For all you that have been married for @ least 1 yr and a 1/2 was your first year rough? I mean like as far as just adjusting to married life?
um, does anyone know where I can find the ...oh, wait, sorry, wrong thread.....
I think the first year is probably the roughest.
it takes time to adjust to each other. don't think it strange that you are having difficulties. two very different lives are deciding just what the character of a third life is going to be. it's not YOU and HIM anymore, but YOUSE. you're one entity together - your own family - your own household.
deciding what to keep and what to get rid of from each other's individual pasts . . . well that takes time.
get a journal and write down every good thing you can possibly think of about each other. every fun memory. every fond thought.
on the bad days? get the journal out and read it to each other.
honestly. marriage is a two-way commitment and it's what YOUSE make of it!
The first year is indeed rough.
Readjustment, co habitation, sharing a bed...
oy vey
I only had a roommate for 1 or 2 months, so I was not used to sharing my house/apartment.
I always slept alone in a twin, now sharing a queen with someone? YIKES!
Having someone else in my house? Not being able to drink out of the milk carton or the bottle of pop!!!!
Cooking for two!!!
Closing the bathroom door? Never before, when alone, it doesn't matter....
I loved to listen to the radio as I went to sleep...
My wife hated it....
Guess who had to buy earplugs?
My 7-11 plastic slurpee Glasses with baseball players, basketball players and football players? HEY! I spent 35 cents and got that glass for free.
WAIT A MINUTE -- that was my Barry Sanders Glass.....
Don't toss out my Kirk Gibson Detroit Tigers Glass
Wait a minute - Isaiah Thomas, point guard for the Pistons??? NO I LIKE THAT GLASS!
Yup adjustments.
Whadda ya mean that my Lynda Carter Wonder Woman Poster looks tacky?
HEY! I like that poster of the ugly gorilla!
Put the seat down? NO! You can put it down when YOU need it, I have to lift it when I need it. There ARE TWO of us here you know.
My plates don't match? I only used one at a time.
You see, if you bought $5.00 or more at the Grocery store, the plate was free. I paid $10 and got two plates. Two months later, it was different plates. WHAT? A yellow and a blue plate don't match? Sure they do, you are wearing a blue skirt with a yellow blouse, it looks nice...
What is wrong with Captain Crunch?
Well, buy raisin bran for yourself?
RIIIING
hello?
Sure, stop by the store on the way home...
Milk, ok
Bread, OK
Pop, ok
hamburger, ok
catsup, ok
mustard, ok
chips, ok
beans, got it
Eggs, ok
jelly, ok
Butter, stick or tub? got it!
midol? Ok
WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO PICK UP WHAT?!!!!?
Marriage is full of adjustment!
:goodmod:
Scott,
You just have a way with words.......
When my husband and I got married and I moved in with him, we literally threw out 25 garbage bags full of what I called junk and what he called treasures ...... yes indeed marriage takes work...and adjustment.....
sharon
football? again?
why am i spending ALL of my radio time listening to something about BRETT whoEVER on Sunday?
can't we go for a walk?
i'm tired, too, but it's so nice outside.
yes, the bed needs to be made before it can be slept in.
when WE wash the dishes, WE wash all of them - not just the ones you used last time.
the seat MUST stay down. it's like gross if it's UP all the time!! yuck!! what if someone stops over and sees it like that?
yep. you're right Scott. adjustments.
i was sitting in a chair holding my newborn many, many years ago and watched my husband looking for something. from where i sat, i could see clear from one end of our flat to the other. he opened literally every door, every drawer, every cabinet looking for whatever it was. he never shut anything behind him.
it was then that i realized i had a choice to make. i could be angry at him for being a "messy" - of which i'm not - or i could choose another battle and learn to close stuff and put stuff away behind him.
well, we're still married almost 20 years later. guess that answered that question. pick your battles. more important problems will come along that need real attention. trust me.
Since your hubby isn't here, let me respond for him...
Quote from: newkris on October 08, 2006, 03:15:41 AM
football? again?
Yes. Is there a problem? I work hard all week, is it too much to ask? It helps me to relax, to unwind.
I could be at the bar with the other guys, but I am here with you.
Quotewhy am i spending ALL of my radio time listening to something about BRETT whoEVER on Sunday?
*Oy vey, I need to drink some paint thinner to answer this one*
But he is the heart and soul of the glorious green bay packers (needs a puke emoticon).
Quotecan't we go for a walk?
IN the WINTER? Are you nuts?
Besides, Bret is marching the team down field for a touch down
Quotei'm tired, too, but it's so nice outside.
I will see you when you get back.
Quote
yes, the bed needs to be made before it can be slept in.
We make it, just to UN make it? Does that make sense? Why go to all that work, leave it unmade and save the time.
That is like putting on clean clothes just before taking a bath.
Quotewhen WE wash the dishes, WE wash all of them - not just the ones you used last time.
I ONLY used those
Quotethe seat MUST stay down. it's like gross if it's UP all the time!! yuck!! what if someone stops over and sees it like that?
So what. If I have to lift it, you can put it down.
By the way, when people see the toliet seat, they WILL KNOW that YOU USE IT. AND.... when they see the toliet paper, they will know just WHAT you do on it.
Quote
i was sitting in a chair holding my newborn many, many years ago and watched my husband looking for something. from where i sat, i could see clear from one end of our flat to the other. he opened literally every door, every drawer, every cabinet looking for whatever it was. he never shut anything behind him.
