The Middle Wife ,,,,,,, read with caution,,, you might need to set down ,

[faith2u35]

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years.  I have two children myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom, a few years back.  When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.  So I always have a few sessions with my students.  It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.  Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.  And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.  If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.




Well, one day a little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing child, took her turn and waddled up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.  She held up a snapshot of an infant.  'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'  'First, Mum and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mum's stomach, and Luke grew in there.  He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'  She was standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I was trying not to laugh and was wishing that I had my camcorder with me.  The kids are watching her in amazement.




'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mum started saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!'  Erica put a hand behind her back and groaned.  She walked around the house for, like an hour, saying 'Oh, oh, oh!'  Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.  'My Dad called the middle wife.  She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man.  They got my Mum to lie down in bed like this.'  Then Erica laid down with her back against the wall.




'And then, pop!  My Mum had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'  This kid had her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away.  It was too much!  'Then the middle wife started saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.  They started counting, but never even got past ten.  Then, all of a sudden, out came my brother.  He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mum's play-centre, so there must be a heck of a lot of toys inside there.'  Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.


I'm sure I applauded the loudest.  Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

With thanks to June Hithersay

[Sis]

I copied this to keep in my kids file. I read it to Stevebert when he was doing something. He cracked up more than once. Starting at the umbrella cord.

[Max_Kolbe]

I watched my second son be born.  It's pretty much like Erica said.

[almondjoy]

 

Somehow missed this before.  LOVE IT!   

[Ashlee]

One of our kids told us that his mommy was in the hospital because daddy didn't tell her about his other partner.

[almondjoy]

One of our kids told us that his mommy was in the hospital because daddy didn't tell her about his other partner.

[The Purple Fuzzy]

[Brother Dad]

Oh my

[Sis]

One time a kid told me he didn't sleep all night because of a fight and a TV going out the window. Turns out he was watching a movie from his bed. He could see into the living room. His mom laughed when she told me what really happened.

[almondjoy]

Kids say some of the funniest stuff.   

[Sis]

They see the same stuff we do, but they have a whole new way of looking at things. I love the way they explain things.

RE that kid who said the TV went out the window:  I went by their house and no windows were broken so I guess mom was right.