First year of marriage

[angelofthe_lordz]

For all you that have been married for @ least 1 yr and a 1/2 was your first year rough? I mean like as far as just adjusting to married life?

[TRAV]

um, does anyone know where I can find the ...oh, wait, sorry, wrong thread.....

[myhaloisintheshop]

I think the first year is probably the roughest.

[newkris]

it takes time to adjust to each other.  don't think it strange that you are having difficulties.  two very different lives are deciding just what the character of a third life is going to be.  it's not YOU and HIM anymore, but YOUSE.  you're one entity together - your own family - your own household.

deciding what to keep and what to get rid of from each other's individual pasts . .  . well that takes time. 

get a journal and write down every good thing you can possibly think of about each other.  every fun memory.  every fond thought. 

on the bad days?  get the journal out and read it to each other.

honestly.  marriage is a two-way commitment and it's what YOUSE make of it!

[Scott]

The first year is indeed rough.

Readjustment, co habitation, sharing a bed...

oy vey

I only had a roommate for 1 or 2 months, so I was not used to sharing my house/apartment.

I always slept alone in a twin, now sharing a queen with someone?  YIKES!   

Having someone else in my house?  Not being able to drink out of the milk carton or the bottle of pop!!!!

Cooking for two!!!

Closing the bathroom door?  Never before, when alone, it doesn't matter....

I loved to listen to the radio as I went to sleep...

My wife hated it....

Guess who had to buy earplugs?

My 7-11 plastic slurpee Glasses with baseball players, basketball players and football players? HEY! I spent 35 cents and got that glass for free.

WAIT A MINUTE -- that was my Barry Sanders Glass.....

Don't toss out my Kirk Gibson Detroit Tigers Glass

Wait a minute - Isaiah Thomas, point guard for the Pistons??? NO I LIKE THAT GLASS!

Yup adjustments.

Whadda ya mean that my Lynda Carter Wonder Woman Poster looks tacky?

HEY! I like that poster of the ugly gorilla!

Put the seat down? NO! You can put it down when YOU need it, I have to lift it when I need it. There ARE TWO of us here you know.

My plates don't match? I only used one at a time.

You see, if you bought $5.00 or more at the Grocery store, the plate was free.  I paid $10 and got two plates.  Two months later, it was different plates.  WHAT?  A yellow and a blue plate don't match?  Sure they do, you are wearing a blue skirt with a yellow blouse, it looks nice...

What is wrong with Captain Crunch?

Well, buy raisin bran for yourself?

RIIIING 

hello?

Sure, stop by the store on the way home...

Milk, ok
Bread, OK
Pop, ok
hamburger, ok
catsup, ok
mustard, ok
chips, ok
beans, got it
Eggs, ok
jelly, ok
Butter, stick or tub? got it!
midol? Ok
WHAT?  YOU WANT ME TO PICK UP WHAT?!!!!?

Marriage is full of adjustment!

[mini]

 

[Envelope]

Scott,

     You just have a way with words....... 

     When my husband and I got married and I moved in with him, we literally threw out 25 garbage bags full of what I called junk and what he called treasures ......  yes indeed marriage takes work...and adjustment.....

sharon

[newkris]

football?  again?  

why am i spending ALL of my radio time listening to something about BRETT whoEVER on Sunday?

can't we go for a walk?

i'm tired, too, but it's so nice outside.

yes, the bed needs to be made before it can be slept in.  

when WE wash the dishes, WE wash all of them - not just the ones you used last time.

the seat MUST stay down.  it's like gross if it's UP all the time!!  yuck!!  what if someone stops over and sees it like that?

yep. you're right Scott. adjustments.  


i was sitting in a chair holding my newborn many, many years ago and watched my husband looking for something.  from where i sat, i could see clear from one end of our flat to the other.  he opened literally every door, every drawer, every cabinet looking for whatever it was.  he never shut anything behind him.  

it was then that i realized i had a choice to make. i could be angry at him for being a "messy" - of which i'm not - or i could choose another battle and learn to close stuff and put stuff away behind him.

well, we're still married almost 20 years later.  guess that answered that question.  pick your battles.  more important problems will come along that need real attention.  trust me.

