Everywhere I go, people (total strangers) walk up to me and share blonde jokes. Do I have Blonde Jokes written on my forehead???? Well, Let me see if ya'll can come up with something I havent already heard. lol
The last time I told a blond joke, I got put down. No more for me.
But let me say this, the blond jokes are for proxy locks and not natural blonds. The women/men who bleach their hair let some of the bleach get down into their hair folicles and it affects the brain. Natural blonds don't have that trouble. :rofl:
So youre saying that our brain was already effected and it didnt need the bleach?? lol :laughhard: I went to a fellowship meeting at another church two weeks ago. After church a whole bunch of them wanted to meet up at a restaurant so we went.
Over at another table, one of the young ladies in the group started to tell a blonde joke. I saw an older sis elbow her and said in a whisper, "SHHH that woman's got blonde hair! " I said, OH go ahead. Im used to it.
So the girl went on and told her blonde joke.
But I didnt get it. :-? :-\ :question: ???
Quote from: Mrs. Yosemite on June 01, 2008, 04:53:15 AM
So youre saying that our brain was already effected and it didnt need the bleach?? lol :laughhard: I went to a fellowship meeting at another church two weeks ago. After church a whole bunch of them wanted to meet up at a restaurant so we went.
Naaaaa! Saying that ONLY proxy locks are affected. The natural blonds are kinda normal.
Sis, what's "normal"?
If you do what everyone else is doing, and what's acceptable for the society you live in, you're normal, or you're hiding your real self.
Do you know why most blonde jokes are one liners? So men can understand them. :laughhard: :laughhard:
Logically, with that statement, we must therefore conclude that no blonde joke can be understood by a woman.
:grin:
Thats cause most cant remember the joke anyway, so when they try to tell it, NOBODY gets it! :biglaugh:
GIT IT???
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch with $600, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.'
A blond walks into a Doctors office and tells him, " I hurt everywhere doc".
He says "where exactly?"
She says " everywhere! watch!"
She touches her face and says "oww!"
Then touches her foot and says "oww!"
Then touches her arm and says "oww!"
So he examines her and says "You have a broken finger".
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes,
charter
a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The Brunette
team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top
level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great
time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the
Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear,
staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of
them
with white knuckles. the brunette asked, "What the world's going on up
here?
We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered...
"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!?!"
How do you keep a blonde busy?
Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to sort them alphabetically.
How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
What is the definition of Mass Confusion?
4 blondes at a 4-way STOP sign.
ok I better quit whileI am ahead lol
OK one more for all you starbucks fans lol
Blonde at Starbucks....
A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's
A "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.
So she peels it off and starts screaming,
"I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible.
The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?"
But the blonde keeps on screaming,
"I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!"
Finally, the manager comes over and says,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome
Because we didn't have that as a prize.
The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake.
I've won a motorhome!"
And she hands the ticket to the
Manager and HE reads...
"W I N A B A G E L"
Ha! Tricia I havent heard some of those. Those are pretty good. Sorry it took me so long to get back online. When we finally get back home, ya'll know who hAWGS the computer. I dont get to say anything much on here unless I catch him asleep. Gonna have to put some more sleeping pills in the mountain dew around here! :biglaugh:
Well, if it's real mountain dew, you won't need the sleeping pills! :laughhard:
There is no such thing as a blond joke!
You see, they are all true stories!
:couch:
hahahahahahaLOL :laughhard: :laughhard:
I know a few
A blonde was low on cash, so she decided to kidnap a child and hold it ransom, so she went to the park, grabbed a kid and wrote the ransom note, the note read: if you ever want to see your son again, put ten thousand dollars in a duffel bag and stuff in in the hollow of the oak tree at the park by tomorrow morning. signed, The Blonde Menace. But she didn't know where the kid lived, so she gave the note to the kid and told him to go home and to give it to his mum. The kid went home. THe blonde went to the oak tree the next morning anf found a duffel bag with ten thousand dollars in it and a note on top, the note read: How dare you ask ransom from another blonde!
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead found a magic mirror, the mirror told them, tell me something true and I'll grant one wish, but if you lie, I'll swallow you up.
The redhead went first and said, I think one of the other girls is prettier than me, the mirror said that was true so it granted her wish of a all-expense paid trip to the Bahamas.
The brunette went next and said, I think both the other girls are prettier than me, the mirror said that was true, so it granted her wish for a new, fully furished, paid off house.
