Any Suggestions?

[EmmazMommy]

How do you "punish" your child?? spanking, time out, etc?? also, how do u punish ur child in a restaurant??

Last night, I realized how out of hand I have let Emma become under the circumstances of the last year. I have let her get away with things and I know I shouldnt have.  I dont need anyone to tell me that its my fault, i shouldnt have let her do it, etc..I just need advice....

I hate to get on to her. I hate spanking her. But last night in a restaurant she threw a fit, screamed, pinched, etc....I cant deal with that. I WILL NOT have a brat! I love her and she is a GREAT kid 98% of the time. But that 2% of the time, OMG she knows how to pitch a fit!!!! 

We live in a small town and its hard bc everyone knows everyone and if I spank her I can hear everyone talkin about it! UGGH!!!!

My grandmother and aunt are the same way, when I go to spank her they start saying "dont spank her, she didnt mean it, shes just a baby " , etc....and its really gettin old! I talked to my mom this morning and told her to tell them both I am stayin home and keeping Emma away for a while if they do not stop that bc I am tired of dealing with it. I cant get her under control if they are flippin out evrtime!

I just need some GOOD SOUND advice! PLEASEE!!!!!!

[Roxie]

Maybe this link will help... I really like what this lady has to say... and what the other one does... although some of the things she does could be iffy... Anyways, I understand that it takes a few times doing something until it actually works... but if I did have a kid I would try the discipline thing like she does...

http://umibrahim.tripod.com/id13.html

and if us here can't help you, you might wanna try the forum on this site... http://www.supernanny.us.com/

Hopefully something will help you out and I didn't post this for nothing  

[SippinTea]

I'm not a parent, but several people I know have recommended the book Creative Correction. (It should be at your christian bookstore as it's written by a christian author.) *shrug* Might be worth checking anyway...

[joyeuse]

I dont have many things to say or books or webside to recommand and my litle is only 7 months. But i have 5 sister and one brother. I saw them growing up. so what i can say is you allwed to spank your child if you talk to her she doent want to obey. The Bible teach us also how to educate our children. Im not saying to spank your child all the time, but sometime they need it, and whater you inlaw say, think your child. you want the best for her. so pray for that, and ask God to give you wisdom, and what does your husband say about it?

[mvausey]

Well, this will be my plan of action...at least what my husband and I agreed on anyway for our daughter.

I would give her a "deep look" in the eye as a warning, then I will warn her again in a very firm tone, that if she doesn't stop she'll have it so she better behave.  If she keeps going, I will drag her to the restroom (in private) and give her the biggest serving to teach her a lesson.  That way she knows why she's getting it, and we will not get out until she settles and behaves again.

Personally, if anyone comes up to me and tells me off for doing that, I wouldn't hesitate to be blunt to them and tell them that I'm her mother and I'll do what I believe is right for my kid.  Then again, that's just me.

[Sister_Mom]

Well, this will be my plan of action...at least what my husband and I agreed on anyway for our daughter.

I would give her a "deep look" in the eye as a warning, then I will warn her again in a very firm tone, that if she doesn't stop she'll have it so she better behave.  If she keeps going, I will drag her to the restroom (in private) and give her the biggest serving to teach her a lesson.  That way she knows why she's getting it, and we will not get out until she settles and behaves again.

Personally, if anyone comes up to me and tells me off for doing that, I wouldn't hesitate to be blunt to them and tell them that I'm her mother and I'll do what I believe is right for my kid.  Then again, that's just me.

Just curious, what is your plan of action when she figures out she won't receive punishment until after the look, so she misbehaves, disobeys, and/or rebels up to the point of the spanking?

I remember with my son I went through a period of time trying the "counting to three" to get him to behave. When I hit 3, he knew he would be punished. He would straighten up and stop doing whatever he was doing when my mouth began to form the "th" in the word "three". I believe he was between 2 and 3 at the time. The counting only lasted about a month or so. 

Kids very easily and quickly figure out where you draw your line, even an infant knows how to get your attention. I would never try to tell someone where to draw their line, we are all responsible for our own kids and answer only to God as to how we raise them. I do however, encourage parents to draw their line and stand on it. Don't let your children get you into this game of seeing how far they can push the line, or testing you to see if you'll budge and how far. Once you draw your line as to what is acceptible, stand on it and always remember the point is to help them grow into the best adults they can be. If a threat for punishment is ever made, stick to it (no matter how much you regret making the threat). The key to that is only make the threat if you know you intend to punish.

[Melody]

ah, what a tough subject.  I think we need to learn what discipline is before we can do a good job on someone else.  Many a time I have found myself lacking in the disciplinary area when I myself am not dealing with myself with integrity. Generally speaking, not necessarily you EM, but we make excuses for our lack of self control or rebellion and because we're adults, we don't always feel the consequences right away. Then it comes time for our children demonstrating lack of control or rebellion and WE have to put up with it.  Why do we let our kids excercise disobedience in a rebellious fashion?  It's NOT out of love, no matter how we try to decieve ourselves. 

