Musing the Muddles

[titushome]

I don't like to mix words like "intimacy" with my thoughts on my relationship with Diety. I don't think anything she said is wrong. It just makes me think of all of the "Jesus is my boyfriend" music and that stuff makes me gag.

Okay, the whole "Jesus is my boyfriend" thing makes me gag, too. *grin* Believe me! I don't get confused between Jesus and PC. *cough* But...

The word 'intimacy' has been changed to mean only one aspect of intimacy--the physical aspect--(which is a major pet peeve of mine, btw). True intimacy is much bigger than that. Which is why I don't mind using the word in relation to how Jesus knows me. He knows all the secret corners of my heart that I never, ever show to other people. And He still loves me in spite of them.

Very true - when we talk about 'intimacy' with God, we need to set aside incorrect, worldly, carnal notions about the meaning of the word.

Here's another thing to think about: we relate to Christ as His bride not as individuals, but as an assembled whole.

[SippinTea]

"Can we speak of God's power only after we've been healed or after we survive the struggle we find ourselves in? Why are testimonies of how awesome God is typically announced after the fact? Is there not testimony of His saving grace in the midst of my crumbling? Can I only proclaim His goodness in the absence of disease? doesn't He speak of who He IS in the agony of my brokenness? Is He less when I am less? NO. He is my ALL in ALL. I have to stand (even when I've lost my balance) on the solid rock of Jesus. He is my Sustainer and Redeemer in my weakness. He knows what it is like to be broken. He alone understands why I can't stand up. I know nothing, save His power. Maybe that is how I glorify Him: recognizing I need nothing else, not even my health.

So this is where I am today. It is not pretty. I have no mountaintop from which to report. This valley seems deep and very foggy. It can be a lonely place to hang out. But God is here. If He wasn't I could not breathe. I trust He is steering, but I cannot see. He will get me through. I trust. I believe. I wait. That's all." -- taken from Satisfy My Thirsty Soul by Dillow

I kinda did a double-take when I read this quote, because it was only recently that Sarah and I were talking about how people are more than happy to tell their story after the crisis is past, after the adoption has been finalized, after the battle has been won, after the kids are grown, after the depression has lifted, after the healing has happened, after, after, after. See, we were discussing a certain situation I'm currently facing, and I mentioned how I keep looking for resources from other people who have walked this road, but am having little success. She said, "Maybe it's about time someone wrote their story while they are going through it." And she pointed out that memories fade with time, and details are forgotten, and the questions and agonizing and fears have subsided, and the passion isn't there. And people give silly pat answers because their story is already written, and they aren't facing the struggle anymore.

I'll admit she got me thinking. Hard. She got my attention.

So I'm writing my story. Because someday someone else might need to know my story. Might be asking those same questions, might be having those same fears. Whether or not I'll have the courage to share it someday is yet to be seen, I suppose. But I think I will.

I think I'll remember what a relief it was when someone shared their story with me. I think I'll remember how wonderful it was to realize I wasn't the only woman who had faced those issues. I think I'll remember how grateful I was when an uncle shared his view from the other side of the same equation. I think I'll remember enough to be willing to hand a friend my journal pages from this era, and let her see into my heart. I think I'll remember enough to let a guy (with questions about how a woman's brain thinks about certain scenarios) read my questions, and fears, and hopes.

And maybe, just maybe... the tears, and the hopes, and the passion, and the fears, and the dreams, and the longing, and the dread, and the terrror, and the love, and the prayers will come through. And maybe, just maybe... they'll realize they aren't alone. That someone is walking that road along with them.

Because right now, if someone needed to hear my story--partially written as it is--I would share it.

I want glorify Him IN my struggles, not just after they are over.
I want to worship Him IN the waiting, not just after the fulfillment has come.
I want to praise Him IN my questions, not just after they are answered.

[MelodyB]

THAT was just...WOW. I cant express.

*HUGS* Ruby...really tight.

[sunlight]

* sunlight hugs urby la rue really tight... even though i dont belive in cyber hugs anymore... :grin:

you are awesome gal... and keep writing!

[SippinTea]

I did keep writing, Chel. And this one's long. Don't say I didn't warn you...

If long posts irritate you, don't read this one. There's no good spot for me to try to break it up.




