I Hate Forwards

[mini]

I hate forwards.  And I plan on doing something about them.  Read this if you will, and see if you have anything to add to the letter and I will try to edit it as good suggestions are made.  Anyone who is good at grammar, your help will be greatly appreciated!

A OPEN LETTER TO THE FORWARDING FOLK:

What is a forward you ask?  First, if you don't know and are one of those people who mindlessly send every email you get to everyone that you have ripped their email address from, please turn your computer off and go mow your lawn.  And your neighbors lawn. And their neighbors lawn.  Anything.  Just stay away from computers.  Forever.  For the rest of you, a forward is those annoying emails you think are cute and charming.  A forward is some type of chain letter you just seem to have to send, resend, and send again.

Some of you will feel the irresistible urge to copy this and forward it to 100 people you never talk to in the real world.  Somehow, you think we will be amused by your lack of dignity and forwarding skills. 

I hate forwards.

It seems to show that you probably don't read the email you send me, or that you sit mindlessly mesmerized by the glittery picture for 90 minutes and think that somewhere in my bored life I will be appreciate your forward.  To make it plain, I don't appreciate forwards.

I don't care if it's a poem about our soldiers or something about America, or a little girl that has a strange incurable disease in Thailand.  I don't care if it has 900 glittery pictures, chances are you are the 20th person to send it to me.  So don't send it.  I didn't read it the first time, and I won't read it the 20th time.

Unless...Yes, you read that right.  Unless....

Unless you can clean up the annoying >>>>> that goes on for pages.  Its like walking a tightrope while drunk to keep up with the horrible type and spacing.  If you cant take a moment to clean it up before you send it, don't send it.

Unless you can clean up the pages of headers that are between your subject line and the actual subject of the email.  Like I said, take a moment to clean up your forward.

Unless you actually check snopes.com or another site like it to see if the story is true.  If it sounds to good to be true, it is.  Show some respect and quit spreading ignorant nonsense.

Unless you consider that the new email forward you received has probably been floating around the internet for 5 years and I have already seen it (and 90% of the people on your email list) at least 2 dozen times.  Which means I don't want to read it again.  Take the time to send a decent joke or a funny picture, but not the stupid forwards.

So what do I propose to do? 

From now on, in spite of you the forwarder, I will forward back the same forward you sent to me, over and over and over again.

Feel free to help out and join the cause!

Mini

DISCLAIMER:

All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced by any means without the written permission of a funny little man in a three peice polyester suit south of the Del Rio river.  This post has been made possible by 5 hours of sleep, 1 20oz Sonic Carmel Latte, and a extra Sonic Boom (shot of espresso).    This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice.  Are you still reading this? Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.  Ok, get a life.  Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. *sigh*  Your almost done now, finish it.  No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.

No fur-bearing animals were harmed during the creation of this document. Allergy alert: may contain nutmeg, but we doubt it. Return for refund where applicable. Not recommended for persons with sugar-restricted diets. Batteries are included -- best of luck finding them. Proud sponsor of the 1934 penguin olympic games at McMurdo Sound, Antarctica. May cause irritability, sleeplessness or warts after prolonged use. Contents under pressure. BHT added to preserve freshness. Caution: this product has caused some laboratory rats to rip through their cages, fly across the room and brutally murder hundreds of innocent people. Shake well before using. No vacuum tubes or other user-serviceable parts inside. Not to be combined with other radioisotopes except under the advice of a physician. Avoid prolonged exposure to ultraviolet light. The truth is out there. Use no hooks. Not intended for use by children or liberals under the age of five. Printed on unrecycled dead trees and we're proud of it.

We hereby disclaim any responsibility for the currency or accuracy of the reported data and/or the performance of the Investments in your portfolio, unless performance has exceeded your expectations.

This supersedes all previous notices.

[The Purple Fuzzy]

Just an fyi, here is something that takes off those >>> for the ones that still feel the need to send the fowards.

emailStripper, available for free from

http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

[EricShane]

thats great Minnisota... I agree totally.... Im going to Forward this to everybody I know!

lol jk

[Ashlee]

 I love the disclaimer.

[EricShane]

 I love the disclaimer.

i know, that was pretty great!

[mini]

I have a buddy at work that forwarded a email to me and my IT guy the other day (my boss had just forwarded it to us also) so we started a forward war.  We would forward the email to each other and our buddy.  When I would get it I would forward it to them, when the it guy got it he would forward it to us.  LOL

After about thirty times, we started changing the names.  After about 60 times, we stopped...got bored.  LOL

By the end he was hollering at us...LOL

[SippinTea]

Delightfulness. I'm forwarding the forward about forwards to everyone in my address book. *snicker*

Question:
It's not homicide if it was provoked by a forward, right?

[MelodyB]

DISCLAIMER:

All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced by any means without the written permission of a funny little man in a three peice polyester suit south of the Del Rio river.  This post has been made possible by 5 hours of sleep, 1 20oz Sonic Carmel Latte, and a extra Sonic Boom (shot of espresso).    This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice.  Are you still reading this? Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.  Ok, get a life.  Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. *sigh*  Your almost done now, finish it.  No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.

No fur-bearing animals were harmed during the creation of this document. Allergy alert: may contain nutmeg, but we doubt it. Return for refund where applicable. Not recommended for persons with sugar-restricted diets. Batteries are included -- best of luck finding them. Proud sponsor of the 1934 penguin olympic games at McMurdo Sound, Antarctica. May cause irritability, sleeplessness or warts after prolonged use. Contents under pressure. BHT added to preserve freshness. Caution: this product has caused some laboratory rats to rip through their cages, fly across the room and brutally murder hundreds of innocent people. Shake well before using. No vacuum tubes or other user-serviceable parts inside. Not to be combined with other radioisotopes except under the advice of a physician. Avoid prolonged exposure to ultraviolet light. The truth is out there. Use no hooks. Not intended for use by children or liberals under the age of five. Printed on unrecycled dead trees and we're proud of it.

We hereby disclaim any responsibility for the currency or accuracy of the reported data and/or the performance of the Investments in your portfolio, unless performance has exceeded your expectations.

This supersedes all previous notices.

THAT was the best laugh I have had all day!! AWESOME!