Paul would sign his name to a sentence like the one above. The last part of verse 15 shows us why we should let the erring party go - for the sake of living in peace. What might happen if your husband got it in his head that the only way he could get right with God would be to come back to you? This could easily happen in a backslider's mind, and it could lead to the destruction of his soul... which is really what the devil has been after all along. If you really want him to be saved, stop criticizing him and pointing out his faults. Love, true love, covers transgressions; its desire is to hide shameful behavior, not to expose it.
Please don't take what I'm saying in a critical way, I feel for your situation. You want a "road to Damascus" experience for your husband; the rich man in Luke 16:19 wanted one for his brothers too, but it's never going to happen. How can I say that? Because there is a critical difference between your husband and Saul (later Paul) - Saul had a clear conscience with God.
When we set ourselves up like toll booth operators on the road between a person and God, there's a chance that our price for passage might be more than they are able to pay.
Quote from: MellowYellow on June 16, 2010, 07:43:40 AM
There is a big difference between having faith and obsessing unhealthily.
agreed! if everyone just let the spouse walk away and never keep faith. what was the point of the marriage anyway? i think in our churches its been made so easy now to just walk off and go find someone else.
i dont know about anyone else but i think there is a good reason God had the "death till we part" put in there. sometimes i wonder (even though my divorce was because of severe physical abuse) what would have happened had i held to my faith, prayed and fasted and interceded for him?
just my :twocents:
*Hugs* Niki because I'm really proud of her for doing what God has asked her to do, even in the face of criticism and rude comments. Hold your course, Niki. As long as your feet are running hard after God you're on the right path. And His approval means infinitely more than the approval of peers.
Quote from: Just Plain Ole Barb on June 16, 2010, 05:02:03 PM
Quote from: MellowYellow on June 16, 2010, 07:43:40 AM
There is a big difference between having faith and obsessing unhealthily.
agreed! if everyone just let the spouse walk away and never keep faith. what was the point of the marriage anyway? i think in our churches its been made so easy now to just walk off and go find someone else.
i dont know about anyone else but i think there is a good reason God had the "death till we part" put in there. sometimes i wonder (even though my divorce was because of severe physical abuse) what would have happened had i held to my faith, prayed and fasted and interceded for him?
just my :twocents:
*tips her head and ponders several things*
Barb, that was really big of you to even say that.
~Ruby
I've been very peaceful with my husband. Not once have I called him names or told him that he was going to hell. Not once have I spoken down to him. Most women in my place would have all kinds of not-so-nice things to say. And most of it would be true. But I know that saying such things to him will not help. I don't want to push him away. I always speak kindly to him and I always tell him I love him. It is my hope that my love and my kindness (my "sweet spirit", some have called it) will help to draw him back home.
As for him having to come back to me to get right with God, I believe that he can get right with God first. As in, repent and get refilled with the Holy Ghost. But he cannot disobey God's commands for husbands and be right with God. God commands husbands to "dwell with" their wives, love them, provide for them (which is more than financial), have sex with them, and honor them. My husband is still paying the bills, thank God. But he is neglecting me and the kids in every other way - spiritually, emotionally, physically. A man cannot turn his back on his God-commanded responsibilities and be right with God.
This isn't just about my heart and the hearts of my children. It's about my husband's soul and how his neglect could effect the souls of my children. Fathers have a big influence on their children. If a boy isn't getting the love and the example he needs from his father, he may turn to crime or drugs or any other ungodly thing. A girl will seek love in promiscuous sex. And whatever example a father (and mother) gives his children is what they will expect in their own marriages. My son could grow up thinking it's perfectly fine and normal not to be with his wife and kids on a regular basis. My daughter could think it's fine if her husband isn't around much. But it's not fine.
Naturally, I'm praying that my kids do not follow their father's example. And I'm praying that God protects their souls and guides their footsteps. And I will teach my children from God's Word what husbands and wives are supposed to do for each other, how they're supposed to love each other and how marriage is supposed to be. (All without pointing out their father, of course.) I'm also praying that my husband comes back home while there's still time to be a good example to our kids and to be the father they need.
Kids also see the spiritual walks of their parents. It reminds me of a message I heard Bro. Arnold preach about praise and worship. In his message, he talked about how Michal got her non-worshipping spirit from her non-worshipping father Saul. He was her example and he was a bad one. She criticized her worshipping husband David and God made her barren.
Bro. Arnold went on to say that it's more important for our kids to "slide into the altar" than it is for them to slide into second base. What kids need, he said, is a "snot-slinging", cryin, praying, worshipping dad. A dad who's on fire for God. I want this desperately for my kids. They need it.
Mel,
You said to pray and fast for a word from God. Which, I'm sure you don't doubt, I've done a lot of. I was just thinking about that yesterday. How that until God tells me to give up, to let go of my husband; until He tells me that it's over, I will not give up. God has yet to tell me that my husband isn't coming back. Anytime He's spoken to me in His Word it's been scriptures of encouragment. Scriptures that tell me He heard me the first time I prayed. Scriptures that tell me that He will supply my need, He will provide, to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, that He sees me, that He hears me, that He loves me, that He will take care of me. God has told me not to fear, that it's not over until He says it's over. Which He hasn't done.
Throughout this trial, God has shown me, because I sought it out, what He commands of me as a woman and a wife. He has shown me more deeply what marriage is supposed to be. Divorce is not an option. (It's a sin.) Just accepting things and letting things be as they are, regardless of how wrong they are, is not okay. We should never accept sin. We should never accept disobedience. We should never accept ungodliness. What I mean is, we should never give up fighting these things, by fighting the enemy in prayer, and just allow them to continue.
We have power over the enemy to pull down strongholds. And that's where most of my fighting has been. I don't fight my husband. I fight for him. I show him love. It's the enemy, who led my husband astray and wants very much for our marriage to be over because of what it represents (God's union with His bride), who I fight. I bind spirits of the enemy. I plead the blood of Jesus. I anoint my home, including my husband's pillow, with oil. I ask God to send angels to my husband. I ask Him to speak to my husband in whatever way He chooses. I ask Him to cause my husband to remember feeling God, to remember the anointed preaching of the Word, to remember godly songs.
I will not allow the enemy to have free reign. I will not roll over and let him do whatever he wants to my husband or my family. I will not cower in some corner and allow the enemy to frighten me or intimidate me or cause me to lose faith. The devil is a liar.
God has told me, directly and through a friend who spoke it to me in the same way God did, that this isn't about me. ("It's not about you.") This is a spiritual fight for my husband's soul. The enemy used my husband's long absences from church (by being out of state a lot) and the influence of his ungodly co-workers to lure my husband away from God and away from his family. My husband grew very weak spiritually and was "easy pickin's" for the enemy. But I will not let him go without a fight. Again, it's not my husband I'm fighting. He is not my enemy. Regardless of how he's hurt me. The devil is the enemy and I have power over him through Jesus.
I'm not saying that anyone here has suggested anything contrary to what I've written in this post. I just got a little carried away, I reckon. :)
Y'all don't have to worry about my brain or my mind or my well-being. I have faith in God and I put my confidence, my mind, my brain, my heart and everything else in His hands. Just because I cry sometimes (yesterday was the first time in months) doesn't mean I'm losing it or that I need a doctor. I'm a woman. Women cry. We're emotional creatures. It's how God made us. I don't apologize for that. It's the ones who don't cry, who don't feel hurt when done wrong, who you should worry about. It literally is not good to hold that in.
Anyway, I could go on and on I'm sure, but I will spare y'all.
~
Thank you, Ruby. :)
QuoteI will not allow the enemy to have free reign. I will not roll over and let him do whatever he wants to my husband or my family. I will not cower in some corner and allow the enemy to frighten me or intimidate me or cause me to lose faith. The devil is a liar.
God has told me, directly and through a friend who spoke it to me in the same way God did, that this isn't about me. ("It's not about you.") This is a spiritual fight for my husband's soul. The enemy used my husband's long absences from church (by being out of state a lot) and the influence of his ungodly co-workers to lure my husband away from God and away from his family. My husband grew very weak spiritually and was "easy pickin's" for the enemy. But I will not let him go without a fight. Again, it's not my husband I'm fighting. He is not my enemy. Regardless of how he's hurt me. The devil is the enemy and I have power over him through Jesus.
:clap2: Very, very good post.
And you're welcome. ;)
/me leaves Niki a hug
proud of you!
Quote from: Niki on June 16, 2010, 06:44:34 PM
I've been very peaceful with my husband. Not once have I called him names or told him that he was going to hell. Not once have I spoken down to him. Most women in my place would have all kinds of not-so-nice things to say. And most of it would be true. But I know that saying such things to him will not help. I don't want to push him away. I always speak kindly to him and I always tell him I love him.
Talking about someone behind their back is worse than saying it to their face. Character is revealed in what we do in the dark as well as in the light.
Quote from: Niki on June 16, 2010, 06:44:34 PM
As for him having to come back to me to get right with God, I believe that he can get right with God first. As in, repent and get refilled with the Holy Ghost. But he cannot disobey God's commands for husbands and be right with God. God commands husbands to "dwell with" their wives, love them, provide for them (which is more than financial), have sex with them, and honor them. My husband is still paying the bills, thank God. But he is neglecting me and the kids in every other way - spiritually, emotionally, physically. A man cannot turn his back on his God-commanded responsibilities and be right with God.
I'm not saying this is true in your case, but a man can lose all physical interest (to put it delicately) in his wife to the point that laying with her can seem repulsive to him (and women can feel the same about their husbands). Michael never conceived after her incident with David and Hosea had no union with his wife after buying her back from slavery. To say that a man or woman who no longer wants to live with their spouse must live with them and lay with them is a cruel standard, and it's not Biblical. Proverbs says:
Proverbs 21:19
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
This proverb is not offered in jest; a man is better off living exposed to the elements than to a woman's unquenchable wrath. Your standard contradicts this Biblical principle.
Okay, I've been lurking in this thread for quite some time, and haven't said much, but
Niki: Please know that I'm praying for you.
ColdWaterKid: I would like to respectfully (and strongly) encourage you to try to build up Niki instead of trying to tear her down, regardless of your opinion on her stance.
Quote from: RainbowJingles on June 16, 2010, 09:26:29 PM
Okay, I've been lurking in this thread for quite some time, and haven't said much, but
Niki: Please know that I'm praying for you.
ColdWaterKid: I would like to respectfully (and strongly) encourage you to try to build up Niki instead of trying to tear her down, regardless of your opinion on her stance.
:thumbsup2:
Quote from: RainbowJingles on June 16, 2010, 09:26:29 PM
Okay, I've been lurking in this thread for quite some time, and haven't said much, but
Niki: Please know that I'm praying for you.
ColdWaterKid: I would like to respectfully (and strongly) encourage you to try to build up Niki instead of trying to tear her down, regardless of your opinion on her stance.
I'm not trying to tear anyone down, quite the opposite. I only wish you had the same concern for her backslid husband... you never know who reads these threads.
Amazing post Niki, girl you got it. I know you already seek God, sometimes there is just nothing else new to say, but just keep going. ☺ This thread reminds me of Job. If his friends would have done like so many have here and just encouraged him to keep going, seeing him for authentically submitting to God.
A family crisis has arose w/ my mom and sister and I'm so thankful I have such encouraging words to read about maintaining integrity. I appreciate you lady ♥
Barb, that is pretty deep. I wouldn't encourage a woman to keep going back home if she knew she was going to get beat down, but there are so many variables also in those situations too. There is no "1 sz fits all" for divorce and this is what people have tried to make it, to justify not wholly submitting to God. But then these people continue to have such disfunctional lives that another marriage often only makes things worse and instead causes them to have to sacrifice something, kids over spouse, spouse over kids, or trying to juggle it all, instead of having sacrificed their own time and minds before God in the beginning. Only God knows, maybe doing all that would have made a difference in him, maybe it wouldn't have. Guaranteed though, it would have changed you and given you a monstrous strength in Jesus, if it didn't already. I have wondered too, how many people stop short of miracles because they thought they could, or maybe really did see that the person was not going to choose Jesus, but then, it's not the other person they are really selling short but also themselves. It's not so much the "result" as it is the revelation through the process. Thankfully God is full of grace and we can choose to still learn that a heavy burden is a precious treasure any day over an easier life/quick escape/ect.
agreed mellow.
i ran into some friends the other day that live where my x lives and is telling me he is now single and going to a church and that i should go try to get back with him. i was like ???
at one point in my life i may would have given it a shot, but in the 11 years we have been divorced, he has already been married and divorced 3 other times. i just dont see me getting in all that.
and if i was honest i would admit that had he gotten in a church before he married again i might would have been willing. but to me when he married it broke what we had. i am sure plenty of people can post how i am biblicaly wrong about it all and thats fine. just like nikki, i know what i know. and i am the only one that will answer to what i have or havent done.
you will be in my prayers nikki
Quote from: The Cold Water Kid on June 16, 2010, 09:35:34 PM
I'm not trying to tear anyone down, quite the opposite.
Really?
Hmm...
Quote from: Just Plain Ole Barb on June 16, 2010, 09:55:18 PM
i am sure plenty of people can post how i am biblicaly wrong about it all and thats fine. just like nikki, i know what i know. and i am the only one that will answer to what i have or havent done.
I don't find fault with your decision, far from it. I don't know what to call it, but there has to be something between a man and a woman for them to live together as husband and wife in peace. Call it a spark, call it whatever... but when it's missing you know it. :twocents:
I could be misinterpreting the general sentiment, and I'm not suggesting this applies to anyone here, but there seems to be an assumption that a man can just " deal with it" and somehow "make the best" of a situation where he's forced to live with a woman he doesn't love. Why would anyone think that? When Jacob was roped into marrying Leah, he didn't force himself to love her... and he didn't live with her. But God didn't condemn him for it. While the Lord had pity on Leah and gave her many children, He did not find Jacob guilty of fault in this matter, or if He did the Bible makes no mention of it. Why would we believe it is different today? Jacob lived before the Law, and our faith is compared to that of Abraham. I could be wrong, but it seems to me there are certain areas of our life that the Lord leaves to us; He doesn't require us to turn one way or another. Personally, I've often thought He enjoys seeing what we'll choose... as a parent enjoys watching the lives of their children unfold.
It's not Biblical that a husband and wife must have sex with each other?
