Wedding Traditions

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

K... So been pondering for the last 26 yrs (yes I was a avid ponderer at a early age... things like why is my sippy cup blue instead of red? Why Pampers? Do I have to kiss my little sister in this picture for Oma? What is a Oma? Where did my did little sister come from? Where's daddy?)  Lol...

Why are the wedding traditions that we have, the ones we have?

Are all wedding traditions good?

How big should a wedding be?

How much should someone spend?

Should they go into debt for one?

Should they go into debt for a honeymoon?

Which church should host the wedding?

Does it have to be held inside a church?

How much say does a groom have in the wedding planning?

Is a dress other than white bad?

Why White? (Hint: The color of purity has not always been white!)

What about the food, does it have to be catered or can it be something else?

What about dancing at the reception?

And a plethora of others that I may post as this one takes off, should anyone decide to comment... 


I have come to my own conclusion on these and more over the last 26 years... among others... but curious as to what everyone else has to say about it. And since not everyone on here is single, I though some insight from the married people would be of value as well... 

[1legRooster]

Are all wedding traditions good?  Depends on your point of view.

How big should a wedding be?  As big or as small as the groom and bride want and can afford.

How much should someone spend?  As much or as little as they think is wise.

Should they go into debt for one?  No, it is a day, and you are starting a life together, I do not think it would be wise to go into debt for.  Well depending on how much debt I guess.

Should they go into debt for a honeymoon?  No, you are starting the rest of your life together, there will be plenty of vacations.  Just be sure it is something you both will like.

Which church should host the wedding?  Depends. 

Does it have to be held inside a church?  I have some friends that argue that it must, I would say it all depends on the couple.

How much say does a groom have in the wedding planning?  As much as he would like, and she will allow. 

Is a dress other than white bad?  Depends on one's point of view.

Why White? (Hint: The color of purity has not always been white!)  Tradition.  Especially now days when non pure brides where white.

What about the food, does it have to be catered or can it be something else?  Either is fine.  Something else probably would be cheaper.

What about dancing at the reception?  For me, no, but not all have the same view.



I think the main answer I have is, it all depends on the two getting married.  I think if a guy gets involved in the planning of the wedding and has complementary ideas and is supportive, his spouse would probably value that, however, if he is going to argue a lot, or joke too much, then it probably would not be wise.

Although wedding planning probably can tell one even more about a person and how strong willed or profectionistic they are.

[Amelia Bedelia]

White was a sign of wealth, not purity.  Only someone with money could afford to have a white dress to only wear once.  Typically you needed your clothes to be multitasking and not show all the dirt.

Queen Victoria is generally considered to have started the white dress craze, she wore white to match some lace she had, it then caught on with wealthy brides in the victorian era -which chastity and prudishness were quite "in" during the Victorian era so its easy to see how it also got associated with purity - otherwise brides wore all sorts of colors and this little saying was popular (anyone who read little house on the prairie might remember it, Laura got married in black):

“Married in white, you will have chosen all right. Married in grey, you will go far away. Married in black, you will wish yourself back. Married in red, you’ll wish yourself dead. Married in blue, you will always be true. Married in pearl, you’ll live in a whirl. Married in green, ashamed to be seen. Married in yellow, ashamed of the fellow. Married in brown, you’ll live out of town. Married in pink, your spirits will sink.”

Personally I think its silly to have the color of the dress represent whether a girl is "pure" or not, seriously MYOB.  I'm glad we're moving away from that - a girl should be able to wear a color dress that compliments her skin tone without setting off wagging tongues that she's not pure... likewise she should be able to wear a stark white dress without someone bringing up her past.

Weddings in the bible had wine and dancing and jewish weddings are typically great parties... I want a biblical wedding reception 

I plan on getting married in the park, permits are cheap and you don't need decorations

[The Purple Fuzzy]

"Married in white, you will have chosen all right. Married in grey, you will go far away. Married in black, you will wish yourself back. Married in red, you'll wish yourself dead. Married in blue, you will always be true. Married in pearl, you'll live in a whirl. Married in green, ashamed to be seen. Married in yellow, ashamed of the fellow. Married in brown, you'll live out of town. Married in pink, your spirits will sink."

The choices aren't all that great, are they.

[sunlight]

:grin: hmmm...

[SippinTea]

Why are the wedding traditions that we have, the ones we have?
Uhh... I suppose because the traditions that are in your life are the ones you see in your own family/circle of friends, and choose to adopt into your own life.

Are all wedding traditions good?
No. I have a personal aversion to a number of them. One of which is throwing a garter. *shudder* Have you ever looked at the origins of that one? *gag*

Obviously, I have no strong feelings on the matter.

