I was thinking the other day about "standard" marriage advice and how sometimes people give bad advice, and how maybe for some marriages it works but others it doesn't, etc... and I was going to ask you what you think for YOUR marriage, what is the worst marriage advice you've received?
For me, I used to hear people say ALL the time "Don't go to bed with an unresolved problem" etc etc - so when I got married, whenever we had issues, I would
"force" Bernard to talk with me about it THEN, whether it was 11pm or 2am - so that we wouldn't be breaking that "cardinal rule" but I found that my "We have to sort it out and we have to sort it out NOW" attitude was detrimental to the problem-solving process. For me, it's easy to have an issue and deal with it straight away, but Bernard needs some processing time etc before we can "put it behind us"... I've found that as I've learned to let go, give Bernard some time and space, and if needs be, even sleep on it and deal with it the next day, things that used to become HUGE issues are only minor things now... because my attitude of "We've gotta sort it out before we go to sleep" was putting my husband on the spot and demanding that he dealt with it MY way.
Looking back on the advice now, after 2 years of marriage (I'm a BIT wiser now), I would never give that advice to a newlywed. It is a nice ideal and I'm sure it works very well with people who can deal with issues "on demand" but I've come to realise that it's more important to respect each other, to give each other space, and to not make demands - even if they are made with the best of intentions... And if you need to sleep on it, sleep on it!! If you need to give each other a couple of days and come back and talk about it LATER, do that...
Anyways - so what do you think was some "bad" (although possibly well-intentioned) marriage advice that you received?
(Maybe it's not so much "bad" - but the same things just don't work in every marriage, I've come to realise!!)
One that was told to me by a very good 'friend'....
There are only 2 rules that you need to live by in order to make a marriage work.
1. Let the woman know that she is ALWAYS right.
2. When she is Wrong, refer back to rule # 1.
Maybe for some people this would work, but God knows NOT with my wife. When she is Wrong, she IS wrong & I let her know it. LOL
:nono:
Quote from: MisterClean02 on December 23, 2006, 07:57:28 AM
One that was told to me by a very good 'friend'....
There are only 2 rules that you need to live by in order to make a marriage work.
1. Let the woman know that she is ALWAYS right.
2. When she is Wrong, refer back to rule # 1.
That is good advice not bad
Along the lines of your advice, Nicole. I was told to never walk away mad. But i know me, and sometimes I need to just walk away and cool off a little, otherwise i may say something I don't really mean.
I was advised not to marry Julie. Haven't regretted not following that advice.
Argh - I can't believe that I spelt "Advice" wrong in the title - I wrote "advise" instead... but I changed it now ;)
In some ways I think that no matter what advice you get from other people, you've gotta learn what works for YOU coz it's not going to be the "text book marriage" EVER...
I was told not to marry david, other than that I didn't get much marriage advise. Other than what to do in the bedroom... people were ready to jump on that one. GAG me, I didn't not want to hear about what all them people did in their bedroom... GROSS. But as far as marriage advise, beside being told not to marry david, all we got was always say sorry. And our pastor put that in our vows or whatever you call that when they talk... Now that is odd that no one had advise for us. They must have reeeeeeally not wanted us to get married. :D
aawww, baby...I love you!
We also got that advice that don't go to bed mad...but I don't like some to confront me...I will talk about it when I am ready...I think that the longer you are married you figure out what works for your relationship
Oh my word. I got some hilarious advice. The worst has to be though, "Make sure you are taken care of." Now, there was/is nothing lacking except in myself that I foolishly did not remember that it's better to give than recieve. That giving makes the receiving that much greater. I know the way that my mom meant it, to not settle for an unsatifying marriage or be a peon wife, but it just wasn't helpful for me and my marriage.
The best marriage 'advice' I ever got was really just watching anointed couples who respected eachother interact. Early in our marriage, after realizing the examples we grew up seeing and how that is NOT the way God wants it, I prayed for God to send us a Godly example that we could learn from. A few weeks later an older couple moved to our small church and I knew it was of God. We have learned so much just by fellowshipping with them, I am so blessed. It proves that it doesn't matter what examples you saw growing up or what advice you were given, God will teach you if you ask.
so far the only advice matt and i have recieved and shared was that we are both kinda stubborn so we MUST LEARN TO COMPROMISE!
also an elder in our church told matt to make sure to leave me alone in the bathroom when i'm fixing my hair for church. lol.