I Corinthians 7:3-5 says in the New Living Translation: "The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
It's not Biblical that a husband must love his wife and a wife her husband?
Ephesians 5:25
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."
Husbands are to love their wives the way Jesus loves us. Unconditionally (what can separate us from the love of God?) and without end.
Matthew Henry has this to say:
"The duty of husbands is to love their wives. The love of Christ to the church is an example, which is sincere, pure, and constant, notwithstanding her failures. ... The words of Adam, mentioned by the apostle, are spoken literally of marriage; but they have also a hidden sense in them, relating to the union between Christ and his church. It was a kind of type, as having resemblance. There will be failures and defects on both sides, in the present state of human nature, yet this does not alter the relation. All the duties of marriage are included in unity and love."
Titus 2:4
"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their own husbands, to love their children,"
There are no conditions added to that scripture or to the scripture that commands husbands to love their wives.
Love is commanded by God's Word. If a husband does not love his wife, he is disobeying God.
My husband says he still loves me. He also tells me I'm beautiful and sexy. Attraction is not the issue. Honestly, I don't know what the issue is for him. I do know though that him being a backslider, living a life of disobedience to God, is at the root of it.
If a man is having a hard time loving his wife or being the husband God commands him to be, he must go to God in prayer. He must ask God to help him be the husband he's supposed to be. Running away, turning your back on your wife, and especially turning your back on God, is never the answer. It's never okay or acceptable.
Have you never struggled with something and had to go to God in prayer about it? Or do you just accept that that's just how things are and remain the same?
I haven't said anything bad about my husband. I haven't torn him down or called him names. My intention has always been to have people pray for him. (And me.) I have nothing to be ashamed of.
QuoteProverbs 21:19
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
This does not apply to me. I've been peaceful, loving, kind and affectionate with my husband. The last time I saw him, I put my arms around him. I did not ignore him. I did not yell at him. I did not lecture him. I did not call him names or make accusations. I showed him love and spoke kindly to him.
And in case you're making more assumptions, I was this way with him before he left. I did not drive him away. As God has told me more than once, "It's not about you." His issue is just that. An issue with himself.
As I think I've said before, I've sought out God's will through prayer and in His Word. I know what He commands of me and expects of me as a woman and as a wife. And I'm doing my best, with God's help and guidance, to be what God wants me to be.
I'm not just sitting here looking at my husband's sin and ignoring whatever growth I may need within myself. I'm an introvert. Self-examination, and even self-criticism, comes naturally to me. I have looked deep into myself and asked God to remove from me anything He isn't pleased with. I have asked Him to make me who He wants me to be. He keeps my anger in check and I am able not to unleash it on my husband. lol Most women would say he deserves to be yelled at and called every name in the book. But I'm not that way. I never have been. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't just believe in second chances, I believe in many chances. I don't quit on people. I remain loyal no matter what.
I'm a naturally peaceful person. There is no anger or contention for my husband to deal with from me. I've always been the type who wants things to be mended as soon as possible. I don't do cold shoulders or silent treatments. I don't do yelling or holding grudges. I don't "keep score".
I just want my family back together again. I want the closeness we've always had, right up until my husband left, back again. I want and need his companionship and his affection. I deserve it and have every right to it, according to God. His Word says so and anything said contrary to that is not truth.
Anyway, the point of this thread was to get prayer for my husband and myself and our family. I did not start this thread to be insulted or accused of things that are not true. You're (CWK) not helping things at all. You're not lifting up, you're tearing down.
~
Unity, Faithfulness and Divorce
Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7-8 and Ephesians 5:31 all say that a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Cleave means to be united, to be joined, to hold fast. A man should be closer to his wife than to his own parents.
Wesley's Notes say this: "The virtue of a divine ordinance, and the bonds of it, are stronger even than those of nature."
In Matthew and Mark, Jesus goes on to say that what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. (In other words, don't get divorced.) And also, if a man or woman puts away (divorces) his or her spouse, unless it's because of adultery, and then marries someone else, they have committed adultery. Why? Because in God's eyes, you are still married to your first spouse (unless the divorce was caused by adultery), even if you are not according to "the law of the land". These two are one flesh.
I Corinthians 7:27 says in the NIV, "Are you married? Do not seek a divorce."
In the New Living Translation, "If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage."
In the American King James Version, "Are you bound to a wife? seek not to be loosed."
Bible in Basic English, "If you are married to a wife, make no attempt to get free."
Malachi 2:16 says, "For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away." Remember, "putting away" means divorce. God hates divorce.
In verses 13 and 14, God said that He would refuse the offerings of those who have "dealt treacherously" with their wives. "She is thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant." Covenant being the marriage covenant, the marriage vows. A covenant is sacred and should not be broken. Romans 1 says that "covenantbreakers" are worthy of death.
Dealt treacherously means (according to various interpretations): have broken faith with, have been unfaithful to, have despised.
Men should be faithful to their wives, keep their vows and love their wives. Otherwise God will not accept their offerings or answer their prayers. Not until they repent and make things right with their wives.
Galatians 5 says that those who commit adultery "shall not inherit the kingdom of God".
Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
A man should only lust after his wife. This is why porn and strip clubs are so wrong. It's a sin against God's Word and a betrayal (cheating) against a man's wife. Any man who's having a problem with this needs to stop and he needs to ask God to help him. God will always help you do the right thing if you sincerely want it and if you ask Him to.
Ephesians 5:32, (after it saying in verse 31 that "they two shall be one flesh"), compares marriage to Christ and the church. In verse 25, husbands are told to love [verb; requires action] their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.
Think about that for a minute. A man is supposed to love his wife the way Jesus loves us. He's supposed to give himself to her and for her completely. Do you think Jesus wants to be separated or divorced from His church? Marriage is supposed to represent that covenant. It is sacred and precious and should never be broken.
Proverbs 18:22, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord."
Ephesians 5:33, "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence [respect] her husband."
Sex
I Corinthians 7:3-5 says in the New Living Translation: "The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
I think that's pretty self-explanatory. :-)
Duties and Position
Colossians 3:18-19, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love [verb; requires action] your wives, and be not bitter against them."
Why should wives submit? (Besides the fact that God said so.) Because the husband is the head of the wife. [I Corinthians 11:3] He represents Jesus in the marriage (as marriage compares to Jesus and the church) and the wife represents the church, the bride of Christ. Who has the authority? Jesus or His people? Jesus is the head of the church.
A body can only have one head. And just as the body (wife) can't do without the head (husband), the head (husband) can't do without the body (wife).
Genesis calls woman man's helpmeet. [Helper; female helper; relief; aid.] Ladies, our men need us. Whether they believe it or understand it or agree with it or not. We are here to help them.
"Be not bitter against them" means "never treat them harshly". Husbands should be kind to their wives.
I Timothy 5:8, "But if any [man] provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."
Any man who does not provide for his wife and children is worse than an unbeliever. He is worse than someone who doesn't believe in God. A man must love his family, be affectionate with them, spend time with them, support them financially and lead them spiritually as he is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home.
This doesn't mean that a man who loses his job is doing wrong. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control. But he should do his best to provide for them. And if he trusts God and serves Him, God will provide and will supply all your need. Including a job. You've just got to trust Him and serve Him.
To be continued...
~
Titus 2:3-5 says that women should "be sober [wise]", "love their husbands", "love their children", "be discreet [sensible; self-controlled], chaste [morally pure; clean in heart], keepers at home [housewives; busy at home; manage their households; work in their homes; workers at home; homemakers], good [kind; gentle], obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed [maligned; discredited; shamed; reviled; dishonored; exposed to reproach]."
**Notice that anytime scripture tells husbands to love their wives and wives to love their husbands, there are no conditions attached. No list of unlesses. It doesn't say husbands/wives love your wives/husbands unless they hurt you or unless they disagree with you or unless you don't share every hobby/interest or unless they make you angry or unless they walk out. Or whatever. God commands unconditional love.
Since God commands husbands to love their wives as Jesus loves the church, and His love is unconditional ("who can separate us from the love of God?"), then a husband's love for his wife must also be unconditional and never ending.
I Peter 3:1-2, 7, "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection [submit] to your own husbands; that, if any [husbands] obey not the word, they [husbands] may also without the word be won by the conversation [behavior; lifestyle] of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation [your pure, reverent, holy lives] coupled with fear [of God]...Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them [your wives] according to knowledge [with understanding; in an understanding way], giving honour [respect] unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel [delicate partner; female; friend; helper], and as being heirs together [equal partners] of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."
Geneva Study Bible says that husbands should have "an honest care" for their wives and their wives should not "be neglected".
It also says that "All fighting and rebuking must be avoided, because they hinder prayers and the whole service of God, to which both the husband and wife are equally called."
Matthew Henry Commentary says, "...giving due respect unto her, and maintaining her authority, protecting her, and placing trust in her."
A word on submission.
Submit: "to yield oneself to the authority or will of another; to defer to (respectfully submit to) or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another."
In order to submit, there must first be disagreement. ("You can't submit to someone you agree with. There's nothing to submit." -- Bro. Jack Cunningham.) What I mean is, it's fine and normal for wives to disagree (respectfully, of course) with their husbands on some things. But then the wife must submit to the husband's decision.
The husband should listen to his wife, care about her opinion and view on things, no matter how different from his own, and be man enough to agree with her and do what she wants if he sees and believes that she's right. But the decision is ultimately up to him. And if he makes the wrong decision, it will be on him, not the wife. That's a lot of pressure. I know I wouldn't want that on my shoulders.
You should also understand that submitting doesn't mean you do what your husband wants you to do if what he wants you to do requires you to disobey God.
Submission is something most women hate. Submitting to our husbands has been unpopular for a long time. Probably since Adam and Eve sinned. But especially, it seems, since the middle of the 20th century.
But God is the final authority. He will judge. I know for myself, I want to do things His way. His ways are above our ways and His thoughts are above our thoughts.
I'm not saying I always like submitting to my husband. But, as I said, I want to do things God's way. He knows what's best. He set up the chain of authority the way He wanted it to be. But don't forget that I Peter 3:7 says that husbands and wives are equal partners of eternal life. The husband is the head, but he is not better than her or smarter necessarily. He shouldn't be a tyrant or rule with an iron fist. Remember, a husband is supposed to be kind to his wife, honor her, love her and respect her.
He will not have a higher place in heaven, as husbands and wives are equal partners spiritually. We have different roles in marriage and in our homes, but neither is better than the other.
Anyway, this is all just how I understand things and how commentaries and concordances and various Bible translations explain things.
"A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences." -- Dave Meurer
"The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent and it must be equal." -- Frank Sinatra
"The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior. But from the side to be equal, under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."
"Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." -- Robert Heinlein
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get. It's what you are expected to give - which is everything."
"Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own." -- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
excellent post nikki! :thumbsup2:
There's more to the story of Leah. I heard an amazing sermon about how in the end it was Leah that Jacob came to truly love. 1 significance is that she was buried with him in the family tomb. All the embalming knowledge they could have buried Rachel with the family, OR he could have been buried w/ her. But her true colors showed over the years, that she was more like Jacob, and Leah was more like Israel.
Gen 49:31 There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife; there they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife; and there I buried Leah.
Gen 50:13 For his sons carried him into the land of Canaan, and buried him in the cave of the field of Machpelah, which Abraham bought with the field for a possession of a buryingplace of Ephron the Hittite, before Mamre.
:copcar:
Rude post removed. Actually this was more of a personal attack.
:copcar:
I had decided not to post again, but this brought me back out one last time.
1. Nikki was hurting, and trusted us to talk to help her through a very difficult time.
2. Yes, her husband is hurting as well, and she is frustrated in trying to figure out how to reach him. And face it, most pastors don't know how to handle situations like this. We do have people here that are councelors who have had training, people she can trust to hear her out and pray with her. Bro. Scott, the head admin, is one of those.
3. you were right she needs to stand as a protector of him, but without knowledge of how to do so, and people to help her pray when you are at wit's end and frustrated enough she can't think clearly. How can she do so.
4. it is very hard to turn to the local church at times without judgement.
5. She counts many here as close friends and was asking for their thoughts and prayers, as she knows many here will not judge the situation lightly or on first glance, but truely pray. That I have found to be true myself, even with the vast differences between myself and many here, I know if asked, they (especially the long term members, and even those I argue with) will pray!!!
With that, I fade back out.
Your gentleness is much appreciated nwlife. Maybe it's OK to vent our frustrations with people to family and friends... I could be wrong.
Without going into detail there was a time where my husband told me he didn't love me any longer. Was it true? no. He was going through a spiritual battle and felt like me and my kids deserved better. He felt like if he TRULY loved me that he would automatically be a better husband and leader.
I never was hateful with him. It broke my heart but i fought for my marriage and husband with prayer. I kept it in the back of my mind that in the end no one will change my husband BUT him. God gave us free will for a purpose and sometimes people fight against Godly things and I HAD to prepare my heart in case he went totally astray.
I trusted God would be with us no matter what happened--God would keep me if he DID leave or He would restore our family if my husband was sensitive to God's will. No family should be seperated but people make mistakes and make decisions that aren't wise.
It may be a slow process but hold on....reassure him that no matter what--you are willing to fight for him.
Nwlife,
I haven't been here since my last post. Been busy being a mom and homemaker. :) So I missed whatever was said. I appreciate what you did though.
On the subject of protection. I actually wrote a poem about that. I tend to write poetry when I'm going through something either emotionally wonderful or emotionally awful. Anyway, I wrote the poem to my husband, though I haven't shared it with him and probably won't. In the poem, I told him how that in spite of how he's hurt me, I still want to protect him.
When people say negative things about my husband (mostly my mom as she's almost the only one I talk to; she is the only one I've talked to in months), I defend him. I give him the benefit of the doubt and try to come up with some explanation for why he said what he said. In my defending him and professing my love for him, my mom has come to see things differently. She's less negative and more encouraging. She's still angry with my husband (more than I am), but her anger has lessened.
There was another group of ladies I talked to briefly. I gave them very little detail about what was going on, but it was enough to make them very angry. I should've known better. I'll admit that. They're "Christians", but not Holy Ghost-filled. Again, my mistake. But in my defense, it was in the early days of this situation, when I was in a dark place. I soon quit talking to them about what was going on and eventually left the group completely. Negative talk, name-calling and trying to tell me to do things I know aren't pleasing to God (get a lawyer, kick him to the curb) are not things I need or want to hear. I cut most of those ladies completely out of my life. Though I did leave a message thanking them for caring and letting them know that I wasn't angry with them. That I understand why they felt the way they did.
