Okay... so tonight I had a *moment* with a friend.
He was in the ER with some major issues, and I just started to cry. I realized that it scared me to think about "what if"s. It hit me HARD that I really care about this person.
Ever had a moment like that? When you realize that, if you lost someone, how much it would devastate you? Not just a "wow, I hope I never lose this person," but a moment where you just lean back and cry because you're scared of the possibility? I've felt that with some of my friends before, and it's not fun... but yet it's a revealing moment in a friendship when you realize how much you really care about someone.
Yes. I've had at least one of those moments. And it scared the socks off me.
A dear classmate that we almost lost when he had his liver transplant, then lost him a couple years later in Jr. High.
and my cousin, we thought we had lost her, than she started to recover, but tragiclly finally passing away in the middle of the night in her sleep. I had been so scared to lose her, and then lost her, she was in some effect, my sister---or that's how I thought of her.
But I know where they are eternally so that is alot of comfort for me, and hopefully if life goes on and straightens itself out, I will see them again in heaven.
That is so true. Eternity is truly the only thought that would bring comfort at times like that, Brandon.
Stevebert's had a couple of close calls. What would I do?
my mother has gone through a lot and all throughout my childhood i've been aware of how fragile her life is... I used to cry a lot imagining what life would be like without her
especially when she'd play the piano and i'd lie in bed listening... I used to sob
when she was actually going through something I couldn't stop to think about it cause I was too busy making sure she got through it
its making me cry to write this, I saw her last weekend and it made me want to cry every time I hugged her... I miss her so much now and at least now she's still on the planet and I have phone contact!
I can't imagine ever having someone in my life that will impact me the same as when I lose her
everyone else i've been without for some time and did just fine... but mom? she's always been there and we've never been anything other than super close... I don't think we've ever even fought and i've always felt it my duty to take care of her
I hope God leaves her here for a long time more
**HUGS** Mary
For those of you who can:
Have you hugged your Mom today?
I know I sometimes gripe and complain about it.........but if anything ever happened to my Identical twin sister, I'd be so lost!! If I think about it, I cry. I can't imagine the rest of my life looking in the mirror and seeing "her". When she up and moved 12 hours away, it was like ripping my heart right out of my chest.
I was raised without my mom (we were 7 when my parents divorced and dad got full custody of us). my mom was scum, but nevertheless, nothing ever quite filled that gap in my life.
the person I am closest to on this whole earth is my husband...........I can NOT imagine my life without him......or my girls. Hannah (my youngest) was born with fluid in her lungs and was in NICU for 5 days....thankfully it was on "that bad" but I remember being SCARED to death when I heard her "grunting" during her breathing, the nurse in me kicked in and I KNEW that was NOT a good sign.....I literally trembled in fear until I KNEW she'd be ok.........
sharon
I have a friend whose wife of 30+ years passed away, from her acting odd to her actual passing away being about two months.
He's functioning, but he told me a rumor he would move was false becuase something to the effect of , his better 50% was buried here.. A few weeks later, he now says he's 30% of who he was, or 25%.
Tragic. His wife had previously, as far as was known, been fine. I think he thought he'd go first.
John
What does this mean? She passed away from acting odd? Not kidding, I didn't understand what you meant.
QuoteI have a friend whose wife of 30+ years passed away, from her acting odd to her actual passing away being about two months.
I think he meant first signs of health problems
This is an issue I've contemplated a lot. Because of a certain situation going on, I'm cut off completely from the person who matters most in my life short of God. It may not be as permanent as a death, but the loss is real. Those moments are scary and often life altering.
She went from looking and acting normal to being dead within two months. At the onset of the visible symptoms, she acted strangely, detached, and it became hard for her to remain concentrated to do just the simplest of tasks.
She was dead in about two months from when those first visible symptoms that something was wrong became visible.. initially thought to be a tunor, it was, as far as I understand, actually cancer that got her.
John
I have never lost anyone that I was intensely close with as I have not been intensely close to very many people. Salvation plays a huge part in coping I'd think. My husband and my kids I don't know what I'd do without. I've thought about it before and I think I'd miss them so bad I couldn't funtion for a least a time, and they're all saved. For me, I think it would be more than just losing them, it would be losing what my purpose has been filtered through for so long. Kind of like Mary was saying. My life is in service to God and to my hubby and kids. It would be more than life altering I wonder, if not needing a new life completely, almost a new you.
I have thought I'd go before my hubby. I've never lost someone close, so I wonder if it's cause I couldn't take it. So maybe I'd go first.
Perhaps what struck me when I initially creating this thread was sort of the opposite of the way the conversation seems to be going (which is quite fine; just regrouping my thoughts a bit). My initial thought was that I hadn't really been struck by how much I cared about this person until the thought crossed my mind that something might happen to him.
There are people in my life that I know I care about greatly, and if I stop and think about losing them, I feel sad. BUT this one kind of came out of nowhere.
Does the possibility of losing someone bring you closer together?
Does it make you recognize how much you care?
