Invisibility

[Chinadoll]

Look in the mirror, twist up my hair
Ignore the hollow feeling in my stomach
As I prepare to leave once more

Habits formed from childhood still reign
Pins in my hair, wincing as I stab myself
Muttering as I ignore the headache and arrange the curls
Just so

Step into pantyhose
Buckle my heels
Twirl in my skirt for a moment
Try to smile in the mirror
I look the part of the perfect Pentecostal Princess

Can I help the way I feel?
To choose invisibility in the church
Rather then to let my true self shine
To be the woman that everyone expects me to be
Rather then to be who God made me to be

Trying to keep tongues quiet
Pulling on the shell of the perfect image
So everyone thinks that everything is fine
And they don't know
That inside, I am breaking

The habits remain
I go, I sing, I clap when I should
Yet I keep my invisibility on
Draped about me like a mask

Noone can see me
It's so much simpler that way.

-- N. Banta April 22, 2007

[SippinTea]

 

*Hugs* Nai--Glad I'm not the only one....

[MelodyB]

I was just fixing to say the same thing.

[Roxie]

Hmmm deep.

[Backseat Radio]

I just now seen this poem and its so true

[*~Trina~*]

wow, i dont think i could have described what i feel everytime i get ready for church and better then this! 

[EmmazMommy]

wow, that totally describes me and my life at this point

[Chinadoll]

*smiles*

My pastor just read this over my shoulder.

He liked it.

Said it confirmed some stuff we had been talking about.

It's better now.  I  don't feel like I have to wear a mask as much here.

Nai