Halo,
I have told him exactly that. :) That I'm fighting for him and our family in prayer. That I love him no matter what. And that I will be here waiting for him whenever he decides to come home. The door is opened wide for him.
~
Praying for you today.
Thank you. :)
Just came in to say that I'm praying for you Niki and your husband...
*Shakes head and sighs @ another...*
*Leaves without any other words*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tQBdrwj7ko
Chorus:
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
Verse I
You may have thought you won that last round.
You may have laughed ('cause) I almost fell down.
Maybe you think I give up easy,
But it's not over. I got more in me.
You thought I stopped, you thought I sat down.
But I am standing. You made me mad now.
You got some things I think you owe me.
I've come to get back everything that you stole.
Chorus
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
Verse II
You hit me hard, I should be knocked out.
Things I've been through, don't even wanna talk about.
You crossed the line (this time), you violated me.
I want revenge (I want everything back from), A to Z.
The battle's not mine, the battle is the Lord's.
In the name of Jesus, I'm taking it by force.
Chorus
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
I want it all back.
Bridge
If you only knew what I was gonna be
After the storm, you wouldn't have even bothered me.
If you only knew what I was gonna be
After the storm, you wouldn't have even bothered me.
If you only knew what I was gonna be
After the storm, you wouldn't have even bothered me.
If you only knew what I was gonna be
After the storm, you wouldn't have even bothered me.
(But now I'm) stronger.
(And I got more) power.
(I'm a little bit) wiser.
(And I got more) strength.
(I got the) anointing.
(Got God's) favor.
(And we're still) standing.
I want it all back.
(Man, give me my stuff back.)
Give me my stuff back.
Give me my stuff.
Give me my stuff back.
I want it all.
Give me my stuff back.
Give me my stuff.
Give me my stuff back.
I want it all.
What about the peace he took? (I want it back.)
What about your strength he took? (I want it back.)
What about your power he took? (I want it back.)
What about your love he took? (I want it back.)
What about your family and all your self-esteem, even your destiny? (I want it back.)
What about the joy you tasted & the time you wasted, do you want it back? (I want it back.)
What about your place in God & all your faith in God, even the ways of God? (I want it back.)
What about your hopes & dreams & your communities, even your kids and teens? (I want it back.)
What about the love he took? (I want it back.)
What about your strength he took? (I want it back.)
What about your joy he took? (I want it back.)
What about the power he took? (I want it back.)
What about your family and all your self-esteem, even your destiny? (I want it back.)
What about the joy you tasted & the time you wasted, do you want it back? (I want it back.)
What about your place in God & all your faith in God, even the ways of God? (I want it back.)
What about your hopes & dreams & your communities, even your kids and teens? (I want it back.)
I want it all back!
~
Niki, I am praying for you and your family. Being a strong-willed person, my first reaction would have been to say "good-ridance" and trash all his stuff(which I'm sure would be regretted later). I think that I takes a lot of faith in God, and maturity to handle the situation as you have, and your kids are going to benefit more than you will ever know by seeing your example. I have no advice for you, and even if I did, am in no way qualified to offer it. I just wanted to add my voice to those who are praying for you and believing with you that God can work miralces. Whether that means miracles in your husbands life, your life, and/or your children's lives, only He knows, but He has his hand on you. Don't be discouraged by those who would disagree with your attitude/beliefs/faith. God has provided a cloud of witnesses to edify and stand with you in this season. Stay strong, keep the faith, God will bring you through.
Geri
Thank you, Geri. I really appreciate it.
Believe me, I was tempted to throw out everything of his that's still here. Just as I've been tempted to yell at him and call him names and so on. But when I think about what the results of such actions would be, I hold my tongue and try my best to speak kindly and with love. I know that if it weren't for God, if I weren't Holy Ghost-filled and trusting Him, I wouldn't be able to be so patient. It's still hard, but it would be much worse if it weren't for God.
I've said here a few times that I pray that God gives me something to hold on to that will help me to keep hoping, to keep my faith strong and to not give up. As recently as a few days ago, I prayed that again. But then it felt like God spoke to me and showed me that it doesn't matter if He does that or not. I'm not going to stop praying for Him to save my husband and bring him home. So I've quit praying that prayer. lol
I try to picture my future (in a very non-psychic way; I don't believe in that stuff) with my husband and without him. When I do, picturing him in my future feels more right. I acknowledge that that could just be because that's how it used to be (him being here) and is how I want it to always be. Thinking about how things currently are, it doesn't feel permanent. I've written here before that I know we're not supposed to go by feeling, so I'm not taking my feelings as "gospel". But God hasn't said anything contrary to what I'm feeling. Believe me, I try to keep my spiritual eyes open wide and my spiritual ears perked up in case He chooses to show me something or tell me something. So far, nothing beyond what He's already told me. He hasn't told me to give up on my husband or that things are over between us. And, as the song says, it ain't over until God says it's over.
So, I'm just living my life as it is, taking it day by day, as I wait on God to move my husband and set things right.
~
As I come across articles and blog entries about marriage that I think have wisdom and right teaching in them, I will share them here. I found this one a few months back. http://www.victoryinjesus.net/love.htm
"Love is a CHOICE. Even though we are commanded in the Scriptures to love, it is still a conscious choice we must make because there are many times when we don't "feel" like loving. Honest, sincere love can only be exposed after we have accepted the love that only Christ provides to us. Jesus' love is a love so profound that He died for us - took our place on the cross. And we didn't even deserve it!
"How many people would you die for? Until we can grasp this love of our Father, we are not capable of truly loving another.
"If you love someone, you give them room to grow, but human love is selfish. It is expressed with expectations of a return.
"Real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. Most of us wait for the feeling of love to come upon us before we act on that feeling. But right thinking produces right behavior - the feelings will follow. Choose to show the other person love, even if you don't feel like it. The feelings will come!
"Human love is different than God's love. Human love depends on: 1) how you feel at that moment, 2) what your circumstances are, and 3) how the other person responds to you. God's love is totally unconditional. No expectations! No demands! When the words and actions of another rip at our heart, we are called to love.
"As we seek to know God, and seek the presence of Jesus in our own lives, HE fills us with the love for others. If you don't "feel" that love, go to Him. Be open and honest with Him. He'll fill you with His love and you won't be able to stop that love from spilling out into the lives of others.
"True love is what is left in a relationship after selfishness is removed."
Song Of Solomon 8:7 - Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.
Isaiah 54:10 - Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Peter 4:8 - Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Colossians 3:18-19 - Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
~
I hope some of y'all will read this tonight.
I won't go into details or anything, but please help me pray that my husband does what is good and what is right. I'm trying to get my family back together. I'm praying God softens my husband's heart and that he will come home for good tonight or at least this weekend. Please help me pray.
Sorry, I didn't get a chance to read this until this a.m. I am still praying though. Did he stay?
He didn't even come by. I know he's close by somewhere. Probably at his camper (wherever that is) or maybe his sister's house in Raleigh. (I've been to her house once, but I don't remember where it is or how to get there.) He says he wants to see our kids and I told him to come on. But when the kids and I got home from being out, he wasn't here and he hasn't come by.
I really don't understand how a person can choose not to do what's right, denying themselves blessings (and blessings for others), all for what? Pride? Stubbornness? I don't know.
I've been praying almost constantly that God would soften his heart and that He would either allow something to happen to my husband or send someone to speak to him so that he's moved in the right direction. I'm praying he comes home today. And even better, that he goes to church with us tomorrow. I'm praying for a miracle.
***edited in***
I just wanted to add that I've tried to make it as clear as possible to my husband that our home (and my heart) is open to him. That I love him no matter what. I didn't tell him to leave (I never would) and I haven't told him to stay away. As far as I know, I didn't do anything to drive him away either. Believe me, I've racked my brain (which sounds like medieval torture, when you think about it) trying to think if there was anything about me that would cause him to leave. (Not that it would be okay, according to God.) But I can't think of anything.
I've said it here before, at the time that he left, I was a better wife and mother than I was in the first years of our marriage. (Because of maturity-level and experience.) And yet he leaves when I'm at my best, not when I was less mature, selfish, inexperienced and lacking understanding of what God wants me to be as a wife and mother. I have a greater understanding now than I ever have before about my wifely duties and about finances and various other things associated with being a wife. And it's when I'm much better at being a wife that he leaves. *shaking my head* I really don't get it.
I better end this post now before I ramble on even more.
~
Aww I'm sorry Nikki *hugs*
I don't consider your posts as rambling at all!
Y'all please pray. (I hate sounding so needy.) God knows the situation. It's similar to that recent situation. I need God to work a miracle. Otherwise, the truth is going to come out and my kids' hearts will be broken. There will be no avoiding it if things go wrong. We need this miracle by Friday afternoon.
Praying.
I posted this in my status at Facebook:
"Went to the doctor today. They did the usual tests and ultrasounds. Took 6 vials of blood. Have to wait on the results of that and another test. The ultrasounds (no, I'm not pregnant) looked okay. I never like going to the doctor, it's always painful, but I believe God spoke to me while I was there. Yeah, at the doctor's office, of all places.
"In the changing area of the exam room, there was a poem taped to the mirror called 'Don't Quit'. I don't remember how it goes, but it said things like 'don't give up, just take some rest' and 'what you need is near, though it looks far'. While waiting in a chair after my ultrasounds, a song was playing on the radio in the nurses' station. The line 'it'll all get better in time' jumped out at me. Then in another exam room, there was a picture on the wall of a kneeling soldier with an angel next to him and underneath were the words 'Not Alone'.
"I hope this means that things are going to get better soon. Hopefully I will get that miracle I need this week.
"I had to fight tears a lot while there and thinking about the messages I was getting."
This is the poem I saw:
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
I posted this at my blog, where I keep things as vague as possible.
"Still praying for a miracle and/or intervention from God tomorrow. Things could get ugly if He doesn't step in. Though when I imagine things playing out the way I don't want them to, I can see how it could ultimately have a positive effect. I'd just hate for there to be tears, even if good can come of it, if it can be at all avoided. I'd rather good things happen without the tears if possible."
While I'm praying for a miracle and am nervous about things, I'm not really afraid. My mom's all "What if he takes the kids and doesn't bring them back?" *sigh* She's all about the fear and even the anger. But God has given me peace about the situation. After the messages I got from Him at the doctor's office and feeling His touch at church, I feel good about the future. Hopefully it's the near future.
I'm praying that God changes my husband's heart - softens it. That things work out in such a way that he either decides he wants me to go with him and the kids tomorrow to his sister's house for the weekend, or that he just decides to stay home with us. I'm also praying that if this isn't going to happen, that he gets sent out of state today or early tomorrow, to spare my children's hearts. Though I still want God to work on my husband even if he does have to leave the state for work.
I appreciate your prayers.
~
Oh, I suppose I should be just a little more clear. I mentioned my husband wanting to get the kids and bring them to his sister's for the weekend a few towns over. He wants me to stay home. The reason my kids could be hurt is because they're going to want to know why I'm not going (if my husband doesn't change his mind about that) and I'm not going to lie. I will tell them that I do, but that daddy wants me to stay home. They will ask why. I don't know what I'm going to say, but it won't be a lie. I'm not going to sin against God for anyone.
Besides not wanting my kids' hearts to get broken, I also don't want them to lose respect for their father. They won't look up to him as much if they find out that he doesn't want to live here anymore and that he doesn't want me to go with them for the weekend.
But as I said, I believe that even if things work out the way I don't want them to, it could still have a positive effect. Maybe it'll be the wake-up call my husband needs, seeing his kids' reactions to the truth. Though I'd much rather it not take their hearts getting broken.
~
Well, nothing happened. My son was with my mom (he doesn't like shopping and I had to get groceries and a new church dress for my daughter - on sale, of course) and either he called his daddy or his daddy (my husband, just to be clear) called him. I hadn't said anything about the birthday party my son had been invited to (by friends at church) because my husband had told me not to plan anything with the kids so that he could get them. I didn't want him to get mad at me about our son going to a birthday party. I figured I'd let things just play out. Maybe if/when my son found out about spending the weekend with daddy, he'd choose that over the party.
Anyway, when my husband found out about the party from our son, who was/is excited about going, my husband told him that he had planned on getting him and our daughter and bringing them to their aunt's for the weekend, but for our son to go on to the party and have fun.
I was surprised by that. I had prayed for nearly 2 hours last night, mostly about my husband and the situation with him, and had prayed while getting ready this morning. I had asked God to either perform a miracle in my husband so that his heart would be softened by the time he got here, or for him to have to go out of state for work.
I wonder if maybe my husband wouldn't have the proper attitude or be ready emotionally or spiritually to do what's right or to handle things fairly if he had come today. He told our son that he would try next weekend.
I had no fear about what could have happened today. God has given me peace, strength and courage. I was ready to face whatever may have happened. I don't think my husband was and maybe God won't allow him to come until my husband is ready to do things right. That's what I feel anyway. I could be wrong.
I have gone deeper in God. I feel closer to Him than I have in a long time. I told God in prayer last night that I want the fire back that I had many years ago when I was really on fire. Only now I understand some things better.
I hope that y'all will continue to pray for my family.
Oh, and about the dress I bought my daughter, using part of the grocery money (because that's all the money I get), it was on sale for $10 marked down from $70. Isn't that great? God really helped me there. I was also able to get her new church shoes (the ones she had are too small) for a decent price.
God is helping and blessing. And after the time I spent in prayer last night, I feel strongly that God is starting to work.
My kids and I talked for awhile last night, before I prayed, about God, the Holy Ghost, church, the power of God, angels, etc. I also talked to them about their father. They ask me all the time why he doesn't go to church and are always saying that they wish he would get back in church. I told them that God puts a hedge of protection around those who serve him and that when daddy started missing a lot of church because of work, he got to where he didn't want to go anymore. And that the longer he stayed away from church, the weaker he got and the enemy was able to put holes in his hedge and is attacking him and hanging onto him and telling him not to go back to church. I explained to my kids that we can fill in those holes by praying for him until he gets refilled with the Holy Ghost and gives his life back to God.
