It made me want to....

[RainbowJingles]

Ugh.  I don't like to think about the book.
Someone loaned it to me and then moved away.  I don't feel right about throwing it away, so I wrapped it in paper and put the girl's name on it.  Hopefully someday I'll get to return it, but I don't even like seeing it around!  *shudder*  It was a very well-written book, though.  Just made me sick.

[Ashlee]

Wow.  Sounds like a book to add to my reading list, Ruby.

Problem is that when I read "A Child Called It" it made me angry to the point that I could barely handle it (I felt physically sick!!), to think that someone would have treated an innocent child like that woman treated her son.  Not sure if I should read many other books like that one.

So true. What made me madder was when the kid DID escape the cop brought him back and believed the mother not him. That engrained in his mind that there would be no escape.

That's an everyday thing for me.  I hate to see it happen, but I cannot change it.  So many of the calls made to OCS are ignored until weeks after the abuse, the child is asked, or the parent called.  By then, most of the time the child has calmed down and back to "protecting the parent" and the parent of course denies anything ever happening, says the child lied and then beat him/her when they get home from school.  Normally, a child is absent the next day or so after OCS coming.  It gets to where you DON'T want to call just to protect the child from further abuse, even though you know it's going to happen anyway.

[Sis]

I called the welfare once on someone. I watched him backhand their little frail daughter across the room and she bounced off the refrigerator.

I was told to mind my own business by the social worker, and they knew what was going on. Nothing was done.

[SippinTea]

I called the welfare once on someone. I watched him backhand their little frail daughter across the room and she bounced off the refrigerator.

I was told to mind my own business by the social worker, and they knew what was going on. Nothing was done.

Oooo.... I would have been livid! 

Nothing makes me more angry than children being mistreated.

[newkris]

you guys, please read Hope's Boy.  it will give you a very different view of the system.  Andrew got out and became successful and compassionate.  it's a whole different view.

andrew and i have talked some about what made us different.  how we got out, why we aren't statistics.  some of it was just simply personal drive to become something better.  i'm not sure who instilled that in him, but for me it was my grandma and grandpa believing that i had value.  they never made me feel ashamed for being in a foster home, never hid the fact, never talked around it.  it was simply the way things were.

maybe andrew had some of that dynamic, too. i'm not sure.  he seemed to be mostly invisible growing up. 

there is a line in his book that resonates with me.  he is telling the story of a boy he is visiting in an institution (a "home").  "And Jeff, too, fought the great wars of loneliness on his skin."  Farther along, he is talking about a boy in his foster home who ran away and no one noticed.  Andrew says, "There was a great mistake in thinkg you mattered and a terrible penalty for demanding to be claimed." 

rather than put himself out to be noticed, Andrew disappeared inside of himself. 

that's one of the character traits of foster kids.  they try to blend, try to stay under the radar, under achieve, be unnoticed. 

as for my own story, i can't write it while my mother is still alive.  it would hurt her.  she has no idea how deeply she hurt her kids.  she thinks she gave us the best shot and has no idea what we went through.  she also has false memories of things that never happened.  she thinks that she was very involved in raising us.  she thinks she played a major role.  she doesn't really remember.  it would only hurt her.

so . . you'll have to follow me around a long time and then maybe . . .  if you ever see a book with my name as the author .. . i promise you i wil autograph it personally for you!

[newkris]

here's a journal i wrote recently after talking with andrew about being in foster care.  i think you'll like it and maybe it will help you see inside . . .


===========================================


March 20

It's not about being alone.  I realize now.  It's about the absence of people.  The absence of your parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles.  They aren't there.  They might even be somewhere close, but they aren't "there" for you. 

You are alone.

You can have a house full of people in your foster home and they can love you, but you are never sure when they will tire of you and you'll be somewhere else.

So you guard your heart.  You keep a wall around so that no one can get in too closely. 

Not because you don't want them.  Not because you don't enjoy them.  Not because you don't love them.  Because if you never let them in, they can never leave.  They won't ever be absent if they were never there. 

You don't mind the silence, the aloneness, the quiet.  You're fine with it, mostly.  It's only when someone invades your space, you let them in, you care about them, you center part of your world around their world.  That's where the danger is.  Because when they leave, and you know everyone does, the silence is much louder, the aloneness is much more intense and the vacuum drags your tears. 

I don't mind being alone.  I have recreated the walls. I'm fine.