[Scott]

Since  your hubby isn't here, let me respond for him...

football?  again? 

Yes. Is there a problem? I work hard all week, is it too much to ask? It helps me to relax, to unwind. 

I could be at the bar with the other guys, but I am here with you.

why am i spending ALL of my radio time listening to something about BRETT whoEVER on Sunday?

*Oy vey, I need to drink some paint thinner to answer this one*

But he is the heart and soul of the glorious green bay packers (needs a puke emoticon).

can't we go for a walk?

IN the WINTER? Are you nuts?

Besides, Bret is marching the team down field for a touch down

i'm tired, too, but it's so nice outside.

I will see you when you get back.

yes, the bed needs to be made before it can be slept in. 

We make it, just to UN make it?  Does that make sense? Why go to all that work, leave it unmade and save the time.

That is like putting on clean clothes just before taking a bath.

when WE wash the dishes, WE wash all of them - not just the ones you used last time.

I ONLY used those

the seat MUST stay down.  it's like gross if it's UP all the time!!  yuck!!  what if someone stops over and sees it like that?

So what. If I have to lift it, you can put it down.

By the way, when people see the toliet seat, they WILL KNOW that YOU USE IT. AND.... when they see the toliet paper, they will know just WHAT you do on it.

i was sitting in a chair holding my newborn many, many years ago and watched my husband looking for something.  from where i sat, i could see clear from one end of our flat to the other.  he opened literally every door, every drawer, every cabinet looking for whatever it was.  he never shut anything behind him. 

I refuse to back him on this one. I hate to see opened drawers and doors. I have people in my house that do NOT know that they can be shut.

[TRAV]

uh, I'm sorry ...um...just wanted you to know I found it under some socks and a t-shirt or two on the floor...uh..later

[newkris]

 

uummm.... yeah.  okay.   

[nicolejoy]

There are books that specifically talk about the first year of marriage and all the adjustments you've both gotta make in order to give your marriage a chance... Yes, it is hard - REALLY hard... and there are times when it even seems TOO hard... but it is worth it - and you would be wise to pick your battles, and to learn to compromise/change... Just coz you've always done something one way doesn't mean that it's the ONLY way, or the BEST way for it to be done.

If you want me to recommend some books, I can - I just need to find them to tell you the title

[Scott]

If you want me to recommend some books, I can - I just need to find them to tell you the title

No amount of books will prepare you for that first year of marriage.

ONE MAN  TOLD ME that he had been married for a month or so and met this hotty at work, and sat down to eat lunch with her; just has he was going to hit her up for a date, he remembered that he was married.

He told me that it was at that POINT that he realized how difficult marriage was to work at and the amount of adjustments.

I cannot tell you how many times he has been married.

[Amelia Bedelia]

ONE MAN  TOLD ME that he had been married for a month or so and met this hotty at work, and sat down to eat lunch with her; just has he was going to hit her up for a date, he remembered that he was married.

thats some serious memory loss  LOL  not a month after starting dating, not a month after getting engaged... but a month or so after being married!!!   
old habits die hard I suppose

[newkris]

yeah, there are some things you can't compromise about . .  .

NO MORE LUNCH WITH HOTTY (unless she/he's your sister/brother by blood!) - pretty high on the list!

[nicolejoy]

If you want me to recommend some books, I can - I just need to find them to tell you the title

No amount of books will prepare you for that first year of marriage.

I know that - but when you're in the middle of a "crisis" and don't know what to do to fix it, a book can give you some good ideas... I've always found that books helped me with things like that...

