Opinions about marriage

[World Traveler]

A favorite quote from "Sleepless in Seattle":

"Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match."


My opinion: Marriage is meant to complement a person's life, not to complicate it. It is a business merger between two people. If the merger/marriage isn't going to make your life better, then don't do it.

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

A favorite quote from "Sleepless in Seattle":

"Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match."


My opinion: Marriage is meant to complement a person's life, not to complicate it. It is a business merger between two people. If the merger/marriage isn't going to make your life better, then don't do it.

LOL

[upcchris]

eerily enough, as mercenary as it sounds; I also think of marriage as a business merger. For a successful business merger, both parties need to benefit from the merger and need to come to an agreement beforehand as to what would be expected of both parties as part of the merger and what both parties could bring to the table that would make the merger successful.

It sounds mercenary because affection/love in a business merger is not only a non-issue, but would be detrimental to good business. I can just imagine a marriage contract like a business merger, one party asks 'do you love me?' and the other party responding - genuinely confused 'what's that got to do with anything?'     

[The Cold Water Kid]

I see marriage as a business contract too, but from more of a one-sided perspective. I view acquiring a wife like acquiring a car. The question is usually not which one do you want, most men usually want the same narrow list of features, so much as what is your price range. The more money you bring to the table, the nicer the model you'll take home. It sounds cynical, but look at the Old Testament. Even evil men who had money/ power usually had great wives; great both in inner and outer beauty.

[SippinTea]

Wow.

Just.

Wow.

[Scott]

*sits back watching the single guys dig a hole*

[Babs]

Wow.

Just.

Wow.

*sits back watching the single guys dig a hole*

what they said 

[The Cold Water Kid]

*sits back watching the single guys dig a hole*

I admit it sounds a little shocking on the surface, but let it soak in and it makes sense.

[SippinTea]

ROFL!! Oh, it makes sense. Perfect sense.

Perfect sense why some men stay single for a very, very long time.

[Babs]

thats what i was thinking lol

[The Cold Water Kid]

ROFL!! Oh, it makes sense. Perfect sense.

Perfect sense why some men stay single for a very, very long time.

lol, OK that was funny, and yet very true. But getting what you want is worth the wait, yes?

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

ROFL!! Oh, it makes sense. Perfect sense.

Perfect sense why some men stay single for a very, very long time.

I guess I am in the minority... I don't think that way... LOL. So no hole for me to fall in this time...lol


And as far as this goes...

I see marriage as a business contract too, but from more of a one-sided perspective. I view acquiring a wife like acquiring a car. The question is usually not which one do you want, most men usually want the same narrow list of features, so much as what is your price range. The more money you bring to the table, the nicer the model you'll take home. It sounds cynical, but look at the Old Testament. Even evil men who had money/ power usually had great wives; great both in inner and outer beauty.

CWK- Your car analogy sits as very wrong in my thoughts. But perhaps it is 'cause I have heard it used in a similar way for when people shack up before getting married... only they go into more details than you did, which I will not explain on here... lol, but it is the same type of analogy... dealing with all the things one does before buying a car...  

Perhaps there is a better analogy to use?  So as not to make the Apostolic Ladies feel like a piece of property...?

Back in the day... 45 camels might have been a good price for a bride... now... not many people have a use for 45 camels... lol  

*Yoop wonders if we should reinstate the dowry...*   :grin:

[Babs]

* Just Plain Ole Barb thinks if marriage is just a business venture, no wonder its so easy to divorce when business is done. 

[SippinTea]

* Just Plain Ole Barb thinks if marriage is just a business venture, no wonder its so easy to divorce when business is done. 

SCORE!!

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

* Just Plain Ole Barb thinks if marriage is just a business venture, no wonder its so easy to divorce when business is done.  

:like:

And... if it is like buying a car... And most people do not buy a car and keep it forever, most keep them for 3-7 yrs... so can a guy just sell his wife after 3 yrs?  Kinda wierd...

Nope... I am thinking a marriage... is a covenant... a binding covenant... both should enter into willingly, and prayerfully, realizing that God meant it to be 1 man, 1 woman for a lifetime. Entering into marriage with thoughts that it will end differently than that, probably means you shouldn't be marrying that person. But then my parents got divorced when I was young, so my views on divorce may be a little stronger than some.

[The Cold Water Kid]

* Just Plain Ole Barb thinks if marriage is just a business venture, no wonder its so easy to divorce when business is done.  

Actually, the opposite is true. People today often marry based solely on feelings, on love; when the love wanes they call it quits. Society would be better served if marriage was once again viewed as a binding contract, but today it's all about individual interests. An interesting book has been written on the history of "marrying for love", but I can't remember the title...

[The Cold Water Kid]

And... if it is like buying a car... And most people do not buy a car and keep it forever, most keep them for 3-7 yrs... so can a guy just sell his wife after 3 yrs?  Kinda wierd...