How big should a wedding be?
Big enough to include the people most important to both of you.

How much should someone spend?
Enough to make a (reasonable) lovely memory for the couple without blowing their budget. (And don't try to make it The Event of the Year. Trust me - your friends will NOT be impressed in a good way. And yes, I could tell you stories for this one. *lol*)

Should they go into debt for one?
Definitely NOT.

Should they go into debt for a honeymoon?
Definitely NOT.

Which church should host the wedding?
Whichever church (or non-church) the couple decides on.

Does it have to be held inside a church?
Of course not.
(If you wanna argue that one, take it up with Jesus. He seemed fine with weddings held in homes and outside. *grin*)

How much say does a groom have in the wedding planning?
As much as the bride, and twice as much as the bride's mother.

Is a dress other than white bad?
Nope. But you better be prepared to deal with rumors should you choose another color.

Why White? (Hint: The color of purity has not always been white!)
To show off how wealthy your dad is, of course! *cough grin*

What about the food, does it have to be catered or can it be something else?
Who says you have to have food? Really now... :grin:

What about dancing at the reception?
Absolutely - if we're talking about the flower girl twirling in her new shoes and dress. Or a happy bride dancing over to hug a friend she hasn't seen in a long time. Or a little grandma delighted with her new grandson-in-law. The rest of it you'll have to figure out for yourself.

[Newsman]

:grin: hmmm...

[Sis]

Basically, the "purity" meant she hadn't been married before, and she's not pregnant or have a child. Other than that, they assumed the bride wore white because she was pure.

In China red means purity. The girls from Taiwan couldn't tell me why, but they said they found white to be a boring color for such an occasion.

[1legRooster]

There is an argument for the bride being free to wear whatever she wanted to wear.  Besides, if there is no kid within 9 months of the wedding day, then the questions should die down quickly.  LOL

But that is an issue for Women. 

So the question is, do any of you know why the groom wears a black suit (same color he would wear to a funeral)

[MelodyB]

How much say does a groom have in the wedding planning?
As much as the bride, and twice as much as the bride's mother.

:hands over mouth:

[upcchris]

Why are the wedding traditions that we have, the ones we have? Interestingly enough, most of the customs came about to ensure good luck

Are all wedding traditions good? Depends on the tradition

How big should a wedding be? As big as y'all can afford

How much should someone spend? As much as you can afford

Should they go into debt for one? no...as much as I personally am a sucker for the big fancy weddings, it's not worth the financial tension later in your marriage

Should they go into debt for a honeymoon? No...see above

Which church should host the wedding? Discuss that between yourselves....she may insist her home wedding, he may insist his

Does it have to be held inside a church? No...it's not necessary for it to be held in a church.....just do major research about the venue before you do get hitched there

How much say does a groom have in the wedding planning? depends if he's gonna be a help or a hinderance....if he's gonna be a pain, it's best if he disappears unless it's tux fittings...until the day comes

Is a dress other than white bad? Originally, blue was the symbol of purity....but if it's your first wedding....best to stick to the classics

Why White? (Hint: The color of purity has not always been white!) I think it was Anne of Pomerania? It started before Queen Victoria.... who started the trend and it picked up from there

What about the food, does it have to be catered or can it be something else? If you want to cater it yourself to save on expense - invite as few people as possible...or your caterer/friend may throw in the towel.

What about dancing at the reception? It depends on your point of view....i'm half Greek, so I don't think I'd be able to get away with no dancing at all at mine. Do the bridal waltz, though....no-one else has to dance....but I think the bridal waltz is cool. Will post more after I've done some research

[Sis]

Why are the wedding traditions that we have, the ones we have? They evolved out of other ones!

Are all wedding traditions good?  Not sure but the cake CANNOT be taken out of the traditions. It's the most important part!

How big should a wedding be?   As big as the arena where it's held can handle.

How much should someone spend?  More than one has.  It's the American way!

Should they go into debt for one?    Of course!  It's an American tradition, for the parents to spend more than they have!

Should they go into debt for a honeymoon?  Everyone else does, why not?

Which church should host the wedding?  One where you don't know anyone. Less invitations have to go out.

Does it have to be held inside a church?  Outside is nice, too.

How much say does a groom have in the wedding planning? None. He shows up with his parents and the ring.

Is a dress other than white bad?  Black dress for the woman and a white suit for the guy.

Why White? (Hint: The color of purity has not always been white!)  Well, I still think if the guy is pure he should wear a white suit.

What about the food, does it have to be catered or can it be something else? Somthing other than food?   Only at Seth's wedding.

What about dancing at the reception?   Dancin'! Dancin'! Dancin'! the night awayyyyyyyy.....