[newkris]

something else to be considered in handling "off-time" is that the wife has probably worked all week, too, and probably has some ideas of what to do with the off time rather than watching football or sleeping.

finding compromise .. . some of what she wants some of what he wants .  . that's the key.

her learning to leave "stuff" lay around him learning to pick up "stuff" . . . compromise again. 

[TRAV]

books have a lot of words in them.

[newkris]

yes, trav, and marriage help books don't have pictures so you might want to try to see if they have it on CD to listen to on your way to school/work. 

[angelofthe_lordz]

We've been married almost two months and its very hard to adjust. We love eachother and all that but just adjusting to how he does things vs the way i do things is way different. He's the relaxing type i'm the running around like a chicken with my head cut off type of girl i have to be busy. He likes football I hate it. This is one i can really with Scott on and that's the one about the music when going to sleep. I really miss that. But i think the hard thing for us is just getting thru the power struggles. Who does what, when, and all that stuff. Just makin sure we're normal. LOL.

[M‡¢ĦÆŁ Ҝ]

My wife and I learned to compromise on a lot of things.  She's 4'10" tall and I'm 6' tall, if she leaves the car seat pushed forward, I can't into the car.  The compromise is, if she leaves the car seat forward, I can leave the toilet seat up (or vice versa). 

Yes the first year was the hardest.  I learned very early on that one has to be very careful what one says in a fight.  I once said something that I thought was funny and witty in the middle of a fight and just ended up making things worse.  She laughs about it now, but at the time. . . well, lets just say timing is important.

[nicolejoy]

I'm the one in my marriage who will say the "funny" things at the totally wrong time... like one time, we were having a tense moment, and Berny said "You know, not everything revolves around you, you know" and I said in mock horror, "Why not??" - not a good idea!!

Learning to compromise and roll with the punches and FORGIVE goes a long way

[RandyWayne]

Your not supposed to have "power struggles" at age 20. LOL 
It' supposed to happen after you have been independent for years and 'set in your ways'. LOL

We have problems with the car seat adjustment as well since I am 5'6 and my wife is 5'8.  And all the height difference is in our legs.

Honestly though, we have not had many problems since we already think so much alike.  We would be the perfect eHarmony.com couple IF we had used eHarmony (but THAT site would not have matched us up since they heavily weight the whole height thing in their matching calculations.)
An example is our home:  We're not living in it yet, but we both looked through several blue print books and independently found the exact same floor plan.  We also both independently decided we wanted a Vegas wedding -and I never even proposed!  We just started talking about the wedding one day.

[Envelope]

LOL......I can definately agree with the whole "music at bedtime" issue....I have horrid insomnia (Really bad, very bad insomnia) and I like to listen to books on tape because it helps get my mind "off" of problems such as bills, stress, the kids, etc etc,  but my husband gets annoyed when I play them....we finally compromised and I play a tape (or cd) through once and if I don't fall asleep that time, I don't turn it on again. 

I worked days (7-6) when we first married and my hubby worked afternoons (2-10) and the first year we were married I called him (a LOT) at work.  He didn't really like that, because it always seemed to be a bad time.  Now, after 5 years, I just call him occasionally, or I'll just drop by the police dept occasionally with the girls, and he is usually happy to see us or hear from me.  He gets to come home for supper so I do get to talk to him during his shift (usually).  LOL  sometimes he will just sit down to dinner and he'll have to leave for fights, dui's (by other officers), etc..... 

The great news,........... It does get bETter!!  LOL   Just getting used to each other is a struggle in itself.......  Sometimes when my husband comments like "I sure wish I didn't get interrupted in the bathroom" I smile sweetly and remind him that he could be living across the street from me all alone......and wishing for those interruptions....LOL

Sharon

[M‡¢ĦÆŁ Ҝ]

We have problems with the car seat adjustment as well since I am 5'6 and my wife is 5'8.  And all the height difference is in our legs.

Two inches difference doesn't seem like a whole lot.  My wife and I are 14 inches different.  At least I have a wife I can lean on and one who looks up to me.