My kids always love it when I talk to them about spiritual things and ask for more. I told them something I heard Bro. Stoneking say once. When you talk about Jesus, He comes. They asked if He was here right now and told them that He was and that He likes it when we talk about Him and church and things. They liked that.
Before praying, I told them to pray for their daddy and that they could either pray in their rooms, or join me in the front of the house. They stayed in their rooms at first, but drifted in and out a few times, asking questions. My son eventually stayed in his room (he had a bad headache; I laid hands on him and prayed for him), but my daughter joined me after awhile. She knelt at one of the chairs in the living room first for a few minutes or so and then got on the couch. I don't know if she was actually praying, but her head was bowed. It's a start. She's always been more sensitive to the Holy Ghost than my son.
It is my prayer that they both receive the Holy Ghost this year. My son is 13 and my daughter is 10.
Sorry this is so long.
~
I forgot to add, and maybe I've said it here before, that when I was talking to God today I told Him that I want very much for Him to save my husband and heal our marriage not only because it's needed, but also because I want very much to be able to testify to others of what God has done. When I imagine things being made right, I also picture myself getting very excited about telling others what God has done.
Does that sound silly?
Some know about what's going on with my husband (few know the details) and I want so badly to be able to finally tell them that my husband has been refilled with the Holy Ghost and come home. I want them to have that encouragement and to hopefully feel the same excitement.
It seems like so many give up on their marriage when their spouse walks out or breaks their vows or says or does hurtful things. I want others who are going through marriage troubles or who will go through marriage troubles to have faith and to hold on and to know that God can heal their marriage.
Don't give up. Don't quit loving your spouse or praying for him/her. Don't quit filling your God-commanded role in the marriage just because your spouse has. If you're the wife, continue to be submissive in all things that don't go against God's Word. Have a meek and a quiet spirit. Whether you're the husband or the wife, get as close to God as you can, praise Him for the victory, and pray that His holiness, His righteousness, His mercy, His love, His peace and His joy would shine through you to your spouse. Do not return evil for evil. Do good to your spouse, in spite of their wrong. If you're the wife, continue to be the helpmeet God wants you to be.
I'm trying to be and do these things and I want very much to be able to share with others that, with God's help, it works. And at the very least, God will bless you for it.
I'm itching to testify that God has brought my husband back home and that he has given his life back to God. I'm beyond ready for things to reach that point. I'm looking forward to the day when I can share that testimony.
~
Well, my husband came this evening to get the kids and things didn't go well. They expected me to go with them and when my husband told them to get their stuff so they could go, my son said, "Aren't you going?". I said, "No." He asked why and I told him the truth. "Daddy wants me to stay home." My son asked why and I said, "I don't know. Ask Daddy." (Said calmly with no attitude.) So he asked him why and my husband said, "Get your stuff and let's go." He wouldn't answer.
As we stood in the garage, my daughter put her arms around me and started crying. My husband asked her what was wrong and she couldn't talk because she was crying. She eventually was able to tell me that she wanted it to be all four of us, which I then told him. He kept asking her if she wanted to stay home or go with him. (I guess he just couldn't give her the third option of all four of us going.) She couldn't answer. I stood there with her arms around me and mine around her, praying that God would step in and help.
My son looked at me and my husband and said, "You two aren't getting a divorce, are you?" My husband said nothing. I said, "No, we're not. Divorce is a sin and I'm not going to sin against God. Besides, I made a vow that I would stay married to daddy until death and I keep my vows." (Yes, possibly a little passive aggressive, but still the truth.) I spoke calmly when I said this.
After a little while, my son got in the work truck my husband had come in and my husband asked our daughter a few more times what she wanted to do. Then he drove off with her standing there crying.
I don't understand it. He hasn't seen her (or our son) since Christmas and he just drives off, leaving her crying? Why couldn't he give her the third option of the four of us being together? It seems very cold-hearted to me.
My daughter cried for a long time on the couch with her head in my lap. Her heart is so broken over this. (I fought my own tears back. If I had started, I would have cried for a long time and that would've just made my daughter cry more.) She told me that she doesn't like what Daddy did, but she still loves him. I said, "Me too." I also told her that Daddy loves her and explained to her that when people quit serving God, they get all mixed up in their heads and in their hearts. That daddy is confused and that when he gives his life back to God, things will be right again. We just need to pray for him.
Of course, he blames me for our daughter crying. "She wouldn't be crying if you hadn't said anything." I know my daughter. She definitely would've cried if they had left and I had stayed behind, even if I hadn't said anything. She's very attached to me and won't even spend the night with Grandma, two minutes away, because she misses me too much and cries for me. Believe me, my mom and I have tried, only for my mom to have to bring my daughter back home because she misses me and is crying.
What was I supposed to do when my son asked if I was going? Lie? I'd rather my husband be mad because I told the truth than sin against God by lying.
My husband says he and our son will only be gone one night (at his sister's in Raleigh), but my son is wanting to stay longer and my husband told him they'd talk about it. (My husband will be working during the day in a town close to Raleigh, so he wouldn't actually be spending his days with daddy.) I'm hoping that while he's with his daddy tonight and tomorrow that he'll say some things that will touch my husband.
I'm not giving up on my husband just because he keeps doing the wrong things. I still love him and I still believe that God will work on him and make things right.
Y'all please help me pray.
~
*tight hug*
I'm sorry it didn't work out Nikki. Hate your children had to go through that too.
I still have no words. I do like to leave you a "hug" though just to let you know that even though I don't know what to say, I am reading this and think about your situation often and that I am still praying...
I really need y'all to pray. Things went bad yesterday after I picked up my son from his aunt's apartment in Raleigh. My husband had gone to MS for work on Monday or Tuesday (he had gotten our son Saturday evening) and we found out later from him that he was in SC on his way back.
While waiting for my son to get his stuff together, I made a joke, an observation, without an angry or mean tone, that it was kind of funny that my husband had brought our son there to spend time with him, but then had to go out of state and not spend time with him. My 21-year-old nephew, who apparently hasn't quite grown up yet, tattled to my husband later and repeated it to him as if I'd said it in a snarky, malicious way. Which I did not. It was merely an observation. Something I had found kind of funny and ironic. Had I known that it would've been taken completely the wrong way, I wouldn't have said it. I didn't know it would get twisted and blown up.
My husband, who knows I don't lie to him and never have, is believing his nephew over me. It has been blown way out of proportion. (I keep trying to tell him that it was just a joke.) He called me last night accusing me of things that are not true and wouldn't really let me get a word in edgewise. Then he hung up on me.
One of the things he's accusing me of is turning the kids against him. I think he said that because our daughter cries whenever he calls wanting to talk to her. She refuses to speak to him. (Because of what he did on Saturday.) I keep telling her to talk to him, but she won't.
I tried explaining to him (on the phone, and then later in texts and an email) that I'm not turning the kids against him. That I tell them that he loves them and that all I've said to them is what he heard me say when he came to get them. They don't know he doesn't want to live here. They don't know about the hurtful email he sent me last year, full of lies and false accusations. They don't know about the camper he bought to stay in. (Though he's actually staying with his sister in Raleigh now when he's in NC.) But as I told him, even if I never say anything more to them about what he's done, they're going to get hurt by what he's done because he's gone. They're not stupid. And if/when they ask questions, I'm not going to lie. I will be gentle and only say what truly needs to be said to answer their questions. Nothing more. I'm trying to protect them from getting as hurt as I am.
I also tried to explain to him that what I said yesterday was a joke that has been blown way out of proportion.
*sigh* It hurts to be lied on and falsely accused and then have your husband (or anyone), who you've never lied to, choose not to believe you or even listen to you. :-(
But I'm trusting God to work things out for my good and the good of my family. I have to trust Him.
~
Wow Nikki. Just more to add to the hurt huh? *hug* Sorry....
I'm w/ you though. I"ll trust God w/ you to turn things around and work it for your good!
I wrote an email to my husband last night explaining to him what the truth of things is and telling him how much I love him. Naturally I'm not going to copy and paste the email here. lol But I do want to share this one small part of it.
"It's funny, maybe some would say insane, but I feel like I love you more than ever. I'm not sure why. It's certainly not because of how you've been treating me. lol Maybe loving God more has something to do with it. Maybe pleasing Him and living for Him and getting closer to Him also increases the love we have for others as our love increases for Him."
It's true. As crazy as it might seem, I really do love my husband more than I ever have before. And as I said above, it's not because of how he's been treating me. Being rude and mean and making false accusations don't make love grow. I have to give the credit to God. I believe that the closer we get to God, the more we love Him. And the more we love Him, the more we love others.
~
I just posted in the Prayer Request section of the board a request for prayer for my husband and his family. His oldest sister Vicky was found dead yesterday. They don't know yet how she died.
A few days ago, I had this funny feeling that something was going to happen soon, but of course I didn't know what. It didn't feel bad or good. I can't really explain it. I don't know if it was because of my husband's sister's death that was, at the time, going to happen soon or not.
Also, one of the things I pray when I pray for my husband is that God would wake him up somehow. Either through a dream or a vision or a word of prophecy or a word of wisdom, or either facing death (without dying, of course) and having his eyes opened and helping him to see again that heaven is real and hell is real and that he's going to spend eternity somewhere someday. (Was that a run-on sentence? I think it was. Sorry.) Of course, when I prayed that prayer I never imagined that the death would be someone else's. If her death even has anything to do with it.
My husband has a dangerous job and it's not unheard of for someone to have an accident on the job or to even die. It's certainly well within the realm of possibility that my husband could face death on the job someday, even if he doesn't actually die or get injured. It could happen that he could look death and eternity in the face and have to face the fact that he's going to spend eternity somewhere and that if he stays on the road he's on now, it won't be heaven.
Could it be that the death he faces is that of his sister's? Could it be her death, rather than facing the possibility of his own, that wakes him up? I'm praying that God uses her death to wake him up and his family.
My husband texted me the news of her death right before midnight tonight. I texted him back that I was shocked and truly sorry and that my heart hurts. I also told him that if he were here I would hold him if he let me and that I love him.
Her death truly saddens me and of course I've cried. If he goes to Oklahoma for her funeral, I don't know if he'll want me to go with him or not. But of course I will if he wants me to. I wish so much that he was here for me to hold him and comfort him. My heart breaks for him and his sisters and Vicky's children and grandchildren.
I wrote in my last post about how that since I've been praying more and have grown closer to God, my love for God has gotten stronger and the love I have for my husband has grown. I love him more now than I ever have. When I was praying a couple days ago, I told God that I don't believe He would've either caused me to love my husband more or allowed the love within me to grow for my husband if He wasn't going to bring him back to me. That would be cruel and my God isn't a cruel god. He doesn't tease us or play tricks on us or dangle carrots in front of us. It's just caused me to believe even more that my husband will come back home.
So anyway, please continue to pray for my husband and me. And please pray that God will help him and his family in this time of grief and that somehow he and his family will be saved through this.
~
Praying here Niki. So sorry to hear that. *hugs*
Nikki, how is your family doing? Did you attend the services?
I haven't heard anything yet about a funeral. I mean, I'm sure there'll be a funeral or memorial service sometime, but I haven't heard when. My kids talked to my husband last night and he said he was on his way to Oklahoma City. He said he was going there for work, but that's where his sister, as well as another sister and their kids, live. So it makes me wonder if he's actually going to the service. If so, he probably has their other sister, who he's been staying with in Raleigh, with him.
I had emailed him and told him that I wanted to be there for him as he grieved for his sister as I was when he lost his mother in February 2007. I had held onto him as he cried for her and I cried with him. It hurts to think that he doesn't want my comfort and my love now.
But I believe that God is going to bring my husband back home.
~
I just listened to the message Sis. Vesta Mangun preached about Intercessory Prayer at Ladies Landmark Conference last year. It took me a long time to listen to it because I kept pausing it to take notes. I wrote down nearly everything she said. lol I want to share some of it with y'all.
"No soul is saved without intercession."
"Praying in the Holy Ghost and intercessory prayer moves the hand that rules the universe. Not eloquence. It's not art. It's agonizing, travailing, unceasing, importunate, effective prayer."
"Pray until you hear from God."
"This kind of prayer will overcome demonic, Satanic conspiracies. It will overcome and divide demonic confederacies against me. It will destroy yokes and remove burdens. It will destroy oppression and depression and the spirit of destruction. It will rebuke the enemy. It will destroy the works of the devil. It will quench the fire of the enemy. It will break the powers of darkness. It will release the sword of the Spirit."
"It releases the blood of Jesus over my family and over my church."
"Put it in the hands of God. He's got a way of taking care of everything, of anything you go through, anything you ever face."
"It binds and looses and roots out and pulls down and unlocks prison doors and sets captives free."
"It looks the forces of evil in the eye and says, 'Now!' "
"God can redeem anyone through intercessory prayer."
" 'Devil, you're not going to accuse me and say that I didn't raise my children right or that I didn't take care of my husband, that I did this or I did that, or did the other. You're not going to lay that guilt on me. I am not guilty of anything you said to me.' "
"The devil wants you to give up on yourself, on your husband, on your family, on your children. He wants you to feel like you have no hope and accept your situation and say, 'That's just how it is. This is my lot in life. So I might as well just give up on these precious things that belong to me.' "
"The devil is a liar! He's the father of lies."
" 'Take your dirty, filthy hands off of my family and off of me and go back to the pit where you came from.' "
"There are no impossibilities with my God!"
"Is there anyone saved who wasn't in the beginning a rebel? Were not all of us born with our backs against God? Didn't God have to call us and woo us? Did we not all, like Adam, run and hide and resist the wooing and the drawing of God's Spirit until it became so persuasive and compelling that it finally became easier to yield than to continue that rebellion? And at that point rebellion crossed over to surrender, not because the will was coerced, but because it was more painful to resist what they were feeling from another world and they had to yield. And their will yielded because enough of prayer power was pressuring them out of that rebellious situation."
"God does nothing but in answer to prayer. This includes the salvation of your family. No soul is saved apart from intercession. Don't give up!"
"There's nobody beyond His reach."
"Jesus gave us authority over all the enemy."
"Cry out. Plead the blood. 'Shake them, turn them. Speak into their spirits and into their minds and into their souls.' "
"If God said it, He will do it!"
"Travail in prayer."
"God, capture the rebels!"
"Refuse to let go!"
