Ok, Who's Got The Best Blonde Jokes? Hit Me With Your Best Shot.

[Q-tip]

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might
think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked,

'What in the world are you doing? '

I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.'
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,
'. ..And where do you think you're going?!'

She said, " I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark. "

[mesipie]

[Somnic]

So I was at the comedy club, and there sat the ventriloquist and on his knee was his puppet.  He starts telling blonde jokes.  When up stands this beautiful blonde woman mad as all get out.  She yells, saying: "How dare you sit up there making fun of blonds.  We have made great strides in technology.  We are even employed by NASA, we fly jets, and there are a few of us who teach at colleges.  So how dare you stereo type all blonde's to be dumb!!"

The ventriloquist bows his head and says: "I'm sorry miss, I didn't mean any.....

The blonde quickly interrupts him and says: "You be quiet!  I'm talking to the little guy on your knee!!"

[Somnic]

There were three women in a house.  A brunette, a red head and a blonde.  Suddenly the house catches fire and all the exits are blocked by the fire.  The women climb to the Attic and shimmy to the roof.  The fire department show up.  They didn't have their blow up landing piece, so they found a bed sheet and pulled it tight.  They yell at the brunette:

"JUMP IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BURN UP!!" 

So the brunette jumps.  Right before she hits the sheet they jerk it away from underneath her and she its the ground *thud*  They pull her away and stretch it out again.  They yell at the red head:

"JUMP IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BURN UP!!"

The red head says: "NO WAY.  YOU'RE GOING TO PULL IT OUT FROM UNDERNEATH ME LIKE YOU DID HER!"

The fireman says: "NO, NO, NO...WE DON'T LIKE BRUNETTES, NOW JUMP BEFORE YOU BURN UP!"

The red head says to herself well I guess its better than being burnt alive.  So she jumps, and like the brunette they jerk the sheet from underneath her and she its the ground *thud* they pull it tight again and tell the blonde to jump.  The blonde says:

"NO WAY...YOU'RE GOING TO PULL IT OUT FROM UNDERNEATH ME LIKE YOU DID THEM!"

The fireman says: "NO, NO, NO...WE WONT THIS TIME.  WE DON'T WANT YOU TO BURN UP.  WE PROMISE WE WONT JERK IT AWAY FROM YOU!"

The blone replies: "NO WAY.  PUT THE SHEET ON THE GROUND AND BACK AWAY!"

[mesipie]

hahahahahaha

[Somnic]

What do you get when you line 10 blondes up side by side?


a wind tunnel 

[The Purple Fuzzy]

Got this in an email today and thought I'd share. \


The Pregnant Blonde


The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I started jumping up and down along with her. She said, 'I have some really great news!' I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.' She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, 'That's great I couldn't
be happier for you!' Then she said, 'There's more' I asked, What do you mean there's more. She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to  have TWINS!' Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting  pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said.... ;

 

(You're going to love this!)> *

'Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's Club and they actually had  a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!

[iridiscente]

:groan:

[Sis]

Bump

[Brother Dad]

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip.  Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.  The next  morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the days route,  he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel, and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone crying and said, "I cant get out of the room."   "You can't get out of your room?  the captain asked. "why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here, she sobbed.  One is the bathroom,  one is the closet,  and one has a sign on it that says  Do Not Disturb

[The Purple Fuzzy]

A Blonde's Year in Review



January   
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February   
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!! 

March     
Got really  excited......finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... Box said '2-4 years!'

April
Trapped on escalator for hours .... Power went out!!!

May   
Tried to make  Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of
Water won't fit into those little packets!!! 

June
Tried to go water skiing........couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July   
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,
The other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August   
Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... Car swamped because soft-top was open.

September   
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November   
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ... Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December
Couldn't call 911.  'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!


THE  BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR....

A  man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and
Stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to
The mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her,
Is something wrong?' 

To which she replied, 'There certainly is!' 
'My stupid computer keeps saying ...
'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'

[Sis]

June
Tried to go water skiing........couldn't find a lake with a slope.

There's always Niagara Falls!

October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

And some of them are Ws, too!

[Sis]

[BeccaBoo]

OMW!!

Some of them are HILARIOUS!!

[rootbeer]

There were two blondes trying to repair an old house, and they were nailing new boards up on the outside, and one of them noticed the other one throwing some of the nails over her shoulder.
"Why are you doing that?" she asked.
The other one said, "the heads are on the wrong end."
The first one said, "You idiot, those are for the other side of the house."