Quote from: nicolejoy on December 23, 2006, 07:50:36 AM
... and I was going to ask you what you think for YOUR marriage, what is the worst marriage advice you've received?
one of the worst:
"C'mon, man, you're not getting any younger!" (and I'm young!)
:laughhard:
I was told that a husband and wife should never see each other naked. I was told that we should either change clothes in separate rooms, or only one person at a time in the room, or with the lights out. I was told that marital relations should only be performed in the dark and under the covers. All bad advice in my opinion--looking for treasure isn't as much fun when you are blind.
Quote from: MICHÆL K on January 21, 2007, 03:42:12 PM
I was told that a husband and wife should never see each other naked. I was told that we should either change clothes in separate rooms, or only one person at a time in the room, or with the lights out. I was told that marital relations should only be performed in the dark and under the covers. All bad advice in my opinion--looking for treasure isn't as much fun when you are blind.
*sigh* ......... :freaky2:.............then :laughhard: :laughhard: :laughhard: :laughhard: :laughhard: There is so much to say...LOL
BOL I don't know how anyone could follow that advice. I couldn't..lol
hard enough to follow that advice outside of marriage
**** NO! after I'm married
I hate wearing clothes
:oops: oh my word . . . :pwink:
This is a good topic.
We actually received very little advice before our wedding other than the standard "Never go to bed angry" line. We always 'believed' it but never took it to literal heart. We tend to work out things in their own time, which is to say in the next 2-24 hours, NOT just before bed time.
We have received plenty of bad advice AFTER our wedding though. All sorts of interesting thoughts on birth control (or the sin inherent in its use), and was told by my wife's (now ex) pastor that there was to be no sex on Sunday (because it is a holy day) or the night before, because it is the night BEFORE the holy day. And on and on......
Quote from: RandyWayne on January 22, 2007, 02:56:56 AM
We actually received very little advice before our wedding other than the standard "Never go to bed angry" line. We always 'believed' it but never took it to literal heart. We tend to work out things in their own time, which is to say in the next 2-24 hours, NOT just before bed time.
Yeah - I don't think it was really the "advice" that was bad, but the way that I used to try to "force" a resolution at midnight ;) I can resolve things at the drop of a hat, that's just the way that I "work" - which is probably why I thought that a resolution could be "forced"... but I've learnt better now ;) Although sometimes I still feel like trying to "force" a resolution coz I can't STAND knowing something is wrong but having to WAIT to deal with it - I always want to deal with it straight away...
Quote from: MICHÆL K on January 21, 2007, 03:42:12 PM
I was told that a husband and wife should never see each other naked. I was told that we should either change clothes in separate rooms, or only one person at a time in the room, or with the lights out. I was told that marital relations should only be performed in the dark and under the covers. All bad advice in my opinion--looking for treasure isn't as much fun when you are blind.
:-? I can't believe someone actually told you that! That's too funny!
I wonder if whoever said that was happily married like that... *shrugs*
LOL.... who knows, maybe we'd have to see their spouse to understand. :P
Re: Worst marriage advice?
(someone told me this today)
"Just find someone around who you think is interesting and, y'know, marry them!"
Quote from: MellowYellow on January 22, 2007, 02:29:46 PM
LOL.... who knows, maybe we'd have to see their spouse to understand. :P
:laughhard: :laughhard:
QuoteLOL.... who knows, maybe we'd have to see their spouse to understand.
(http://www.geocities.com/randbo33/familyguy_peter.jpg)
Quote from: TRAV on January 22, 2007, 10:05:40 PM
Re: Worst marriage advice?
(someone told me this today)
"Just find someone around who you think is interesting and, y'know, marry them!"
now thats an interesting take on things
Quote from: MellowYellow on January 22, 2007, 02:29:46 PM
LOL.... who knows, maybe we'd have to see their spouse to understand. :P
:biglaugh: I thought the saaaaaame thing! lol :ugly:
or maybe they were trying to hide something... like a bad tattoo :grin:
well, all i can say about the turn this thread has taken is . . .
hhhhmmmm. interesting.