I refuse to back him on this one. I hate to see opened drawers and doors. I have people in my house that do NOT know that they can be shut.
uh, I'm sorry ...um...just wanted you to know I found it under some socks and a t-shirt or two on the floor...uh..later
:laughhard:
uummm.... yeah. okay. :laughhard:
There are books that specifically talk about the first year of marriage and all the adjustments you've both gotta make in order to give your marriage a chance... Yes, it is hard - REALLY hard... and there are times when it even seems TOO hard... but it is worth it - and you would be wise to pick your battles, and to learn to compromise/change... Just coz you've always done something one way doesn't mean that it's the ONLY way, or the BEST way for it to be done.
If you want me to recommend some books, I can - I just need to find them to tell you the title ;)
QuoteIf you want me to recommend some books, I can - I just need to find them to tell you the title
No amount of books will prepare you for that first year of marriage.
ONE MAN TOLD ME that he had been married for a month or so and met this hotty at work, and sat down to eat lunch with her; just has he was going to hit her up for a date, he remembered that he was married.
He told me that it was at that POINT that he realized how difficult marriage was to work at and the amount of adjustments.
I cannot tell you how many times he has been married.
Quote from: Scott on October 08, 2006, 03:53:02 AM
ONE MAN TOLD ME that he had been married for a month or so and met this hotty at work, and sat down to eat lunch with her; just has he was going to hit her up for a date, he remembered that he was married.
thats some serious memory loss LOL not a month after starting dating, not a month after getting engaged... but a month or so after being married!!! :o
old habits die hard I suppose
yeah, there are some things you can't compromise about . . .
NO MORE LUNCH WITH HOTTY (unless she/he's your sister/brother by blood!) - pretty high on the list!
Quote from: Scott on October 08, 2006, 03:53:02 AM
QuoteIf you want me to recommend some books, I can - I just need to find them to tell you the title
No amount of books will prepare you for that first year of marriage.
I know that - but when you're in the middle of a "crisis" and don't know what to do to fix it, a book can give you some good ideas... I've always found that books helped me with things like that...
something else to be considered in handling "off-time" is that the wife has probably worked all week, too, and probably has some ideas of what to do with the off time rather than watching football or sleeping.
finding compromise .. . some of what she wants some of what he wants . . that's the key.
her learning to leave "stuff" lay around him learning to pick up "stuff" . . . compromise again.
books have a lot of words in them.
yes, trav, and marriage help books don't have pictures so you might want to try to see if they have it on CD to listen to on your way to school/work.
We've been married almost two months and its very hard to adjust. We love eachother and all that but just adjusting to how he does things vs the way i do things is way different. He's the relaxing type i'm the running around like a chicken with my head cut off type of girl i have to be busy. He likes football I hate it. This is one i can really with Scott on and that's the one about the music when going to sleep. I really miss that. But i think the hard thing for us is just getting thru the power struggles. Who does what, when, and all that stuff. Just makin sure we're normal. LOL.
My wife and I learned to compromise on a lot of things. She's 4'10" tall and I'm 6' tall, if she leaves the car seat pushed forward, I can't into the car. The compromise is, if she leaves the car seat forward, I can leave the toilet seat up (or vice versa).
Yes the first year was the hardest. I learned very early on that one has to be very careful what one says in a fight. I once said something that I thought was funny and witty in the middle of a fight and just ended up making things worse. She laughs about it now, but at the time. . . well, lets just say timing is important.
I'm the one in my marriage who will say the "funny" things at the totally wrong time... like one time, we were having a tense moment, and Berny said "You know, not everything revolves around you, you know" and I said in mock horror, "Why not??" - not a good idea!! ;)
Learning to compromise and roll with the punches and FORGIVE goes a long way ;)
Your not supposed to have "power struggles" at age 20. LOL
It' supposed to happen after you have been independent for years and 'set in your ways'. LOL
We have problems with the car seat adjustment as well since I am 5'6 and my wife is 5'8. And all the height difference is in our legs.
Honestly though, we have not had many problems since we already think so much alike. We would be the perfect eHarmony.com couple IF we had used eHarmony (but THAT site would not have matched us up since they heavily weight the whole height thing in their matching calculations.)
An example is our home: We're not living in it yet, but we both looked through several blue print books and independently found the exact same floor plan. We also both independently decided we wanted a Vegas wedding -and I never even proposed! We just started talking about the wedding one day.
LOL......I can definately agree with the whole "music at bedtime" issue....I have horrid insomnia (Really bad, very bad insomnia) and I like to listen to books on tape because it helps get my mind "off" of problems such as bills, stress, the kids, etc etc, but my husband gets annoyed when I play them....we finally compromised and I play a tape (or cd) through once and if I don't fall asleep that time, I don't turn it on again.
I worked days (7-6) when we first married and my hubby worked afternoons (2-10) and the first year we were married I called him (a LOT) at work. He didn't really like that, because it always seemed to be a bad time. Now, after 5 years, I just call him occasionally, or I'll just drop by the police dept occasionally with the girls, and he is usually happy to see us or hear from me. He gets to come home for supper so I do get to talk to him during his shift (usually). LOL sometimes he will just sit down to dinner and he'll have to leave for fights, dui's (by other officers), etc.....
