investing in friendship? Is it worth it?

[apsurf]

I got to thinking today about something I was told.

Guys do not put much into a relationship unless it has potential for something. 

Do we think, what is this going to benefit me.   Am I going to make money off the business contact? Is the pursuing of a friendship with a girl going to end up with me a date?  Is playing golf with the boss or the guy down the street going to land me a new job offer?
Are we really willing to invest in something the time of our lives just because of the friendship regardless of what we get out of it?

After some experiences over my life, I have came to a conclusion that the statement to start it off  is true the vast majority of the time.  We think of things as a game, even when we strive not to,even when we tell ourselves we don't. That all we are in this for is the friendship itself.   Even if that is true, it always seems to come up that we fall right back into not putting anything into the relationship unless we get something out of it. 

What is hard, is I find myself in that boat....but sometimes I don't have a choice but to walk away when all there is happens to be pain.  I got to cut off what is hurting, so the rest of me can heal and go on.  Just each time I do, I cut a part of myself away, a part of my heart.  
I start to wonder how long before I will have nothing left to offer in a friendship,  or to the one I finally meet that happens to be the one I have sought to walk at my side.
Though Time and time again I am told, "you have alot of the qualities I seek, I just don't want to pursue it.."
I begin to wonder if I really have anything to offer at all, and is it worth opening what remains of my heart to someone again.

And I then start to see, the cycle beginning again,

Me not putting much into a relationship unless it has potential for something to benefit me. 

[Backseat Radio]

I suppose all us - guys and gals alike - find ourself looking for what benefit a relationship might have and use that to judge what kind of effort and how much effort to put into a particular relationship.

Though Time and time again I am told, "you have alot of the qualities I [the girl talking], I just don't want to pursue it.."
I begin to wonder if I really have anything to offer at all, and is it worth opening what remains of my heart to someone again.

sounds like a very depressed comment.  to answer what the comment adresses I think all of us have something to offer in a friendship.  If we completely close our hearts to the possibility of close relationships because a handful have hurt us, we become an awful lonely person.

[apsurf]

   Don't I know it....I just wonder why I have to let my heart go....why can't I just not feel anything, just so I can smile, and be friendly like I used to be.

Unfortunately I don't hide it as well as I used to....I need to go find my turtle shell, If I can get this fat walrus inside it!

I think it is going to be one of those days!

[Backseat Radio]

if you didn't feel anything you wouldn't be smiling and friendly either.  not feeling = numb and uncaring.

If you decide to get you an emotional turtle shell I hope you end up around a group that will do the same thing my ring of friends has done to the turtle shell I tried to form after I was withdrawn from by the church of christ - their chipping it away little bit at a time.

[apsurf]

Got to thinking a little more today,
we strive to invest so much in things, only to see them destroyed.   And we wonder why it is rare for some to reach out when that has happened? 

yes, it is worth investing in a friendship, but it must come both ways.   Or eventually you are drained and nothing left to give at all.  A person can give only so much before there is nothing but dust to remain.  When those who have invested their lives in reaching others, why do we not give back to to them?

Why can't we seem to just care about others without involving so much emotion?  My generation, what few remain- seems to  have  forgotten any lessons handed down to us, that friendship brings pain, but to reach to others -----well, sometimes it is the only way to heal that. 
I am reminded of a recipe called friendship bread.....the way it is made, there is always enough to make a new loaf and still have dough to share with a neighbor, and the more it is made, the more that can be shared.  But while one neighbor may just throw away the gift you gave, another will take it and share it with the next person they meet.....so yes, while a guard on our hearts is great, we still must always remember it is worth the investment.....even if it eventually only touches one heart.

[LarryTheCucumber]

love, (and consequently, friendship) is a risk.  It is a risk that must be weighed, and evaluated before you take it.

Guys do not put much into a relationship unless it has potential for something. 
..............
After some experiences over my life, I have came to a conclusion that the statement to start it off  is true the vast majority of the time.  We think of things as a game, even when we strive not to,even when we tell ourselves we don't. That all we are in this for is the friendship itself.   Even if that is true, it always seems to come up that we fall right back into not putting anything into the relationship unless we get something out of it. 

What is hard, is I find myself in that boat....but sometimes I don't have a choice but to walk away when all there is happens to be pain.  I got to cut off what is hurting, so the rest of me can heal and go on.  Just each time I do, I cut a part of myself away, a part of my heart.   
I start to wonder how long before I will have nothing left to offer in a friendship,  or to the one I finally meet that happens to be the one I have sought to walk at my side.
Though Time and time again I am told, "you have alot of the qualities I seek, I just don't want to pursue it.."
I begin to wonder if I really have anything to offer at all, and is it worth opening what remains of my heart to someone again.

And I then start to see, the cycle beginning again,

Me not putting much into a relationship unless it has potential for something to benefit me. 