I was told by one of the sisters in the Church we used to go and got married at, that once I married Michael K, that I no longer got an opinion, since he was the head of the house, his opinion was the only one that counted, so I should just not worry to tell him how I felt about something.
That didn't last too long though
I wouldn't have made it thru to first night that way...lol :pound: :laughhard:
anyone can tell you that I can't keep my mouth shut if I have something to say...I embaress my poor husband all the time...oh well...he needs to live alittle anyway :goodmod:
Oh, it didn't last past the first week. Then I realized my opinion does matter in the marraige.
I should hope so. Otherwise it would be an owner/servant relationship. :)
:beret:
Yeah, We had talk and said it was either that way or a Father/Daughter relationship and if he wanted that than fine get it with someone else. I already had a father. But he agreed and said "My opinion mattered to him and He isn't the only one that needed to make choices with only his opinion.
I love my hubby!
Sounds like you got a winner! :thumbsup2:
:beret:
Yeah! I got a winner
Aww! That's so sweet!
I never wanted her to keep her opinions to herself. As far as I was concerned, we entered the marriage together and the rest of or lives were going to be together, not me with her just tagging along.
There are only two rules for opinions and making decisions in our marriage;
1. All decisions will be made mutually with both of us having equal input into the decision (with the exception of minor things, like what clothes to wear, buying routine things, etc.).
2. If by some chance we can't come to an agreement on a decision, as the head of the house, I will have final say in the best interest of the family (this has only happened twice in 17 years, the first time my decision was right, the second time. . .I should have listened to her).
Awww...Michael, that was one of the nicest posts regarding marriage I've read in a very long time!! Your wife is a blessed lady!
I hope you're teaching younger men those ideas. :)
Personally, I think that more women would willingly submit to a husband's authority if they knew their opinions were valued. Not that their ideas would always be followed...but that they were genuinely listened to and their views mattered.
:beret:
ya know... i'm starting to think that MichaelK really loves Artic Rose... anyone else noticed that? BOL
Worst Marriage Advice
"take him for several 'test runs' before you get married... you don't want to get stuck with someone you aren't sexually compatible with"
:o
:o :o
ok, I think THAT IS the worst m. advice ever! Don't they know it gets better and better over the years? What pressure to make a judgement on a a few times. :-?
Amelia--That is the exact dating advice Clint's grandma gave him and his sister....lol
:o
Tell me about it! She was something else...lol
Reminds me of Granny Carmichael...*cough*
Quote from: myhaloisintheshop on March 20, 2007, 04:13:39 PMAmelia--That is the exact dating advice Clint's grandma gave him and his sister....lol
My dad's dating advice to me was, "Don't drive with one hand on the wheel and one hand on your girl. . .let her drive so you can use both hands."
I'm not sure I understand that one but I'm pretty sure I don't want to. It's too bad that these people didn't quite get the sacredness of such things.
I get that one... That's crazy!
Quote from: MellowYellow on March 20, 2007, 09:05:53 PM
It's too bad that these people didn't quite get the sacredness of such things.
Agreed. That kind of humor isn't funny to me.
:beret:
Quote from: M‡¢ĦÆ∟ Ҝ on March 20, 2007, 08:59:43 PM
Quote from: myhaloisintheshop on March 20, 2007, 04:13:39 PMAmelia--That is the exact dating advice Clint's grandma gave him and his sister....lol
My dad's dating advice to me was, "Don't drive with one hand on the wheel and one hand on your girl. . .let her drive so you can use both hands."
I get it... and I thought it was funny
wouldn't advise heeding that sort of "advice" but I still think it was funny
Quote from: MellowYellow on March 20, 2007, 12:58:11 AM
Don't they know it gets better and better over the years?
