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Started by Sis, December 20, 2008, 10:11:44 PM

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taco_harvell

Four-year-old Tucker Jones attended the vacation Bible school  at our church. The theme was "Discipleship and Saving Mother Earth." His mother, Trish Jones, asked Tucker what he had learned.

He immediately told her all bout "Jesus and the 12 recycles."
In love with RainbowJingles

http://lessonsintrust.blogspot.com/

taco_harvell

The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name.

They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."
In love with RainbowJingles

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taco_harvell

 
Tired after a day of hiking, a traveler stopped
at an inn run by a holy order. He went to the
dining room and ordered fish and chips. Perhaps
it was sheer exhaustion or perhaps they were
really good, but he decided that these were the
tastiest fish and chips he'd ever had. He
insisted on complimenting the chef.

He went into the kitchen, where he encountered
a man in a brown robe with a white rope belt,
clerical collar and bald on top standing over a
stove. He asked the man, "Are you the fish,
Friar?"

To which the man replied, "No, I'm the chip monk."
In love with RainbowJingles

http://lessonsintrust.blogspot.com/

taco_harvell

In our Anglican church  (the Catholic church
too), each service begins with a greeting.
The officiating clergyman says, "The Lord be
with you." The congregation used to respond
by saying, "And with thy spirit."

But with the modernizing of the liturgy, the
minister now says, "The Lord be with you," and
everyone responds with, "And also with you."

One Sunday a visiting bishop went to a church
where the sound system was known to be old and
unreliable. As he approached the microphone, he
tapped it several times and finally said,
"There's something wrong with this!"

Without hesitation, the whole congregation
answered faithfully, "And also with you."
In love with RainbowJingles

http://lessonsintrust.blogspot.com/

taco_harvell

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
In love with RainbowJingles

http://lessonsintrust.blogspot.com/

taco_harvell

As an English professor, my father would often write little notes
on student essays. Often he worked late, and as the hours passed,
his handwriting deteriorated. One day a student came to him after
class with an essay that had been returned. "Mr. McDonald," he said,
"I can't make out this comment you wrote on my paper." My father
took the paper and, after studying it, sheepishly replied, "It says
that you should write more legibly."
In love with RainbowJingles

http://lessonsintrust.blogspot.com/

taco_harvell

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.



As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent.  Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair.



Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too."
In love with RainbowJingles

http://lessonsintrust.blogspot.com/

sunlight

Quote from: taco_harvell on October 09, 2010, 04:34:02 PM
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.



As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent.  Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair.



Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too."

BOL! that is totally awesome!

and then what happened? what did he do?
  :attackhug: Be full of hugs!

SippinTea

"Not everything that is of God is easy." -Elona

"When you're wildly in love with someone, it changes everything." -F. Chan

"A real live hug anytime you want it is priceless." -Rachel

MelodyB

What were y'all doing in Panama City, Sam? :sadbounce:
Have you slapped that one dude from Indiana with a pie in the face today?
 

taco_harvell

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes sir," the clerk replied. "That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
In love with RainbowJingles

http://lessonsintrust.blogspot.com/

taco_harvell

"Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest."
In love with RainbowJingles

http://lessonsintrust.blogspot.com/

Sis


YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years..

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list

14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list


Lynx

Over at the clubhouse they tell about one guy who had bad eyesight and needed someone to spot where he hit the golf ball.  They paired him up with a 92 year old.  When he expressed misgivings about this match they assured him the elder golfer had eyes like a hawk.

So they got to the first hole and the nearsighted guy teed off.  The 92 year old stood staring off into the distance for a good minute before the myopic man finally asked him if he had seen where the ball went.  "Yup," said the old man, "I saw exactly where it went."

"Well, where is it?"

"I forgot."
"Do you sing at church?"
"Yes I sing at church, I sing at home, at work, in the car, at the supermarket, at Wal-Mart..."
:sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing:

Lynx

An Amish man awoke one night to hear a burglar prowling around his home.  He quietly got his shotgun, walked up behind the burglar and said, "Pardon me friend.  I wouldn't hurt you for the world, but you are standing right where I am about to shoot."
"Do you sing at church?"
"Yes I sing at church, I sing at home, at work, in the car, at the supermarket, at Wal-Mart..."
:sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing:

taco_harvell

A married couple was vacationing in Yosemite. The wife expressed her concern about camping because of bears and said she would feel more comfortable in a motel. The husband said that he'd like to camp. To calm her concerns, he suggested they talk to the park ranger to see what the likelihood of a bear encounter would be.

