A little bit different than the other thread on questions about relationships..so I started a new thread.
We have discuused before, and can here again, age differences in a relationship,,new people through, different perspectives, ol perspectives change. But more than just the age differences, what are good ages to marry and 'settle down.'?
I know we need to be led of God, but the Bible tells the man he has found a good thing when he finds a wife..find denotes looking, to me, to search.
I see people write of being married by 18 or it's too late, and I wish this didn't get pushed off on people.
There are different perspectives among men, surely, and it may be vastly different for women, but here are some thoughts from me;
I wasn't ready to get married at 21..I don't necessarily think it was maturity, but the fact I was still out doing things with my friends, hanging out with them, and the ones who had a wife back then we felt dragged them down..in essence, if they were going to make that work, then we needed to be the weights they let go in hanging around so much with.
I think, looking back over the years, that 25-30 would have been a good age to have gotten married in. You are working as an adult, but haven't gotten so hooked into the career thing that it becomes an obsession. While you can be very active in church, you probably still have enough freedom in your positions to be able to take off a few weekends a year, and go on fun vacations.
For me, 30-40 was when I really buckled down in the field of work I'm in, and God has bleesed me to advance in some areas in. It's not a high-paying career according to some fields, but advancement came during this area.
I have heard that Rush Limbaugh has said you really don't start to succeed until you turn 40. I notice about that time I was accepted by almost all age groups, only occasionally thought of as 'a kid' but still accepted by much younger folks.
Professionally, God has blessed me to where I've probably won more awards in the past four years than I did in all my years working before that. Dating opportunities in your early 40's are great, too, lots of people you can ask out. The thing about the single in their 40's is, when really cool stuff happens and God blesses, you have no one to fully share that with ithout running the risk of being thought a braggart.
Still, looking back, I think 25-30 would have been the best time to marry..what do you folks think?
John :waving:
I think you might be right. :smirk2:
:beret:
I think I agree as well.
HOWEVER, since I've passed that age range, I think that 36 is the PERFECT age to get married. :D
I agree as well...too bad Im not getting married.
I agree.. I think 23-28 is a great age for most women.. with men.. I'd say 25-30 (give or take a year or two in each direction). Granted.. many who marry younger will make it work but I do think there will be some difficulties because the majority of 18 or 19 year olds do not fully who they are (yet).
If you are 18 or 19.. you might disagree.. but I'm not trying to be insulting. But ask anyone a few years past those ages.. and most will say they have changed quite a bit since that age.. At 18 and at 20 and at 22 ... I was still becoming more and more 'me.' Now.. I'm quite comfortable in my skin .. Should a man like that? Great. If he doesn't.. tough. ;)
They ("they" being one Apostolic psych-guy...can't remember his actual doctorate. lol) actually say that it's best to get married sometime before the age of 24. Supposedly, after that, people are pretty much set in their ways and don't like/want to deal with change (which obviously occurs when you get married). Getting married before that happens makes the adjustment needed for marriage easier to handle.
Just repeating what I've heard. :teeth: If it's true, then I have about 7 months to get married. :o lol
B
You better get up that tree man. :demand:
Actually, I'm so jaded on it all, that I wouldn't wish it on anybody. lol (Marriage, that is...)
I'm not willing to change my life for marriage or a romantic relationship, there's other things that mean too much to me and have a greater value.
You might actually be a perfect example of what that guy was talking about. :teeth: lol
B
Awesome, my case has a diagnosis! :clap2:
age.....wasn't long ago I was visiting a church and met a nice lady who had a strong interrest in cooking, very pretty, very secure in herself and job, lived in my local area, very active in her church, was a widow. Anyway, I almost asked her out when I realized she wasn't 35 like I thought, but 50!!!
The last girl I actively dated was 5-6 years older than me. So age isn't a big deal, but something I do consider.
As far as age goes, it doesn't bother me. What bothers me is when a person doesn't even give someone a chance based solely on their age (and assumptions they've made or conclusions they've drawn about that age).