I guess not... they are too busy just taking test drives
It started as an advice, then as time went by it became a demand/pestering: :pound:
"Have a baby now!!!"
or even one went exactly like this:
"I want your baby now!" :o
This went on for 3 years until they finally got what they "wanted" when I fell pregnant :roll:
Quote from: mvausey on June 05, 2007, 01:24:26 PM
they finally got what they "wanted" when I fell pregnant :roll:[/color][/font][/size]
Did you hurt yourself? :ugly:
Quote from: TRAV on July 18, 2007, 11:03:57 PM
Quote from: mvausey on June 05, 2007, 01:24:26 PM
they finally got what they "wanted" when I fell pregnant :roll:[/color][/font][/size]
Did you hurt yourself? :ugly:
Yeah I had bruises here and there...through the interrogation :ugly: :pound: :argue:
you know...."falling Pregnant" must be a cultural term...........Nicolejoy has used that term before!! Other than that I've never heard of someone "falling pregnant"............LOLOL
sharon
That's aussie for you..har har! :freaky2:
I ALWAYS and ONLY say "fall pregnant" - what else do you say? "Got pregnant"?? Or "Became pregnant"??
I've heard 'fall pregnant' .. But we use got pregnant a lot too.
"Got pregnant" almost exclusively...
"Became pregnant" is even a bit too formal sounding...but ~maybe~ occasionally...
"got knocked up"
"got preggers"
"got pregnant"
I don't think that pregnant is something that you "get" - that makes it sound like a disease!! Like I got the flu or something like that!!
:D Nic, "Fall pregnant" sounds like tripping at the top of the stairs, and being "with child" when landing at the bottom.
I can just imagine...
"Mom, where do babies come from?"
"Well, dear, in our old house there were these stairs..."
lol ;)
:laughhard:
Quote from: Tsalagi on August 13, 2007, 04:44:03 PM
:D Nic, "Fall pregnant" sounds like tripping at the top of the stairs, and being "with child" when landing at the bottom.
I can just imagine...
"Mom, where do babies come from?"
"Well, dear, in our old house there were these stairs..."
lol ;)
:laughhard:
At least it would be more "practical" explanation than the "stork" theory :laughhard:
:laughhard: That was hilarious, Tsalagi!
:beret:
And for "got pregnant":
Your child asks how people "get" pregnant and you say "Oh, it's just some disease that the lady catches from her husband" ;) ;)
Quote from: nicolejoy on August 14, 2007, 01:30:01 PM"Oh, it's just some disease that the lady catches from her husband"
My mom tells me that at the military hospital where I was born, at the time, had two options on the admittance forms--everything was either classified as an accident or a disease. Mom says that since I was her one child that was actually planned, she couldn't classify her condition as an "accident", so she checked the box for "disease". It's even more interesting when you consider that my astrological sign is Cancer.
And THAT, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why MichaelK is a bit sicker than Scott. :grin:
:beret:
You guys got me rollin' over here! :laughhard:
Quote from: SippinTea on August 19, 2007, 02:39:58 PM
And THAT, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why MichaelK is a bit sicker than Scott. :grin:
:beret:
:laughhard: And now we know where he gets his sense of humor from. I think I'd like your Mom MichaelK. :laughhard:
Quote from: Sister_Mom on August 19, 2007, 07:53:04 PMAnd now we know where he gets his sense of humor from. I think I'd like your Mom MichaelK.
You can't be married to a military man for 45 years and raise five boys without developing some sort of sense of humor. If she hadn't, she would probably have gone insane.
Quote from: M‡¢ĦÆŁ Ҝ on August 19, 2007, 06:58:09 AM
Quote from: nicolejoy on August 14, 2007, 01:30:01 PM"Oh, it's just some disease that the lady catches from her husband"
My mom tells me that at the military hospital where I was born, at the time, had two options on the admittance forms--everything was either classified as an accident or a disease. Mom says that since I was her one child that was actually planned, she couldn't classify her condition as an "accident", so she checked the box for "disease". It's even more interesting when you consider that my astrological sign is Cancer.
:laughhard: :laughhard: That's great!
my my my, i know this thread has not been posted on in awhile, but i have not laughed so hard in a long time reading it all. whew
:laughhard: :laughhard: :laughhard: :laughhard: :laughhard: :laughhard:
I was laughing all over again! This thread deserves to be revived!! :thumbsup2:
Interesting what you find looking at what the guests are looking at lol
:lol:
Quote from: Amelia Bedelia on March 19, 2007, 04:57:17 AM
"you don't want to get stuck with someone you aren't sexually compatible with"
An acquaintance I once had shared that opinion with me. When queried her as to the exact nature of this supposed "sexual compatibility" she seemed a bit flustered....
