Stories, testimonies, advice, prayer and encouragement.

[RandyWayne]

.....
Randy,
It's all very confusing to me. My mind cannot grasp him leaving. It's been lies and excuses. I know he's not happy. (And it's always easiest to blame someone else for your unhappiness.) He backslid several years ago. How can anyone be happy or satisfied without God? The man he is now is not the man he is when he's serving God. When he and I were first dating, almost every time I called him (he was staying with one of his sisters back then) he was either knocking doors with his pastor or reading his Bible or praying. And he was also a worshipper. This continued for awhile into our marriage.

He didn't really backslide/change until he started working for the company he's with now back in the summer of 2004. It was gradual, of course, as backsliding always is. But between being out of town for work all the time (which has become more frequent as the years have gone by), and missing church because of it, and the influence of his co-workers and boss on him (including sending him pornographic emails), it's all taken its toll on him.

As for me putting church before him, I wasn't going to church much myself from mid-2006 through early 2009. I went a handful of times a year. So there was definitely no putting church before him. (I often stayed home just so I could be with him. With him being gone all the time, when he would be home I wanted to be with him.) I almost never talked about God or church in those years. Though I didn't out and out backslide (my beliefs and my standards remained), I wasn't as close to God as I used to be or should've been.

I sometimes blame myself for my husband's spiritual condition. "If I had been serving God like I should've during those years, maybe he wouldn't have left me and maybe he'd be back in church himself." Though at the same time I realize that we are each responsible for our own salvation and our own decisions.

And as for his side of things, I only know what he's told me and I've shared that here. I agree that there are two sides, but I'm doing my best to be honest about things. (I'm no more interested in bashing the opposite sex or my husband than you or anyone else would be interested in reading it. I don't think I've done that here.) I'm no angel and I'm far from perfect. But what I most definitely am is sincere and in love with my husband and desperate for God to help us. And I came here with our story because I believe in the power of prayer and I want fellow saints of God to help me pray.

I want my husband saved and on his way to heaven. I want my kids to have the godly father they need. And I want my pain and loneliness and dark trial to end. Only God can make those things happen.

Thanks for your response.  While there are still two sides I sense that your being as honest and open as you can about the situation and respect you for it.  I also liked what you said about staying home from church to spend time with your husband!  I have seen far too many situation where 'church' (and not God) has become the most important thing in a woman's life at the expense of her husband -and God.  Also, you mentioned that he used to always be talking to his pastor/praying, etc.....  While I do not want to necessarily compare it to your situation I have made the oft observation that guys acting overly "religious" and spiritual has more to do with meeting women then actually being holy.  I was reminded of this recently when watching a video of Lee Stoneking that someone posted on another board (and a whole nuther topic!) and saw several younger college age men running back and forth at the alter area while he was talking.  It was immediately apparent that they were doing this for the sole benefit of the Lay-Dee's/Babes watching rather then true worship.  You could imagine Steve Erwin narrating the scene with his Australian accent "And now look how the males run band and forth saying 'look at me ladies!'".  This is another issue with me but I bring it up (partially because you did) to say that YOUNG men rarely act the same way in worship settings in a married state as when they were single.  This isn't a change that happens overnight (although sometimes it does) but rather takes years.

[Niki]

It's possible. What I do know for sure is that God hates divorce and tells men not to leave their wives. And I know without doubt that God doesn't want my husband to be doing what he's doing. I'm trying to trust God to work on my husband. I believe that God can help him to be the man He wants him to be.

I think I wrote before about how God brought my husband and I together. As much as we had in common and as easy as it was to talk to him and as much as we were attracted to each other, I wouldn't have married him if God had said "no".

I say to God sometimes, "You chose him for me. He was Your will for me. I will not give up on Your will."

I don't believe that it's ever God's will for people to disobey His word. I don't believe that He would choose my husband for me and then will for us to separate. He chose my husband for me knowing this was going to happen. I have to believe that He's going to work it out.

I'm not saying that I think you're saying that this is God's will. It's just something I thought about last night.

[nicolejoy]

Niki, I just read this - I'll be praying for you and for your family. I don't really have any words of advice or anything, other than saying I really admire your desire to love your husband and pray for him through all this. I know that in doing this, you're making yourself vulnerable and open to be hurt more. But you're also leaving the door open for him to come back, and for your love for God to be able to make a difference in your husband's life. Most people's reaction when they are hurt is to hurt back, to build walls, to try to prevent the same hurts from happening again. This isn't the reaction that God wants us to have though...