Does it bring out emotions in you that you may not have even realized existed?
Quote from: Newsman on January 22, 2009, 07:20:16 PM
She went from looking and acting normal to being dead within two months. At the onset of the visible symptoms, she acted strangely, detached, and it became hard for her to remain concentrated to do just the simplest of tasks.
She was dead in about two months from when those first visible symptoms that something was wrong became visible.. initially thought to be a tunor, it was, as far as I understand, actually cancer that got her.
John
Goodness! What did she die of?
Quote from: Sis on January 22, 2009, 09:30:10 PM
Quote from: Newsman on January 22, 2009, 07:20:16 PM
She went from looking and acting normal to being dead within two months. At the onset of the visible symptoms, she acted strangely, detached, and it became hard for her to remain concentrated to do just the simplest of tasks.
She was dead in about two months from when those first visible symptoms that something was wrong became visible.. initially thought to be a tunor, it was, as far as I understand, actually cancer that got her.
John
Goodness! What did she die of?
He answered in his post, Sis.
Quote from: RainbowJingles on January 22, 2009, 09:28:40 PM
Perhaps what struck me when I initially creating this thread was sort of the opposite of the way the conversation seems to be going (which is quite fine; just regrouping my thoughts a bit). My initial thought was that I hadn't really been struck by how much I cared about this person until the thought crossed my mind that something might happen to him.
There are people in my life that I know I care about greatly, and if I stop and think about losing them, I feel sad. BUT this one kind of came out of nowhere.
Does the possibility of losing someone bring you closer together?
Does it make you recognize how much you care?
Does it bring out emotions in you that you may not have even realized existed?
My moment was an epiphany of sorts. It wasn't until a particular instance that I realized just how much I
did care about that individual. And it reminded me again just how fragile life and relationships truly are. I knew if they were gone that I would miss them terribly, but it wasn't until that one moment that I realized the depth of that feeling. I wandered around for several days somewhat dazed and numb... and thanking God that they were still in my life.
:beret:
**HUGS** Ruby
*Hugs* Elona
And yes, I hug my mom often. :) I dare say you've made more than one person stop and think about hugging people before they're gone. It's only too easy to take that for granted, I'm afraid.
*Hugs* Elona again
:beret:
**HUGS** the good memories
Not being a hugger in real life, they don't mean much to me. There are other ways to show love to those who mean a lot. Talking and telling them how much they mean to you is worth much more in my life.
The only one I like hugging is Stevebert. I do hug others sometimes, but I just want to get it over with. I guess that's what happens to a girl who grows up with only boys around. *shrug*
then you have a different love language than i do. :lol: thats all there is to that!
and yes Elona... i think it definitely can make you stop and think and appreciate if you realize that there is the possibility of it just being a temporary moment rather than a lifetime.
I have taken to say what I'm thinking more often. More I Love You's, more doing for him, which ends up with him doing more for me. Less griping about little things. I stop to think, he's pretty good at picking up after himself, so I won't gripe about the one time he doesn't. etc.
When I was in high school and my now husband and I were just good friends he had an accident pole vaulting. Basically--he fell on his head off the mats. Something went through me like no other. THAT is when I realized how much he meant to me.
Now I can't imagine him not being here and tear up thinking about something taking him from this world without warning. Same goes for my kids. I hear too much about young people dying and I just don't know if I could handle one of my boys passing before me.
Just talking about it now has brought tears to my eyes. I am thankful for them in many many ways and thankful for being open to love when from past experiences it would have been easier to put up walls and not let anyone in.
Not to dampen your tender moment, Sarba....but I just have to comment....NOW it's all clear why Cletus is the way he is...LOL
Quote from: Chseeads on January 24, 2009, 12:45:10 AM
Not to dampen your tender moment, Sarba....but I just have to comment....NOW it's all clear why Cletus is the way he is...LOL
I KNEW you or Germ would show up...lol
It was a big fall.....lol....real big....lol
Come on tho....seriously...he married ME---kinda obvious that God is a healer and Clint is in his right fram of mind. :P
Umm..or maybe the reverse? he never recovered? :)
John :waving:
Losing a family member, especially a young one, brings you face to face with how unnatural death really is. The mind, the body, the spirit... it can't really adjust because it's not supposed to ever have to deal with death. We weren't designed to lose people, we were designed to have new people come into our lives through birth and then have that relationship go on and on forever. Imagine what it's been like for the Lord, watching generation after generation of people He loves pass away.
To revisit this topic and put a whole new spin on it...
What are your thoughts on people who feel that because they have certain issues health-wise, they make the decision to not get close to anyone, or become a recluse because they are going to- eventually- along with the rest of the population of the earth- die.
or. . .
What are your thoughts on people who counsel others to be careful about who they get in a relationship with because they have ____ health concerns.
those ideas seem to be rooted in fear...
I think it's sad to make decisions without God. You're bound to lose a great degree of happiness and blessing when one comes to conclusions without seeking God and looking to His Word.