-----------------------------------------------
That's not even everything I wrote down. lol I hope y'all like what Sis. Mangun had to say about intercessory prayer.
~
For the first several months after my husband shattered my heart, I was in a very dark place. The first couple months were the darkest. The devil saw his opportunity to come in and completely destroy me. I hadn't been faithful to the house of God in about two years (only going a handful of times) and this had weakened me spiritually. Then my husband changed and the devil stepped in. Even though my husband gave his word last July that he wasn't going to leave me, the devil told him to leave me and he did. Whether it be through speaking to him directly or speaking to him through someone he knows. Either way, the devil spoke and my husband obeyed.
After the devastating email my husband sent me on August 31st, I spiraled into a very deep, very dark pit of despair. The devil told me many times that I would be better off dead and that I should kill myself. I thought about that a lot, thanks to the devil's voice, and thought about how I would do it. I almost went through with it once. An opportunity suddenly presented itself and I went for it. I was afraid of what would happen, but I went for it anyway. But God stopped it.
I was very angry at God for many months, though I didn't turn my back on him. I would threaten to and even start to. I told God that if He didn't bring my husband back home to me by a certain time, I wasn't going to serve Him anymore. (He had chosen my husband for me, knowing he would do this to me.) That I would still go to church in the hopes that my kids would be treated better by Him. I didn't (and don't) want my kids to go to hell, so I told God I would still go to church for my kids. But that I was through with Him for myself if He didn't bring my husband home by a certain time.
Serious stuff.
It was funny because even in the midst of my anger and my threats, I still prayed and I still begged God to help me and to bring my husband back home. I never stopped praying. And as a result of my prayers, my faith was made strong again and I grew closer to God. And then He brought me peace that passes all understanding. And then a month or two ago, I realized that not only had my love for God grown, but so had my love for my husband.
God is love. The Bible says that if we don't love others, including our enemies, we are not a child of God and neither do we know Him.
It's because I've grown closer to God, who is love, that I love my husband more. It's not possible to truly be close to God and not be changed for the better. It's not possible to truly be close to Him and not love everyone the way God loves us. It's just not possible.
When my husband walked out on me and broke my heart worse than it's ever been broken before, the devil meant it for my bad. But God works all things out for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. The devil saw it as his chance to put the final nail in my spiritual coffin and possibly even put me in an actual coffin. He saw it as his chance to turn me away from God completely and forever. He thought that he could cause me to turn my back on God and never serve Him again.
But the devil was wrong. The devil is a liar and the father of all lies.
Instead of turning my back on God, I turned to God. I didn't run from Him, I ran to Him. I didn't take my final spiritual breath, I got renewed in the Holy Ghost. I didn't kill myself, and I stopped praying that something would happen to me to end my life. Instead, I held on, though it felt like I was hanging on by my fingernails. I got stronger. Thanks to God. All glory belongs to Him.
God has made me promises that I know He will keep. People break their word and their promises and their vows, but God never does. He doesn't lie. He will do what He said would do.
When I was praying the other night, I spoke some things in faith and I felt God speak to me in a very strong and real way and say, "If you worship Me, I will do it."
And so I worship Him. And I trust Him. And I believe that He will keep the promises He has made to me. Knowing this makes me rejoice. I did rejoice that night after He spoke to me. I'm sure if anyone had seen me they would've thought I looked foolish and possibly insane. lol But I worshipped with abandon. I danced and I leaped and I ran and I laughed and I cried. I thanked God over and over.
God will do what He said He would do. This brings me joy. This keeps the fear away, which He took from me months ago. I get excited when I think of His promises to me. I get excited when I picture it happening. What a day that will be!
~
Wow, that's awesome Niki. I would love to meet you someday!
We haven't heard anything from my husband since this past Monday morning. It was a text in response to a text our daughter had sent him. Nothing since then. The last time he texted me was Friday, August 6th. He's made no contact with me since then and no contact with our daughter since last Monday. I think our son tried to call him and text him from my mom's phone a few times this past week, but got no response.
I'm worried. Please help me pray that I hear from him soon. And that it's not bad news.
Also, my kids need clothes, shoes and school supplies before the 25th, when school starts. I'll need him to put money over into the joint account for that. But if he's not getting his messages or checking his emails, my kids won't have anything they need. My son can't even get his tennis shoes on, they're so small. I really need him to make contact with me or get my messages and emails so that I can get my kids what they need, as well as know that he's okay. I emailed him about the kids needing clothes and supplies for school about a month ago, but haven't since then because I don't want to nag. But now it's coming down to the wire.
Please pray he contacts me to let me know he's okay and please pray he puts the money over I need to get my kids what they need.
Thank you for your prayers.
~
I just got a text from my husband. He's fine and still in Oklahoma. Now I just need him to give me the money I need to get our kids the things they need. Please continue praying. Thank you.
Glad he texted you Niki! I know you were relieved! Praying for him to give the money but if not, you know as well as I, God will provide another way for the need to be bet. ;)
My husband gave me the money and I was able to get them most of what they needed (in terms of clothes and accessories) on Friday. I told him that the open houses are tomorrow evening and that I'll be getting the supply lists at that time. I will then let him know a rough guess of how much it will cost so that I can get the supplies they need on Tuesday.
I spent over an hour in prayer last night and was greatly touched by God. It was one of those prayer times when you expect something awesome to happen because you feel God so strongly. I wouldn't have been all that surprised if an angel had appeared or if something else amazing had happened. God's presence was so strong. At one point as I was praying for my husband (I prayed for others as well), I felt God's power and anointing in a real and mighty way and I felt like God was touching my husband as I prayed.
Prior to that point in prayer where I felt like God had stepped into the room in a powerful way, I had sobbed and told God that I am tired of being strong. I'm tired of doing this alone without my husband. I'm tired of raising our kids by myself. I'm tired of being the spiritual head of our home. It's not my place. I'm tired of my husband not being here to stand by me, to hold me, to be strong for me when I am weak (I'm just a woman - the weaker vessel), to help me raise our kids in church and to help me make sure our kids know God and serve God and are ready for heaven. I want my husband by my side serving God with me, worshipping God, and doing a work for God.
I'm tired of waiting. Tired of holding on. And by that I don't mean that I'm going to let go and quit serving God. It'd just be nice if I weren't just holding on. I want victory. I can't help but wonder, "When's it my time to be blessed? When's it my time to breathe easily again? When's it my time for victory?"
I don't expect my life to be a bed of roses once the victory comes. I know life will always have hard times. It'd just be nice if this hard time was done.
I've been holding on and believing and waiting and praying for over a year. I've been faithful to God and my husband for over a year. (Well, I've always been faithful to my husband, just so we're clear.) I obey God, I worship Him, I serve Him, I put my trust and my life in His hands. I'm tired of the battle.
Does this mean that I don't believe that God is going to bring my husband home? No, it does not. I feel like God has told me that He is going to bring my husband home and refill him with the Holy Ghost. I just want that time to be now. It's been so long.
I see others being blessed, their prayers getting answered, God doing wonderful things for their lives. I don't wish it was me instead of them. I rejoice with them. I just can't help but wonder, as I said, when's it my turn?
Sorry for the whining. Please continue to pray.
~
That's not whining Niki. I totally understand what you are saying. *hugs* Glad to see an update and to hear about that awesome prayer meeting.
I wrote this at my blog:
This is my current Facebook status:
"I hated missing church today [yesterday], but I just wasn't feeling well. Not so much sick as just feeling run down and wore out. And I don't think my life is anywhere close to as busy as the lives as many others. I reckon I'm just a fragile creature. lol"
In my last entry I wrote about how being in the sun and heat effected me, even in that short amount of time. I felt a little better after awhile, but I never felt well or like myself. I don't know if being in the sun and heat truly had anything to do with how I felt for the rest of Saturday and most of yesterday or not, or if it's just that the busy-ness of the past couple weeks finally caught up to me. Or perhaps it was a combination. Either way, I feel rather pathetic about it. So many people have truly busy lives, day in and day out, and they don't crash like this. I spent all of Saturday night (up until the time I managed to get myself to bed) and all of yesterday sitting on the couch and not liking it.
Or maybe I'm just coming down with something. Though I am feeling a little better now, so who knows?
I was also feeling a little down and depressed Saturday night and cried some as I sat on the couch and talked to God. People tell me I'm strong and that they admire how I'm handling things, and sometimes I do feel strong (with all credit going to God), but I'm tired of being strong. I've told God as much. I'm tired of holding on and waiting. But I feel like it's the only choice I have. The only wise and right choice anyway. My other choice is to give up and I'm not one to give up. No matter how tired or weak I feel.
In my mind, and even my heart, I know that everything is going to be okay. Not just okay, but really good again someday. I feel like it will be soon. But when you've been holding on for so long (sometimes it feels like for dear life), it gets very tiring and discouraging, regardless of what you know. It's been over a year now since things changed.
When it first began, I was in a very dark place for a few months, as I've written before, and I gradually clawed my way out of that dark place. For several months now I've felt better emotionally than I did last year and I've been stronger spiritually than I've been in about ten years. I've been not just hoping for things to turn around, but expecting it with great joy and excitement. It was like I could feel it in my bones.
Then Saturday I sort of crashed out of the blue. I don't know if it's because doubt crept in or if it's just that waiting for so long kind of took its toll on me. But I'm still believing and I'm still not giving up. Ever.
~
Niki,
I'm not saying you should give up on your relationship, but have you thought about getting a job? It would make it easier for your kids and you not to have to wait on him to answer you back about everything they and you need, and it would give you something to think about outside of you house. Your kids are old enough to be home alone some. You might also think about trying to take some classes at a junior college as a way to get your mind off of things.
QuoteThen Saturday I sort of crashed out of the blue. I don't know if it's because doubt crept in or if it's just that waiting for so long kind of took its toll on me. But I'm still believing and I'm still not giving up. Ever.
Maybe it was all 3 or a combination of them. Whatever the reason, you're still strong and a "fighter" b/c you didn't let a moment of weakness destroy you. And, to me, being strong isn't based on if you have moments of weaknesses or not. It's based on how you handle those weak moments and if you stay down or not.
I do understand what you mean about being tired of being strong. It makes total sense to me so don't feel like you're not making sense or that it's "just you." (just in case you ever feel that way ;))
Zophar,
I did look for a job (retail, part time; all I'm qualified for; a dual-income calculator showed that we would be in the hole financially if I were to get a job outside the home) and prayed that if it was God's will that He would let me get hired. No one hired me. I asked God about it and He told me to stay home and trust Him to provide. Shortly after that, I began seeing Titus 2:3-5 seemingly everywhere I looked. (God has a way of getting our attention.) I finally read it and read various Bible translations of it. I believe God wants me to be a "keeper at home", aka a housewife.
I don't think I've ever mentioned it here because I don't want people telling me "That's not what that means" or arguing with me or giving me a hard time about it.
One of the things God seems to always have to remind me of is that He will supply all my need according to His riches in glory. And that if I seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, everything I need will be added unto me.
As for college, that takes money, which I don't have, and my husband isn't going to give it to me. Besides, there aren't any classes I'm interested in taking. I do have an interest in photography and thought about taking a class (online if possible), but I need a decent camera (I'd like a professional one), which is very expensive, and money for the class.
I've thought about what I could do from home, but most work at home jobs are scams and I really don't know what I could do from home.
I'm trusting God to provide, as He promised in His Word. And I think that another reason God wants me to stay home is so that I will trust Him more and rely on Him, rather than a paycheck. If I were working somewhere, making good money (and paying for childcare, lunch, gas, etc.), I wouldn't "have" to go to God with my needs so much. I wouldn't "have" to rely on Him as much or call on Him as much or trust Him as much. God is teaching me trust. I've gotten better at trusting Him, but sometimes worry will creep in when a new, pressing need arises and I'll hear those words from God again, "I will supply all your need according to My riches in glroy". And when I hear that, I know that I'm not trusting God. Because that's what worry is - lack of trust in God.
You may wonder about my statement that I need to rely on God rather than a paycheck. I'm not suggesting that people should quit their jobs and wait for God to bring them everything they need. The Bible says that any man who doesn't provide for those of his own home is worse than an infidel (unbeliever). That tells me that it is my husband's responsibility to provide for me and our kids. And as long as I'm doing what God has told me to do, I know that He will provide for me.
My husband gave me the money to get our kids the clothes and school supplies they need, which is his responsibility. And I get some money each week ($175) for groceries and gas. I try to keep the grocery list as short as possible and then use the remaining money (usually around $40-50) to get things for my kids. I can't get them everything they need each week (I certainly couldn't get them both new school wardrobes, plus supplies, on that little bit of money), but I can get a couple things. So we're not doing without really. It's just really tight and I'd really love for it not to be that way anymore. Things weren't as tight when my husband was home and in his right mind. But I'm believing that God is going to bring my husband home soon and make things right.
awilkes,
Thank you.
If you've shared your real name here before, I apologize for not remembering it. :smirk:
~
If that isn't the way you want to go, then please consider volunteering some place. It would cost you nothing and much of it could be done while the kids are at school or even with the kids as a family. It would give you something else to think about and allow you to be a blessing to a group that really needs it.
I signed up as a volunteer at my daughter's school. I did last year too, but never got called in. Maybe they'll need me this year. And I've been going to ladies Bible study on Monday nights. It's been a real encouragement for me. The ladies who attend tell me that they're glad I've joined them and that I've been a blessing to them. I don't know. I don't feel like a blessing. lol
This (in quotes) is from my blog. I will add more to it at the end and in brackets [ ] within the entry. They say confession is good for the soul. I hope no one will judge me or speak harshly to me after reading this. Especially if you've never been in the type of situation I'm in or if you aren't married.
"I apologize in advance for the pity party.
"Three of my cousins are pregnant. Jessica with her fourth, Rachel with her third and Christine with her second. My brother's wife Jennifer is pregnant with her second, her first with my brother. My niece Jessica, on my husband's side, is pregnant with her first. A few of my friends are also pregnant and two of them had babies in the past couple months.
"I have friends and family who are being blessed with not only new babies and new pregnancies, but also new homes, new cars, new jobs, new business opportunities and various other blessings.
[The majority of my friends and family who are being blessed are either backsliders or don't know the truth at all.]