Stay strong in the Lord and let Him fulfill your needs.

*hugs*

[Niki]

Believe me, I've been tempted. Tempted to throw out everything of his that's still here. (Which is a lot.) Tempted to yell at him and call him names (without cussing, of course) and give him a piece of my mind. Tempted to say "forget him", let him go and let it be over.

But when I read the Bible, God tells me to love my husband (Titus 2). There are no conditions listed. It doesn't say, "Wives love your husbands, unless they leave you." God tells me to be submissive, no conditions attached. (Other than if he were to tell me to disobey God, of course.) God tells me to forgive, or He will not forgive my trespasses.


My role as a wife, mother and woman doesn't change just because my husband has left. God's commands for me don't change. I can't throw out and disobey the command to love my husband and be submissive to him just because he's being disobedient.

And it's not just because I'm commanded to love my husband and because God chose him for me that I love him. I've loved him for going on 16 years without ever thinking about those things. I can't just turn my love off. I don't know how not  to love him.

I told my husband all the time (and still do) that he's my one and only. I've never loved anyone else as much as I love him or given myself to anyone else but him. But when I was praying the other night I felt like God told me that I need to get my focus on Him. My thoughts and my prayer life have been completely centered on my husband. But what about my  spiritual condition? And what about all the others who need prayer?

Have you ever seen the movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman? (I know some don't watch movies, but let's not turn this into a movie/anti-movie thread.) The main character's husband kicks her out and moves his girlfriend (and mother of his children) in with him. The main character (Helen?) visits her mother at the nursing home or retirement community and she of course is sad about her husband. She tells her mother that he was her everything. Her mother says, "God should be your everything."

I've felt a little convicted. Not because I love my husband so much. I know that that pleases God. But because I lived more the past few years to please my husband than I did to please God. Everything I did I did it with my husband in mind. "Will he like this meal? Will he agree with this decision? Will he like this purchase? Will he be happy/pleased/proud of the work I've done in the house today? Will he even notice? What will my husband think about this or that?"

And really, none of those things are bad in themselves. It's good to want to please your husband. But I almost never thought about what would please God and what He would like and how He would feel. God was on the back burner, at best. And how on earth can you expect things to be good in your marriage or anything else in your life if God is not the center of it?

So when I prayed the other night and, as I said in an earlier post, my prayer suddenly changed and wasn't about my husband or our marriage anymore, I made a real connection with God. I turned the magnifying glass on myself (or perhaps it was God who did it) and saw that there were some things that needed to be gone. I repented of those things, I asked God to cleanse my mind and my heart of my bad attitude and of doubt. I asked Him to make me what He wants me to be. And I said "Yes" to Him. "Whatever You want to do with me and however You want to use me, I say yes."

I got more at church yesterday. "Take your hands off of it and let God do it."

Wow.

My husband was once full of the Holy Ghost. He's been baptized in Jesus' name. He's spent time in prayer and studying his Bible. He's worshipped God and heard His Word preached. God reached him before, He can reach him again.

Anyone who's ever backslidden knows that you can never really get completely away from God. You know too much about Him to be totally like those who have never known Him.

It's like that scripture in Psalms (138?) where David talks about God being wherever he goes. Part of it says something like "if I make my bed in hell, you are there". And so, among other things that I'm praying for my husband, I'm praying that wherever he goes and whatever he does, that God will be there. That my husband will see things and hear things that remind him of God. That songs he's heard at church and scripture and things he's heard preachers say will suddenly pop into his mind. That God will touch him and draw him back.

And I'm praying that bad influences and bad advice (if he's getting any, which I've suspected he is) will be removed from his life. That God will shut the mouths of those who may be telling him to do things that don't please God.

I'm praying that God will give my husband dreams and send people (or even angels) to him who will nudge him in the right direction. A kick in the pants would be good too.

Every night I pray Hosea 2:6-7, putting my husband's name in it. "Lord, hedge up his way with thorns. Any path he takes that leads him away from You, put up walls to block those paths. Anyone or anything he pursues outside of Your will, do not let him be able to overtake them. Anyone or anything he seeks after outside of Your will, do not let him be able to find them. And I pray that he finally says to himself, 'I will go and return to my God and to my wife, for then was it better for me than it is now.'"

