Ages and relationships *Updated 8-20-9*

[RainbowJingles]

So approximately how many people were actually in favor of the marriage (not counting your Mom and Dad)?

[Sis]

Holy cow....your momma took him right out of the cradle....   

She had the right stuff to attract a younger guy. She must have been some looker, or was extremely nice.

[Classicrambler]

Or an extremely good cook. 

[B]

So approximately how many people were actually in favor of the marriage (not counting your Mom and Dad)?

I'm not really sure. I know my dad's parents weren't happy about it at all, and stayed that way until after I was born. Mom says I fixed everything when I showed up. lol

B

[Classicrambler]

They ("they" being one Apostolic psych-guy...can't remember his actual doctorate. lol) actually say that it's best to get married sometime before the age of 24. Supposedly, after that, people are pretty much set in their ways and don't like/want to deal with change (which obviously occurs when you get married).

The problem is, we should never ever get 'set in our ways'... how are we supposed to grow if we do? Christians aren't supposed to stagnate.

As for a marrying age, I would guess it is different for everyone. At this time, I've seen no evidence to indicate that getting married would be an improvement over my current state, so I'm quite happy to busy myself with all the things that keep me busy.

[Sis]

It's like I said. People tend to focus on what they don't have and don't take the time to enjoy what they have. I guess that's why God reminded us to be content in whatever state we're in.

You wish your life away, otherwise. You will wake up one morning and realize life has passed you by and you have done NOTHING but wish for what you don't have. Get busy and you won't have time to mope.

[MelodyB]

Well said Sis.

[Newsman]

I was looking to bump an old thread, but saw this one and it reminded me of something I encountered recently, and an issue I was interested in discussing.

Background: Friends have often kidded me for dating younger women.. I've actually dated older, as well, but das a different story.

Recently, a man who has come sporadically to church quite a bit over the last several years introduced me to the woman he told me he wants to marry. He's 45, and she's 75 (yes, numbes are correct, as told to me).. and she's not a 'young' 75, either.

Each person is responsible for their own actions. For me, I see significant age differences as, with the proper thought and planning, all right while in certain phases of life...40's and 20's wouldn't be out of the question to me, nor 50's and 30's, if one was extremely well-prepared going into it. However, to me, even 60's and 40's would seem unwise, as the person on the upper end is approaching the (likely) worsening health and life issues cacthing up with them.

YMMV.


John  

[Nerd]

She's not rich, is she. Where's that banana peel?

[The Purple Fuzzy]

She's not rich, is she. Where's that banana peel?

That's what most folks will think when it's that kind of age difference...

[nwlife]

ahh....similar to what we have planned the next time newsman does the bust-a-move?

[Sis]

Under 20, any age difference can be quite significant but after 20-25, it is their business what the age differences are.  My friend's mother married a younger man. She wasn't good looking or especially personable, either. They made a good couple and they're still together. Now that he looks older, they look the same age.

[The Purple Fuzzy]

But a woman that's 75 and a guy that's 45 probably has an ulterior motive in most cases, in my opinion.

[Sis]

Either that or he misses his mommy! Which is the case when younger guys go after older women.

[Newsman]

It's not a money thing, from my impressions gathered.


John 

[SippinTea]

Without knowing anything more to the story than the ages, I'm afraid I would have assumed either the money issue or the "I'm missing my mommy" issue too. Sounds awfully judgmental, I s'pose, but I guess you weigh things you see/hear on what you already have known.

I think 7 years is the perfect age difference... the guy being the older of the two.

[Ashlee]

I think 7 years is the perfect age difference... the guy being the older of the two.

BOL (remember, that means big ol' laugh. lol)

In order to stay on topic...

I personally could not see myself with a guy much older than me, but I guess that's just me.  I was in a relationship with a man 15 years older than me not too long ago. He's a really great guy, a gentleman, and a great cook.  lol  However, it just didn't work well for me.

I don't necessarily see anything wrong with it.  A guy I went to school with married a woman over 20 years younger than him.  They are very happily married and love each other very much. If they are happy, then I don't see a problem. 

[Newsman]

I recall a then-single Apostolic woman (who was a LOT younger than I) say something to the effect of "anything under 50 is just a number."

Different ages are seen in different lights by people, as we each have our own perspective we see these things through. I was just reading a less-than-completely-kind remark about me on a local popular blog site, where I was still called a "boy" I would figure, unless that's just a favored phrase from the poster, he or she is considerably older than I.