"And here I sit, waiting on the blessings I and my family need. I have done my best to be patient. I am a 'good person' - kind, faithful [to God & my husband], decent. I don't say these things about myself to brag. My point is that I'm not a horrible person. I'm not living a vile, ungodly life. [I have a better prayer life than I've had in 10 years. I attend church regularly. I worship and read the Bible. I do my best to obey God.] So I can't help but wonder, when's it my turn? I'm pretty sure I blogged a little about this before, so I apologize for blogging about it again, but with more good things happening all around me in people's lives while I'm still waiting, it just hurts.
"As I said before, I don't wish that it was me being blessed instead of them. I'm genuinely happy for them and I let them know it. I congratulate them and tell them that I'm happy for them. I just wish that I was being blessed too.
"I have real needs for myself and my family. I've been waiting for over a year and nothing has changed. Nothing has gotten better. Well, besides myself. I've changed and have become better at who I am and what I do. I don't know. Maybe that's where things have to start. Maybe the change has to begin in me before things will change around me. But considering the change happened in me months ago, when's the other change going to come? I'm sick of waiting.
"I've been strong for a long time, but I feel like my strength is leaving me. I'm only human and I can only be strong for so long. How much waiting and believing and hoping can a person do before they just don't have the strength for it anymore?
"And yet, in spite of my failing strength, I still don't want to give up. The future doesn't look good when I imagine how things would turn out if I did give up. Things would just be all wrong and ugly and depressing. I don't want that for my future. And so, I must do my best to continue to hold on. I'll try to dig deeper and find more strength to carry on."
I talked to God last night and was honest with Him. Why shouldn't I be when He knows my heart and my mind anyway? I asked Him what the point was in believing and having faith if nothing seems to come of it? What's the point in praying if He's not going to answer my prayers? It's been over a year and God still hasn't done what I need Him to do. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of praying and believing and waiting and having faith, and then nothing changes. My husband is still gone and on his way to hell.
As far as I can think of, there are three prayers I could pray about my husband.
"God, don't bring my husband back to me. And please let me be happy without him." And then carry on with my life not caring if he comes back.
"God, remove my husband from my life permanently and bring me a new husband." Then I could begin letting my husband go, forget about him, and look for a new man.
"God, please save my husband and bring him home." Which is the prayer I've been praying.
The first two prayers, or similar prayers, would be wrong in my opinion and are not supported by scripture.
The third prayer feels most right to me, and not just because I love my husband with everything that is in me and want him back. I feel like the third prayer, the one I pray, is supported by scripture. The Bible tells husbands and wives to love each other, no conditions attached. And when you love someone, you care where they spend eternity and you care about what kind of life they're living. The Bible tells husbands and wives not to leave each other. And so, since it's not God's will for my husband to be backslidden and it's not His will that my husband leave me/not live with me, I pray that God refills my husband with the Holy Ghost (I say everyday, and have for a few weeks now, "Thank you God for refilling my husband with the Holy Ghost today.") and I pray that God brings him home.
"God can't make your husband serve Him or come back home."
No, but He can give my husband a wake-up call. How many times do we read in scripture where God had the children of Israel brought into captivity because of their idolatry? They got the wake-up call they needed, repented, served God again, and God set them free. God can do the same thing for my husband. God could allow something to happen to him (a dream, a word, a vision, an angelic visitation, a close encounter with death) that will cause him to cry out to God. Either all things are possible with God, or they're not. Either nothing is too hard for God, or there are some things that are too hard for Him.
Oh, I wanted to respond to something else Zophar said. Yes, I do think about my husband a lot. He is my most pressing need. But there are times when I don't think of him. Times when I'm caught up in something else - a book, a movie, church, playing with my kids and my pets, etc. But I do think of him everyday. Most days I don't cry. As a matter of fact, other than three times this past week and once in prayer a couple weeks ago, I've hardly ever cried over him this year. And it's only because of the peace and strength God gave me.
We had tongues and interpretation at church Wednesday night after our pastor preached. We were really seeking God when it happened, and continued to do so afterwards. I don't remember it word for word. I only remember that God said "My glory is on you and this congregation" and something about feasting or a feast and "Come in through the strait gate and I will bless you". I asked God last night if I was included in that. Will His glory be on me? Will He feast with me? Will He bless me?
~
Niki:
Have you ever heard a message by TD Jakes entitled, "Overcoming Silent Frustrations?" If not, I highly recommend it. It seems to me a message that is very applicable in your situation. I've listened to it probably 40+ times, and each time it has blessed me in a new way.
bishopnl--where do you get a copy of that sermon?
No, I've never heard of it. Can it be found online?
Since I'm here, I'll share something I've been thinking about.
Doesn't the Bible say that God hardened Pharoah's heart? If God can harden hearts, He can soften them. So I'm praying He softens my husband's heart.
In Hosea, it says that Hosea's wife Gomer, who was a harlot when he married her, left and went after her former lovers. But God hedged up her way with thorns, made a wall to block her paths, kept her from overtaking her lovers and kept her from finding them. Then Gomer decided to return to Hosea because she realized that life was better for her when she was with him.
So I pray that God blocks my husband from walking down paths that lead him away from God and away from me, that God hedges his way with thorns, that God keeps him from overtaking whatever he's after outside of God and me and that God keeps him from finding whatever he seeks for outside of God and outside of me. Hopefully my husband will then eventually figure out that life was better for him when he served God and was home with me.
Then there's Paul, who was blinded on the road to Damascus. God stepped in and did something to him that he could not deny was from God and it changed his life.
God has a way of getting our attention and even blocking our ungodly paths. I'm praying He does these things to my husband. It is one of my prayers. That God will block his path and do whatever it takes to get his attention, as long as my children are kept safe. I'm not willing to sacrifice their lives or their health.
~
Well, I would've thought it was online, but after looking for the last 20 minutes, I don't seem to be able to find it. Perhaps if you contact the Potter's House, they can supply a copy, although it has been a while since he preached it...in fact, I think he was still pastoring in West Virginia at the time. If they can't, I'll see if my copy still works. I packed up all my preaching tapes a few years ago when we moved, and i've never gotten them out since. IF my copy works, It will be easy for me to provide a copy to anyone who wants it. Unfortunately, I don't have it on CD...lol...don't know how hard it would be to transfer it to CD either. Maybe someone knows?
Anyway, it's a great message that speaks to believers who are facing turmoil in their lives, and privately wonder why everyone else is being blessed and why their faithfulness hasn't yet been rewarded. Jerry Jones also preached a great message called "Where is God when I Need Him?" several years ago...I likely have a copy of this message as well, although it will require some searching. Still, I'm happy to do it if anyone is interested. :)
Im definately interested.
As am I, if it's not too much trouble. :)
My husband texted me tonight, about 2½ hours ago, saying that his company is doing layoffs again and that he could be one of them. "Just to let you know."
His job was a contributing factor in him missing so much church and then backsliding. Which of course led to his unhappiness and his walking out on me and our kids. I've prayed many times that he would either get fired or quit and that God would provide a better job in our city with co-workers and bosses who will be better influences on him, without leading him to false doctrine of course. The men he works with now have included him in things that are very sinful. Because of his weakened spiritual condition, due to his missing so much church and backsliding, he couldn't or didn't resist the temptations.
The possibility of my husband losing his job is scary. I'm not going to pretend it isn't. But at the same time I know that it could be a good thing in the end. It's in God's hands. Help me pray that His will is done with my husband, his job and our marriage.
Thank you.
~
Thanks for the update Niki. Been wondering if there were any changes but figured you'd post them if there were...
I'm glad you recognize that this could be an answered prayer. I 100% understand the fear though. I will pray God's will in this situation...
I have a new prayer request, in addition to my most recent one.
I went grocery shopping yesterday and put gas in my car. Target first for some groceries and other items. Then gas. Then to the grocery store for the rest. My card got declined. I tried several times and it was declined. Thankfully I had some cash on me (which I was saving to take my kids to the mountains for a day) and was able to pay the $35.
When I checked the account online, I saw that the money that automatically (direct deposit) gets put over for groceries and gas wasn't there. I texted my husband telling him what happened and asked him if he knew when the money would be put over. If it doesn't get taken care of quickly there will be an overdraft fee to pay. Gas always takes longer to show up/get deducted from the account than other purchases. When it goes through, if the money isn't there, the account will be in the red.
I haven't heard anything from my husband since I texted him about this problem. (Actually, I haven't heard from him since the 4th.) My son tried calling him and it went directly to voice mail. I don't know what's going on or why the money wasn't deposited. He's had it set up to automatically be put over on pay day (midnight) for almost 5 years. My mom asked if I think he did it on purpose. I told her that he wouldn't let his kids go hungry. He just paid bills this week or last, so I don't think him not wanting to take care of his kids anymore is the issue.
Please pray that the money shows up in the account before what I paid for gas gets deducted. And please continue praying about my husband's job (God's will) and our marriage.
Thank you.
~
Well, the money's been put over. As I was washing dishes an hour ago, I prayed that it would show up today and it has. Thank you, Lord! Only it was put over from my husband's account, not from the company he works for. Hmm. Not sure what's going on there.
Anyway, hopefully I'll hear something from my husband soon. I'm praying it will be something good. I cannot begin to tell you how much I want for things to start getting better now. I'm beyond ready for this situation with my husband to be over. I want him home with me and our kids. I want him in church with us and serving God.
Well, I'll stop before I get into that any deeper. Believe me, I could say so much more about my hopes and dreams and desires for my life, my husband, my marriage, my children.
I don't really have an update about the situation with my husband. Things are still pretty much the same. We haven't seen him since July, he's still taking care of the bills, he answers the phone most of the time when the kids call him. Other than that, there's not much to tell.
While I still miss him terribly, I can't remember the last time I cried over him. I still love him with everything that is in me. Mainly I focus on living for God, taking care of my kids and waiting on God to do something.
I can't remember if I told y'all this or not, but a while back I was thinking about the prophecy that was told to me about my husband, prior to our getting married and actually prior to us even getting together. (I may have told y'all this. Hmm.) Pretty much everything that was said has come true. Except for the part about my "future husband" being used in the ministry. I know that isn't necessarily preaching. Which is fine by me. I'm not interested in being a preacher's wife. But I'll do and be whatever God wants. Anyway, I was thinking maybe this means that that part of the prophecy has yet to come true, but will. The rest of it has. It gives me some hope.
As for the here and now, I'm trying to draw closer to God and seek His will. I'm trying to build up my prayer life, my fasting and my Bible reading. And I've been listening to a lot of preaching tapes lately. It is my prayer that God use me however He wants to use me.
Sometimes I think back to how I was 10-20 years ago in my walk with God. My faith was so strong. I never doubted anything, but neither had I been tested as I have this last year +. I was so innocent and possibly naive. I had that child-like faith and child-like approach to God. Now I'm having to fight anger and "why?!" and sometimes doubt and fear. I'm trying to trust Him and serve Him in the midst of all of that.
A couple days ago I felt like God spoke to my heart and impressed upon me that He will bring my husband home, but that He has some more work to do on me first. I was wondering how much longer it was going to take for God to work on my husband and He goes and tells me that He's still working on me . lol I think He wants my heart and attitude to be right for my husband. And I think He wants me to be stronger in the Lord and closer to Him before He brings my husband home.
When my husband and I were first together he told me that one of the things that attracted him to me was my walk with God and my worship and dedication. And that's something I've been trying to get back. Not for my husband, though I do believe that husbands need their helpmeets to be spiritually strong, but because I miss it. I miss the fire and passion and the strong faith and the innocence (for lack of a better word, though I don't know if I can ever get that back) and the worship. I want it all back. I want the will of God in my life and the supernatural (miracles, signs, wonders, gifts of the Spirit) in my life and in a stronger way in my church.
I better stop there before I get carried away. lol
Y'all please continue to pray. Thank you!
~
Today is our 16th wedding anniversary. I wish so much that he was here and that we could go on a date to celebrate.
Last I heard from our son, my husband is in North Dakota. But I think he might be in Idaho now. He reads my blog on a pretty regular basis and for a couple weeks I was getting a visitor from North Dakota, according to my traffic feed. But now I'm getting regular visits from someone in Idaho. Since none of the ones who sometimes leave me comments are in Idaho, I can't help but wonder if it's my husband.
I would love to get flowers from him, but I don't expect it. Isn't that awful? I have every right to expect acknowledgement of some kind from him on our anniversary. *sigh*
Y'all just continue to pray for us. I will not give up.
I wrote this at my blog a few minutes ago:
I've had some good days.
I've had some hills to climb.
I've had some weary days
And some lonely nights.
But when I look around
And I think things over,
All of my good days
Outweigh my bad days.
I won't complain.
Sometimes the clouds hang low,
I can hardly see the road.
I ask a question, Lord.
Lord, why so much pain?
But He knows what's best for me,
Although my weary eyes
They can't see.
So I'll just say thank you Lord.
I won't complain.
The Lord has been so good to me.
He's been good to me.
More than this old world or you could ever be.
He's been so good to me.
He dried all of my tears away.
Turned my midnights into day.
So I'll just say thank you Lord.
I've been lied on, but thank you Lord.
I've been talked about, but thank you Lord.
I've been misunderstood, but thank you Lord.
You might be sick, body racking with pain,
But thank you Lord.
The bills are due,
Don't know where the money coming from,
But thank you Lord.
Thank you Lord.
Thank you Lord.
I won't, I won't complain.
God has been so good to me.
He's been good to me.
More than this old world or you could ever be.
He's been so good.
He's been so good.
He's been so good.
So good.
So good.
So good.
So good to me.
He dried all of my tears away.
Turned my midnight into day.
So I'll just say thank you Lord.
I tried to pray last night, but it became more of a talk than a prayer. At one point I just stopped because there I was praying about the same situation for the millionth time (or so it seems) and I didn't want to pray about it again. I said to God, "I'm sick of it. I'm sick of praying about the same thing and worrying about the same thing and dealing with the same problem. I'm sick to death of it! Why can't You just go ahead and fix this so that I can pray about something else?"
I know that I should pray about other things and for other people, but as I told God, I don't even want to. Even though I'm sick of praying about the same problem, nothing else matters to me more than this situation. Nothing. There are a couple things that matter to me just as much, but nothing that matters more. And I'm sick of that. I don't even know how to explain that. But nothing is as important to me. Nothing weighs on me as much.
