Attending College while married

[Nathanael]

Everyone tells me this is harder to do, but if both partners are attending the same school, living together, without kids, is it really that much worse than staying single until getting your degree?

[BenJammin]

My wife and I both attended college while married.  We were both older (me 27, she 32) and established in our chosen career fields.  Because of the level of dedication and time commitments required to achieve lofty academic goals, it is difficult. 

Of course, that could have been because we were:

• Both employed full-time
• Sunday School teachers
• Youth Leaders
• Trying to start a family
• Full-time students

If you're not careful, it's easy to burn out.  It's also extremely important to continue to communicate as married people.  It's easy to lose that intimacy that married people share because you have less time for each other.

Difficult, yes.  But it most certainly can be done.

BenJammin

[nicolejoy]

My husband and I were both still studying when we got married. We were 23 and 25. It was hard - but not impossible!! It puts more of a financial strain, and it means that some of your "home time" needs to be spent doing homework etc... Personally, I don't think it'd work with kids in the picture (at least not with BOTH parents studying). The hardest thing, I think, is the finances though...

[Nathanael]

now wouldn't the financial troubles be almost the same even on your own? School is always expensive regardless and debt is shared whether you have it from school when you get married or obtain it during the course of marriage.

[nicolejoy]

Yes and no - I think that before marriage, it's easier to live with your parents, and I think that your parents "help out" more... When you get married, things seem more expensive all of a sudden!!

I guess that if you were already both living on your own, it might not make that much of a difference... but definitely if one or both parties are living at home, getting married is WAY more expensive!!

[Elfin]

My husband and I both attended college when we got married.  I just finished up my BA last year, and I've been working full-time since then, and my husband is still continuing the work toward his PhD.  Both of us were working part-time when we got married, as well as working in various capacities in the church.

It's not particularly "hard" if you and your future wife are fully committed toward completing your goals.  You've both got to be willing to make sacrifices and still live as "students" - because that's what you both are!!  It helped that my husband was living on his own in an apartment near Harvard - and I was just able to move in and contribute my part-time income to cover the extra expenses of another person living in the household.  It also helped that I was willing to transfer schools so that I could be attending a school right in Boston, therefore, making the transportation piece easier (there were times when he brought me to school, times when I took the train, times when I took my own car - we did have two cars, but we weren't completely dependent on both of them, so that did make things easier).

Also, another HUGE piece that you have to realize and make peace with when you are married is the possibility of becoming pregnant.  My husband and I have been extremely cautious to avoid getting pregnant - but I have lived with the knowledge and awareness that I still COULD get pregnant, despite planning against it.  I had to make peace with the idea that if - despite the precautions - I do become pregnant, it would interfere with "Plan A" in my education process and I'd have to live with a Plan B.  BUT - BE SMART!!  If you really are committed to both of you finishing school - don't be dumb and have unprotected sex and think you won't get pregnant.  It's nature.  It's going to happen.  Unless you're ready for that family and for another mouth to feed and for midnight, 2am, 4am, 6am feedings - USE BIRTHCONTROL.

My hubby and I lived in a <300 square foot apartment for the first two years of our marriage, while I was finishing up my schooling.  It was tight - it was frustrating - most people didn't think we'd last a year in there - but we did, because we were committed to being fiscally responsible and finishing our degrees.

With proper financial planning and commitment to the goal, I think it's definitely possible.  But it's most certainly NOT for the immature couple.  You'd better KNOW that this is the person you're supposed to be with and that NOW is the time for you to be with them.  Otherwise, if there are doubts about making it work, living in a small place and living off small part-time pay checks...it's going to be really hard.

[EmmazMommy]

My husband and I both attended college full time plus worked full time and we were fine.  Its been great for us!

[RandyWayne]

In the end we will have spent the first 4 years of our marriage in a dive of an 80 year old farmhouse where almost nothing works and 600+ bats live in the attic while we completed our education.  But we were meant for each other and thought why wait?  And yes, the thought of kids was totally alien to us.  In fact, since we got married on the older side (I was 34 and she was 30) we planned on just not having any .... period.  Before the Summer is out, we will have "snipped snipped" (by a qualified doctor of course) and have no more fear of a pregnancy.

But school is no reason to not get married.  I laugh at people who are engaged 2-5 years.  Why not just get married now?  And there are also certain college and tax benefits as well.

[mvausey]

All I know is it gets hard when you have a child.  I was taking a course when I was pregnant and I though I wasn't going to finish it when I gave birth.  Even with a flexible delivery it's still hard when you have a baby that wants your attention all the time.

[Nathanael]

Thanks for all the advice everybody. My girlfriend and I both want to finish school, but we also want to be married sooner rather than later. We figure if we do that before we both transfer to the same school, life can be easier.