My parents are 18 years apart with my mother being the older, which is probably why I feel the way I do. :teeth:
B
Quote from: Rae on January 08, 2008, 01:06:55 PM
I agree.. I think 23-28 is a great age for most women.. with men.. I'd say 25-30 (give or take a year or two in each direction). Granted.. many who marry younger will make it work but I do think there will be some difficulties because the majority of 18 or 19 year olds do not fully who they are (yet).
If you are 18 or 19.. you might disagree.. but I'm not trying to be insulting. But ask anyone a few years past those ages.. and most will say they have changed quite a bit since that age.. At 18 and at 20 and at 22 ... I was still becoming more and more 'me.' Now.. I'm quite comfortable in my skin .. Should a man like that? Great. If he doesn't.. tough. ;)
We had a 13-year-old in church that claimed she was an adult. She said, that by 13, she was mature enough to make her own decisions and should be able to get married if she so desired.
When she was 20 and engaged, I reminded her of her words and asked her if she still felt the same way. She laughed and said, NOOOOO! I was so stupid back then.
Sometimes you can only know those things in hindsight.
If the young people would realize that their marriage is supposed to last a lifetime, in some cases 70-80 years. That's an awfully long time to live with the same person. You should take the time to make sure you get it right.
Quote... actually say that it's best to get married sometime before the age of 24.
The ones I know personally who have married around 30, are better together. Better parents, more calm have more experience. The women have been out in the work world and are ready to settle down. The ones who marry younger, get into this thing about what they missed and sometimes even cheat because they think they jumped in too soon. God will work it out no matter what age you marry.
QuoteThe ones who marry younger, get into this thing about what they missed and sometimes even cheat because they think they jumped in too soon.
Amen to that. Or they leave and run around 'looking for themselves'. A while back, I asked the ex if she had ever 'found herself', and if she was happier now?
The answer?
"No. I wish to God I had stayed where I was."
Sad.
Back on topic, I don't really care if a lady is older than me, or younger than me [but not too much]. I'm 34, so 10 years is about the max, with some few exceptions.
That happened to a woman at work, too. She said she read Cosmo and it made her think she was missing something. So she left a good guy and regretted it. She ended up married again to a jerk. He was a gambler, and he morgaged her house behind her back and blew all the money, and never paid it back. She found out when it went into foreclosure. She had lost almost everything because of this jerk.
She started telling me this because she had seen her ex and was crying because of what she had lost.
If it's true love, it can stand a few years wait. It's just that the physical things are so pressing that people get married way too soon. Maybe going back to the old courting rituals could be a good thing, huh?
good time to get married... hmmmm yesterday?!? :grin:
I almost got married when I was 18, thankfully I didn't. I've gotten to do a lot of things I otherwise wouldn't have and I've enjoyed my singleness however I think if I had gotten married at 18 I would have been fine as well - just different
I know I've changed and matured (and in some areas un-matured haha) but I don't think being married the last five years would have changed that, I would have still changed and matured - probably differently but I think still equally well or whatever
Since I'm single I'm having a grand time being single - get to go out with lots of different guys and play that field a little bit :freaky2: I'm plenty ready to settle down for the right guy though. It gets old being out, some nights it would be wonderful to have a home to go to with someone
So as much fun as I've been having I'm fairly sure if I'd been married at 18 I'd be having a grand time being married and I wouldn't be wondering what I was missing out on in the single world
So, when I'm married, I'll be married
but now, I'm single... and my calendar is rather booked ;)
.
..
I was 27 when I got married. I think it was a great age for me. Of course, due to circumstances beyond my control I'm no longer married.
I think the age a person is ready to get married depends on the maturity level of the individual.
And, in my opinion age difference between two people doesn't matter. I would date someone who is 23 or someone who is 43 if they were stable and mature enough!!!!!
That's just my 2Cents for the evening. I'm outta here! LOL!!!!!!