I've had several conversations lately that revolved around the topic of hope. Do you realize just how important hope is? I mean, when you give up on hope, what do you have? Nothing. Nothing! There is nothing to look for, nothing to work for, nothing to take joy in. Really. I want you to think about it. Look at your life in this very moment. Even if you're in a happy, wonderful stage of life, even if you're mostly content with circumstances and people around you, even if you're happy with where you are... would you really want to stay there? Forever? Yeah, that's what I thought. I wouldn't want to either. Because what in this world is worth hanging around for? Not my job, not my friends, not my church, not my family. Because each of those elements have the potential to bring tremendous hurt and pain to me. Because I'm human. They're human. And jobs and churches? Yeah, exactly. They're constantly changing, and sometimes the changes aren't changes I'm comfortable with. If I didn't have hope in a future that's far better than my present, I wouldn't like this life much.

    * Job 6:11 - What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient?
    * Job 13:15 - Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him
    * Psalm 39:7 - But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.


When you look at the stuff around you it's easy to be discouraged. But what is your hope in? Stuff? People? Money? or God? It's only when your hope is in God that you have true hope.

    * Job 11:18 - You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
    * Psalm 25:5 - Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
    * Psalm 31:24 - Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.
    * Psalm 33:18 - But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
    * Psalm 33:20 - We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.
    * Psalm 62:5 - Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.
    * 1 Timothy 6:17 - Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.


When our hope is based in Him, that's when we can be strong, and can see past our present. That's when we are secure, in spite of evidence to the contrary.

    * Psalm 25:3 - No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame
    * Psalm 37:9 - For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
    * Lamentations 3:25 - The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him


AND... God rewards those who hope in Him. Nice thought, that.

    * Psalm 42:5 - Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
    * Psalm 52:9 - I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good. I will praise you in the presence of your saints.


I have found that when my perspective is wrong and things look very dark, I'm neglecting to praise Him. When I'm thinking of all the amazing things He is, all the amazing things He's done, all the amazing things He's promised for the future, it's hard to stay down.

    * Psalm 71:5 - For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth.
    * Psalm 130:7 - O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.
    * Psalm 147:11 - The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.
    * Isaiah 49:23 - Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.
    * Hebrews 6:19 - We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.
    * Hebrews 10:23 - Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful
    * Lamentations 3:20-22 - I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
    * 2 Corinthians 1:10 - He has delivered us from such a ly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us


And there's another amazing thing: He's always faithful. Hope placed in Him is never misplaced.

    * Psalm 119:74 - May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word.
    * Psalm 119:81 - My soul faints with longing for your salvation, but I have put my hope in your word.
    * Psalm 119:147 - I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.
    * Romans 15:4 - For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.


His Word is one of the best places to find hope. When I can read about how He made a way for other people, how He shut lions mouths, how He rescued, how He saved, how He protected, it restores my own hope that He will do the same for me.

    * Isaiah 40:31 - But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
    * Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


This hope is a personal hope for me. It's not just for other people. He takes a personal interest in my life, and He has specific plans for my life.

    * Psalm 65:5 - You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas,
    * Matthew 12:21 - In his name the nations will put their hope.
    * Psalm 65:5 - You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas,
    * Jeremiah 14:22 - Do any of the worthless idols of the nations bring rain? Do the skies themselves send down showers? No, it is you, O LORD our God. Therefore our hope is in you, for you are the one who does all this.


But this hope is not JUST for me. It's for everyone who puts their trust in Him. He brings a hope that is big enough for all the nations of the world to be secure in.

    * 1 Corinthians 15:19 - If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.
    * Proverbs 23:18 - There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.


What a wonderful thing it is that this hope reaches far beyond what we can see, far beyond this life, far beyond this planet. I can't even wrap my brain around a hope that big.

    * Micah 7:7 - But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.
    * Psalm 130:5 - I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
    * Titus 2:13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,
    * Romans 8:24-25 - For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.


But then we get to the waiting point. And that can be SO hard sometimes. What makes the difference for me is in who is offering hope. People sometimes offer hope for something and then don't follow through with their promise. Waiting and hoping for something that may or may not happen is agony. But when you trust the One who promised, when you know beyond a doubt that He is faithful to ALL He has promised, when you know that hope is based on something - Someone! - far bigger than yourself, it makes it ever so much easier to wait patiently. When it's not a question of 'if' - it's a question of 'when' - then I can rest in the knowing. And I am peaceful inside, resting in a hope that is not unfounded.

    * Acts 26:7 - This is the promise our twelve tribes are hoping to see fulfilled as they earnestly serve God day and night. O king, it is because of this hope that the Jews are accusing me.
    * Acts 26:6 - And now it is because of my hope in what God has promised our fathers that I am on trial today.