The great news,........... It does get bETter!! LOL Just getting used to each other is a struggle in itself....... Sometimes when my husband comments like "I sure wish I didn't get interrupted in the bathroom" I smile sweetly and remind him that he could be living across the street from me all alone......and wishing for those interruptions....LOL
Sharon
Quote from: RandyWayne on October 08, 2006, 05:44:07 PMWe have problems with the car seat adjustment as well since I am 5'6 and my wife is 5'8. And all the height difference is in our legs.
Two inches difference doesn't seem like a whole lot. My wife and I are 14 inches different. At least I have a wife I can lean on and one who looks up to me. :D
Naw, two inches are not that much, but the big story is that SHE is taller than me which in current society is deemed rather unacceptable.
At 5'6, I do not consider myself extremely vertically challenged but am shorter than the norm.
However I have always found it the Webster definition of hypocritical that I was always chastised for stating my desire for someone "thin" when women across America were never called to the carpet for their desire for the "tall dark and handsome" man. Is wanting someone with a Barby Doll figure shallow? I would say yes. But on the same token, I would say that a short little petite woman only wanting a guy who is 6'0 or taller, equal or MORE shallow.
If I head ever posted on a personals add "Seeking short, thin, and busty blond", I would have been barraged with angry emails. But women have been posting similar "want" adds since the dawn of the personals ad.
I've had to learn you have to be careful about what you say when your fighting. I'm one of these people that when i'm mad just leave me alone. Sometimes he wants the reason with me when i'm mad and its like leave me alone. The thing with me is when i'm mad i say hurtful things b/c i don't think b4 i speak.
I guess it just takes a little bit to learn temperments.
Ladies does the toilet seat issue ever change?????????????????
yep, takes awhile, but most men can be trained to PUT THE SEAT DOWN!!
i'm the only female in my house (except the cat) and somehow i have managed to teach all of my guys that polite society requires them to put the seat down.
:thumbsup2:
:great: There's hope!! :great:
LOL.....my hubby puts the seat down.....I didn't have to train him either....LOL
Now I have to be careful when my dad comes over because he NEVER puts the seat down....comes from too many years being a bachelor....
sharon
Enough of the toilet seat debate... toilets should not be left open unless in use... it has a lid for a reason
if you would like a nice visual of what this reason is follow these easy steps
1. Pour red food coloring into (clean) toilet
2. Hold paper towel/napkin above toilet (a foot or two above the open toilet is fine)
3. Flush
4. Inspect paper towel and note the spray
repeat the above steps holding paper towel further and further away from the toilet
now compare the distance from the toilet to where your toothbrushes/hairbrush/whatever are on the sink counter
now use your imagination... pretend it isn't red food coloring but something else that is more commonly found in toilets.... spraying all over the bathroom
shut the LID... not just the seat
eeeeeEEEEEEeewwwwWWWWWwww :frownshake:
Actually, the Mythbusters tested this very thing out. :P
The found that toothbrushes kept right above the toilet had no more "stuff" on them than toothbrushes kept on the sink -or even in another room! Oh, it was all bad, but short of keeping the toothbrush in a UV chamber between uses, it was impossible to keep it clean.
Food for thought!
yeah toothbrushes are gross and should probably be disposed of after every use (I don't do that but its tempting)
even in an empty room with nothing but the toilet.... I don't want the spray on the walls and in the air... its disgusting to leave the lid open
HEY! Let's STAY ON TOPIC! sheeeesh! Now, ahem, where were we......
trav, something you ought to take note of for that very important first year of marriage is that the FEMALE will guide the conversation on many tangents to get a point across. learning to follow the circle will aid you in becoming a better communicator.
the topic has evolved to . . how do you make him understand that etiquette is a necessary part of every day life with a happy lady.
right Angel?
Quote from: TRAV on October 09, 2006, 03:22:24 AM
HEY! Let's STAY ON TOPIC! sheeeesh! Now, ahem, where were we......
you make such a convincing topic cop ;)
I guess the "Rough" first year curse missed us. I think it helped that we both lived on our own before getting married. The only BIG thing was finances because we were both used to doing that on our own.
Quote from: newkris on October 09, 2006, 03:24:32 AM
trav, something you ought to take note of for that very important first year of marriage is that the FEMALE will guide the conversation on many tangents to get a point across. learning to follow the circle will aid you in becoming a better communicator.
:fighter: :fighter: :fighter:
:fighter: :fighter: :fighter: :fighter:
that's not a good way to resolve a disagreement, trav.
keep the big guns for real fights.
sheesh yourself.
Okay so aside from the toilet seat... and I don't care about the seat, I want the lid down... if it wasn't for the spray I wouldn't care because I can lower a seat all by myself. And I can't see actually fussing over it... I'll refer him to that above experiment once and then if he can't change his habits I'll just move my toothbrush and clean the bathroom more often
All of the adjustment tiffs that I hear about... honestly sound rather ridiculous... is it only because I'm single? I'm sure I'll have adjustment issues... I'm not naive enough to think it will all be smooth sailing but I cannot see myself bickering about cabinets being left open, stuff being left lying around, him treasuring "junk" (I'm a big believer in having a "man room" though), dishes etc. meaningless stuff
What is it that is actually fueling these disagreements? Is it underlying power struggles? Insecurities? Or just keyed up micro-managing types?
Anything that you wish you'd taken care of before you got married that would have made it easier?