Quote from: Chseeads on January 08, 2008, 08:24:46 PM
Awesome, my case has a diagnosis! :clap2:
Yup. You're officially old. :D
Quote from: GlassDarkly on January 08, 2008, 08:33:46 PM
As far as age goes, it doesn't bother me. What bothers me is when a person doesn't even give someone a chance based solely on their age (and assumptions they've made or conclusions they've drawn about that age).
My parents are 18 years apart with my mother being the older, which is probably why I feel the way I do. :teeth:
B
Every time I hear that I just smile and think, "wow." lol Then I laugh about the fact that I was nervous about dating a guy 9 years younger.
I take that back. It's actually 19 years. I haven't done the math in awhile. lol Oh, and they got married when my dad was 18. :teeth:
B
Scandalous! lol Downright funny!
Holy cow....your momma took him right out of the cradle.... :o
So approximately how many people were actually in favor of the marriage (not counting your Mom and Dad)?
Quote from: Chseeads on January 09, 2008, 04:15:27 PM
Holy cow....your momma took him right out of the cradle.... :o
She had the right stuff to attract a younger guy. She must have been some looker, or was extremely nice.
Or an extremely good cook. :fork:
Quote from: RainbowJingles on January 09, 2008, 06:01:07 PM
So approximately how many people were actually in favor of the marriage (not counting your Mom and Dad)?
I'm not really sure. I know my dad's parents weren't happy about it at all, and stayed that way until after I was born. Mom says I fixed everything when I showed up. lol
B
Quote from: GlassDarkly on January 08, 2008, 07:51:46 PM
They ("they" being one Apostolic psych-guy...can't remember his actual doctorate. lol) actually say that it's best to get married sometime before the age of 24. Supposedly, after that, people are pretty much set in their ways and don't like/want to deal with change (which obviously occurs when you get married).
The problem is, we should never ever get 'set in our ways'... how are we supposed to grow if we do? Christians aren't supposed to stagnate.
As for a marrying age, I would guess it is different for everyone. At this time, I've seen no evidence to indicate that getting married would be an improvement over my current state, so I'm quite happy to busy myself with all the things that keep me busy.
It's like I said. People tend to focus on what they don't have and don't take the time to enjoy what they have. I guess that's why God reminded us to be content in whatever state we're in.
You wish your life away, otherwise. You will wake up one morning and realize life has passed you by and you have done NOTHING but wish for what you don't have. Get busy and you won't have time to mope.
Well said Sis.
I was looking to bump an old thread, but saw this one and it reminded me of something I encountered recently, and an issue I was interested in discussing.
Background: Friends have often kidded me for dating younger women.. I've actually dated older, as well, but das a different story.
Recently, a man who has come sporadically to church quite a bit over the last several years introduced me to the woman he told me he wants to marry. He's 45, and she's 75 (yes, numbes are correct, as told to me).. and she's not a 'young' 75, either.
Each person is responsible for their own actions. For me, I see significant age differences as, with the proper thought and planning, all right while in certain phases of life...40's and 20's wouldn't be out of the question to me, nor 50's and 30's, if one was extremely well-prepared going into it. However, to me, even 60's and 40's would seem unwise, as the person on the upper end is approaching the (likely) worsening health and life issues cacthing up with them.
YMMV.
John :waving:
She's not rich, is she. Where's that banana peel?
:eyebrow:
Quote from: coolguy on August 20, 2009, 08:38:57 AM
She's not rich, is she. Where's that banana peel?
:eyebrow:
That's what most folks will think when it's that kind of age difference...
ahh....similar to what we have planned the next time newsman does the bust-a-move? :laughhard:
Under 20, any age difference can be quite significant but after 20-25, it is their business what the age differences are. My friend's mother married a younger man. She wasn't good looking or especially personable, either. They made a good couple and they're still together. Now that he looks older, they look the same age.
But a woman that's 75 and a guy that's 45 probably has an ulterior motive in most cases, in my opinion.
Either that or he misses his mommy! Which is the case when younger guys go after older women.