On seeing the results for the other two, the blonde went up to the mirror and said I think, but before she could say any more the mirror swallowed her up
A blonde wearing earphones went to a hairdresser to get a hair cut and told the haridresser to cut around the earphones. The hairdresser did so and the blonde went her way after the haircut, a month later the same blonde came back and said the same thing, for the hairdresser to cut around the earphones, again the hairresser did and the blonde went her way after the haircut, a month afterwards the blonde came back and told the haridresser again to cut arounf the earphones, curious, the hairdresser took off the earphones and the blonde toppled over, dead. The ambulance and police came, the hairdresser explained what had happened, the police picked up the earphones and listened, it said breathe in, breathe out over and over
There was a tour bus going through Arizona and it went by a crater where a meteor had hit the earth. The bus driver was telling the passengers all about the crater and how big a hole it had made, and a blonde on the bus said, "It almost hit the highway."
HUH? I didn't "git it". <a href="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fwww.smileycentral.com%252F%253Fpartner%253DZSzeb008%255FZKxdm021YYUS%2526i%253D4%252F4%255F12%255F4%2526feat%253Dprof/page.html" target="_blank">(http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_12_4.gif)
I dont either, and I am not a blonde.
I got it. It was a more complicated joke. Apparently, the joke of it is that they created the road there for easier access to the crater later on, and she thought the road was already there. At least, that's from my perspective. I just didn't think it was that funny
lol
those r cute
i like the *i think* one
Another Blonde Joke
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and
was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her
purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it..'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you
can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might
think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked,
'What in the world are you doing? '
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.'
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,
'. ..And where do you think you're going?!'
She said, " I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark. "
:rofl:
So I was at the comedy club, and there sat the ventriloquist and on his knee was his puppet. He starts telling blonde jokes. When up stands this beautiful blonde woman mad as all get out. She yells, saying: "How dare you sit up there making fun of blonds. We have made great strides in technology. We are even employed by NASA, we fly jets, and there are a few of us who teach at colleges. So how dare you stereo type all blonde's to be dumb!!"
The ventriloquist bows his head and says: "I'm sorry miss, I didn't mean any.....
The blonde quickly interrupts him and says: "You be quiet! I'm talking to the little guy on your knee!!"
There were three women in a house. A brunette, a red head and a blonde. Suddenly the house catches fire and all the exits are blocked by the fire. The women climb to the Attic and shimmy to the roof. The fire department show up. They didn't have their blow up landing piece, so they found a bed sheet and pulled it tight. They yell at the brunette:
"JUMP IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BURN UP!!"
So the brunette jumps. Right before she hits the sheet they jerk it away from underneath her and she its the ground *thud* They pull her away and stretch it out again. They yell at the red head:
"JUMP IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BURN UP!!"
The red head says: "NO WAY. YOU'RE GOING TO PULL IT OUT FROM UNDERNEATH ME LIKE YOU DID HER!"
The fireman says: "NO, NO, NO...WE DON'T LIKE BRUNETTES, NOW JUMP BEFORE YOU BURN UP!"
The red head says to herself well I guess its better than being burnt alive. So she jumps, and like the brunette they jerk the sheet from underneath her and she its the ground *thud* they pull it tight again and tell the blonde to jump. The blonde says:
"NO WAY...YOU'RE GOING TO PULL IT OUT FROM UNDERNEATH ME LIKE YOU DID THEM!"
The fireman says: "NO, NO, NO...WE WONT THIS TIME. WE DON'T WANT YOU TO BURN UP. WE PROMISE WE WONT JERK IT AWAY FROM YOU!"
The blone replies: "NO WAY. PUT THE SHEET ON THE GROUND AND BACK AWAY!"
hahahahahaha
What do you get when you line 10 blondes up side by side?
a wind tunnel :P
Got this in an email today and thought I'd share. ;)\
The Pregnant Blonde
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I started jumping up and down along with her. She said, 'I have some really great news!' I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.' She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, 'That's great I couldn't
be happier for you!' Then she said, 'There's more' I asked, What do you mean there's more. She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!' Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said.... ;
(You're going to love this!)> *
'Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!
:groan:
Bump
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the days route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel, and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone crying and said, "I cant get out of the room." "You can't get out of your room? the captain asked. "why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here, she sobbed. One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says Do Not Disturb
A Blonde's Year in Review
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!
March
Got really excited......finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... Box said '2-4 years!'
April
Trapped on escalator for hours .... Power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of
Water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing........couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,
The other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... Car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ... Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911. 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR....
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and
Stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to
The mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her,
Is something wrong?'
To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'
'My stupid computer keeps saying ...
'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'
QuoteJune
Tried to go water skiing........couldn't find a lake with a slope.
There's always Niagara Falls!
QuoteOctober
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
And some of them are Ws, too!
(http://images.nliven.com/fb/getflair/pf_img/dee4203709e88f436462db8d4173e6f3a9c1f1d4.jpg)
OMW!!
Some of them are HILARIOUS!!
:rofl:
There were two blondes trying to repair an old house, and they were nailing new boards up on the outside, and one of them noticed the other one throwing some of the nails over her shoulder.
"Why are you doing that?" she asked.
The other one said, "the heads are on the wrong end."
The first one said, "You idiot, those are for the other side of the house."