I pray that he doesn't find any happiness or peace as long as he's not serving and obeying God. It would be a false happiness and a false peace anyway and wouldn't last.


This has been very hard for me, to say the least. I don't know if I ever told y'all, but I even had suicidal thoughts a few times. The pain and the heartbreak was so much that I didn't want to live anymore. I asked God to let me die. (Thank God for unanswered prayers, right?) I wanted to be free of it. But it wasn't just the thought of hell that kept me from killing myself. It was my kids. They need me now more than ever. And it would be the height of selfishness (even worse than my husband's selfishness), as well as stupidity, to kill myself.

Besides my mom, I am the only one my kids have who is serving God. And not only that, I am here and their father is not. Even if he were here, not only is he not serving God, he travels so much that he could never raise them on his own. It would just be a big ol' mess.


Anyway (I know this is really long), I have to believe that God is going to make things good again in my life. It reminds me of what my pastor preached about last night. That everything we could ever need is already available to us. And every solution to every problem we will ever have is already there. The problem I have is not unique. Other wives have had their husbands walk out on them. God has helped other woman before. He can help me. All I have to do is pray. Prayer doesn't create the solution. It brings the solution, which already exists, into our lives.

I just have to trust God, quit trying to fix it myself (which is hard when you feel like God is moving too slow) and pray. And of course, worship and serve God no matter what. Make Him the center of my life and believe that all things work together for good to them who love God and are the called according to His purpose.

~

[nicolejoy]

Another "promise" that you can hang on to is Genesis 50:20 "But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive." - that's one of my favourites for bad situations. God WILL bring good out of ANY situation, no matter how horrible. He may not always answer our prayers the way we want them answered, but He WILL hear us, and He WILL bring good out of it, even when we don't understand how...

[Niki]

Yes, it's me bugging y'all again. lol

My husband texted me tonight and said that he's going to come by on Wednesday to get our tax papers so that he can get the taxes done that day. I'm so nervous about him coming. The last time I saw him was Christmas day and as usual, he couldn't look at me. And would only speak to me (without looking at me) if I asked him a question.

I don't want things to be like that again. I'm begging God to make it so that my husband will look at me and smile and hopefully feel the love again. I want him to wish that he was still here when he sees me. I don't want the usual distance between us and the lack of emotion from him. It's just as painful as if he were saying hurtful things.

Please pray.

~

[RainbowJingles]

**HUGS** Niki

[Niki]

My husband has asked me to take care of the taxes, which means he won't be coming by. Not until he's ready to sign, of course. I guess he's still "around", but he might not be. I don't know.

Y'all keep praying. I'm not going to go into specifics (it really has nothing to do with my husband directly), but I really need some serious prayer. To say that I'm discouraged wouldn't begin to cover it.

[Melody]

Niki, we are praying!  You are not alone, we ARE beside you, behind you holding you up to God.  I prayed especially for you yesterday and this morning over your husband coming over.  Don't give up!  Your warring angel could be on his way to accomplish this work!

I saw this yesterday and thought of you sister.

Think about this: Frankincense and myrrh are both harvested from trees slashed or wounded to release its sap. The Bible uses trees symbolically to represent people. If I am a tree, is it my life's wounds that release the sap used to create the incense that mingles with my prayers before the Lord?

You do whatever you have to do to keep going.  Freefalling into the hands of God is the safest place you'll ever experience.

[Niki]

Okay, so there's a chance he might be home today. My son called him to talk to him and asked him when he was going to be home. I didn't talk to him, but from what I could hear from my son's end of the conversation, he might be home today. My son asked if they could play golf or go bowling.

Now, if he does come home, I would be surprised if he actually slept here. He'll probably tell the kids he has to leave for work. That's what he told them on Christmas day (the last time we saw him) when he left that evening instead of staying here.

I've had a very hard week emotionally and spiritually. I really don't want to go into it, but there were a lot of tears and, I'll admit, anger. I'm just so sick of this whole thing.

I told God that I don't want to spend the rest of my life (or even the rest of this month, for that matter) unloved, unwanted, and without the affection and companionship of my husband. I'd rather be dead than live my life alone. (Not that I want to die right now or anything. lol) I cried for awhile in the bed Thursday night, but then I got distracted by my physical pain and fell asleep wishing it would go away.