Is it things that you just let go beforehand and waited until marriage to fight about? My coworker has been married for like 2-3 years... and he has always loved fishing... and while they were dating, she "loved" fishing too... now that they have a baby and are married... turns out she doesn't like it as much and its an ordeal for her to let him go fishing.... I think that is totally wrong of her, she knew it going in and thats just wrong to expect him to change... esp. when he thought it was a mutually enjoyed activity!!
Yeah, AB, it sounds like a case of the "corny love-bird syndrome" that I see some couples in when they are dating where everything is lalalalalalalalala.........and then reality bites them and they come to grips with the things they like and don't like. There's one couple I know where I started to feel sorry for the woman and then I realized that SHE had made the CHOICE to be with him and she knew what she was getting into before she made that decision. When I came to that realization I felt no more sorry or pity. I only shook my head, laughed slightly and was glad that I could just walk away.
QuoteIs it things that you just let go beforehand and waited until marriage to fight about? My coworker has been married for like 2-3 years... and he has always loved fishing... and while they were dating, she "loved" fishing too... now that they have a baby and are married... turns out she doesn't like it as much and its an ordeal for her to let him go fishing.... I think that is totally wrong of her, she knew it going in and thats just wrong to expect him to change... esp. when he thought it was a mutually enjoyed activity!!
This reminds me a lot of my sister and brother-in-law. She is the one who likes "playing house" and they have three kids. But, she is completely incapable of watching more than two at any one time. My brother-in-law has no problems watching all three.... but since she can't, he is not allowed to do ANYTHING. He gets all sorts of sports (hunting and fishing) equipment every year for birthdays and Christmas, but hardly uses any of it.
I again refer to the wise one himself, James Dobson, to paraphrase "Keep both eyes open wide during the courtship, then close one half way. and the other completely, after the wedding." I quote it different each time, but the gist is the same.
(I have to say their marriage isn't bad. They just strike me as a good example of the above quote.)
Quote from: nicolejoy on October 08, 2006, 04:03:43 AM
Quote from: Scott on October 08, 2006, 03:53:02 AM
QuoteIf you want me to recommend some books, I can - I just need to find them to tell you the title
No amount of books will prepare you for that first year of marriage.
I know that - but when you're in the middle of a "crisis" and don't know what to do to fix it, a book can give you some good ideas... I've always found that books helped me with things like that...
Do you use the book to hit him??? :freaky2:
:laughat:
Quote from: newkris on October 09, 2006, 02:42:17 AM
yep, takes awhile, but most men can be trained to PUT THE SEAT DOWN!!
i'm the only female in my house (except the cat) and somehow i have managed to teach all of my guys that polite society requires them to put the seat down.
:thumbsup2:
no they cannot be trained to put the seat down. It's my right to leave it up if I please.
*shrug*
I don't care about polite society, If I leave it up, I leave it up. For crying out loud it is a TOLIET and people know what you do with it.
*siiiiiiiiiigh*
I am in the process of writing a song to this thread.... Give me a few days and it should be interesting. :)
"It's da second year of marriage and all da gang is here......"
"I scream and shout and slam da door, but she's always standing der...."
"The only time she turns and leaves is when I fix my car...."
"Ya, da second year of marriage. Da greatest year so far......"
Da da da dum da dum da dum da dum
<belching sounds>
Quote from: TRAV on October 09, 2006, 04:11:53 AM "corny love-bird syndrome" that I see some couples in when they are dating where everything is lalalalalalalalala.........
how.... icky
Quote from: TRAV on October 09, 2006, 04:11:53 AM
they come to grips with the things they like and don't like. There's one couple I know where I started to feel sorry for the woman and then I realized that SHE had made the CHOICE to be with him and she knew what she was getting into before she made that decision.
sticky
and they're stuck!
I'll put the rose colored glasses on when I say I do... but I think I'll try to keep my 20/20 vision until then :smirk2:
Quote from: Amelia Bedelia on October 09, 2006, 03:53:42 AM
What is it that is actually fueling these disagreements? Is it underlying power struggles? Insecurities? Or just keyed up micro-managing types?
Anything that you wish you'd taken care of before you got married that would have made it easier?
You know what I think most of it is??
Unmet expectations... expectations we didn't even really KNOW that we had... but maybe since our Dads look after the yard, we expect our husbands to do that too. We've never talked about it, but that's just what they do, isn't it? I think that probably 80% of our "first year" problems were to do with our expectations not being met.
Some expectations are reasonable - others are TOTALLY unreasonable... And most of them, we don't even realise we HAVE those expectations until after we have some stupid argument and later wonder what it was about...
I agree Nicole. There are things my dad did and I expected Clint to be the same way. An example--when anything was needing to be fixed Dad jumped on it immediately...things that were needed immediately Clint would obviously fixed quickly. But there were things that could wait and it would drive me NUTS when he would put things off til the next day. Did it matter if it was fixed then?Nope. It was just different than what I was use to. *shrug*
Quote from: nicolejoy on October 09, 2006, 05:35:37 AM
Unmet expectations...
that makes sense
well then... I guess I'll expect him to plunk on the couch, not help with anything and be a lazy sloppy bum
that way I can't be disappointed!!
:biglaugh:
I guess I always figured you'd talk about things like mowing the yard, chores, how many days between laundering the sheets, empting the trash etc. beforehand the same time and way you'd discuss and draw up a budget
its like any other good business merger... takes planning and communication to make it go smoothly
I never told my hubby that if something broke, I expected him to get out the superglue immediately and fix it right there and then... in fact, I didn't even KNOW that I expected him to do that, until he DIDN'T ;)
There's so many little things like that - I don't think it's POSSIBLE to ever discuss them all!!