I wish that this situation I'm in would finally be resolved so that I can finally wake up one day and not feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. To wake up carefree. Carefree. I'm not sure I even remember what that feels like. I believe that one day it will come, but I don't know when. It's like a dream. I try to imagine what it will be like when that day comes and it doesn't seem real. Sometimes it feels like the possibility of waking up and breathing easily is just as likely to happen as waking up and finding myself in a fantasy land of Elves and Hobbits.
My so-called prayer time last night turned into more of a complaint session than anything. I hated what I was feeling and what I was saying. I hated my attitude.
All my life people have told me that I have a "sweet spirit". That I'm such a "sweet person", such a "good person", so gentle and kind. I feel like this emotional hell that I've been through has killed or at least seriously wounded that sweetness, that pureness, that innocence that I once had. It has done great damage to the trust I once had. I want it back, but I don't know if I ever will get it back.
When talking to God last night, I tried to come up with an example. I don't know if it's a good one, but it's what first came to mind.
Imagine a sweet, innocent, pure, naive child. She is happily walking and skipping and twirling through a field of wildflowers. She has no concept of the evils of this world. She's never been exposed to the horrible things that others are capable of. Then she comes over a hill and is met with things she never imagined existed - a parent viciously abusing a child, a husband or wife shattering the heart of their spouse and walking out on them and their children, the atrocities of the Holocaust, or any other evil of this world. Innocence is gone. Trust is gone. The feelings of safety and security are gone.
That's how I feel. And I want it back. The innocence, the trust, feeling safe and secure. I want it all back.
Now, compared to this time last year, I'm doing much better. But I often wish I could go back to the time before hell was unleashed upon my life and just be happily skipping through life, oblivious to the evils that could invade my life.
I made it through a childhood with an abusive father (though he never laid a hand on me) virtually unscathed, all glory going to God. Even after all I saw and heard growing up, I still somehow managed to maintain my sweetness and innocence and trust. But what I've been going through since last summer has done the damage that many years with an abusive father couldn't do. Damaged trust, lost innocence, feeling afraid and worried and angry.
And I'm sick of it. I want back what was taken from me. All of it!
I know I started off this entry with a song about not complaining and being thankful to God and so far what I've written doesn't sound very thankful. lol But I'm hoping that God will help my attitude and that I can learn to be thankful. Or as Paul put it, to be content in whatever state I'm in.
Wow, that's hard. To be going through hell and still be thankful.
Even as I was complaining to God last night rather than truly praying and in the midst of my bad attitude, I asked God to forgive me for my bad attitude and help me to have a better attitude. To "create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me". To change my heart and my attitude.
I wrote sometime back, a few weeks ago maybe, how that I felt like God impressed upon me that He wasn't going to do what I've been needing Him to do until I get my heart and my attitude right because I wouldn't be ready for it until then. So I prayed that God would help me with that and I was hoping that things were improving within me. And then last night came and that ol' ugly attitude showed up. Arrggh! *sigh*
To me, it feels like time is of the essence. I don't see how that I have all the time in the world for things to get worked out. So I get very impatient. But my impatience doesn't do anything to speed things along. :-/
I really hope and pray that things will finally start to improve inside of me and with the situation I'm in. I've had enough. Not that that seems to matter. :-/
Y'all please pray for me.
~
Just had God speak a revelation to me. *shaking my head and laughing at myself* He told me before that it's not about me, this thing I've been going through with my husband. I reckon He had to explain further to this feeble brain of mine. :smirk2:
When I was talking to God a couple nights ago, I was angry about what I was going through, what my husband had done, what God had allowed him to do. I was angry that God had chosen a man for me knowing he would break my heart and walk out on me and our kids twice. I was looking at myself and my pain and how unfair God was being to me.
Then just a few minutes ago as I was reading someone's blog about being called by God, I felt like God spoke to me and told me that He didn't just choose my husband for me, He chose me for my husband. I was the one my husband would need at this time of his life when he's running from God.
How many other women wouldn't have contacted lawyers, filed for legal separation or even divorce, gotten court-ordered child support and alimony, sought revenge, sold what remaining possessions he still has here that are worth money (tools and car parts) and various other things that go against God's Word?
God knew when he chose my husband for me that he was going to walk away from his wife and kids, from God and from God's will for his life. And maybe I was the only one within his circle of church friends and acquaintances and contacts who wouldn't do all the things that the majority of women would do in my shoes.
As God told me three times before, and now for a fourth time, "It's not about you." Yes, God is working on me during all of this. I know that. My heart, my innocence, my trust, my faith, my attitude all took a serious hit when my husband broke my heart. And so now God is having to work on me also while He works on my husband. And when, as I feel God told me a few weeks ago, I can get my attitude right again, then He will bring my husband home to the faithful wife here waiting for him.
Or, at least, that's what I feel like God is saying to me.
I love that song.. always brings me to tears.
I always get so excited to see that you've posted. Praying for you, your kiddos, and your husband. You've got more grace in your pinkie than I could ever imagine possessing.
Something else I thought of. I desperately want my husband home, but I feel like, either by my own thoughts or by God, that if he were to come home either not already refilled with the Holy Ghost or at least walking back to God that he would possibly blame me again when he finds himself still unhappy. As much as I want him home, I must be patient for a while longer. What good would it do to have him home only to have him walk out again?
I'll be glad when he can take responsibility for his own actions and realize the true source of his unhappiness, backsliding, and give his life back to God and come back home. It will be of great benefit (spiritually, emotionally) to our family as well as himself. I hope that he will see that soon.
Thinking about you and your situation today Niki. Just wanted to let you know and leave you a hug. *hugs* I check in here almost daily to see if there is an update. Praying for you!
Thank you. :-)
He's been coming around more since Christmas. Mostly because he hasn't been out of state (until a couple nights ago - Richmond, VA) and also I think because he knows that the only way he's going to be able to spend time with our daughter (she's 10) is by coming and hanging out here. She won't go anywhere without me. He's been staying with his sister in Raleigh. (In a messy, dirty apartment.) She's a backslider too and her and her husband split for a second or third time late 2009 or early 2010. My husband's taken our son (he's 13) to his sister's with him for a couple weekends recently.
I feel down sometimes. Especially after he's been here and made no moves towards me. He's smiled a few times and spoken to me, but it's not like it should be. It hurts to be under the same roof with him and him not hugging me or kissing me or anything. You can almost see the wall he's put up.
Help me pray against that wall and against what the enemy is doing with my husband and saying to him. I'm believing that God is going to save him and bring him home. I can't imagine things being any other way.
(By the way, he did get me a Christmas present. A new camera. It's not fancy, but it's not cheap either. I was surprised he spent so much.)
Niki,
I have not been here for a while, but I felt an immediate need to pray for you and your family when I read these posts. If I say something that seems unwelcome, please forgive me. It is frustrating to witness the relentless pressures of this world bring destruction to so many families.
I'm not trying to speak as one that is free from similar attacks. On the contrary, I have been a father and husband who was so driven to give his family a good life that he could not partake of the true riches right there at home. It was not from a lack of desire, I assure you, but a lack of a way out of the cares of life.
My wife had the audacity to submit an article to the Pentecostal Herald about the small things the Lord has cared for in our lives. When I read the article, it reminded me of the personal attention the Lord has provided us, even with my personal battle with cancer and terrible complications in it's aftermath. My wife has had 6 car accidents in the past 7 years since my cancer diagnosis, 3 of them were serious. I became so concerned that it was only the grace of God that my children were not deprived of both parents. But, as Paul found out, God's grace is sufficient.
In October 2010, I made a decision to walk away from the affluence that the world demands so much for. I actually quit a job of 5 years that was very lucrative, but that was all consuming, opting to work from home at less than 50% of what I was making. I sold my big pretty home and bought a doublewide set up on a lot next to my dad at a 90% reduction in value. This, because my overwhelming concern for taking care of my family's physical needs created an emotional and spiritual void that brought terrible things into my daughter's life in particular. All of a sudden, none of it was worth it.
I said all of that to say you are not alone. I can't say that all of the changes have been fun, but my children (teenagers) are showing a closer sensitivity to the Lord and if there is no other benefit, thank the Lord anyway. Another benefit is that there is actually more time to pray. How could I have neglected that for so long?
I will ask my wife to join me in prayer and agreement for the Lord to move in your life in ways that will be astonishing. We will pray that your husband finds the answers he needs, and that your family will be restored and elevated in the will of God. We will pray that the Lord will speak to you daily in a way that is personal and undeniable. We will do this in Jesus' name.
May the Lord bless and comfort you Sister.
Thank you. I truly appreciate your prayers and desire that as many as will, stand with me in prayer against the enemy that has attacked my husband, our marriage and our home.
I posted a prayer request for my husband's family. His 21-year-old nephew was found dead Friday morning. We think from a drug overdose. It's a big, complicated mess that I don't really feel like going into right now. Today was the funeral.
My husband, the sister he's been staying with, a couple of his cousins and one of his aunts are all backsliders. The rest have never known God. It is my prayer that this death will be a wake-up call for them. Life is too short to waste it not serving God.
Please help me pray for my husband and his family.
As far as how things are going with my husband and I, he's still taking our son to his sister's in Raleigh every weekend. I really hate that. My son is missing too much church. :( When my husband came to get him on Friday, I told him to either bring our son home in time for church Sunday morning or bring him to Bro. Huntley's church. He didn't do either. :mad: Apparently he's not thinking about where our children spend eternity, but I want them in heaven with me.
Anyway, my mom was here when my husband came to get our son. She said she saw him checking me out. Don't know if that's true or not. He's made no moves towards me. Just the occasional small smile. When my daughter and I came home from getting groceries on Friday, he was already here and was cleaning out the freezer with a dish rag. lol Don't know what made him do that. He had no reason that I could see for even opening the freezer. Maybe he's just trying to butter me up so that I don't give him a hard time about taking our son? But I've never done that, so who knows. Another time when he came he changed burned out light bulbs that I can't reach in the kitchen and our daughter's room. Seems like he did something else, but I can't remember what.
I had to go to Raleigh to pick up our son last night. (I also had to pick him up the weekend before last.) I wasn't expecting to have to do that and it was quite late when my daughter and I got there. There was some family there from Oklahoma also. We stayed for a while and talked. It was a nice visit. Before leaving, I told my SIL that my love and prayers are with her. She got choked up and said that she feels numb. (Over the loss of her son.) I told her and the others that I love them before the kids and I left.
I wanted to hug and kiss my husband, but I chickened out. I always chicken out. Part of me thinks that he should make the first move, but I'm really not sure.
Continued prayers are appreciated.
~
Hugs to you!
Just wanted to tell you I've been praying for you tonight.
*hug*
everyone pray for me if you think about it.. i have been so discouraged lately..
Quote from: SippinTea on February 28, 2011, 05:14:25 AM
Just wanted to tell you I've been praying for you tonight.
*hug*
Thank you!
Eric,
I understand how it is to feel discouraged. Though probably for different reasons. I really have to fight my attitude sometimes. Why has God let this go on for so long? If God really loves me and my husband and our family, if He really cares about my marriage, why does it seem like He's not doing anything? Nothing has changed. *sigh* :(
But at the same time, things don't seem to be any worse either. My husband knows he can count on me and thanks me when I do something for him. Though things don't look better, I believe they will get better. I still believe he's going to come back home and give his life back to God.
Eric, I don't know how long you've been going through whatever it is you're going through, but just hang in there. I've been going through my situation/trial for over a year and a half. There've been many, many times when I felt like giving up and like I couldn't hold on any longer. I've told God many times that I can't take it anymore and even that I'm not going to pray about it anymore because I'm sick of praying about it.
But I'm still here and God is still with me. If He wasn't, I wouldn't be able to feel Him like I do.
Praying for you Eric
Niki im really sorry your all going through what your going through also.. :( - but thanks for the encouragement sister, I hope things get better!!! But even if they dont, we still got to praise him!
I got an interesting text from my husband last night. He said that it's getting on his nerves being at his sister's place and that he's tired of the drive. Either to and from work and/or to and from his sister's and our house (to get our son). I'm not sure which. But anyway, he said he'd like to put another bed in our son's room and sleep there instead of staying with his sister, but only if it's okay with me.
I texted him back and asked him what he was going to tell the kids, but didn't hear back from him. I texted him again a few minutes later and said that that doesn't mean I'm saying no. I haven't heard anymore about it from him.
I told my mom about it and she said that bunk beds would be better. That my son wants bunk beds (he hasn't told me this). My son's room is a good size (10' x 12' or 10' x 13') and could hold two twin beds, but it's packed full of other junk. So bunk beds would be a better fit.
Would I rather my husband come back to our bed? Absolutely. But I'm trying to remain patient. I'm also trying not to get my hopes up. Part of me wants to hope for all kinds of things. Like maybe being here every night will cause him to start looking at me the way he used to, with love and attraction and adoration. And if he's here maybe the God in me and in our home will work on him and rub off on him and make him hungry for God and desire to go back to church. Maybe one night he'll crawl into bed with me instead of the extra bed he said he would like to put in our son's room. *sigh* But as I said I'm trying not to get my hopes up. One step at a time. He isn't even here yet.
Part of me also wants to rejoice over this news from my husband, but I'm honestly afraid to. What if I rejoice and it doesn't happen?
Please continue to pray.
Thank you.
Praying for ya'll!
Niki, I'd rejoice that the thought even was in his head! Then I'd rejoice that he had the nerve to ask you. Then I'd thank God that He has helped you to not be bitter & reject him when there is some glimmer. Unlike so many other women who cannot forgive nor reconcile.
There was something I thought about a few weeks ago. I was going to write about it here, but obviously I didn't.
It's about how this situation, namely receiving no affection or husbandly attention, has made me feel. I'm really not sure how to explain it in a way that will make sense or make it clear how or why it makes me feel the way I do.
One day I realized that I somehow feel less like a woman. (Well, that doesn't sound quite right, now does it? lol) Not that I feel anything like a man. I just feel less feminine, even though I still dress feminine and like feminine things. Somehow not getting the compliments and touches and affection that I used to get from him has made me feel like I've lost touch with that part of myself. Though I've never seen myself as beautiful, my husband always made me feel beautiful in the way that he looked at me, treated me, spoke to me. But since he rejected me and left, I don't feel beautiful anymore or sexy (ha! I don't consider myself sexy, but my husband always told me I was.) or attractive or desirable or special or worthy.