Ever been ridiculed, accused, or on trial because of your hope? I know that feeling. When people around you don't have the same confidence, don't have the same assurance, the typical response to an expressed hope is to try to dissuade that belief in what can't be seen. Which is where faith and hope go hand in hand.

    * Romans 4:18 - Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be.
    * 2 Corinthians 3:12 - Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold
    * Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.


Belief in the promise, belief in the One who promised, belief in the fulfillment of that promise. Faith and hope really are inseparable. And the duo gives a boldness, a confidence, a sure footing, even against the odds and evidence and nay-sayers.

    * Romans 15:13 - May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
    * Ephesians 1:18 - I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints
    * 1 Thessalonians 1:3 - We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.


That confidence and hope is not something we can manufacture on our own, however. It stems from a close relationship with the One who gave the promise. You cannot believe Someone you don't know. You cannot have hope in a promise made by a stranger. We must know Him. Really know Him.

    * 1 Corinthians 13:6-7 - Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres


As we grow to know Him more, we grow to love him more. And love always hopes.

    * 1 Corinthians 13:13 - And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
    * Romans 5:1-6 - Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.


Look closely here. I'd never noticed this one before, and it's really cool. See how these passages fit together like a hand in a glove? Three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest is love. Next passage: we're saved by the faith we have in His grace. Then there's this list of things produced in a life of faith, and the last thing mentioned is - you guessed it - hope. And hope does not disappoint us, why? Because God has poured out - yeah, you guessed it again - his love, in our hearts. Now look back at that verse in I Corinthians. Which of the three was the greatest? Yep. Exactly. Love is the greatest of the three. And it's His love that is now inside me. The same love that caused me to have faith in Him. The same love that offers me hope beyond what my eyes can see.

How cool is that?!

[Rae]

Rubes - I love the latest posts... you've touched me.

[SippinTea]

Thanks, Rae. *smile*

[MelodyB]

Grl. You did it again.

Thanks. Truly.


*HUG*

[iridiscente]

Do you realize just how important hope is? I mean, when you give up on hope, what do you have? Nothing. Nothing! There is nothing to look for, nothing to work for, nothing to take joy in

Wow. This is exactly what I've been thinking lately, maybe not so eloquently, but you covered all of the same bases.

[SippinTea]

Had Steven C. Chapman's song My Surrender running through my head today. And the more I've thought about the lyrics, the more I realize I do indeed need to give it all back to Him again. The more areas of my life I thought about, the more I realized how much I tend to hand them to Him only to take them back again. It would be easy to ask why I do that. It's obviously a much smarter choice to leave my life in His more than capable hands. But surrender is never easy, I suppose. Not really. Even the things that (on the surface) appear easy to give to Him, they come harder later. Or at least that's been my experience. It's easy to give Him things that aren't really yours - yet. Not so easy when they are in your hand, right there in front of you.

In advance, I can offer Him my career... When the time comes that I am faced with a choice, I can either push ahead with my own agenda, or surrender to His plan for something that wasn't in my viewfinder.

In advance, I can offer Him my time and energy... When the time comes that I'm exhausted nearly past endurance, I can give up or resentfully do the next task in front of me, or surrender that exhaustion to Him and let Him give me His own strength.

In advance, I can offer Him my money... When the time comes that the budget is tight, I can hoard away the little I have, or I can surrender it to the One who gave it to me in the first place and let Him use it to bless others as well as myself.

In advance, I can offer Him my purity... When the time comes that temptation is staring me in the eye, I can either allow my own deceitful heart and emotions to rule me, or I can surrender my desires to Him and let Him meet those desires in the right time and way.

In advance, I can offer Him my children... When the time comes that my little one is deathly ill, I can become bitter and angry, or I can surrender my child into the arms of the One who gives - and sometimes takes away.

In advance, I can offer Him my hopes and dreams... When the time come that those dreams are seemingly stripped away, I can fear and worry, or I can surrender them back to Him and allow Him to do with them what He will.

Insurrection, insubordination, and rebellion are ugly words... but aren't my actions ugly too, at times? Aren't those the things I demonstrate when I refuse to surrender my will, my thoughts, my emotions, my family, my fears, my career, my desires, my dreams, my material goods, my time, my actions, and my words?

My Surrender

Does it all sound the same?
Are my words getting through?
I've been trying so hard
and I'm about to break
So here I am with all I have

And I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
I surrender
Yeah, I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
This is my surrender
Take it all

And what song can I sing
but the song that You give
I have nothing to bring
that did not come from Your hand
So here I am with all I have

And I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
I surrender
Yeah, I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
This is my surrender

All my plans and all my dreams
I'm giving it all to You
I lay it all down at Your feet
I'm Yours

So what song can I sing but this song?