Berny expected me to always have his washing done for him and to not let the dirty clothes build up - that's what his mum did. I rather leave it a few days and wash a couple of big loads all at once - that's what my mum did. Neither way it "right" or "wrong" - but when we were first married, we had a couple of tense moments talking about it ;)
Quote from: nicolejoy on October 09, 2006, 05:48:34 AM
I never told my hubby that if something broke, I expected him to get out the superglue immediately and fix it right there and then...
actually being a "fix it now" or a "fix it later" type is something I notice... my dad is a "fix it now" my mom is a "fix it later when it fits in my schedule" Its something that they still have trouble adjusting too.... so thats always been on my list of things to notice
I have some agents that do what I ask immediately or within the deadline... and others that just don't care and that I have to push back deadlines for... but I refuse to nag... I'll ask once, remind once... then leave it alone and/or figure out a way to do it myself. I plan full well on having a conversation on how to handle the timeline of things that need to get done because I never ever ever ever ever want to be a position where I feel like I have to resort to nagging.... if I know his timing then I'll know how far in advance to ask, and how long to wait before noticing if it got done...... and I don't plan on marrying a type like the flake at my work that practices his golf swing and plays poker rather than get me information on time. :mad: lol
Quote from: nicolejoy on October 09, 2006, 05:48:34 AMBerny expected me to always have his washing done for him and to not let the dirty clothes build up - that's what his mum did. I rather leave it a few days and wash a couple of big loads all at once - that's what my mum did.
again... I've had to watch my parents decide this one and its high on my list of expectations to find out about
I guess yet again I see it through the eyes of business... just like I want a detailed job description where I work so that I know what to do to get good job performance ratings... I want details from my husband on how to keep him happy... and I know its all the little things that add up that matter
I'm with juju on this one. I think the whole "horrid first year" passed Logan and I by. I was more concerned about getting to live in a new state - 12 hours away from any of my friends/family, having a husband, being married to be worried about any of the small stuff. I didn't care what way Logan left the toilet seat...we're both old enough to know how to use it (as scott said..lol). We didn't have a washer and dryer, so I did laundry once a week at his parents house...their idea...which worked much better for me than a laundry mat (or whatever those places are called).
I think because of the stars that resided in my eyes for the first year, nothing went wrong. Honestly, our second year has been much rougher. Even though in our first year, we made the decision to move back to Oklahoma, that hasn't compared to buying our first home, remodeling the house, discovering we are going to be parents...and dealing with my hormones. lol. Logan has been an angel through my pregnancy, and i can honestly say that if I hadn't been pregnant, our second year would have most likely been as blissful as the first. I'm sure we would have had a few minor tiffs here and there...but nothing that couldn't have been resolved in a few minutes.
One thing logan and i started before we got married...and still continue to this day...is a journal. We write each other letters in it and share our good and bad days...our feelings...our "i'm sorry" letters if something has gone wrong. It's wonderful to come home and see that journal laying somewhere in plain sight...and know...I have a letter!!! I love going back and re-reading all the ones that we have wrote so far..and seeing how far we've come...recalling everything we've experinced while dating and through our marriage.
I know that as we embark on our third year...things will definately be differant. We'll be parents.... all of our major decisons won't be just about whats best for us any more.. we'll have a child to consider. We'll have to try harder at things, but i know we can do it.
*p.s. Happy 2 year anniversary Logan... I love you!!!*
Quote from: okieoliveoyl on October 09, 2006, 12:00:46 PMI think the whole "horrid first year" passed Logan and I by.
The first year was by no means "horrid". In fact, it was a logn way from "horrid". It's just that, in relation to the following years, it is the year that requires the most adjustment and most understanding. As much as my wife and I had to work to "learn" each other, we were very happy and would not even come close to calling that year "horrid". I wouldn't even call it "bad". "Challenging", maybe, but not in a negative way.
I was about to write exactly that, Michael - it wasn't horrid - it was AWESOME - but there was sooooo much MAJOR adjusting to do!! but it was fun too ;) I like learning new stuff ;)
Our first year wasn't bad....it just took a lot of time to adjust.
Our first year was fabulous! Everyone had me so scared with horror stories, and it wasn't anywhere near as bad as people said. I told my husband on our one year anniversary that if this was going to be the worst year I couldn't wait to experience the rest.
Some things that made it not so bad were:
- We were engaged and dated for a long time before we were married. It was good for us. We knew each other as friends for 3 years, dated for 1 year, and were engaged for almost 2 years (I was finishing college). By the time we got married we knew each other (and we each knew ourselves) VERY well and had been through very throrough pre-marital counseling with our pastor.
- I was used to sharing a bathroom with sisters who were way more inconsiderate than my husband on his worst day. Our apartment had two full baths, so I was actually ecstatic about having my own bathroom.
- We lived in an apartment when we were first married. I didn't stress about decorating it because it was temporary. We had no yard nor household repairs to worry about. We got to figure out together how we wanted to "keep house." Now, when we bought our house we had some heated discussions about furniture and decor, but nothing major.
My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We were together for 5 years before we tied the knot. We had extensive premarital counseling.