And a plethora of others that I may post as this one takes off, should anyone decide to comment...    *Gets the dictionary  P-L-E-*

[sunlight]

How much say does a groom have in the wedding planning?
As much as the bride, and twice as much as the bride's mother.

:hands over mouth:

hehe, i loved this answer too! (but i dont think i will have a problem with it as much as some of my friends... lol, but that goes for ALL of the Bride's extended family and friends and acquaintances as well!)

help is good.

forceful help is bad.

[sunlight]

What about other traditions...

like smushing the cake in each others faces?

stealing the bride/groom away and demanding stuff to get them back?

decorating the car?

throwing rice?

unity candle verses unity sand/vases?

the bubbly drink?

not seeing the bride/groom before the ceremony?

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

What about other traditions...

like smushing the cake in each others faces?

stealing the bride/groom away and demanding stuff to get them back?

decorating the car?

throwing rice?

unity candle verses unity sand/vases?

the bubbly drink?

not seeing the bride/groom before the ceremony?

good questions... 

[SippinTea]

What about other traditions...

like smushing the cake in each others faces?
*warning tone* Don't get me going, Chel.... I think we've had this conversation before.

unity candle verses unity sand/vases?I absotively, posolutely do NOT want a unity candle. Has nothing to do with the candle or the symbolism, and everything to do with horror stories regarding fire and veils. *grin* They don't mix so well.

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

What about other traditions...

like smushing the cake in each others faces?
*warning tone* Don't get me going, Chel.... I think we've had this conversation before.
WooHoo... like that answer... lol

unity candle verses unity sand/vases?I absotively, posolutely do NOT want a unity candle. Has nothing to do with the candle or the symbolism, and everything to do with horror stories regarding fire and veils. *grin* They don't mix so well.
*gasps* Fire and wedding veils dont mix?
Just found out what a unity sand was... lol...

[SippinTea]

*tipped head* Shall I assume from your reply that you know the origins of the whole feeding each other cake thing, then?

The fire/veil thing... I've fought fear about fire ever since two kids died in a house fire just a couple doors away from us. And the whole idea of flames near highly flammable items? Yeaaahhh... no thanks. No memories of a wedding that are QUITE that exciting, thankyouverymuch.

[RainbowJingles]

for now


But I have LOTS to say on this topic.

[sunlight]

*tipped head* Shall I assume from your reply that you know the origins of the whole feeding each other cake thing, then?

The fire/veil thing... I've fought fear about fire ever since two kids died in a house fire just a couple doors away from us. And the whole idea of flames near highly flammable items? Yeaaahhh... no thanks. No memories of a wedding that are QUITE that exciting, thankyouverymuch.

* sunlight goes and looks up the whole feeding each other thing... cause apparently there is something else besides what i was thinking on this one... :hmm:

[Sis]

unity candle verses unity sand/vases?I absotively, posolutely do NOT want a unity candle. Has nothing to do with the candle or the symbolism, and everything to do with horror stories regarding fire and veils. *grin* They don't mix so well.
*gasps* Fire and wedding veils dont mix?
Just found out what a unity sand was... lol...

Not to Barb and Mell! LOL

I've never heard of unity sand, either. Is it something like pouring two containers of sand into one container.  Sounds weird to me.

[upcchris]

I've found some stuff...I can post a lot on the subject

In the days of Knights and Ladies it wasn't uncommon for the groom to kidnap his bride. As the ladies' family might show up fighting, the groom stood to the officiant's left so as to have his right sword hand free. The "best man" was there to provide an extra sword should anyone show up and try to claim the bride back.

The word "Honeymoon" first was used in the 16th century. The term came from the tradition of the bride drinking mead (made of brewed, fermented honey) for one month (a lunar cycle) after the wedding ceremony to assure fertility and the 1st born to be a male.
Another version of the birth of the phrase "Honeymoon" comes from the days when the groom would take his bride by force. The custom was that the groom would go into hiding for a period equal to a lunar cycle (29 days) and would keep his bride plied with mead (the potent alcoholic brew made from honey). Thus, the phrase "Honeymoon" was born. After this period was over, the bride's family would probably have calmed down or given up and then the groom could safely bring his bride home.

CARRYING THE BRIDE ACROSS THE THRESHOLD
(Some possible beginnings of the tradition, first cited in 1549)

Some say this came from the belief that the couple were very susceptible on their wedding day to evil spirits. Carrying the bride across the threshold created a protective layer between the floor and the bride, thus protecting her from "the ground monster". In even earlier times, "demons" were said to follow the bride home after the wedding and for the same reason just stated, she was carried across the threshold, creating a barrier against the demons from then on.Many years ago it was considered "unlady like" for the bride to show outright willingness to "give herself" to her husband (even if she was actually willing and ready). So, at the entrance to the wedding (bedroom) chamber, the groom would carry her into the room, thus giving the bride a "cover" for her secret passion.

