Alternatives to "Crying it Out"?

[titushome]

My wife and are having some trouble with our one-year-old daughter: she doesn't go to sleep on her own, and we don't know how to make the transition.  Currently, she is usually nursed to sleep (yes, she's still nursing, though that's becoming increasingly displaced by solid foods).  On those occasions when we're able to get her to sleep without nursing, it's almost always with lots of rocking, bouncing, pacing, singing, humming, etc.

The problem with nursing is that many nights my wife has nursed so much that she's too sore to continue.  The problem with the second option is that it often takes as long as an hour, and involves so much crying and fussing that none of us are getting enough sleep.  Furthermore, neither option can continue indefinitely: sooner or later, our daughter must learn to fall asleep on her own, without the aid of her parents.

Which brings me to the title of this thread: does anyone know an alternative to the cry-it-out method?  That is, the "method" by which we place our baby in her crib and allow her to cry until she's so exhausted she falls asleep on her own?  We've had a number of people, including our pediatrician, tell us that for many children this is the only way to break them from depending on their parents' help to fall asleep.  But we both find this option unacceptable, as our year-old daughter couldn't possibly understand why her parents have abandoned her in her crib.

Any suggestions?

[Brother Dad]

Oh the LOVE of true parents.  I can fully understand your feelings.  If I was 20 years younger I might be able to offer you some advice.  but since I am a Grandpa now and can not stand to see my grand babies crying at all I guess I would not be much help.  And also it has been so long since I had a baby I can only see the sweetness of a child.  But one of the things I always told parents that I Pastored when it come to raising their kids.  Follow your heart.  God has trusted you with this beautiful child.     You and your wife are very blessed to have her and I am sure you will get the answer to this and many other question that will arise in the raising of this child.  God Bless you and I will trust God to lead you.  Sorry I could not give you the answer.

[Envelope]

If a baby was only a month or two old.........I would NEVER dream of letting them "cry it out"  ....  usually at that age, they are crying because something is WRONG.  They are hungry, tired, hot, cold, thirsty, etc etc etc.

I made the BAD mistake of letting My oldest daughter go to bed with her bottle (started about 7 mos of age----so I could just have a few more minutes of sleep!!).  At 13 mos. I had to break her COLD TURKEY from the bottle, due to recurrent ear infection.

The first day I put her to bed (for nap) without a bottle...........I thought I would DIE of heartbreak!!!!  Every 10 minutes I'd walk into her room and offer her a drink from a sippy cup.  I then walked back OUT of the room (with tears streaming down my own face) and let her cry.  It took her 2 1/2 HOURS to go to sleep without her bottle!!  If I would have been the babysitter, I would have driven to Africa and bought her a bottle and gave it to her anyway!!!  BUT, since I was the mom, and knew I was hurting my child by causing the recurrent ear infections (by letting her sleep with her bottle).......I HAD to break her.

The second day, I went every 15 minutes to check on her and offer her a drink.  I'd then step out of the room and let her cry.

Yes, it tore my heart out, but after a few days, she was putting herself to sleep without a bottle and without me having to go in every 10 or 15 minutes.

I KNOW it sounds like cruel and unusual punishment.....but it's not.  Yes, now she's only one.....but do you still want to be nursing her.......or rocking and bouncing her......at age 4??  If you don't start now......then that's what you'll end up with (please, I am not being rude-----I'm saying it in love).

My husband tends with our girls to "let it slide" and they KNOW they can get away with murder when Dad's around.  My girls ALSO know, that MOMMY..........means what she says!!!!  I've practiced what I've preached for years and they know I mean business!!!  My husband is doing better, too, but he's such a softie and those precious girls of ours have stolen his heart!!! 

Sharon

(my girls are 4 and 6 now and give us NOOOO problems at all, when it comes to bedtime!!!)

[Brother Dad]

Well I do know tough love works.  I just hate been the one doing the tough loving. 

[titushome]

I KNOW it sounds like cruel and unusual punishment.....but it's not.  Yes, now she's only one.....but do you still want to be nursing her.......or rocking and bouncing her......at age 4??  If you don't start now......then that's what you'll end up with (please, I am not being rude-----I'm saying it in love).

I know you're not being rude.    I know that's where we'll end up if we don't teach her to put herself to sleep.  I'm just hoping there's an alternative to letting her cry (or scream) herself to sleep.  That will be our last resort if we have to go that way.

[Melody]

1 year old Titus?  She's big enough for a little stern whop on the bum, layed back down, and you leave the room. Repeat as much as neccessary, if she can hold her own, she can handle it.  You respond with how stubborn they can be with more determination to love them too much to let them have their carnal way, which is usually always worse for them in the long run.

I promise, as adorable as she is, there is a carnality trying to dominate and you must be the representative of our Father, as a father to her and help her be discliplined now so she can be a strong woman in the end.  I know she's just a baby, but it's a small step you can't afford to avoid.  Bad sleeping habits and manipulation are not small issues when school age gets here.

[MelodyB]

Now would be a great time to post new pics of that sweet baby! I saw a few new ones on Trents Myspace...and she is a cutie pie!!

Snuffle Monster...


Ok...Ill stop, I dont have anything to add to the topic, I just wanted to comment on the adoreable baby.

[Sis]

After watching a few Nanny shows, she deals with that very thing. Sometimes it's because the baby needs to sleep on their own, or like you, used to being held until they go to sleep.