And our first year was very rough. Not because of the nitpicky chores/toilet seat/laundry issues, but because he decided he wanted to go back to school, which was totally NOT in the game plan. He was working full time, and then went to school four nights a week. Then there was church on Sunday. I rarely got to see him, and when I did, he would rather read a book to "unwind" then to actually spend any time with me. That was my first experience with his high-maintenanceness. Eventually, it got so bad between us because I never saw him, and when I did, he'd rather read than spend time with me, that we were in the pastor's office contemplating a trial separation. It woke Chris up and he decided that his new family was more important to him, and he quit school. I'm thankful that he did, because we have a wonderful marriage now.
We just celebrated 9 years this past September. We still argue from time to time. Sometimes about chores. Sometimes about money. Mostly about stuff like the fact that he can't be on time for anything, or that I am too optimistic. But we have a relationship that will stand up to any test, and I think that we are that much stronger for weathering that first year.
~ Tara
Hey angel of the Lordz....Read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by dr Laura Schlessinger.....it's a great book....and gives practical suggestions on marriage..... Of course some don't like her, but I love her common sense and down to earth advice.....
sharon
Oh yeah I liked that book too Envelope!
After hearing Nic recommend His Needs Her Needs so much on here I read that a couple months ago.. and I see why she recommends it! :biglaugh:
Another good book that my pastor "made" us read just before our wedding was "Intended for Pleasure".
He also gave the book to my youngest sister before her wedding. My dad insisted on reading it first and concluded it was "a good book" while blushing the whole time.
A book that both my husband and i read before we got married, was "Act of Marriage." A great book that is biblically based!!! Some of my friends who have gotten married, their pastor made them read that as part of their pre marital counseling sessions.
Our first year was difficult mainly to job issues. I was promised a brand new job, with good pay and decent benefits. I took an apartment and moved to this small town.
The week after the wedding they told me that they gave the job to someone else. The son of the owners friend. It was almost 9 months before we could leave that town - working only 20 hours per week at a minimum wage job.
i just want to say i've enjoyed reading this post because i'm getting married in april 2007....not worried about getting married....more worried about killing each other afterwards.... :biglaugh: i already have to get on him for getting out of the car everyday [we carpool due to quite a few reasons] and NEVER locking the door. so have to sit in the car til he gets out...then lock it...then he looks at me all offended....grrrrr...
Quote from: aupcworship on October 31, 2006, 05:37:08 AM
i just want to say i've enjoyed reading this post because i'm getting married in april 2007....not worried about getting married....more worried about killing each other afterwards.... :biglaugh: i already have to get on him for getting out of the car everyday [we carpool due to quite a few reasons] and NEVER locking the door. so have to sit in the car til he gets out...then lock it...then he looks at me all offended....grrrrr...
SOUNDS GREAT!!!!!! 100% TRUST !!!!! :thumbsup2:
Our first year wasn't that bad. But, we were practically married for a year before then anyway...I would spend pretty much every weekend at her house. Her folks let me sack out in the middle room. Most of our fights were a result of stress, not necessarily disagreements between the two of us. A couple months after we married I lost my job, and I was idle for about three weeks. God didn't wire me to handle being idle very well, so that made me kinda flip out sometimes over little stuff that she did that normally didn't bug me.
Most of the friction that we have had has been over money; not really how to handle it, but the recordkeeping thereof. When I was in college I got my first checking account, and I developed ways of keeping track of receipts. At the time of purchase, I put the receipt in my wallet, then periodically record it and put the receipts in envelopes. I still have pretty much every debit card receipt I've ever gotten. Really only about 15 envelops in the bottom of a drawer, so not that much. In a year or so I'll start throwing them out. But anyway, I'm kinda weird about that stuff. My wife however just puts the receipt in her purse. So when I go to record stuff, she can't find them, or they're out of order, or whathaveyou. Finally I created a spreadsheet for our checkbook that has really simplified things. Neither one of us have ever had a credit card, a fact for which we have been very thankful, because there have been times when we would have used it instead of just conserving.
Most problems in marriage come from not being honest with each other. To be married, a couple has to be brutally honest with each other, no matter what. Your feelings are going to get hurt, and you're going to hurt the other person's feelings, so you might as well get used to it, and learn how to handle it. Your feelings will be ok, but if you're not honest, resentment can fester, which isn't healthy for the relationship.
Quote from: newkris on October 09, 2006, 02:42:17 AM
yep, takes awhile, but most men can be trained to PUT THE SEAT DOWN!!
i'm the only female in my house (except the cat) and somehow i have managed to teach all of my guys that polite society requires them to put the seat down.
:thumbsup2:
or aim directly into the hole...lol
I just can't believe that [most] guys are retarded enough to:
a.) urinate all over everything in a bathroom.
b.) become so enamored of the idea of getting their behind stuck in a cold porcelain ring that they never learn how to flap a stupid toilet seat.
I have never had a problem knowing how to operate the loo, and truthfully don't know anyone who does.
My two cents? 'Men who don't know how to use the bathroom' sounds like an urban legend centered in the Ozarks somewhere... :laughhard:
Ladies, if you have a man who don't know how to use the bathroom like a person instead of an animal, make him go outside.
:hypocrite:
Quote from: newkris on October 09, 2006, 02:42:17 AM
yep, takes awhile, but most men can be trained to PUT THE SEAT DOWN!!
:thumbsup2:
They can?