It's not a money thing, from my impressions gathered.
John :waving:
Without knowing anything more to the story than the ages, I'm afraid I would have assumed either the money issue or the "I'm missing my mommy" issue too. Sounds awfully judgmental, I s'pose, but I guess you weigh things you see/hear on what you already have known.
I think 7 years is the perfect age difference... the guy being the older of the two. ;) :hypocrite:
:beret:
Quote from: SippinTea on August 20, 2009, 11:21:57 PM
I think 7 years is the perfect age difference... the guy being the older of the two. ;) :hypocrite:
:beret:
BOL (remember, that means big ol' laugh. lol)
In order to stay on topic...
I personally could not see myself with a guy much older than me, but I guess that's just me. I was in a relationship with a man 15 years older than me not too long ago. He's a really great guy, a gentleman, and a great cook. lol However, it just didn't work well for me.
I don't necessarily see anything wrong with it. A guy I went to school with married a woman over 20 years younger than him. They are very happily married and love each other very much. If they are happy, then I don't see a problem.
I recall a then-single Apostolic woman (who was a LOT younger than I) say something to the effect of "anything under 50 is just a number."
Different ages are seen in different lights by people, as we each have our own perspective we see these things through. I was just reading a less-than-completely-kind remark about me on a local popular blog site, where I was still called a "boy" I would figure, unless that's just a favored phrase from the poster, he or she is considerably older than I.
I like to think I look younger than my near-45 years. However, I've already asked one person I know, and intend to ask another one or two when I think exactly who to, to let me know if I ever look ridiculously older than a woman I date. I don't want to go around with people typically thinking my lady is my daughter.
I also hope to never be a doddering old man having to be led and fed by a much younger wife.. I hope to live and die with at least a modicum of dignity.
John :waving:
QuoteI personally could not see myself with a guy much older than me, but I guess that's just me. I was in a relationship with a man 15 years older than me not too long ago. He's a really great guy, a gentleman, and a great cook. lol However, it just didn't work well for me.
I don't necessarily see anything wrong with it. A guy I went to school with married a woman over 20 years younger than him. They are very happily married and love each other very much. If they are happy, then I don't see a problem.
There's a HUGE difference between 7 and 15 years older. 7 is really close to your age, 15 is another generation. Big difference in attitude, knowledge, and experience.
Quote from: Sis on August 21, 2009, 05:15:19 PM
There's a HUGE difference between 7 and 15 years older. 7 is really close to your age, 15 is another generation. Big difference in attitude, knowledge, and experience.
Huge difference, yes, but that's not to say it can't work. And very happily, too, I might add. Really, it all depends on the individuals themselves. And the outsiders looking in may or may not understand their choice(s), but... *shrug* I don't guess it's any of their business if the couple is happy with the arrangement.
Quote from: Newsman on August 21, 2009, 08:49:49 AM
I also hope to never be a doddering old man having to be led and fed by a much younger wife.. I hope to live and die with at least a modicum of dignity.
John, I think I understand what you're saying, but humor me in giving a woman's perspective for a minute... :)
I agree that generally speaking it's probably wisest to stick with someone more or less in the same age bracket, but I also think that genuine love overcomes even the challenges/issues you mentioned. No one can see the road ahead, which is why marriage vows include "in sickness AND in health." If love is strong enough for one scenario, it should be strong enough for the other. And of course, almost everyone hopes they end up being healthy, wealthy, and wise. *LOL*
BUT... I have seen both men and women in positions of caregiving for a spouse, and I have seen the beauty of genuine love in those situations. Matter of fact, a couple I'm very close to is currently in that position, and watching the love this wife gives her husband has brought me near to tears on more than one occasion. Certainly, it's difficult for her. But she wouldn't trade what they have together for anything. And it shows in every loving gesture, every kind word, every giving action. She is cherishing every single day - make that every single moment - that she is able to be with him, knowing that she won't have him much longer.