Nothing weird about it. What your describing is wicked, no question, but in an apostolic forum we can kind of assume no one is advocating shacking up or divorce. To do otherwise would just be a strawman argument.

45 camels might have been a good price for a bride... now... not many people have a use for 45 camels... lol  
*Yoop wonders if we should reinstate the dowry...*   :grin:

It's true, 45 camels won't get you far in today's economy, but you bring 45 million dollars to the table and... well... have you seen Donald Trump's wife? Granted, she isn't Godly, but the same principles apply in the church enough of the time to call it a general rule, IMO of course. If you have money/ power/ prestige you will catch the eye of the most eligible young women... that's just how it works most of the time. Personally, I see nothing wrong with it; it pays to be sensible in life.

[SippinTea]

I told myself I wasn't going to rant in here, but I changed my mind. Here goes...

* Just Plain Ole Barb thinks if marriage is just a business venture, no wonder its so easy to divorce when business is done.  

Actually, the opposite is true. People today marry based solely on feelings, on love; when the love wanes they call it quits. Society would be better served if marriage was once again viewed as a binding contract, but today it's all about individual interests. An interesting book has been written on the history of "marrying for love", but I can't remember the title...

Ah, but here is the core of where your theories are the most wrong, CWK.

Love never wanes. Lust does. Infatuation does. But love never does. And if you disagree with that, you can take it up with God Himself - not me.

And people who marry based entirely on their feelings are not basing their choice on love - regardless of what they SAY about it. Love is not a feeling. It's an action.

Yes, we all like the feelings of love. After all, being twitterpated is fun. But marrying someone based on twitterpation is just as foolish as marrying someone because it would make a good "business partnership". *gag*

I've seen far more of these so-called business partnership marriages than I ever wanted to see. And they've ALL shown me over and over again just how lonely and miserable married people can be when they marry for the wrong reasons. It makes me incredibly sad that some people set their sites so low for something that is supposed to be a beautiful picture of Christ and His bride.

And yes, it's something I feel strongly about. Perhaps it stems from being in ministry for so many years. But the older I get, the more I work with people, the more stories I hear, the more I realize how we have horribly twisted something that is supposed to be a thing of beauty... of forgiveness, of unselfishness, of giving, of trusting, of respect, of working together, of preferring each other's needs over our own, of love - REAL love - the action, not the feelings.

Perhaps this thread is hitting even closer to home because of a situation I was dealing with just a few days ago... they married with one of those business partnership types of agreements. Now it's years into the marriage... now she's a Christian, now he's not... he tells her that if she "gets fat" he will leave her (she's one of the tiniest women I know)... he forbids her to become "too involved" in her church, because she's getting "weird"... he won't let her work because he doesn't want her tied down with a job when he wants to go on one of their spontaneous trips to far-off places... but he refuses to let her go see her daughter in another state because it's "his money".

Another couple... they've been married for around 30 years if I remember right... another business partnership marriage... he has his bank accounts and she has hers... they both work full-time, they split up the bills to pay - sort of... they hardly ever see each other because of how often he is out of town with work... they're both horribly lonely and seem clueless how to fix that... and the things that they used to do together (in this so-called business partnership) are now the things that are driving them apart.

Both of these marriages are based on "what I can get out of it". After all, that's what a business partnership IS. It's what you can do for me. It's how you can better my business, my life, my circumstances, my resources, etc. And when that partnership is no longer giving me what I want out of it, or what I think I need out of it, I leave. I go on to the next business partnership that will benefit me. Until it stops benefiting me, and then I'm off again.

You can choose that kind of marriage if you like.

I don't want it.

And I refuse to have one.

Fortunately for me, my man feels the same way. Maybe there's a reason we're happy when we're together??

~Ruby

P.S. - Vince, this post is not aimed at you in any way. I've known you long enough to know this isn't what you were talking about when you started this thread.

[Babs]

  Ruby!

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

:like: @ Ruby's Post...

[Babs]

* Just Plain Ole Barb thinks GP seriously needs a :like: button or smiley lol

[Niki]

Nope... I am thinking a marriage... is a covenant... a binding covenant... both should enter into willingly, and prayerfully, realizing that God meant it to be 1 man, 1 woman for a lifetime. Entering into marriage with thoughts that it will end differently than that, probably means you shouldn't be marrying that person.

Amen. Marriage is a covenant. And surely y'all know what the Bible says about covenantbreakers.

Ruby,
Well said. God has commanded husbands to love their wives and wives to love their husbands.

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

* Just Plain Ole Barb thinks GP seriously needs a :like: button or smiley lol

I like that one... now if it was just a guy smiley, I'd keep using it! 

[Babs]

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

Haha... love it