If God sends someone else along, surely He will keep me from being hurt again.  That's where I have to trust Him and not myself. 

He will never leave.  His love encompasses me.

[SippinTea]

*Hugs* Kris... for so, so many reasons

[newkris]

thanks, sweetie!  you're a doll!

[RainbowJingles]

**HUGS** Kris, too.

A friend of mine said that his parents are getting a 5-month old baby this week (they are foster parents).  It made me SO irritated that a 5 month old would need to be put into foster care.    Of course, now he will be in an Apostolic home for at least a little while.  We shall see what God does in his life and the lives of his family members.

[Sis]

**HUGS** Kris, too.

A friend of mine said that his parents are getting a 5-month old baby this week (they are foster parents).  It made me SO irritated that a 5 month old would need to be put into foster care.    Of course, now he will be in an Apostolic home for at least a little while.  We shall see what God does in his life and the lives of his family members.

Don't forget not all children in foster care are from abusive homes. They might be from one parent homes and the one parent is in the hospital. It's not as rare as you may think.

My step mother worked for the welfare placing kids, and I was surprised at how many were temporary because the mother was hurt/sick and couldn't take care of her child and had nobody to help.

[sunlight]

* sunlight hugs Kris and Rj and RJ and Sis and Kris again

[Sis]

Huggs Sunlight back. 

[MelodyB]

* MelodyB also *HUGS* Kris

[RainbowJingles]

*sigh*  Chel shoulda been one of the original ers.

**HUGS** Chel even though she's in the wrong thread

Silly goose!  lol

[newkris]

there are a myriad of reasons for placing a child in foster care.  another one of my favorite lines of andy is the one he signed my copy of his book with, "To love and failure and the goodness that can come from them both."

it could be mental illness, it could be the result (like my mother and father) of many generations of alcoholism and neglect resulting in their simply not having any idea what it took to raise a family - even as badly as they wanted to - they didn't have the tools, it could be the result of physical illness or family rejection of a teen-age pregnancy.  the list goes on and on as the situation varies by individual.

one thing i have discoved in my research is that the trend has moved from just taking the child from the incapable parents - to taking the child and then helping the parents become capable.  every child loves their parents.  helping the parent become capable is the key to being a real agent of hope.

please read Andy's book . . .   

*hugs* all youse guys back for caring and wanting to be agents of change

*hugs* chel, extra, for being a

[Sis]

there are a myriad of reasons for placing a child in foster care.  another one of my favorite lines of andy is the one he signed my copy of his book with, "To love and failure and the goodness that can come from them both."

it could be mental illness, it could be the result (like my mother and father) of many generations of alcoholism and neglect resulting in their simply not having any idea what it took to raise a family - even as badly as they wanted to - they didn't have the tools, it could be the result of physical illness or family rejection of a teen-age pregnancy.  the list goes on and on as the situation varies by individual.

one thing i have discoved in my research is that the trend has moved from just taking the child from the incapable parents - to taking the child and then helping the parents become capable.  every child loves their parents.  helping the parent become capable is the key to being a real agent of hope.

please read Andy's book . . .   

*hugs* all youse guys back for caring and wanting to be agents of change

*hugs* chel, extra, for being a

If you're researching, have you contacted Tupelo Children's home? That's their goal, to reunite children and parents.
http://www.tcmm.org/(S(kaz1a5v3azixpc45fk5wew2s))/default.aspx

[newkris]

it was part of a research project for a paper in my first term.  it was more about what's happened to foster care as a system since i was part of it. 

so very much has changed!  much for the better.

but still a long way to go.

[MelodyB]

I just ordered this book. Thanks.


And I looked up Hopes Boy...I need to get that one too.

[MelodyB]

Ok so my book came in the mail today. I hope it is easier to read than some of the others I have started reading lately and never finished.

[Sis]

Ok so my book came in the mail today. I hope it is easier to read than some of the others I have started reading lately and never finished.

What's the title of the book?

[MelodyB]

The one that this whole thread is about.

[Sis]

OOOHHHH!

[MelodyB]

Ummm...I dont guess I ever read this book. I had forgot that I even bought it. Im gonna have to go home and find it. Hmmm.

[sunlight]

FIND IT! :grin: Before Friday!

[SippinTea]

Funny. I was just looking at that book recently, and thinking I needed to re-read it. It was really good. If I didn't mention that already.