The older I get, the more I see that much of my small children's behavior, outside of learning, fatigue, & hunger, is reflective of ME.  People don't like to hear that.  Realizing that our attitudes form our small children's attitudes is a huge step in being a discerning and Godly parent.  Seems so simple to say but watch how many mothers around us deny it in action. 

If we understand the dire NEED for self control and a right attitude in ourselves we will discipline with a passion for our kids to learn it also much earlier than we have.  And we will not excuse bad behavior because we are living with integrity.  OK, that's my general stuff that came to mind.

Carnality causes us to compartmentalize things.  It doesn't matter the ratio of when our child is misbehaving.  If they misbehave there is a problem ALL the time, and it just surfaces under pressure and the most inconvenient times for US parents.  For example:  When Hannah was little (2-3) she would get a little bossy to her big brother and even tried a few times telling me how things were going to be or what she wanted (demanded).  Now at home, I just can tell her to stop and send her to her room to pout.  BUT there is no room to send her to in public, and pouting is having the same nasty attitude quietly, except EVERYONE still knows it and it effects us all.  Not only that but when I wasn't around she wasn't hesitating to running the show to other children quite fiestilly.  She needed to know what she was doing wrong, why (on her level), and that it is NEVER acceptable, and when it was happening at home in smaller amounts, it needed nipped!  We can't wait until it gets out of control in public, there are things going on at home, on a smaller scale often, that are telling us it's a problem. 

My problem was, I was adressing it too lightly.  Not that she needed a whoopin every time, but I was making less of it than it really was and it was growing instead of diminishing.  Paying more attention with discernment of the gravity of the problem at home helped in public, AND taking her up from the table to the bathroom and giving her a good swat every once in a while that was consistant to the periodic swats she got at home took care of the problem.

LOL, I tried the number thing for a very short spurt.  My kids knew they could keep it up until "3" which just makes us look like we don't really want to discipline them.  I give them a stern look OR a word of correction and they do well straightening up because they know the next step is punishment, whatever that may entail.  Kids do get absent minded, and a reminding should get them back on track, any more than that and it's MHO that it teaches them we are not convinced about what we're saying or we'd just do it.  Isn't that what we do with our convictions?  We do them because we know their right, we don't play games about it.  Do we wait until God strikes us with lightening before we obey?  What would be the state of our heart if we did do that?  THAT's the state of your kids when they are being disobedient, but in a more basic, naive way.  They may not be spiritually accountable to God yet but we are raising them to be right?  We can't teach this "I'll do what I want until I KNOW mom will actually do something."  I see this SO much and no wonder adults have trouble when that is a foundational teaching they were raised with!  It takes hardship often to get us to our knees. 

When something is important, it just is.  The same with our kids.  Them having a right attitude and obeying is important, and we demonstrate how much so, by our own application of discipline.  I'm convinced many things do not yeild understanding until we obey.  We can see this in the things of God and our children.  They will not do good things if they don't have to and they won't appreciate the effects of them either.  We have to be so patient with our children as God is with us but that doesn't mean lack of discipline, nor does it mean legalism.  Plenty of positive reinforcement, just as we get from God, will mold a heart that wants to please, have self worth, and a sense of community. 

Taking the time to practice the right things instead of only trying to stop the bad will bear much better results!  Have tea parties, practive manners, make it fun and let Emma feel that she is even better/bigger when she does those things.  Make disobedience not just a no-no but repulsive, that those actions are not to be "let in" or however you convey with her.  I know she's little but there's a way to begin these things even at her age.  Remember too, if she has enough energy and will power to throw a fit, she HAS enough energy and will power to behave!

[Mrs.Wilson]

I have found that when I am at a lost as to what to do concerning disciplining my son I just pray about it.

We were having to deal with him hitting and I didn't know what to do about it.  I though spanking him would be wrong because that's hitting.  I'm not against spanking.  I spank my son and will spank my other children.  It just didn't seem the right punishment.  So, I prayed about it and God gave me the idea of putting him in time out.  My son loves to be around people and putting him in time out, away from people, proved to be the answer for that problem.  lol Now he hits himself.  

The other day I was thinking of how often I spank him and get aggravated with him over what seem to be the smallest things.  I prayed about it and now I know that I need to be calm and consistent.  lol That's something that I have to pray for help with daily.  I'm having to discipline myself while I discipline him.  It worked though.  That first day I calmly called him to come to me and he did.  On the first time I called him.  Let me tell you that was a miracle in itself.  I usually have to call him atleast twice and then swat him in order to get him to come to me when I call him.  

Another thing you might want to look into is a book by they Amish.  I wish I could remember what it was called, but they talked about how to teach your children to do what you want so that they will grow up to be respectful, responsible, well disciplined adults.