I've heard it said, 'if you always do things the way you've always done them, you'll always get the same results you've always gotten.'

[SippinTea]

love, (and consequently, friendship) is a risk.  It is a risk that must be weighed, and evaluated before you take it.

I've heard it said, 'if you always do things the way you've always done them, you'll always get the same results you've always gotten.'

Brothermine, you're smart you are.

[Newsman]

   Okay, I find two different themes here..one, romantic love, and two, friendship. Certainly, the former can grow from the latter.

   In general, love, to me, can grow in a similar way that the Word of God does in our heart. Once the seed is sown, it has to fall upon good ground (the fallow ground of the heart.) It must not be stolen away out of our hearts, but guarded. It must not be allowed to depart in time of temptation, nor from the cares of this world.

   Although I would agree with my brother Surfdaworld that one must weigh the issue, I would only take that in the sense of romantic love.

   Friednship is to be offered without stint, nor regard for what may be returned. The Word of God tells us about the man who would have friends   
(KJV) Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

   To me, this points to both the requirement to be friendly in order to have friends, but also shows us the way to our ultimate friend, Jesus Christ.

   I am all to aware I need to be a better friend, and more friendly, than I am. But, no matter how decent a friend I might become, nor how blessed I am in the friends I have, I will occasionally fail them, and they will occasionally fail me.

   Then I can only look to the Rock that is higher than I, my ultimate friend, Christ Jesus.

Your Brother,
John

[apsurf]

Investing in a friendship,
I think I will continue to try my best to do so, but I don't think I will strive to let anyone inside as a confidant or very close any longer. 

I can still have a or be a friend, but it will be at a distance from now forward.

[Backseat Radio]

not forming close friendships and trust quickly I can understand.  I'm not one to trust that easily myself.  been burnt too many times.  The few I have been closer to time and circumstance has distanced me from.

[JoyGirl]

Here is my

I say go for it.... what do you have to loose.  I use to be so scared of life and taking chances I was bored.  I understand your heart is a stake and you don't want to hurt, but if you don't go for it how will you ever know.  Pain is only temporary, but sitting around and wondering WHAT IF......  that is torture...
I truly believe that God has someone in store for everyone, but He won't just drop them in your lap, it takes prayer and faith....  God will provide in His time, not ours....

Love ya all!!!

[apsurf]

It is worth it maybe at some point, But I am not opening up anymore to any depth level.  I will hide most of myself again.  If I deem it necessary, I will share what is needed.  But I have decided just for friendships I will keep at a distance.  And possibly even in something beyond that should I meet someone to date, I will still keep at a distance till I am completely comfortable and share only a small part at a time.
I have the 2 or 3 ones I can call a confidant or close, the rest will just have to read between the smiles.

[TRAV]

Investing in friendship is always worth it.

[Backseat Radio]

true friendships are worth it even if not all of the friendships turn out the best.


Nwlife.... I like the cat advatar 

[nicolejoy]

If I had never invested in a friendship with my husband, I would have never fallen in love with him and ended up marrying him. I told my husband upfront when we started talking that he could be my friend but I wasn't interested - so I'm glad that he invested in our friendship even though it "didn't have potential". It's often the friendships that LOOK like they don't have "potential" that actually turn out to be "the one".

[newkris]

hhhmmm . . . that's interesting.  i have to think about that.

my initial reaction is that it's always worth it to make a friend, but . . . what if they pull away?  then what?  what if they move away?  then what?  what if they find themselves involved with someone else and leave you out?  then what?

well, you have still enjoyed the benefit of that friendship for a season in your life, that's what.  if you are a good friend in return, then regardless of the distance (real or perceived) between you and your friend, you still have a friend to call on in times of need . .  .and someone to sow grace to when they have need.

worth it? absolutely!

costly?  yep. true story.

[Backseat Radio]

I'm finally chancing investing a bit into friendships in one group I've usually shyed away from - friendships with males.

[Amelia Bedelia]

I'm finally chancing investing a bit into friendships in one group I've usually shyed away from - friendships with males.

ooh! no offense to my gal pals... but those are the best kind to have!!!     LOL

have fun investing!!!

[Backseat Radio]

for a long time I've been scared to try a friendship with a male

[TRAV]

for a long time I've been scared to try a friendship with a male

...that's only because they bite.

[apsurf]

for a long time I've been scared to try a friendship with a male

...that's only because they bite.

we don't exactly bite, we just chomp at the bit!

[Backseat Radio]

 

[apsurf]

Or should I have said, We chomp at the bait!

[Backseat Radio]

hmm start as a walrus, then transform to a chicken, now you're transforming into a fish.  I guess God knew what he was talking about when he mentioned becomming fishers of men.

[apsurf]

What you never been chicken fishing?!?!?!?!?   You just tie a couple ears of corn to a string and watch the chicken chase them when you pull the string.....the one who catches it becomes sunday dinner!