The ranger told them, "Well, we haven't seen any grizzlies in this area so far this year, or black bears, for that matter."

The wife shrieked, "There are TWO types of bears out here? How can you tell the difference? Which one is more dangerous?"

The ranger replied, "Well, that's easy -- see, if the bear chases you up a tree and it comes up after you, it's a BLACK bear. If it SHAKES the tree until you fall out, it's a grizzly."

( They said, the motel room was quite nice.)
In love with RainbowJingles

http://lessonsintrust.blogspot.com/

Lynx

One day when the husband was off at work, the kids off at school and the wife was cleaning house, a strange dog wandered in the front door.  He lay down beside the couch in the living room and went to sleep.  Two hours later he got up, strolled out the front door and wandered off.  The next day the same thing happened - the dog came in, took a nap for a couple of hours and left. 

The third day the lady of the house wrote a note and stuck it under the dog's collar.  It read, "In case you're wondering where your dog is, he comes to our house and takes a nap every day.  We don't mind, but I wanted you to know where he is."

The fourth day the dog came back, with a reply tucked under his collar.  It read, "This dog lives in a house with four kids, three of which are below school age.  He is trying to catch up on his sleep.  May I come over with him tomorrow?"
"Do you sing at church?"
"Yes I sing at church, I sing at home, at work, in the car, at the supermarket, at Wal-Mart..."
:sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing:

Lynx

The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician's office included the line item "Behavior modification reinforcers."

Alarmed that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the physician's office to inquire, "What on earth are behavior modification reinforcers?"

"Lollipops," was the reply.
"Do you sing at church?"
"Yes I sing at church, I sing at home, at work, in the car, at the supermarket, at Wal-Mart..."
:sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing:

Lynx

One night at an economy motel, a businessman ordered a 6am wake-up call. The next morning he awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call."

Annoyed, the businessman let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6am!" he complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?"

"Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel!"
"Do you sing at church?"
"Yes I sing at church, I sing at home, at work, in the car, at the supermarket, at Wal-Mart..."
:sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing:

Lynx

It's said that Abraham Lincoln once sized up the case of a prospective client as follows:

"You have a good case, technically, but in terms of justice and equity, it's got problems. So you'll have to look for another lawyer to handle the case, because the whole time I'd be up there talking to the jury, I'd be thinking, 'Lincoln, you're a liar!' and I might just forget myself and say it out loud."
"Do you sing at church?"
"Yes I sing at church, I sing at home, at work, in the car, at the supermarket, at Wal-Mart..."
:sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing:

taco_harvell

When you write copy, you own the right of copyright to the copy you write, if the copy is right. If, however, your copy falls over, you must right your copy. If you write religious services, you write rite, and own the right of copyright to the rite you write.

Conservatives write Right copy, and own the right of copyright, to the Right copy they write. A right-wing cleric would write Right rite, and owns the right of copyright to the Right rite he has the right to write. His editor has the job of making the Right rite copy right before the copyright can be right.

Should Reverend Jim Wright decide to write Right rite, then Wright would write right rite, to which Wright has the right of copyright. Duplicating his rite would be to copy Wright's Right rite, and violate copyright, to which Wright would have the right to right.

Right?
In love with RainbowJingles

http://lessonsintrust.blogspot.com/

Lynx

"Do you sing at church?"
"Yes I sing at church, I sing at home, at work, in the car, at the supermarket, at Wal-Mart..."
:sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing: :sing:

taco_harvell

Gift of Helps

Several women were visiting elderly Mrs. Diamond who was very ill. After a while, they rose to leave and told her, "Esther, we will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said. "I can do my own praying."
In love with RainbowJingles

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taco_harvell

True Story from Duane Garren's Facebook page

Most of you know we have 4 year old twins, (Andy & Allie) and a 3 year old, (Macy). They're 14 months apart in age. There is never a dull moment at our house! Allie said, "Dad, how many kids will I have?" to which I said, "It depends on what God has in store." She said, "HE has a store?!!"
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taco_harvell

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?" She said, "Because everybody else always finishes their prayers by saying 'All Men!'"
In love with RainbowJingles

http://lessonsintrust.blogspot.com/