Husband at Wal-Mart

[taco_harvell]

This is why women should not take men shopping against their
will.

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her
husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found
shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to
browse.

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her
local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this
behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the
store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below
and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of Polident and randomly put them
in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off
at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away."

4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag
of M&M's on layaway.

5. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a
carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

7. September 23: When a clerk asked if she could help him,
he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just
leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used
it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

9. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.


11. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

And last, but not least:

12. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, "OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

[Ashlee]

I'm debating trying number 11 myself.....

[taco_harvell]

I want to try 12.... lol

[Ashlee]

I'm starting to think I might not fit in between the racks anymore...I did it when I was 5, but I just remembered I've gotten bigger since then...

[TheGirl]

IS shopping REALLY that big of a deal? I could understand if a woman was going clothes shopping and planned to try on 500 outfits or something, but Wal-Mart really?

[Brother Dad]

When we go to WalMart I like to sit on the bench at the front of the store and watch how hilarious people can be. 

[Sis]

Guys like to browse. It just depends on what part of the store you're in. Stevebert heads right to the electronics department. When he's done, he browses at the cafe. Ours has a McDonald's.  Or he goes out to the car and grabbs a book and starts reading it. If he didn't bring a book, he reads the road atlas he got from the insurance guy. 

[RainbowJingles]

lol  Apparently the rest of the world at large wanted to know what a "code 3" at WalMart really was.  I googled it just to see what it was.

[TheGirl]

When I worked there (fairly recently) we worked on a color coded system 
so i'm a little curious myself

[Ashlee]

Yeah. As far as I know there really isn't such thing as a code three. We used color system too. But this joke is old, so maybe there was a code 3 before stores started going to super walmart. Where's Eric, he might know...

[Sis]

I think it's the funny part. There IS no code 3, so the clerk was as confused as those around her.

What IS the color code at Wallys world?

[RainbowJingles]

Code Red is fire.
Code Blue is bomb.
There are others, including one for a chemical spill and a handful of others.

Code Adam is a lost child.

[Ashlee]

Actual badge with the info

[RainbowJingles]

So the way to REALLY confuse a WalMart employee would probably be to walk up and say "there's a code purple..."  :-)

[Sis]

   All I know is if I hear blue or brown, I'm heading for the nearest exit!

[RainbowJingles]

And God forbid they call a code rainbow. 

[MelodyB]

I don't even wanna say what THAT would mean. Haha!

[samzup]

I dont hang around my husband in walmart! He has wayyyyyy too much fun.   One evening we were in the garden department. In summer time when they put out the pesticides and chemicals, something has a bad smell.  

Without thinking, I said, " It stinks in here". He rubbed his belly and said, " Yeah But I sure feel better".   Or he'll get over in the underwear department and yell out something like, " HEY BABY< You need some new drawers?!"  I can't get away from him fast enough.

Or one time we got up in the checkout counter where a bunch of people were and said, "Hey baby did you find the nose pickers?"

And one evening, he snuck up behind a walmart employee and SKONKED! (snort like a pig) She almost got in a hurry. Stripped her git gone gear.

[Sis]

And God forbid they call a code rainbow. 

Code Rainbow = There's a clown in the house!

Sam, there are times that I'm so glad Stevebert is a bit shy. I guess that's one of them. 

[samzup]

My husband is NOT shy. Anything that comes thru his notion to embarrass me, he always gets a good laugh.

One day we were in the shampoo isle. There are about 4 women in this isle looking for hair stuff.  And a walmart associate on top of a latter stocking things on a top shelf.  (I am standing near the latter). I saw some Rogaine for women there by the shampoo.  So without thinking...

I said, " I wonder if I should try that stuff cause I think I'm starting to get a little bitty bald spot on the top of my head". He comes back with a wise remark as to the reason.  ( I'll tell you if you ask me)

all of a sudden, bottles and boxes started falling off the top shelf. People clearing the isle! This girl nearly falls off the ladder.  I'm standing there thinking..... Some how, some way, some DAY I will get him back.  

[yosemite]

hahahahahahahahaLOL i've been found out!!! ok so i'm the wal-mart prankster gangster!!! i just love to have fun. sam is so humerous and easy going we just enjoy each other. really i cant be given all the credit here. she is somewhat a prankster too!!!! i dont know we just seem to feed off of each other that way. she'll start a sentence and i'll finish it or visa versa. without a dought she is my one and only and i'd be sadly misplaced without her.


ohhhh......we are expecting our letter from wal-mart just any day now. LOL

[samzup]

I Got Yer Letter Right Here!

[yosemite]

me native american you is wife "five horses" i say settle down! 

[taco_harvell]

me native american you is wife "five horses" i say settle down! 

Now that's funny!!!

[RainbowJingles]

Sam, If you and Yo ever visit Taco's stomping grounds, I think my advice would be:
do NOT go to Wal-Mart.