One thing she suggests is putting the baby in a bed and sitting there, not talking. When the baby is used to you being there and will go to sleep, maybe a few days, move further back and further back and finally out of the room. Might take a couple of weeks.

Oh yeah, if the baby gets up, the parent just gets up, gently puts the baby back down, and sits there while not talking. That's so the baby will eventually learn to sleep in a quiet room without someone talking to him/her.

Added:  I forgot, when you first put the baby down, you go through the good nights and the kisses and the tucking in. But only once. After that you don't talk to the baby.  He/she is afraid you're going to disappear and never come back if he doesn't see you, that's what the whole problem is. But if he/she sees you're in the room he/she feels safe enough to lye down and sleep... after a few tries.

They have Nanny books at the book store.

 
http://www.amazon.com/Nanny-911-Expert-Parenting-Emergencies/dp/006085295X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1226000708&sr=8-2


http://www.amazon.com/Supernanny-How-Best-Your-Children/dp/1401308104/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1226000708&sr=8-5


http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Nanny+911

[Envelope]

Sis, that is definately another method that I've heard of!!  People (and not just nannies) have written books about it.

I'd kind of forgotten about it.........since my kids have outgrown the whole "fighting sleep" thing.

sharon

[The Purple Fuzzy]

I'm glad my kids are grown.

[Sis]

My daughter never fought it because she was laid in her bed from the beginning. She went to bed the same time every night. By the time she was in school, she'd drop to sleep at bedtime no matter where we were. I remember one Christmas at my brother's. The room was full of noisy people. She was sitting on the couch sleeping. 

If you start from the beginning laying them down, they won't go through this stuff.

Also, when she got older, I would give her the half hour warning. We picked up her toys and she could read or watch TV (We weren't in church) or some quiet time activity just before bed. Nothing that would excite her. It was her calm down time. It worked very well. She still takes a book to bed and reads before going to sleep.

[titushome]

If you start from the beginning laying them down, they won't go through this stuff.

I don't know.  We co-slept for the first two or three months, but then switched to having her sleep in her own bed.

For a while she seemed to do fine.  Then it seemed like all of a sudden, when we'd lay her down in her crib, instead of going to sleep she'd cry.  And cry.  And cry.  And howl.  We don't know what caused the change, but it's been that way ever since.  If we just "lay her down," she just won't go to sleep.

[Brother Dad]

My daughter never fought it because she was laid in her bed from the beginning. She went to bed the same time every night. By the time she was in school, she'd drop to sleep at bedtime no matter where we were. I remember one Christmas at my brother's. The room was full of noisy people. She was sitting on the couch sleeping. 

If you start from the beginning laying them down, they won't go through this stuff.

Also, when she got older, I would give her the half hour warning. We picked up her toys and she could read or watch TV (We weren't in church) or some quiet time activity just before bed. Nothing that would excite her. It was her calm down time. It worked very well. She still takes a book to bed and reads before going to sleep.

I do remember as a preacher my kids never knew when they would get home so they could go to bed.

[The Purple Fuzzy]

For a while she seemed to do fine.  Then it seemed like all of a sudden, when we'd lay her down in her crib, instead of going to sleep she'd cry.  And cry.  And cry.  And howl.  We don't know what caused the change, but it's been that way ever since. 

That's the way I feel when I get to my office. 

Instead of working I want to cry and howl.

[Melody]

If we just "lay her down," she just won't go to sleep.

so then what do you do?  Do you reward that behaviour with picking her up?  If so, YOU are keeping it up.  She is one, she is smart.

There's no such thing as won't and can't unless there is a medical issue.  If you know there's not, then it is called, being a smart child that knows how to get what she wants.  That's great!  You just need to stay on top of it.

[Sis]

If you start from the beginning laying them down, they won't go through this stuff.

I don't know.  We co-slept for the first two or three months, but then switched to having her sleep in her own bed.

For a while she seemed to do fine.  Then it seemed like all of a sudden, when we'd lay her down in her crib, instead of going to sleep she'd cry.  And cry.  And cry.  And howl.  We don't know what caused the change, but it's been that way ever since.  If we just "lay her down," she just won't go to sleep.

That reminds me of a Funniest Home Video show I saw. The dad put the kid down and he kept crying and yelling "OUT" because he wanted out of the crib.  Then dad went in with a wig on and changed his voice. all he said was, "Now lay down and go to sleep."  The kid stopped crying, laid down and closed his eyes. I think they won the grand prize for that one.     He wouldn't listen to Dad but he would listen to what apparently was a stranger and obey. 

[Brother Dad]

I mean this with all respect to the ladies.  Let me say first they are right.  However it sure is easy to see the difference in good stern Grandmothers and me a wimby grandpa.  My kids tell me that they didn't get by with anything, but that I am a push over when it comes to the grandbabies.

[Sis]

I mean this with all respect to the ladies.  Let me say first they are right.  However it sure is easy to see the difference in good stern Grandmothers and me a wimby grandpa.  My kids tell me that they didn't get by with anything, but that I am a push over when it comes to the grandbabies.

That reminds me of Bill Cosby. He said he didn't know his dad. When he asked for money he would get the speech of how hard it was to earn that much. But now his dad is a grandfather, the minute he walks in, he hands out cash.  He said, "you are not the man who lived in my house while I was growing up!"