I'm just sayin'... when a woman truly loves a man (and vice versa), even caring for someone who is sick or growing older is not something to be resented or even 'undignified' (to use your word *smile*).
Real love is a beautiful gift you give - and receive.
But then... I'm probably not saying anything new. I think it was described pretty well in I Cor 13. ;)
:beret:
Quote from: Sis on August 21, 2009, 05:15:19 PM
QuoteI personally could not see myself with a guy much older than me, but I guess that's just me. I was in a relationship with a man 15 years older than me not too long ago. He's a really great guy, a gentleman, and a great cook. lol However, it just didn't work well for me.
I don't necessarily see anything wrong with it. A guy I went to school with married a woman over 20 years younger than him. They are very happily married and love each other very much. If they are happy, then I don't see a problem.
There's a HUGE difference between 7 and 15 years older. 7 is really close to your age, 15 is another generation. Big difference in attitude, knowledge, and experience.
I wasn't comparing the two ages sis. I know there is a huge difference in 7 and 15. I was merely commenting on Ruby and then moving on to my own experience. Two seperate accounts.
Quote from: SippinTea on August 22, 2009, 02:33:21 AM
Quote from: Sis on August 21, 2009, 05:15:19 PM
There's a HUGE difference between 7 and 15 years older. 7 is really close to your age, 15 is another generation. Big difference in attitude, knowledge, and experience.
Huge difference, yes, but that's not to say it can't work. And very happily, too, I might add. Really, it all depends on the individuals themselves. And the outsiders looking in may or may not understand their choice(s), but... *shrug* I don't guess it's any of their business if the couple is happy with the arrangement.
:beret:
Didn't say it couldn't work. In my parents time, men were usually at least ten years older than the woman. That's because the man had to go out and establish himself first, and sometimes it took that long to get a solid job, money in the bank and the means to provide a home for his bride.
My dad was ten years older than my mother. I know another couple where he is twenty years older, and they are extremely happy.
All I could think of with the 20 year gap is that he was 20 when she was born...the oft repeated phrase 'he's old enough to be her father' springs to mind. But if they're happy, I suppose it doean't make a difference. And back in the day teenage girls were marrying men older. personally: *shudder* :shudder: about the teenage girls marrying men older than their dad.
To me it would smack to much of a father daughter relationship rather than a husband wife relationship. But that's my own personal opinion. *Shrugs* Hey, whatever God's got planned and whatever makes them happy.
I don't think teens should do that. After 20 is different. Actually, I don't think teens should marry. Too many divorces among people who married when they were young.
Ruby: VERY incredibly well-said. As I was reading John's post, some of the same thoughts came to mind, and I was trying to figure out how to put them in words. No need to now. You done gone and done it fer me. :-)
:highfive:
Here are some other thoughts:
Just because a man is older doesn't mean that he may become disabled before his much-younger wife. Who knows if perhaps the younger of the two may end up in a car accident and become paralyzed and require constant care? Or who is to say that there will even need to be that time in life where EITHER requires care from the other? Then again... doesn't EVERY marriage require that care be given to one another in some way, shape, or form?
As for the guy wanting to marry a lady 30 years his senior... Wow. Could be complex. Might be perfect. If there are any children on either side, it could get really interesting/complicated, though.
Thanks, Elona. :)
We played tag-team, 'cause you put words to the other thoughts rattling around in my head that I couldn't get typed out. ;)
I guess it really boils down to that we have no guarantees, relationships are always a risk, and making a decision based on age or some other non-controllable factor seems... well, rather limiting. :updown: And I guess true love doesn't have limits. Boundaries, but not limits.
Not sure I'm making much sense to anyone's brain but my own... and Elona's apparently. :lol:
:beret:
And mine of course. ;)
BOTH of yall said what I was thinking. *HUG*
Just took a facebook quiz the other day.
The question was "when will you get married?"
According to that quiz, I'm supposed to get married when I turn 25.
Shame that I already turned 25 QUITE a few years ago. lol
You missed him? :yikes:
I guess so. lol Hate that for me.