I haven't mentioned that, have I? Pain is something I live with everyday due to the many cysts in my ovaries. (My doctor told me they're "full of cysts".) This is because I have a condition called PCOS (for which there is no cure) that has really taken its toll. I feel like my body has turned against me.

Anyway, as I was saying, I hurt physically everyday. Sometimes one side, sometimes both sides. Sometimes constant pain, sometimes sharp pains that come and go. It can literally stop me in my tracks and nearly bring me to my knees sometimes.

It's only what I would call excruciating if a cyst bursts. It's happened a couple times and is probably the worst physical pain I've ever felt in my life. It can last anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or longer. The first time I was doubled over in pain for 2-3 days. (Ibuprofen did nothing to help.) The last time it happened, less than a week before Christmas, I was moaning and yelling and crying in pain for about 30 minutes. My son wanted to call 911 (he and my daughter were both a little scared), but there's nothing they can do. All that can be done is to wait it out.

If a cyst bursts, it can cause infection to get into your body and can cause internal bleeding. My real fear with the cysts is that they can become cancerous.

It would be bad enough to live my life alone, but to possibly also have to face cancer alone too? *sigh*

I pray every day not only for God to bring my husband home and save him, but to also heal my body. I'm sick of the pain and the other things happening to my body. I want it to end now. And I want this ordeal with my husband to end now. I'm sick to death of it all.


So please pray about today (I really want my husband to come home for good) and for my health. Thank you.

~

[Niki]

He didn't come home today. Something about the parts he was waiting for not arriving. I thought he was already on his way to this area last night. *sigh* I may have misunderstood.

I'm disappointed, though not surprised, but also a little relieved. Relieved because I was so nervous.

Continued prayers for me and my family are appreciated.

[SippinTea]

Niki, have you read the recent post in the devotion section from Yooper? The one about not hanging up on God when He has you on hold? I think you'd find encouragement there, if you haven't read it yet.

[Niki]

I hadn't read it before your post here.

I've been "on hold" for several months and I feel like others have "gone ahead" of me. lol

[RainbowJingles]

Unfortunately, God isn't like the airline phone numbers.  He doesn't promose answer our calls "in the order they are received."  He answers them in His time.

**HUGS** Niki

[Niki]

RJ,
Yep.


I was in my kitchen doing dishes a little bit ago (at 4:00 AM lol) and I had turned on the radio to listen to music while I cleaned, as I usually do. But then I felt like I should turn it off and talk to God. I felt like God told me something again while I was talking to Him that I felt like he had told me way back in July or August when this trial was really starting to rev up. (It had been a slow build up in May and June.)

"It's not about you."

My son and I were up late last night reading our Bibles. (My daughter was too tired to stay up as late as we did.) Before we actually read any scripture, I somehow got on the subject of Job. I told my son about the devil telling God to remove the hedge so that he can get to Job, etc., etc., and how that in the end Job didn't curse God and that God blessed Job greater than he had been blessed before. I also told him how that Job had said that even if God kills him, he will still trust Him.

Anyway, I then told him that when we go through a trial we have to hold on and trust that God is going to bring us through it and bless us.

My point being, it was a good frame of mind to be in when I was doing the dishes and then felt like I should turn off the radio. Does that make sense to y'all?

So it was as if when I was telling my son about going through a trial (I told him that I was going through a hard one right now where I needed God to do something for me) that God then wanted me to know that the trial isn't really about me.

Yes, obviously it's affecting me. And obviously God can and will and is working on me and teaching me things. But that it's really about my husband. That God is trying to do a work in my husband, but he is fighting God and running and resisting. I just have to be patient and hold on. Not give up on my husband, but pray for him and wait. And, of course, allow myself to be changed for the better.


Now, I'm 37 years old. I've been in this truth all my life. I've had the Holy Ghost for almost 27 years. I know all about not going by what you feel and being careful that what you're feeling or hearing isn't really just yourself, but actually is  from God. I know that what I've felt twice now could just be coming from my own mind. So I'm hoping God will confirm this somehow if it is from Him. Because it could be dangerous (spiritually and possibly for our relationship) to be wrong about something like this.