I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
I surrender
I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
This is my surrender
Take it all
Take it all
Lord, take it all
Take it all

[MelodyB]

*HUGS* Ruby

[titushome]

In advance, I can offer Him my children... When the time comes that my little one is deathly ill, I can become bitter and angry, or I can surrender my child into the arms of the One who gives - and sometimes takes away.

These words reverberate in my soul.

The grace with which He carries us through such times is nothing less than miraculous.

[iridiscente]

In advance, I can offer Him my children... When the time comes that my little one is deathly ill, I can become bitter and angry, or I can surrender my child into the arms of the One who gives - and sometimes takes away.

These words reverberate in my soul.

The grace with which He carries us through such times is nothing less than miraculous.

I have to do this often.

[Rae]

Awesome Ruby. Beautiful.

[SippinTea]

My muddle isn't a muse today. It's a statement.

I choose to forgive.

That's it.

No explanations, and no qualifiers.

I choose to forgive.

[RainbowJingles]

Forgiveness involves release.
You choose to no longer hold something to a record.
If you were called upon to testify against someone, you would have nothing upon which to base your testimony.
I have forgiven in word before, but still kept the tally.

*hands Ruby an eraser and a prayer*

[sunlight]

thats hard to do.

im really proud of you gal. like really proud. like a grandparent about its grandchild. yeah. that proud. :grin:

[MelodyB]

That is VERY hard to do.

I am also very proud of you. That takes a lot of strenth to do. Especially in some cases. And you will become stronger for it. And God is pleased. Thats the most important thing.

[SippinTea]

Yes.

Yes.

And yes.

Forgiveness involves release.
You choose to no longer hold something to a record.
If you were called upon to testify against someone, you would have nothing upon which to base your testimony.
I have forgiven in word before, but still kept the tally.

*hands Ruby an eraser and a prayer*

Thanks for posting what God prompted you to, Elona. That was a direct hit.

thats hard to do.

And it's hard more than once.

And God is pleased. Thats the most important thing.

Ya know... that's what has been on repeat through my head this morning. I want God to be pleased with me, because that IS that most important thing.

[RainbowJingles]

**HUGS** Ruby

My pastor has ingrained that in us as a church.  If we, as a congregation, know nothing else, we know God's edict and method of forgiveness: Release.

[Rae]

Great way of putting it, Elona!

[SippinTea]

"Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever." Psalm 30:11-12

Dreams are scary things sometimes. Even the dreams that God gives. Because even God-given dreams come with issues. He never promised the dream wouldn't have issues. What He DID promise is that He would be right with us through those issues.

Today I had a sudden God-moment. Not that God isn't with me all the time, but I think you know what I mean. One of those moments where God came close and whispered in my ear and reminded me of something about a dream He gave me years ago. A dream people have discouraged me over. A dream I have grieved over. A dream I thought was dead.

Today God reminded me of a service I was in on July 27, 2007. A service that was about dreams God has given you. A service where I realized I had to put a certain dream back into His hands. A service where my heart was breaking, because I knew God had spoken to me and yet the dream was not coming to pass. A service where I had to lay the dream on an altar, and turn and walk away. A service I was grieving what I thought was the death of a dream.

Today God opened my eyes. And I realized that He has given me back the dream. I realized the dream is being unfolded before me. I realized the dream doesn't look quite like I thought it would, but it IS the dream. And it is far better than I thought it would be.

Has there been a price to pay for this dream? Yes. Dreams worth pursuing cost much. And looking toward the future, I realize there will continue to be a price to pay for this dream. Dreams worth pursuing are worth sacrifice.

But the dream isn't about me. It's about His kingdom. It's about bringing Him glory with my life. It's about giving Him worship with everything in me - even my pain.

"Fulfillments always look different than dreams, and fulfillments always involve helping other people to have their dreams fulfilled." -Rev. David Norris

Things that are spoken in secret are not gone. He still has those special things for you - for me - to do.

It is NOT the death of a dream. It is the REAL dream being realized.

Praise You, praise You
Let my life, oh Lord praise You
Praise You, praise You
Let my life, oh Lord praise You

[MelodyB]

WOW.

Thank Ruby, that was VERY timely.

*Tight HUG*

[SippinTea]

Okay, I confess...

I used to really dislike The Message. But lately I keep finding myself reading it.