There are people who care more about love than health conditions. We can't compare what we see in some or even most people or other relationships to a fake, insecurely inspired, relationship that hasn't even occured yet.
Seek God and be honest, that should cover the advice I would think. It may be a valid issue to take into consideration but not to limit what God can and may want to do. imo anyway.
I agree with MY. If it's God's will, he will make a way. He can also heal. Our ways are not his ways. If it came down to it there's also that old saying "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
As I get older (Somewhat. LOL) I want to do as much as I can, health concerns or not. I want to see as many people as I can, build new bridges that I thought I had burned. Organize things for my posterity (Like photo albums). I want to crochet as much as I can to leave those who might want something of mine. I want to get together, even if it's online, with whom I've lost touch.
I want to help where I can, and quit nit-picking. When I'm about to get irritated about something, I start thinking, what if he/she isn't there tomorrow, how will I feel for blowing my top over something so insignificant? It could happen to anyone any time. My big car accident showed me how fast your life can be over. One minute I was at Sam's Club angry about someone, the next minute I woke up in a smashed up car. Thank God I woke up. The anger I was feeling might have been my last thought.
I don't want to hole up, I want God to lead me to a shut-in that I can be a friend to. I've wanted that for a long time. There might be one right here in the complex. I've tried to reach out to help in the past, but have been turned down many times, but one of these days someone will want the help.
The trouble would be to convince someone who is depressed and wants to hide away, not to.
I'm 100% with MY.
I feel strongly about the honesty factor - as in, I have a friend who wasn't told about her husband's health issues before they got married (intentionally - because he wanted to someone to take care of him while he was dying). I think that was totally wrong of him to do, but she did the right thing and stuck with him.
As long as both people are told the things they need to be told, and as long as they communicate well about the problems (or possible problems), I think it should be a decision the two of them reach together.
Otherwise, one person is making the decision for BOTH of them, and that hardly seems fair.
I suppose there are people who wouldn't want to marry someone with significant health issues, but I know a lot of happy couples who knew something of the risk (for lack of a better word) and chose love over a bigger sense of security.
My two cents. :)
:beret:
That's for sure. Even if they marry the person anyway, they made the decision while being informed. I think I might lose a lot of respect for my husband if he had lied to me about something major. And not telling something is lying by omission.
The subject is near to me--as I'm not the healthiest of guys, though many have much worse health conditions, and at least my ego tells me I can still go out and thump heads and take names :)
It's both a real issue, and can be a cop-out. As the world would say, the odds grow long against my ever having a wife and children, but much of that has been my own fault in not pursuing matters earlier in life.
At the same time, I kniow what I've felt in prayer, and know God is able to give that 'extra 15' (or 30 or 50) years of life. He's also able to give that child in older ages.
Honesty would definintely be a crucual thing, however. Not telling the other person beforehand about such matters would be despicable.
John :waving:
Oh, and Lady Chel, the second question you had.. I think advising 'caution' to another looking at this _might_ be all right.. but never to _discourage_ them.. does that make sense?
To encourage them to think about it, without overtly OR couched in subtle terms advise them against it.. it's between them and God.
What God has joined together, let no man try to pull apart.
John
Quote from: Newsman on February 14, 2010, 02:03:33 PM
Oh, and Lady Chel, the second question you had.. I think advising 'caution' to another looking at this _might_ be all right.. but never to _discourage_ them.. does that make sense?
To encourage them to think about it, without overtly OR couched in subtle terms advise them against it.. it's between them and God.
What God has joined together, let no man try to pull apart.
John
Sir John.... that was wonderful advice - and not just for the situation brought up by this thread. I wish more people thought as you do on this one. *sigh*
:beret:
Quote from: Newsman on February 14, 2010, 01:58:02 PM
He's also able to give that child in older ages.
John :waving:
Stevebert had two boys. When we got married he got his girl. He was happy she was housebroken, though. He didn't really want to go through the diaper thing again. LOL
I guess I have been blessed not to lose too many people I know thus far. I know everyone is gonna die at some point in time, health problems or not. So I figure for me, it is best to spend what time I do have getting to know the people I care about.
But death can hit at any time. About a month ago, there was a guy who was maybe 30 yrs old, with a wife not much younger than him, and 3 small boys that died of complications from Leukemia. He was in church, and so to some degree, I am happy for him, because he has all the answers that I want to know.
But in another respect, now his widow, who was planning to grow old with him died, and his 3 little boys will have to grow up without dad there for all of the major important things in their lives.
My bio-father left when I was little, and I have no real memories of him, but he is still alive at this point in time, not in church, but still alive.
I ache for these youngsters, cause even though it isnt the same situation, not even close, I know how it is to know Dad is never coming home. That's tough on boys, yeah, God has a plan, but still it is difficult.
I would rather love and lose them to God in death, than never love and always wonder what could have been.
I don't know how I would react to losing a wife, or even a child, but it happens to people everyday. Guess I'd rather just focus on what time I do have.