Simple English?

[Q-tip]

From my E-mail...While this has been around a few times, it is still a good reminder about the simplicity of the English language :wink:

Subject: Why is English difficult???
Makes Spanish look like a breeze! (Now Press One for English.....)

This is very clever! No wonder people who are trying to learn English become so confused - I guess we just take it for granted as we grow up with learning the idiosyncrasies of the English language. Have fun reading through it.

Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert after dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present ..
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indixes? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital, ship by truck and send cargo by ship, have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill-in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick?




More...........................................................................................



The verbs in English are a fright.
How can we learn to read and write?
Today we speak, but first we spoke,
Some faucets leak, but never loke.
Today we write, but first we wrote,
We bite our tongues, but we never bote.

Each day I teach, for years i taught,
And preachers preach, but they never praught.
This tale I tell, this tale I told,
I smell the flowers, but I never smold.

If knights still slay, as once they slew,
Then do we play as once we plew?
If I still do as once I did,
Then do cows moo as once they mid?

I love to win, and games I've won,
I seldom sin and never son.
I hate to lose, and games I lost,
I didn't choose and never chost.

I love to sing, and songs I sang,
I fling a ball, but never flang.
I strike the ball, that ball I struck,
This poem like, but never luck.

[Sis]

This is very clever! No wonder people who are trying to learn English become so confused

It doesn't help when Americans, even trained public speakers, mispronounce half the words they say. I'm going to write something about the missing "T" in our language. See how many times the T is either gone over with a glottal stop, or another letter, usually D is substituted for it.

I still can't see how people can get the shortened word "vet" from the word vedernarian.

[rootbeer]

Vedernarian?

[Sis]

That's the way most people pronounce it. Ved er nar ian

[Ashlee]

I hate the English language.  It would be much easier if everyone "spoke" in ASL.  How's that Mel?  ASL and ""s.  lol

[Sis]

Well then, I wouldn't be able to speak at all! I could only wave HELLO!

[Nerd]

I hate the English language.

I love it. Ah'm flewent. 

[MelodyB]

I hate the English language.  It would be much easier if everyone "spoke" in ASL.  How's that Mel?  ASL and ""s.  lol

Ash.

I agree! Try conveying some of those things to the Deaf! (Not that I have much experience in that) But I do have the concept of ASL down. It is actually much easier to understand than English, some might not thinks so, but thats because you speak English and you know it well. Some of the English idioms are horrendous!

[Q-tip]

It doesn't help when Americans, even trained public speakers, mispronounce half the words they say. I'm going to write something about the missing "T" in our language. See how many times the T is either gone over with a glottal stop, or another letter, usually D is substituted for it.

I know someone who apparently has something against the letter "L", especially when it follows "o".  The L is always silent...

pole  =  poe

cold  =  code

hold  =  hode

roll    =  roe

and somehow cereal  =  cereo

[Mrs. Yosemite]

ya'll giving me a brain freeze.  OWWW 

[Sis]

I hate the English language.

I love it. Ah'm flewent. 

You certainly are! 

It doesn't help when Americans, even trained public speakers, mispronounce half the words they say. I'm going to write something about the missing "T" in our language. See how many times the T is either gone over with a glottal stop, or another letter, usually D is substituted for it.

I know someone who apparently has something against the letter "L", especially when it follows "o".  The L is always silent...

pole  =  poe

cold  =  code

hold  =  hode

roll    =  roe

and somehow cereal  =  cereo

Sounds like me right now. I have a stuffed up nose! 

[Ashlee]

Well then, I wouldn't be able to speak at all! I could only wave HELLO!

That's more than most people could do.

[Sis]

Well then, I wouldn't be able to speak at all! I could only wave HELLO!

That's more than most people could do.