Is any of this making sense?
I just feel like a person. You know? Like there's nothing beautiful or desirable about me. I feel like I'm just my kids' mom, the caretaker of our animals, the keeper of our home. I'm the one who helps my husband any time he asks for it, fulfilling that wifely role without getting any of the other benefits outside of the bills getting paid (love, affection, companionship, commitment, etc.) that a husband should give his wife. Almost like I'm more of an employee of my husband's than a wife. Though the only payment I'm receiving is that the bills are paid. Which is better than nothing. At least he didn't abandon me financially. So many men do abandon their wives in every way.
I wear my pretty clothes (in case anyone's wondering, I haven't gotten anything new since last Easter and that was on sale for $35), dab on some perfume, wear cute shoes, carry pretty purses. I act, speak, dress and walk like a lady. But I feel less like a lady since my husband left. Kind of like a blob disguised as a woman.
Does anyone get that?
I can't speak for all women, but if there are any men reading this, please understand how important it is that you make your wife feel beautiful and desirable. She needs your compliments, that look of love in your eyes, your affection and time. Make her feel special. Don't take her for granted.
For me, the loss of what every woman has the right to expect from her husband has been extremely difficult. I still feel very important as a mother because it's obvious how much my kids need me, but I feel less valuable as a woman and a wife (and all that goes with being a wife - intimacy, companionship, etc.) since my husband left.
Make sure your wife never feels that way!
Niki,
I understand what you mean. After my ex-husband threw me out of our home and divorced me I felt the same way. And years later I still struggle with the thought that I don't deserve any love, from anyone. That somehow I've lost all that.
I pray for you often. I pray this is one step that will happen to bring you both closer to rekindling a hunger in his heart for both God and for you/your marriage.
Heather
My niece on my husband's side is staying with us for the rest of the week. She's the daughter of the sister my husband has been staying with. He asked if it was okay for her to come and said that he'd be staying here too. I assume either on the couch or in our son's room. I went and picked our niece up today. A few minutes ago, my husband and I were texting back and forth about supper tonight and what snacks to pick up from the store for the kids. I told him I love him at the end of one of the texts, as I often do, and at the end of his next text he wrote, "and I do love you".
He hasn't said (well, texted) that to me since July. I hope that's a sign of better things to come.
I got excited reading that Niki! Continuing to pray...
Help me pray that my husband will go to church with me and the kids this Sunday. Our niece (his sister's 11 year old daughter) didn't bring any church clothes with her. I told my husband that I want to take her shopping so that she'll have something to wear to church. (She mostly wears boyish clothes. All she brought with her were boyish t-shirts, sports shorts, sweat pants and tennis shoes.) He said, "She might not want to go." Which tells me he's expecting to just stay here with her while me and our kids go to church. I want us all together in church on Easter.
Pray that nothing will hinder my husband from going and that he'll have no excuse. Pray that nothing will block my husband from going. Pray that the devil will have to back off so that God's Spirit can draw my husband back to Him. I need a miracle of refilling for my husband and salvation for my kids. I expect God to do wonderful things!
Niki, did they go to church w/ you?
I'm afraid I may already know the answer being there was no update :-?
Praying for you! Hoping with you! Glad for small steps with you!
He didn't go. Our 11-year-old niece said she wasn't comfortable going to a different church than her own and my husband told her she didn't have to go. Which gave him his reason not to go. :smirk2: Naturally I was sad and disappointed, but I still had a great time at church dancing and worshipping.
I'm still believing that he will be back in church and serving God.
Niki, I was thinking about you today and came to catch up on your thread.
First off... *big hugs* to you!!
Secondly... your post about feeling not-quite feminine... I DO understand, but from a slightly different angle. Before I met Chris I generally just felt like an "it" - not like a woman, not pretty - definitely not beautiful, not desirable. And yes, I did most of things you were talking about... dressing like a lady, wearing perfume, cute shoes, the whole thing. BUT. I still just felt like an "it". So yes, I get that post. I totally get that post. But somehow I imagine having known what it was like to have a man love you and think you are beautiful and desirable and THEN feeling less feminine would be far, far worse than the feeling that "something was missing", but having never really known what it was firsthand. I'm sorry you're going through this.
But.
It's so encouraging to read some of the little things happening more lately! It definitely seems like God is working in the situation! :)
:beret:
My husband is still here (well, not right this moment; he's at work in VA and should be back tomorrow or Thursday) and, unfortunately, still sleeping in our son's room. He usually sleeps in our son's bed and our son has to sleep on an air mattress on the floor of his room. I'm not happy about that, but at least he's here. He's told the kids that our bed hurts his back and I've suggested getting a new mattress for our bed. :D
There have been a couple intimate moments, once recently, and he did attempt to sleep in our bed, but then went back to our son's bed. (There have been no other moments of affection.) He's told me a couple more times in text messages that he loves me after I've told him that I love him. I've been praying that he will say it to my face. Yesterday as he was leaving to go to VA, I said, "I love you" as he was walking away and it sounded like he said, "I love you too", but his back was turned and maybe I didn't hear right. lol
I've been praying lately that God will take away his excuses for not being affectionate with me or telling me to my face that he loves me or sleeping with me and take away his excuses for not going to church and serving God.
My pastor posted at our Facebook prayer page today about faith and how we should have a vision of what we want God to do. I've held on to what I want and expect to happen with my husband. I want him sitting next to me in church. I want to see him with his hands lifted, praising God and speaking in tongues. I want to see him worshipping and leaping and dancing for God. I want to see him doing a work in our church. And I will not quit praying for this to happen no matter how long it takes.
So glad you updated. I always come here first to see if there are any updates. Excited to hear the steps being taken! They may seem small but small steps leads to big ones! :) Waiting in anticipation for the next big news :)
He's told me a couple times to my face that he loves me, but only after I've said it first. Still waiting for him to say it first. And still waiting for him to return to our bed (he slept there last night because our kids were playing in our son's room when he was ready for bed) and for him to get back in church. I'm claiming it in Jesus' name!
Praise the Lord!
Sounds like God is definitely doing something! :)
I am praying for you all! :)
Our lawn mower died a few weeks ago, so my husband went to my mom's on Saturday to borrow hers. Her boyfriend (who goes to our church, received the Holy Ghost several years ago, has been baptized in Jesus' name, goes to church regularly, but doesn't really live it all the way or believe everything right) lives across the street from her. He and my husband used to hang out alllll the time. They were with each other more than they were with us, their women. They haven't really been that close though in a few years.
Anyway, my husband went to see Mom's boyfriend when he went to get the lawn mower and talked with him for a bit. Mom told me at church Sunday that her boyfriend told my husband that he needed to get back in church. lol
My husband is hard-headed, stiff-necked and doesn't seek or desire advice from anyone. I don't say that to insult him. I say it because it's true. So I can't help but wonder what he thought when Mom's boyfriend told him he needed to get back in church. I've never pushed my husband or told him to get back in church or even asked him to. Our kids have asked him a few times to go to church with us, but obviously he hasn't.
So much has been happening among God's people lately that it's got me so excited about what God's doing and about what He can/will do in my family, my home, my husband, my church. There's the Holy Ghost being poured out in a Cracker Barrel in Memphis, Bro. Arnold being raised from the dead (as well as Bro. Stoneking a few years ago), a great outpouring in the Raleigh church (100 received the Holy Ghost there yesterday and 58 were baptized), and things have changed in my church - a fresh fire has been lit and there is great prayer and great worship and expectancy. I tell you I'm so excited I can feel it bubbling in me all the time, to the point where I sometimes feel like I'm going to explode!
I'm praying and believing that my husband will get back in church this year and get refilled with the Holy Ghost and that my kids will repent, get baptized in Jesus' name and be filled with the Holy Ghost this year. I'm praying and believing and expecting for great and wonderful things to happen in my church.
First, read the last paragraph above.
Now read this:
My son got baptized today! He is, of course, also seeking the Holy Ghost and has been very close! My husband has been out of state for a couple weeks working. I took pictures with my camera and had my daughter take pictures with the cell. We then sent a picture to my husband's cell. His response: "That's fantastic! I wish I could've been there."
Wow. I honestly wasn't sure how he would respond. Would he be happy and excited or would he just shrug? I even wondered if he'd be angry, though I'm not sure why I thought that.
Keep praying for my husband and our family. God is moving!
Yay! I love good news! :D
:beret:
There has been another small step in the right direction. My husband sent a picture message (he's out of state on business) wanting to know which of the shirts he was thinking of buying would look good with the shorts he was thinking of buying. He said he's not any good at stuff like that. I told him my opinion and he texted back, "Thank you, Baby".
*jaw drops open*
Do you know how long it's been since he called me "Baby"? Right at two years! I couldn't believe it. My mom was here when it happened and she said my face was red. lol Everytime I think of it I can't help but smile real big. :D
I believe God is going to finish what He started by making things completely as they should be. :)
Praise God! I love it! God is for marriage! Prayer works! I have a cousin going through something similiar & he is holding onto God's Word!
What blessing your testimony is sis!
Thinking of you this morning, Niki. And praying for you and your husband.
:beret:
Thank you.
Things have improved quite a bit since I last updated y'all. Over the past couple weeks or so my husband has gotten more affectionate with me. He tells me he loves me without me having to say it first, he kisses me first, hugs me first, etc. Now if he'd just get back in church.
I can't remember if I told y'all about the time my son asked my husband when he was going back to church and my husband said, "When I feel like it". Ugh. I still hate that. My son asks him every week if he's going to go to church with us. He asked him again either Saturday night or Sunday morning and my husband told him he wishes he'd quit asking him that. lol Kind of funny and sad at the same time.
Speaking of my son (who is 14 years old, for those who don't know), it makes me so happy to see how much he loves church. He sits on the front row and worships in the altar with the men in our church. Today/yesterday he was running around with a couple of the men. One Monday or Tuesday he told me he wished it was Wednesday so he could go to church. He is really into it. People at church compliment him to me all the time saying that it blesses them to see him worshipping God, that he's a leader for the other kids, that he's going to be a preacher (I realize that may or may not be true), that he's so sweet and such a good kid, etc. I can't help it. It makes my heart proud.
I'll be even happier than I am when my husband gets back in church and gets refilled with the Holy Ghost and when my daughter (who is 11) quits sitting there like a bump on a log and gets serious about God.
Our church services have been just explosive and on fire for the past couple months. I hate that my husband and others are missing out on it. Now is not the time to be backslidden or cold spiritually. God is coming soon and there's nothing more important than being in church, serving God and making it to heaven. Nothing!
:clap:
*like*
It's not much, but every inch in the right direction counts. When I came home from church Sunday my husband asked me, "How was church?" I don't think he's asked me that since he came back home. I told him it was awesome. :D
Hooray!!
So very exciting to see amazing updates here!!
My son asked him a week or two ago if he ever misses church and my husband said, "Sometimes". Things may be going much slower than I'd like, but at least things seem to be moving forward.
Oh, and I had to laugh at this one. My husband listens to hard rock. (Blech!) Though never around me. Only with his ipod thingy and on the radio in his work truck. The other day he asked me if I knew who Linkin Park is. I told him yes. He then told me about some song called Messenger and how that it's about Jesus. I was just like, "Oh." (In an "well-that's-surprising-and-kind-of-interesting" tone.) I guess he wanted me to know that he likes a song about Jesus. lol I don't know. Just thought it was kind of funny and cute.
And in case anyone is curious, I haven't listened to the song or looked up the lyrics, so I don't know what the meaning or words of the song are.
We ran into a friend from church a few weeks ago. The three of us were talking about different things. Then she asked my husband, with a smile on her face, when he was going to come back to church. He said, "Oh, one of these days."
It hasn't happened yet, but I believe it will.
As far as our relationship goes, things are really good. He's back to his normal self in that department.
I may or may not post any new updates until he's back in church and refilled with the Holy Ghost. Y'all keep praying for him, please.
What a great update!! God is amazing.
Looking forward to the news that he's back in church and living for God completely. :)
:beret:
:)
My mom told me today that my brother told her that when he called my husband the other day (something car related) that he (my brother) brought up church. (My brother is a backslider of many, many years and has been talking a lot lately about wanting to get back in church. His wife has never been saved and when he told her what kind of church we go to she said she could never go to a church like that. My brother needs to just go whether she goes or not. Him becoming serious about God could lead to her salvation.) He told my husband that he wants to get back in church and asked my husband, "Don't you miss church?" My husband said, "Yes." Then he asked him if he ever thinks about getting back in church and my husband said that he does want to go back to church.
I pray for my husband and my brother (and all backsliders) every night. Help me to pray for them.
I may have just shouted a little bit! Yay for progress!!
My daughter says she wants to get baptized tomorrow. When my son got baptized, my husband said that he wished he could've been there. I'm hoping and praying that he'll feel that way about our daughter getting baptized and will go to church with us. Pray he goes to church with us in the morning!
:clap: for your daughter getting baptized, and that would be great if your husband would come too! :)
:beret:
He said he wanted to go, but didn't because his stomach was hurting. *sigh* My daughter got baptized though, with or without her daddy there, and I posted pictures on Facebook. :-)
I don't post a lot in this thread because I usually have nothing to say. But I do read it, and I rejoice with you. :clap:
Quote from: Psalm_97 on December 02, 2012, 08:32:29 PM
I don't post a lot in this thread because I usually have nothing to say. But I do read it, and I rejoice with you. :clap:
:stupid:
I hope and pray all your dreams come true. You are a faithful woman and I believe God is rewarding you for that! I pray your husband gets back to the house of God!
My husband isn't back in church yet and I'm still waiting for my daughter to receive the Holy Ghost, but I do have some good news. My brother went to church today! His first time in many years. He didn't seek God, but he said he loved being there and seeing people worship and that he wants to keep coming.
Please, keep him in your prayers. Not only because he needs to be refilled with the Holy Ghost, but also because his marriage is rocky. His wife didn't go to a church of any kind growing up and has a low opinion of us (especially my mom; she's very disrepectful towards my mom; well, she's disrespectful to everyone really, but especially my mom) because we're Christians. Not just Christians, but Christians who are different from other Christians and well, I won't get into all of that. Just please pray for my brother and his wife. And also pray my daughter will receive the Holy Ghost and that my husband will get back in church and get refilled with the Holy Ghost.
Thank you!