(http://elouai.com/images/yahoo/a11.gif) Wonder why?
And they wonder why STDs have spread so much...
I read at another forum recently where one of the posters said that it was "stupid" to get married to someone you haven't had sex with. The whole "sexual compatibility" thing. :roll:
If you've never been with anyone else, then there's no one to compare them to (a good thing) and you can work on it together. If things don't go well the first time, big deal. As long as you both are alive and care about and respect each other, you have plenty of time to figure out what works and what doesn't.
I'm glad there's no other man out there who can say he's been with me. Some think that's no big deal or are even proud of it. I think it's embarrassing and shameful. (I'm not talking cheating ex-husbands/wives here. I'm talking about pre-marital partners.) It's sick.
Quote from: Tricia Lea on August 21, 2008, 05:44:03 PM
Interesting what you find looking at what the guests are looking at lol
Yes it is...this was a great read!
ok call it being late but rereading some of the stuff here again has had me laughing my head off lol
I see this is an older thread and I might have mentioned it already but the WORST advice I have heard, and is continually given to newly weds at our old church is that they MUST have large families. In fact, "we are expecting to see your first born 9 months from your honeymoon". The Dugers are lifted up as examples for ALL couples.
I've never heard of anyone giving that advice. Back home our pastor used to tell folks to wait a year or two and get to know each other before they even thought of having kids.
Quote from: Niki on August 21, 2008, 09:52:03 PM
I read at another forum recently where one of the posters said that it was "stupid" to get married to someone you haven't had sex with. The whole "sexual compatibility" thing. :roll:
If you've never been with anyone else, then there's no one to compare them to (a good thing) and you can work on it together. If things don't go well the first time, big deal. As long as you both are alive and care about and respect each other, you have plenty of time to figure out what works and what doesn't.
I'm glad there's no other man out there who can say he's been with me. Some think that's no big deal or are even proud of it. I think it's embarrassing and shameful. (I'm not talking cheating ex-husbands/wives here. I'm talking about pre-marital partners.) It's sick.
This is a great post...
Randy I've never heard that said_ever. That's kind of a whacko thought IMO.
I'd love to have 4 kids, but it's not financially responsible. We started our family early, have 2 kids that are almost 4 years apart and we are done. When asked if we'll have anymore, or jokes about it, and we say we're done, we've never gotten a negative response or encouraged to go for more. I think that is the norm too, thank goodness. I'd be on a soapbox too often if I was around such ignorance as the Dugers...lol They may be some amazing example of success in that area but 99% of other families that big are up to their necks in problems.
Quote from: MellowYellow on March 01, 2010, 08:51:38 PM
Randy I've never heard that said_ever. That's kind of a whacko thought IMO.
I'd love to have 4 kids, but it's not financially responsible. We started our family early, have 2 kids that are almost 4 years apart and we are done. When asked if we'll have anymore, or jokes about it, and we say we're done, we've never gotten a negative response or encouraged to go for more. I think that is the norm too, thank goodness. I'd be on a soapbox too often if I was around such ignorance as the Dugers...lol They may be some amazing example of success in that area but 99% of other families that big are up to their necks in problems.
This was an area in Southern WI (but North of Madison) where there were quite a few large families of 9 kids or more. Another irritating (to me) thing that most had in common with each other AND the Duggers is their tendency to name every kid with the same first initial. It is like nails on a chalk board to me when I hear of people doing this!
Ooohhh me too!! (sorry to anyone who did that!!)
It's ok if there's just 2 kids - but if there's TWENTY of them with the same initial? So many of the Duggar's kids names are so similar sounding - I'd be confused if I were them!! (they have a Joy-Anna and a Johannah, for example
Our first girl is called Lana and I've already ruled out names that sound too similar for our next girl. I'd never name another daughter Anna for example, even though I love the name, because it's tooooo much the same...