I know, I know, it's a paraphrase - not a translation - and I wholeheartedly agree it's not the most accurate thing in the world, but... c'mon, gimme a break! I'm a bear of very little brain (that's a reference to Winnie the Pooh, for those of you that are completely illiterate where good literature is concerned... ;-P), and sometimes these simplistic things are needed to get something through my thick (or was that stuffed??) skull.

Anyhow, I've been reading John's view of Jesus' time of earth lately, and I'm finding some rather interesting stuffs here.

Take a look at this:
"Jesus said, "You're tied down to the mundane; I'm in touch with what is beyond your horizons. You live in terms of what you see and touch. I'm living on other terms. I told you that you were missing God in all this. You're at a end. If you won't believe I am who I say I am, you're at the end of sins. You're missing God in your lives." John 8:23,24

And this:
"Jesus answered, "I told you, but you don't believe. Everything I have done has been authorized by my Father, actions that speak louder than words. You don't believe because you're not my sheep. My sheep recognize my voice. I know them, and they follow me. I give them real and eternal life. They are protected from the Destroyer for good. No one can steal them from out of my hand. The Father who put them under my care is so much greater than the Destroyer and Thief. No one could ever get them away from him. I and the Father are one heart and mind." John 10:25-30

And this:
"If I don't do the things my Father does, well and good; don't believe me. But if I am doing them, put aside for a moment what you hear me say about myself and just take the evidence of the actions that are right before your eyes. Then perhaps things will come together for you, and you'll see that not only are we doing the same thing, we are the same—Father and Son. He is in me; I am in him." John 10:36-38

I think it's rather intriguing that Jesus Himself told them to put aside the things He had said about Himself, and focus on the evidence of His actions for a while. Isn't it a relief when you remember that He knows our feeble limitations, and that we sometimes just plain don't get it?

As a music teacher, when I start seeing that glazed look in a student's eyes I often tell them to take a step back and look at the sheet of music in another way. It's not that the facts weren't there in the first way of looking at it, but sometimes it's just too big for them, too much for them, and taking a step back and looking at it from another way makes them get it. It's not that it's right or wrong to take it in from a different angle, it's about making sure someone understands. And if that means understanding that this chord is made up of a G, a B, and a D note, rather than understanding that this chord is a G chord... well, they'll get that part later when they're ready for it. In the mean time... just play those notes, Pal. The other part doesn't matter at the moment. You'll get it sooner or later - when it's the right time. When you need to know it, you'll know it. 'Cause the simple facts are already there, floating around in your head. And it'll all come together when it's supposed to.

I love that God does that for me. 'Cause sometimes I need that. I really, really need that.

[SippinTea]

Control - Mine? or His?

When I worry about the 'what ifs' I'm wondering if I'll be able to control something that is outside of my control. I don't like feeling like life is outside of my control. But when something IS within my control, IS within my capabilities, I don't worry about it. I know I can handle it.

It's the other stuff. The stuff that is too big for me. The stuff that is profoundly affected by someone else's actions or words. The stuff that I can't understand. The stuff that I don't even know the questions for, much less the answers to those questions. The stuff that is decided by someone else. The stuff that is totally, completely NOT in my control.

That's the stuff that reminds me how helpless I really am. The stuff that reminds me I don't have all the answers. The stuff that remind me I don't have the knowledge. The stuff that reminds me I don't have the wisdom. The stuff that reminds me it's too big, too heavy, too complicated, too involved, too hidden, too much... TOO!

That's when I remember I need to release control into God's capable hands.

And then I wonder why I let my own very human fears get in the way so often.

It's hard to believe that someone else truly has my best interests at heart, that someone else could truly love me enough to put my own needs ahead of his own.

BUT, in the moments when I have trusted someone else who is bigger, stronger, wiser, to take care of something for me (for instance, my Dad) I realize that I trusted that person even more than I trusted myself. I realized their strength, their knowledge was so far beyond my own, they were clearly more competent, more worthy of trust in the situation. And I clearly didn't know what I was doing.

Why do I think trusting God is somehow different?

Why do I think I still have to remain in control? Why do I think I still need to be enough, do enough, know enough?

I can't.

I might as well face it.

And I might as well recognize that asking 'what if' is buying into a lie from my enemy that my God is not big enough to take care of me. Not strong enough to carry the burden. Not wise enough to solve my problem. Not loving enough to make the best choice for me. Not capable enough for my most difficult situations. Not worthy of my trust.

But He is.

He is more than enough.

He is more than able.