Ask JD Cord

[jdcord]

Are you really related to Barney?

No.  But my wife's family (on her mom's side) is from southwestern Virginia, and down there they'ze ryte nise foke who tauck juss lyke the goode foke of Mayberry.

:grin:

Have you ever spent your summer vacation in a Turkish prison?

No, but there were a few summers where it felt like I was.  ............. does that count?   

Who wrote the book of love?

....... ummmmmmmmmmm, ......... Oooooooo, Oooooooooo, I know, I know.  ....... Jesus:  the "author" and finisher of our faith.   

Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?

Jeff Gordon.         

Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong?

That's easy.  ...... God did.  ...... You know, ... when he provided himself a sacrifice to take Isaac's place.

Who put the bop in the bop-she-bop-she-bop?

Cindy Lauper.  ...... but please don't ask me any more about it.  I really don't want to "go there", if ya know what I mean.   

   

Who put the dip in the dip-de-dip-de-dip?

Oooooh, Oooooh.  Mr. Kott-aire.  I know!  I know!  ......................  That would be George Castanza:  he of the infamous "double dip".



                                                                                             

[Sis]

   

[M‡¢ĦÆŁ Ҝ]

What is the one thing that annoys you the most?

[Sis]

 

[jdcord]

....... can I help you?               


*L*

What is the one thing that annoys you the most?

What annoys me the most?  ........ People.  That's what.

[M‡¢ĦÆŁ Ҝ]

What is the question for the answer to life, the universe, and everything?

[MelodyB]

Trouble is, you are a people too.

[jdcord]

Trouble is, you are a people too.

That's right!    And I constantly annoy myself.    It's very irritating

[jdcord]

What is the question for the answer to life, the universe, and everything?

At the moment, I'm a little busy - a construction crew is at my residence, wanting to tear down my house so they can build a new freeway through my property.

But I'll tell you what, why don't you meet me and my friend, Ford Prefect, for a hot cup of coffee at the local "Java Hut" in about 10 minutes, and we can discuss it then, ok?

[Sister_Mom]

If you were President of the US, what would be 2 things you would most want to accomplish during your term?

[Sis]

....... can I help you?               


*L*

What is the one thing that annoys you the most?

What annoys me the most?  ........ People.  That's what.

Wuz jus waitin' for the answer. Got it. Popcorn is gone. Thirsty. Bye!   

[M‡¢ĦÆŁ Ҝ]

What one thing would you most like to accomplish before you die?

[Sis]

Since I'm getting closer,  and I have a long-stand promise of home made gazpacho, are we ever going to be able to get together? ? ? ?

[MelodyB]

Do you make good Gazpacho?

[Sis]

  Calling JD, Calling JD, come in JD!

[jdcord]

Gazpacho??

What's that?




...... must be some kind of Mexican food, or something, I guess.  Is that right?

[MelodyB]

It is cold tomato soup...it is very good.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gazpacho

[jdcord]

It is cold tomato soup...it is very good.

.... Cold? ......


No thanks.  I like my Tomato soup nice and  HOT!

[MelodyB]

Ok...another question...why are you always up so late?

[M‡¢ĦÆŁ Ҝ]

What is the most frightening thing that has ever happened to you?

[SippinTea]

What's the best prank you've ever pulled?

[jdcord]

Ok...another question...why are you always up so late?

*L*

...... ummmmmmmmmm, ...... I'm a "night owl"??     


No, seriously:  it's my job.  I work a night shift.

What is the most frightening thing that has ever happened to you?

Honestly, I can't think of anything.  I've been in several life threatening situations, but I always become strangely calm in such situations.  I can't say exactly why; it just happens.  But I guess if I had to chose for the mere sake of choosing, I would say it was the time my wife and I were robbed at gun point, and one of the guns was held to my temple for a good 30-60 seconds.  But honestly, I was much more worried about my wife than I was about me.  And once again, for whatever reason, I was strangle calm throughout the whole ordeal.

What's the best prank you've ever pulled?

I'm not a big prankster, to tell ya the truth.  But when my wife and I were still just dating, a couple in our church that were engaged placed a copy of their "registry list" on the church bulletin board.  I don't remember exactly what sparked it, but Katie and I quickly got to work on a bogus, joke "registry list" for our own upcoming (and non-existent, mind you) wedding.  I can't remember the name of the store we claimed to be registered at, but it was a "Bait and Tackle" shop, and I do remember that the name (whatever it was) made that fact perfectly clear.  Anyway, the list included such items as:

-  the game "Twister"  (don't ask)
-  the book "Puerto Ricans, and the Women Who Love Them"  (for Katie, of course)
-  a set of Ginsu knives
-  a copy of "Slim Whitman's Greatest Hits"
-  "His and Her's" fuzzy, bunny slippers
-  a giant Lava Lamp


There were something like 20 items that we listed, all of them ridiculous and/or hysterical (I wish I could remember them all).  And yet, many people in our church would get half way down the list before sensing that something just wasn't quite right about this "registry".  ..... and here I thought that being supposedly registered at a "Bait and Tackle" shop would give it away right from the start.         .... oh well.

[Sis]

  Well, a giant lava lamp might be interesting. How giant?

[jdcord]

  Well, a giant lava lamp might be interesting. How giant?

We didn't specify.  *L*


Another one that I now remember was for me:  a membership to the "Hair Club For Men".   

[M‡¢ĦÆŁ Ҝ]

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?