I have been married 16 years and he STILL hasn't learned that
Quote from: Tsalagi on December 11, 2006, 05:59:01 PM
Ladies, if you have a man who don't know how to use the bathroom like a person instead of an animal, make him go outside.
:hypocrite:
wouldn't take long to teach that lesson on a good january day in wisconsin . . . :laughhard:
:laughat:
Leavin' now... *grin*
Quote from: Tsalagi on December 11, 2006, 05:59:01 PM
I have never had a problem knowing how to operate the loo, and truthfully don't know anyone who does.
My :twocents: ....
I grew up with three guys in the house, and
none of them bothered to put the lid down. We're talking three very intelligent, terrific guys. So I have to conclude that it's not a matter of not knowing how to operate it, it's a matter of whether or not it's important to them.
:beret:
(Now I'll go back to the single's section where I belong....)
Same here sippin... :-\
Chris, are you just bragging again about how wonderful you are so more girls will flirt with you? I don't know if I can handle more competition! :biglaugh:
:uhoh:
Anyone heard that new "Christmas with Crickets" album?
:sing:
"Crickets chirping in an open thread, sometimes nibble on my toes..."
It's awesome!
;)
What I don't understand is this: if putting the seat up is so easy, then why is putting it down so hard for women? If it's down when you go in, put it up. If it's up, put it down. It's not exactly rocket science, but yet women still act like the simple act of putting it down is too difficult for them to conquor. Apparently they don't look at the toilet before they sit down...maybe one day a snake will come out and bite them, and if they'd only've looked, it wouldn't have happened.
contain the spray
close the LID
maybe that should be my campaign slogan...
"Man Pulls 7-Foot Python From Toilet"
http://www.thetimesonline.com/articles/2006/12/14/ap/strange/d8m0b0k80.txt
...SEE?!?!? It's a valid fear! ;) :P
:freaky:
Quote from: dnr1128 on December 15, 2006, 04:50:44 AM
What I don't understand is this: if putting the seat up is so easy, then why is putting it down so hard for women? If it's down when you go in, put it up. If it's up, put it down. It's not exactly rocket science, but yet women still act like the simple act of putting it down is too difficult for them to conquor. Apparently they don't look at the toilet before they sit down...maybe one day a snake will come out and bite them, and if they'd only've looked, it wouldn't have happened.
Personally I find it rather nasty to go in someone's house and see the toilet lid up....If I have to use their bathroom I don't want to put my hands in who knows what...I don't like putting my hands i my own pee, much less someone elses.
My husband does pretty well with the toilet lid thankfully.
certainly. optimally, I think the lid and all should be left down when not in use. That's just the best, hygenically and asthetically, thing to do. However, what gets me is how women gripe at men for not putting it down, when putting it up is just as easy to do.
LOL...ya'll are cracking me up!! My husband always puts the seat down!!! So, I don't have to worry about it.....
The reason I don't leave the lid "down" all the time, is my daughters have a hard time opening it without dropping it on their fingers when they go potty by themselves (one is 4 the other is 2). My 2 year old likes "going by herself"!!!
sharon
Nick and I just finished moving in our belongings to our first home together today. And Just yesterday, we got into it... (before, we'd just have to stay at my parent's or his.)... So... I am sure now, more than ever, we are gonna have a rough first year.
Nick is a typical guy. he leaves stuff around, he lets the dog on our new suede comforter, he doesn't wipe his feet. He doesn't rinse his glasses out, nor does he use coaster... and he watches Football constantly... or dumb wrestling... but I love him, and as to the pros and cons of marriage, the pros always outweigh the cons...
Hang in there...
Gin
Brandon and I have been married since January of 2005. (We did the actual ceremony in December of 2005, but were legally married in Jan.) And I gotta say, maybe we're the exception, but it wasn't hard at all adjusting to each other's habits.
I think the only thing we've had to work on is the fact that when we have a disagreement I want to get it out and over with right then and he wants to have some time to think about it.
We've been very blessed in having a smooth transition into marriage. :grin:
Can somebody please pass the salt........ooooooops....sorry! did it again....
well, my husband and i just got married in November '05.
adjustments? sure we had to make some. with me, it didnt bother me to have someone sleep in the same bed as me. my husband, on the other hand, was so used to living on his own and sleeping in bed alone and coming or going as he pleases at any time of the day or night. i think he had the bigger adjustment to make than me. i was looking forward to all the newness and difference. of course, he was too, but like i said, he had a harder time adjusting. but it really didnt take him long actually. and we've had our disagreements but no real arguements...nothing major anyway.
we're both doing really good. and we shop(recreationaly) wisely and use the money wisely.bills come first. of course everyone knows that. and being married and just starting out, wisdom is one of the best key factors to making a marriage work!!!!!! or at least i think so.
trasitions and adjustments, i think they're just another adventure in the marriage. thats the way i feel about it anyway.
Quote from: dnr1128 on December 15, 2006, 05:18:44 PM
certainly. optimally, I think the lid and all should be left down when not in use. That's just the best, hygenically and asthetically, thing to do. However, what gets me is how women gripe at men for not putting it down, when putting it up is just as easy to do.