One thing to remember is why you want your child to do what you are asking.  You are training a child up in the way he/she should go.  

[Envelope]

I think the book you're referring to is "to train up a child" by ______ Perl ??  I recently read it......but can't find it to get the exact author name.....

sharon

[Mrs.Wilson]

I think that might be it lol. 

I wanted to share this too:  My pastor's wife told me that to teach her children to sit still she would pray with them.  She said she would set them on the couch while she kneeled before it and would pray.  Every time they would get up she would swat them and tell them to sit there until she was done.  At the time her husband and her were evangelizing and at church she didn't have anyone to watch her children while her and her husband were on the platform.  She said by doing this her daughter sat quietly on a pew, by herself, when she was 2.

I've started teaching my son this way and it is working great.  Not only is he learning to sit quietly, but is also learning how to pray and the importance of praying.  I don't really make him sit quietly because he likes to "pray" with me and I don't want to stop him from doing that. 

[Scott]

I used what ever worked for that kid and that issue.

Slapped hand - or upper arm when too old to spank
Spanking on botton
Time out
Grounding
Lose toys

[mvausey]

Sister_Mom: No, no.  No way I would use the "counting" method.  It's not a counting method.  Because I don't believe that I need to go physical on her straight away.  It's like a warning to give her a chance to either behave or face the consequences.  As she gets older punishments varies even more (as per Scott's suggestions). 

[Sister_Mom]

Sister_Mom: No, no.  No way I would use the "counting" method.  It's not a counting method.  Because I don't believe that I need to go physical on her straight away.  It's like a warning to give her a chance to either behave or face the consequences.  As she gets older punishments varies even more (as per Scott's suggestions). 

Nah, I wasn't suggesting that you were using the counting method, just that it's the same principle. Any pattern or things leading up to corporal punishment will easily be learned by a child. They learn what buttons to push and what lines not to cross in order to avoid the punishment. I was simply pointing out that the only way "warnings" work is if they are consistantly backed up with no wavering whatsoever. Just for an example, it's like a paddle being used on a child, once it's used, the next time it only has to be shown, but if it's "shown" too often and not used then the child begins to believe it won't be used again, so they have to be reminded, and the circle goes on. Like grounding when they get older.... if they are ever taken off of groundation for good behavior, the next time they are grounded they may believe they'll get a reprieve again. Sometimes a reprieve may be earned and can be a good thing, used too much, it causes the grounding to lose effect.

[mvausey]

Sister_Mom: No, no.  No way I would use the "counting" method.  It's not a counting method.  Because I don't believe that I need to go physical on her straight away.  It's like a warning to give her a chance to either behave or face the consequences.  As she gets older punishments varies even more (as per Scott's suggestions). 

Nah, I wasn't suggesting that you were using the counting method, just that it's the same principle. Any pattern or things leading up to corporal punishment will easily be learned by a child. They learn what buttons to push and what lines not to cross in order to avoid the punishment. I was simply pointing out that the only way "warnings" work is if they are consistantly backed up with no wavering whatsoever. Just for an example, it's like a paddle being used on a child, once it's used, the next time it only has to be shown, but if it's "shown" too often and not used then the child begins to believe it won't be used again, so they have to be reminded, and the circle goes on. Like grounding when they get older.... if they are ever taken off of groundation for good behavior, the next time they are grounded they may believe they'll get a reprieve again. Sometimes a reprieve may be earned and can be a good thing, used too much, it causes the grounding to lose effect.

I figured that's how kids function.  So even if it's a circle then so be it, as long as parents are consistent in their ground rules.  I guess it works to some kids, it doesn't to others.  I remember I was talking to a friend, whom know a couple that have kids (I can't remember how many, but it's plenty).  And they were talking about how they have to treat everyone so differently, the way they discipline, etc.  So yeah, IMHO (if I'm correct) it's really the matter of time on finding out whether a certain method will work on a child.

[Sister_Mom]

You're absolutely right!! 

There were five kids in my family and one was quite stubborn and would need more immediate and stern discipline, yet if you take a compliant child and dole out the same treatment you could crush their spirit. We have to remember that even though they don't act like it sometimes, children are human and God made each of us different and just as God disciplines each of us differently, we should do likewise to children. He is the perfect example of a Father after all. 

You're right too in that it will take time and trial and error (yes, parents make errors), and getting to know your child.

Speaking again of my son and his stubbornness and things I found that did NOT work, Scott mentioned "lose toys"...... my son had a wonderful imagination as a child and at one point he had lost every toy he had and still wouldn't comply. He was never one to sit and play video games for hours and never got into the latest greatest toys. However, he could go in the yard and find things, sticks, pinecones, etc. and play for hours, he actually preferred "making up his own stuff" to actual toys most of the time, so taking the toys didn't work, he would just put his imagination to work for him.