If this is from God, I feel like (there's that F word again lol) it might be easier for me to not be so panicky and afraid and tormented by it. And tormented is a word I've often used to describe how I've felt throughout this ordeal. It might be easier to be patient and allow God to do the work that needs to be done in my husband, while also doing a work in me.

~

[Niki]

God's been dealing with me and speaking to me a lot this past week. I think maybe more than He has been during this trial. I really can't think of how to put it into words, but it feels like there's been a change inside of me as far as how God is touching and speaking. (I'm really struggling to describe this.) It's like sunshine. lol I know that probably sounds corny, but that's the best word I could come up with.

One of the things I've felt like God has been telling me is that I need to worship Him. It's something I've done a few times while praying at home, but I feel like He wants me to do it at church. As in, dance. But just dancing at home has been hard enough for me. It's been very difficult for me to get past myself and past my pain to worship Him. Though I know I need to and should.

Last night my pastor taught on experiencing a defeat without being defeated. (He was all over my situation.) One of the many great and relevant things he talked about was praising and worshipping God to bring victory.

The scripture he preached from was Judges 1:1-2, 19. Judah (praise) led the army and they had victory until they saw iron chariots coming. They had victory until they saw something coming that they had never seen before and thought was too difficult for them to overcome, though God had warned them ahead of time that it was coming. If they had just trusted God they would've won.

Last night's message was God telling me again that I need to praise Him for the victory.

Late Monday night, I listened to the message Bro. Arnold preached at BOTT this year - An Anchor for the Soul. That message too was all over my situation. I wrote down some of the things he said and also typed them out here at Godplace in the Devotion area.

Sunday night, a visiting minister preached about going through a tough trial (one of the words he used that stood out to me was "suffering"; a word I've used many times to describe how I feel) and how it kicks up dust. Then the rain comes and settles the dust. He said that a rain is coming to refresh and deliver. I want so much for that rain to fall on my life.


So, what I feel like God has been telling me is:

Rain is coming.
He will bring me through.
Praise Him for the victory.

Among other things. He is on my side (though I don't mean by that that He is against my husband) and if God is for me, who can be against me? He will work it all out for my good. I have to believe that.

~

[Melody]

Go Niki, Go!  God is worthy, Bless Him!

[Niki]

I have a problem with praying. When I really  pray, I feel God strongly. That builds my faith and causes me to believe 100% that God is going to save my husband and bring him home soon.

So what's the problem? The problem is a day goes by, and then a week goes by, and my husband still isn't home. That causes my faith to crumble a little and I feel very disappointed and depressed. And then I don't want to pray again because I know my faith will be built up again and again I will believe with all my heart that God is going to do something. And I don't want to be disappointed again. That just hurts too much.

Somehow it's easier to wait on God without praying. lol Because then it's like I have sort of a basic faith and not this huge amount of faith and no high expectations that God is going to fix things soon.

At the same time, I know that I need to pray.


Now some of you might think that maybe, like most Americans, I want "instant gratification". But it's been about 9 months now of loneliness and having a broken heart. I want my husband.


I'm sorry if this makes me sound too needy. But I hope that y'all will pray for me and my husband.

~

[Sis]

It's good for you to be able to pour out your feelings, and if it's here, go ahead. I don't think anyone thinks badly of you for doing it.

I know there are those times that it's hard to pray. Keep your mind stayed on God, and he will hear those silent prayers and he knows the heartache you're going through.

[Melody]

prayer isn't about asking for the things you need/want, though that happens.  Prayer is about talking to God and keeping an intimate relationship with Him, Niki.  The only thing you accomplish by not praying is lessening your relationship with Jesus.  Don't punish Him because life is hard right now, don't punish yourself from breaking off that source of comfort in your deepest time of need.  If always praying and weeping about your marriage is putting a strain on your relationship with Jesus, then talk to Him about other things as well and focus instead on you and HIM, instead of you and your husband.  ?? 

Not knowing what you pray, I don't know how much that helps.  We don't base our relationship w/ Jesus however, on whether we are getting what we want, or on our relationships with others.  I have to love Jesus for who He is and not what He does or doesn't do, because really, that's how He loves me already.

[Sis]

My husband and I don't talk to each other 24/7. Sometimes we spend an evening not talking at all. But we still have a relationship, and it's a strong one. Sometimes you can be thinking about God and thinking about praise songs, or thinking about what he's done for you, without talking constantly. That's all I was saying.