In medieval times, when brides were actually kidnapped into marriage, often she had to be dragged or carried into the bed chamber. This, some say, evolved into the tradition as we know it.Tradition states that a new wife must enter her new home by the front (or main) door and not trip or fall going in, as this would bring on bad luck. So, to avoid that possibility, the groom carries his bride into the dwelling.

In ancient times and into the middle ages, to protect the bride from "ground demons" during the wedding, flowers and flower petals were strewn in her path to create a protective barrier between her feet and the evil spitits. This tradition continues even today.


In 1499, Anne of Brittany wore the first known white wedding dress in her wedding to Louis XII of France. Women just wore their best dress up until then, but as people loved to follow the example of royalty, white wedding dresses started to be in vogue after that. Of course, women in China and Japan were wearing white as a matter of tradition...white being the color of mourning, symbolizing that the bride was leaving her family to join her husband's family, thus undergoing a symbolic death.

In ancient and biblical times, the color of purity was blue, not white. In Roman times white was the color of joyful celebration, in the 20th century...purity, and today...a symbol of happiness.
Green was always avoided, as it was thought to be unlucky. To say a girl 'had a green gown' also implied that she was of loose morals, because her dress would be grass-stained due to rolling around in the fields! Hence..."Marry in Green, ashamed to be seen".
Although Anne of Brittany supposedly wore the first white wedding dress and started its' popularity, the white dress really caught on during modern times because of Queen Victoria. In the 1840's, Queen Victoria chose white instead of the traditional royal "silver" wedding dress and broke a long standing tradition.

A white dress soon took on the symbolism of purity and virginity and was also thought to ward off evil spirits.
Other traditions are: the bride should never make her own dress, the final stitch should not be completed until she is departing for the Church and she should never try on the entire outfit before the wedding day. This was because it was felt dangerous for the Bride to count her chickens before they're hatched.

Married in White, you have chosen right
Married in Grey, you will go far away,
Married in Black, you will wish yourself back,
Married in Red, you will wish yourself dead,
Married in Green, ashamed to be seen,
Married in Blue, you will always be true,
Married in Pearl, you will live in a whirl,
Married in Yellow, ashamed of your fellow,
Married in Brown, you will live in the town,
Married in Pink, your spirit will sink

Early Brides and Bridesmaids wore similar dresses in order to confuse evil spirits.

Although bridal white, as a token of the bride's purity and innocence, is a relatively new concept, there is historical precedent for it. Henry IV of England's daughter, Princess Phillipa, is reported to have worn a tunic and mantle of white satin, edged with velvet and ermine, at her marriage to Eric of Pomerania (Denmark), in 1406. Anne of Brittany, daughter of Francis II, wore white at her third marriage in 1499 to Louis XII of France while in 1527, Marguerite of Valois is said to have married Henri of Navarre robed in white ermine and covered by a blue coat with a five-foot train.

Additionally, Mary, Queen of Scots, wore white to her wedding with the Dauphin of France in 1558, deliberately flouting the French custom that white was only to be worn in mourning for French royalty. (Ironically, her husband died two years later.) Similarly, Queen Elizabeth I is painted in her later portraits wearing white, many believe in "mourning" over the death of the Duke of Alençon, one of her proposed husbands-to-be, in order to prevent the presentation of additional suitors.


http://www.themarryingguy.com/TraditionsA.html is where I found this stuff

[RainbowJingles]

Wow.  Lots of info there, Chris.  Great stuff!

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

Wow.  Lots of info there, Chris.  Great stuff!

Agreed... she really went to town on the stuff... lol.

What about doing things not so in the norm at a regular wedding

Like instead of throwing rice... everyone gets a water gun... lol. Or water balloons... of course, let everyone change into some different clothes first. Hehe

I told the guys I plan to use when/ if I get married, that they get to dress up as secret agents, and have paintball guns, and if there is anyone who is arguing or causing trouble, they get to shoot them... three paint marks, and your done! (I have a messed up family... and there are folks that always seem to fight... I don't want them ruining the day by fighting with each other...)

[SippinTea]

I told the guys I plan to use when/ if I get married, that they get to dress up as secret agents, and have paintball guns, and if there is anyone who is arguing or causing trouble, they get to shoot them... three paint marks, and your done! (I have a messed up family... and there are folks that always seem to fight... I don't want them ruining the day by fighting with each other...)

Oooo.... .... I like that idea. May I borrow it?  :grin: