95%

[Kyle]

I really don't post in here much, because I really don't have a desire to read this particular forum board in GP very much, however, over the course of recent events I do want to throw a topic onto the table.

Priorities.

What I mean by this is that for example, 95% of the college age girls in my college group have no plans for the future.  They are all either hitting 20 this year or are past 20.  The 5% of the them that do have plans are going to college, working through college, have cars, and have their lives together.  I wish the other 95% would realize this.  Some of them seem perfectly happy to work dead end jobs, have no vehicle, and be told by their parents what to do all the time.

I do like some of these girls in the 95% group, but I can never see anything serious happening at because they absolutely have no idea what they want to do and don't care.  I have been called shallow in my thinking, but I only want to date girls who have a plan in their lives and have it together in some form or fashion.  Is this so wrong to want?  I don't care if the girl is beautiful beyond belief, I wouldn't date her if she didn't have a plan in her life.  This same plan I think should apply for girls who date guys.  I know to many girls who date guys who don't care about their life at all.

Thougts, Comments?

[World Traveler]

Where did you obtain this information?

I would like to be able to access it. As a teacher, I think this would be good information that I could use to maybe instill some motivation in some of my kids. But I do need some kind of factual documentation I can fall back on to support what I am saying.

[Sis]

Most young people don't know what they want to do with themselves until they're really out in the real world, after college. They haven't had any real experiences in life so they aren't sure just WHAT it is they want to do. Can't blame them.

And as for living at home and their parents "Telling them what to do,"  if my kid is living in my house they go by my rules. If they don't like my rules, they can get their own apartment and make their own rules. Besides, even after they move out, they ask parents for direction and advice, sometimes. What, exactly is so wrong with that?  Maybe they know it's cheaper to live at home and do their studying and will worry about real life when school is over. Most of those who stay at home do better in school, and are part of more extra activities.

[Kyle]

Most young people don't know what they want to do with themselves until they're really out in the real world, after college. They haven't had any real experiences in life so they aren't sure just WHAT it is they want to do. Can't blame them.

And as for living at home and their parents "Telling them what to do,"  if my kid is living in my house they go by my rules. If they don't like my rules, they can get their own apartment and make their own rules. Besides, even after they move out, they ask parents for direction and advice, sometimes. What, exactly is so wrong with that?  Maybe they know it's cheaper to live at home and do their studying and will worry about real life when school is over. Most of those who stay at home do better in school, and are part of more extra activities.

Sis,

We are on a different page I believe.  I live at home while in college, so I do what my parents ask me, most of the time, but at the same time, my parents understand that I have a life and they don't interfere in it at all unless they feel like they need to for a reason, which is hardly ever.  I agree with you on the things about living at home cause that is what I am doing right now.

However, it appears to me that there are a lot of kids, especially church kids, that don't have a desire to do anything at all.  I remember one dude told me that he didn't care that he didn't have a good job, no car, and no place to stay really, as long as he had a girlfriend he was doing ok. 

Translation = I'm good as long as I got a girlfriend to support me!

That is what makes me upset, people using other people for the advantage of having someone who will support them and never go out and get a life of their own.

[Sis]

Ok! on the same page now.   

There ARE a lot of lazy kids out there. A lot of it comes from the ME generation and the overprotectiveness of some parents. If you don't let a kid play on their own, and explore their world, they become lazy and want everything done for them. That may mean some cuts and bruises along the way, but that's what exploring your world is about.

The TV generation has been lulled into believing entertainment should come to them. All they should have to do is sit and compute, or watch TV and be entertained. Many of us from the previous generation made our own fun, played games, fought for territory and learned about the world around us on our own. 

Little league, for example, can be fun, but the days of kids playing ball by themselves in a vacant lot, making their own rules, learning about compromise is much better for development of an independent person than a program where the adults run everything and tell the kids what the rules are.

There's more to it, but that's all for now. *pant pant* Running outa breath.

[Rae]

Do you really expect most twenty year olds to have it all together?

[Kyle]

Do you really expect most twenty year olds to have it all together?

Believe it or not Rae, I would expect most of them would have some idea where they are going.  The longer you put off something, the less of a chance you have doing it, ever.  That same rule applies to everything in life, and an age is no excuse for not having some kind of plan, even if it's just a rough draft.  To many kids are growing up and expecting that everything is handed to them.

We live in a world like Sis said where kids are not allowed to be kids, they are forced to become adults at extremely early ages.  Some not by choice yes, but a lot of parents are not helping the issue with kids.

I see nothing wrong in wanting to date a girl who has an idea of what she is going to do with her life.  I do not want to be with someone who doesn't care about their life.

[Sis]

I've worked with some of these young people, and they are just plain lazy. Actually, they don't even have marriage as a goal, like in the past.

I used to marvel at those kids in my graduating class, who knew which direction they wanted to go when they were sophomores in HIGH SCHOOL.  They had to so they could plan their college classes accordingly. Some changed while in college, but they had SOME KIND of direction.

[sunlight]

What if the Gals who have a life don't want to date? :grin:

* sunlight stirs the pot...

[SippinTea]

You go, Girl!!

"You won't have to change your pace." Hmmm... that sounds vaguely familiar.

[Sis]

What if the Gals who have a life don't want to date? :grin:

* sunlight stirs the pot...

I think that's his problem!   

[Kyle]

Kyle,

   You don't seem to have a very high opinion of single women, in general.


John

John,

I would like to know where I said I don't have a high opinion of single women.  My best friend is single and has her life together, and another of my good friends who is a girl is single and has her life together, so I would appreciate it if you didn't make accusations you don't have a basis for.  I don't think you would want to date someone who didn't have at least a clue about what they want to do with their lives.

My point of this entire topic was the fact that a lot of single girls and guys don't have an idea of what they want to do with their life and when you ask them about it, they are just all carefree and what not.  I was brought up to have an idea of what I want to do with my life.  A lot of kids don't have this or if they do, they ignore it.  They have had everything handed to them, and don't know how to work for anything.  They don't own cars cause they don't want to pay the bills for it yet they want a ride everywhere.  They don't want a job cause it forces them to work and miss their social time, but they want people to pay for them to go out to eat.  I see this happen all the time at my church with the kids, both girls and guys alike.

Jill:  My friend you will always be single since I never hear of you having a boyfriend   Oh yeah I got a new phone and need your number again please.

Again, before you go making accusations, please have a basis for it.

[Newsman]

My apology, Kyle, and I will delete my previous post.


John

[sunlight]

My point of this entire topic was the fact that a lot of single girls and guys don't have an idea of what they want to do with their life and when you ask them about it, they are just all carefree and what not.  I was brought up to have an idea of what I want to do with my life.  A lot of kids don't have this or if they do, they ignore it.  They have had everything handed to them, and don't know how to work for anything.  They don't own cars cause they don't want to pay the bills for it yet they want a ride everywhere.  They don't want a job cause it forces them to work and miss their social time, but they want people to pay for them to go out to eat.  I see this happen all the time at my church with the kids, both girls and guys alike.

Jill:  My friend you will always be single since I never hear of you having a boyfriend   Oh yeah I got a new phone and need your number again please.

Again, before you go making accusations, please have a basis for it.

Ohh really now...

:grin:

BTW... I have an idea of what i want to do with my life, and I honestly feel like I am doing it... :grin:

[Sis]

That's a great idea then. 

[sunlight]

Jill:  My friend you will always be single since I never hear of you having a boyfriend   Oh yeah I got a new phone and need your number again please.

Again, before you go making accusations, please have a basis for it.

hehe... I  just had to quote those last 2 lines again... they are really funny to me for some reason...

[apsurf]

What if the Gals who have a life don't want to date? :grin:

* sunlight stirs the pot...

But could it be that most of those are not addicted to Godplace or at least the internet!!!

But either way...their loss- not mine.

[almondjoy]

Jill:  My friend you will always be single since I never hear of you having a boyfriend   Oh yeah I got a new phone and need your number again please.

Again, before you go making accusations, please have a basis for it.

hehe... I  just had to quote those last 2 lines again... they are really funny to me for some reason...

]

I wonder why.   

[The Purple Fuzzy]

[noodle]

At the age of twenty, some got it together and some don't. Their upbringing plays a vital role. Also, it may be the fact that they are women plays a role as well. They may be going to college to find a man like you that can offer them a sense of security.

[SippinTea]

Speaking as woman.... I don't know of _any_ woman who has 'got it together' at age 20. But that doesn't mean they're evil, awful, horrible people. It means they're growing, and changing (hopefully for the better).

And sorry, Kyle, but I have to agree with what John originally posted (and has now deleted). You don't seem to have a very high opinion of women, and sometimes your posts do come across as an attack against females. I'm not easily offended, and I don't take your posts personally, but I could easily see where some women would be hurt by your tone. *shrug* My two cents from a female brain.

[Kyle]

Speaking as woman.... I don't know of _any_ woman who has 'got it together' at age 20. But that doesn't mean they're evil, awful, horrible people. It means they're growing, and changing (hopefully for the better).

And sorry, Kyle, but I have to agree with what John originally posted (and has now deleted). You don't seem to have a very high opinion of women, and sometimes your posts do come across as an attack against females. I'm not easily offended, and I don't take your posts personally, but I could easily see where some women would be hurt by your tone. *shrug* My two cents from a female brain.

*sighs*

How many times do I have to say I have a high opinion of women, I just don't want to date a girl who doesn't a sense of where their life is going.  I no where said I disrespect, disvalue, or have a low opinion of women.  I'm sorry people take my statement of wanting to date a girl who has their life together (or at least an idea of what they want to do with their lives) as an attack against women.  I would think you girls would have the same view on guys.

I explained this very issue to my best friend and she even agreed with me that it's OK to want to date a girl who has something going in their life.  If someone gets offended by my tone, then I am sorry, but it was something that frustrated me, you all seem to think I am attacking women based on my statement.  I am not, so please try not to get offended.

Sis seems to get what I am getting at, why can't the rest of you?

[Ashlee]

I'll be 22 soon. I don't have my life together.  In fact, I have no idea where I'm going.  I'm just living it day to day right now and being thankful that I've made it through another one.  So, I can relate to the 95%.

I can also relate to you however, because when I look for someone, I look for someone who "has it all together".  Someone who has a job, may has some college behind them or is currently attending.  Someone with a "future".  However, at the same time, I look for that because I want stability.  That's something that I have lacked in my life thus far.  (Don't get me wrong though, I'm not a moocher.  I am very financially stable, and don't get involved in things I can afford.  I am independent almost to a fault.) So yeah, I am the 95%, but I also understand where you're coming from.  Not really offended, but wish you would see their point of view as well.

To answer your question.  You're not wrong to want what you want.   you're not wrong to want someone stable.

[Kyle]

I'll be 22 soon. I don't have my life together.  In fact, I have no idea where I'm going.  I'm just living it day to day right now and being thankful that I've made it through another one.  So, I can relate to the 95%.

I can also relate to you however, because when I look for someone, I look for someone who "has it all together".  Someone who has a job, may has some college behind them or is currently attending.  Someone with a "future".  However, at the same time, I look for that because I want stability.  That's something that I have lacked in my life thus far.  (Don't get me wrong though, I'm not a moocher.  I am very financially stable, and don't get involved in things I can afford.  I am independent almost to a fault.) So yeah, I am the 95%, but I also understand where you're coming from.  Not really offended, but wish you would see their point of view as well.

To answer your question.  You're not wrong to want what you want.   you're not wrong to want someone stable.

I see their point of view, because I've listened to many of my friends both guys and girls, talk about their lives going no where.  What frustrates me is when a person has the opportunity to change their life, but will not take that step because it makes them less dependent on others.

[Ashlee]

I understand that entirely.  That frustrates me as well.  However, I've seen that more, in this area, in males strangely. Although, there are plenty of females doing the same thing.