[myhaloisintheshop]

When I was going through a difficult time in my marriage God spoke to me and said that I am quick to want to resolve issues when my relationship with my husband is broken...but what about when my relationship with Him isn't right?

I stopped praying for my marriage---I asked God to streagthen our walks with Him.  I asked for strength to walk through life without my husband if that is the decision he made.

God gave us all freewill and just because He blesses a union doesn't mean people don't make horrible decisions.  As desperately as I wanted my marriage to work--I needed to have the desire to live for God regardless of the situation or what it brought.

God did wonderful things in my life and restored not only my spirit but my marriage.

Nikki...i know the heartache and the desperate prayers--know Im praying for you.

[Niki]

Thank you.

[awilkes05]

Wow. I just read your story and I though I don't have any advice to offer I just want to say how impressed I am w/ the way you (w/ God's help) are handling this. You handle it so gracefully. I don't know that I could do that.I know you don't feel that way but let me tell ya, compared to the way that I think I would have responded, its graceful! Reading your story has made me see so much in myself. Things that needs changing.

I don't say that to make light of your situation nor do I glory in what you're going through for the sake of making me see myself. I tell you this so that you can add it to your testimony! In the end you will have a testimony of endurance and patience to name a few. You'll be able to testify about the faithfulness of God and really KNOW what you're talking about. Along w/ that u will be able to testify that your trial ministered to others and helped them in ways that you could never know!

I appreciate u sharing your story. You came here to tell your story so that you could receive help and ended up BEING a help.

I am most def praying for you sister! I have such a burden (burden, not pity. I know that's not what you're after) for your situation. I will pray for you w/ the mindset as if it were I going through this. It can't be easy. Just remember that just b/c you don't feel strong doesn't mean you're not. Hey, you're already stronger than you thought u were. Think about it. Had someone told you that u were gonna have to go through this before u went through it, do u really think that you'd think that you would  be where you are now? Or do u think that you'd figure you would have given up months ago? See? That just shows that God sees the "big picture". He knows. He cares. He sees. He's there. 

I look forward to the day that I can come and read that your husband has come back home and most importantly came back to God! I believe that he will be stronger than he was before all of this. Having been away from the church for a length of time has a way of making you want to hold onto it a bit tighter when yoiu finally make yourself back.

God bless you sister!

[Niki]

Thank you.

Your mention of strength reminds me of what I've been feeling. It's been an up and down trial for me. Some days I feel victorious, full of faith and strength. Other days I feel as weak as I've ever been and I feel like giving up. But then I pray and I don't feel like giving up anymore.

Lately I've been thinking, though I haven't actually said it to God yet (of course He knows), that I'd rather not get stronger or learn anything if I could be spared this trial. lol I'll probably look back on that and think how foolish I was for thinking that. But this is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my entire life. Harder than living with my abusive father (it probably helped that I got none of the physical abuse and relatively little of the mental abuse), harder than growing up "different", harder than being poor.

I've never been so heartbroken or cried so much in my life. Even now, nine months after this nightmare began, I still cry myself to sleep some nights.

Bro. Arnold said in his message "An Anchor for my Soul" that we have a greater testimony when God brings us through than when He brings us out. And that God wants us to experience rather than escape, and discover rather than be delivered.

As with preferring not to go through this even if it means learning something and getting stronger, I also often think that I'd rather not experience or discover anything if it gets me out of this trial and I'd rather not have a greater testimony if it means not going through this. Again, I'll probably look back (someday) and think differently.

Many times I've told God that I can't take it anymore. It's too dark, I'm too lonely and the pain is too great for me to bear. And yet, here I still am in this trial and still alive. Just how the heart can take so much pain and tearing into millions of tiny pieces and still keep beating, I do not know.


Anyway, you're right that it's help (i.e., prayer) that I'm after more than anything else by posting here. Prayer from those who are Holy Ghost-filled and know that God is a miracle-worker. That He can make a way where there is no way. I feel like I'm stumbling in the dark and I can't see the light at the end of this long, dark tunnel/trial, but I have to trust God. What other choice do I have? He's the only one who can fix things and make things right. If I give up on God, who else can I turn to?  No one.

~