Yeah they say that you should put the lid down before flushing cause it sprays all over the bathroom otherwise........not the best thing for the place where ya keep your toothbrush.....So, purely for health reasons it's better to at least put the lid down for that part of it lol
Geri
Quote from: dnr1128 on December 15, 2006, 04:50:44 AM
What I don't understand is this: if putting the seat up is so easy, then why is putting it down so hard for women? If it's down when you go in, put it up. If it's up, put it down. It's not exactly rocket science, but yet women still act like the simple act of putting it down is too difficult for them to conquor. Apparently they don't look at the toilet before they sit down...maybe one day a snake will come out and bite them, and if they'd only've looked, it wouldn't have happened.
My wife and I have an "arrangement". She likes to take baths and I like to take showers. When she takes a bath, she folds the shower curtain up so it's out of the tub and out of the way. It's her job to put the curtain back down so it's ready when I take my shower. If she leaves the curtain up, then I get to leave the toilet seat up (and vice versa). So far, she hasn't fallen into the toilet in the middle of the night.
thats sweet
Well...our first (and half) years of marriage was like (lemme put it this way)hell on earth. Not only going through the "marital adjustment" stage, we were also going through our "Christianity growth spurt", since we were just baby Christians back then. So it wasn't only hard, it was shocking, but with our love to one another it's worth it. Indeed we're so thankful and even gobsmacked sometimes that we made it through, and though there are still rough patches at times it's smooth sailing from here compared to then.
mvausey, how long have you been married now?? Just wondering!!
About 4 1/2 years :grin:
Interesting thread. ;)
Quote from: newkris on October 08, 2006, 03:15:41 AM
it was then that i realized i had a choice to make. i could be angry at him for being a "messy" - of which i'm not - or i could choose another battle and learn to close stuff and put stuff away behind him.
my classic battle.
:lurk:
Quote from: iridiscente on November 05, 2008, 07:34:36 AM
Quote from: newkris on October 08, 2006, 03:15:41 AM
it was then that i realized i had a choice to make. i could be angry at him for being a "messy" - of which i'm not - or i could choose another battle and learn to close stuff and put stuff away behind him.
my classic battle.
I'm very fortunate. Stevebert picks up after himself. He puts things away. Most of the time not in the place he found them but he will put them away.
He even rinses off his dishes. I have even caught him rinsing off my dishes.
Quote from: Sis on November 05, 2008, 10:43:45 AM
Quote from: iridiscente on November 05, 2008, 07:34:36 AM
Quote from: newkris on October 08, 2006, 03:15:41 AM
it was then that i realized i had a choice to make. i could be angry at him for being a "messy" - of which i'm not - or i could choose another battle and learn to close stuff and put stuff away behind him.
my classic battle.
I'm very fortunate. Stevebert picks up after himself. He puts things away. Most of the time not in the place he found them but he will put them away.
He even rinses off his dishes. I have even caught him rinsing off my dishes.
I'm glad that my husband at least tries! It could be LOTS worse. Plus, he's so sweet he makes up for it with a lot of good qualities!
Stevebert even puts the seat down. As a matter of fact, the last time the seat was left up it was ME who did it. :laughhard: :laughhard:
this thread was started a lifetime ago.
a l ot happens in two years.
wow.
Are you not married now?
no. i have been divorced for almost a year. my comments about marriage were made about a month before the Lord told me i could leave. that's when i moved to MN.
God is good. life is interesting.
life is for sure interesting.
Well I would have to say life in general was probably a bit over whelming. As I got saved in Febr/March(back about 23 yrs ago)
moved to MA from WI 6 months later(Sept), First date Oct 31, Engaged Nov 19, Married May 9,First child 1 yr later on May 9.
:o I've stumbled accross an alien territory.
Quote from: dnr1128 on December 15, 2006, 04:50:44 AM
What I don't understand is this: if putting the seat up is so easy, then why is putting it down so hard for women? If it's down when you go in, put it up. If it's up, put it down. It's not exactly rocket science, but yet women still act like the simple act of putting it down is too difficult for them to conquor. Apparently they don't look at the toilet before they sit down...maybe one day a snake will come out and bite them, and if they'd only've looked, it wouldn't have happened.
Because we're such delicate creatures, that heaven forbid we ever actually
touch a toilet seat! :loopy: Oh the horror, I think I may faint from shock! :scared:
(In case you can't tell, this is a joke)BOL of all the things for couples to get stuck on, it's the toilet seat issue...it's become so cliché
If it's up, put it down, if it's down,. put it up, if you're done using it, close the lid before you flush. If you're worried the seat's dirty, toilet paper has more than one purpose
Quote from: upcchris on July 09, 2009, 02:54:15 AM
:o I've stumbled accross an alien territory.
Quote from: dnr1128 on December 15, 2006, 04:50:44 AM
What I don't understand is this: if putting the seat up is so easy, then why is putting it down so hard for women? If it's down when you go in, put it up. If it's up, put it down. It's not exactly rocket science, but yet women still act like the simple act of putting it down is too difficult for them to conquor. Apparently they don't look at the toilet before they sit down...maybe one day a snake will come out and bite them, and if they'd only've looked, it wouldn't have happened.
Because we're such delicate creatures, that heaven forbid we ever actually touch a toilet seat! :loopy: Oh the horror, I think I may faint from shock! :scared: (In case you can't tell, this is a joke)
BOL of all the things for couples to get stuck on, it's the toilet seat issue...it's become so cliché
If it's up, put it down, if it's down,. put it up, if you're done using it, close the lid before you flush. If you're worried the seat's dirty, toilet paper has more than one purpose
Not to mention falling in during the middle of the night when you go in there with the lights out.