I like to think I look younger than my near-45 years. However, I've already asked one person I know, and intend to ask another one or two when I think exactly who to, to let me know if I ever look ridiculously older than a woman I date. I don't want to go around with people typically thinking my lady is my daughter.

I also hope to never be a doddering old man having to be led and fed by a much younger wife.. I hope to live and die with at least a modicum of dignity.


John  

[Sis]

I personally could not see myself with a guy much older than me, but I guess that's just me.  I was in a relationship with a man 15 years older than me not too long ago. He's a really great guy, a gentleman, and a great cook.  lol  However, it just didn't work well for me.

I don't necessarily see anything wrong with it.  A guy I went to school with married a woman over 20 years younger than him.  They are very happily married and love each other very much. If they are happy, then I don't see a problem.

There's a HUGE difference between 7 and 15 years older. 7 is really close to your age, 15 is another generation. Big difference in attitude, knowledge, and experience.

[SippinTea]

There's a HUGE difference between 7 and 15 years older. 7 is really close to your age, 15 is another generation. Big difference in attitude, knowledge, and experience.

Huge difference, yes, but that's not to say it can't work. And very happily, too, I might add. Really, it all depends on the individuals themselves. And the outsiders looking in may or may not understand their choice(s), but... *shrug* I don't guess it's any of their business if the couple is happy with the arrangement.

I also hope to never be a doddering old man having to be led and fed by a much younger wife.. I hope to live and die with at least a modicum of dignity.

John, I think I understand what you're saying, but humor me in giving a woman's perspective for a minute...

I agree that generally speaking it's probably wisest to stick with someone more or less in the same age bracket, but I also think that genuine love overcomes even the challenges/issues you mentioned. No one can see the road ahead, which is why marriage vows include "in sickness AND in health." If love is strong enough for one scenario, it should be strong enough for the other. And of course, almost everyone hopes they end up being healthy, wealthy, and wise. *LOL*

BUT... I have seen both men and women in positions of caregiving for a spouse, and I have seen the beauty of genuine love in those situations. Matter of fact, a couple I'm very close to is currently in that position, and watching the love this wife gives her husband has brought me near to tears on more than one occasion. Certainly, it's difficult for her. But she wouldn't trade what they have together for anything. And it shows in every loving gesture, every kind word, every giving action. She is cherishing every single day - make that every single moment - that she is able to be with him, knowing that she won't have him much longer.

I'm just sayin'... when a woman truly loves a man (and vice versa), even caring for someone who is sick or growing older is not something to be resented or even 'undignified' (to use your word *smile*).

Real love is a beautiful gift you give - and receive.

But then... I'm probably not saying anything new. I think it was described pretty well in I Cor 13.

[Ashlee]

I personally could not see myself with a guy much older than me, but I guess that's just me.  I was in a relationship with a man 15 years older than me not too long ago. He's a really great guy, a gentleman, and a great cook.  lol  However, it just didn't work well for me.

I don't necessarily see anything wrong with it.  A guy I went to school with married a woman over 20 years younger than him.  They are very happily married and love each other very much. If they are happy, then I don't see a problem.

There's a HUGE difference between 7 and 15 years older. 7 is really close to your age, 15 is another generation. Big difference in attitude, knowledge, and experience.

I wasn't comparing the two ages sis. I know there is a huge difference in 7 and 15. I was merely commenting on Ruby and then moving on to my own experience. Two seperate accounts.

[Sis]

There's a HUGE difference between 7 and 15 years older. 7 is really close to your age, 15 is another generation. Big difference in attitude, knowledge, and experience.

Huge difference, yes, but that's not to say it can't work. And very happily, too, I might add. Really, it all depends on the individuals themselves. And the outsiders looking in may or may not understand their choice(s), but... *shrug* I don't guess it's any of their business if the couple is happy with the arrangement.

Didn't say it couldn't work. In my parents time, men were usually at least ten years older than the woman. That's because the man had to go out and establish himself first, and sometimes it took that long to get a solid job, money in the bank and the means to provide a home for his bride.

My dad was ten years older than my mother. I know another couple where he is twenty years older, and they are extremely happy.

[upcchris]

All I could think of with the 20 year gap is that he was 20 when she was born...the oft repeated phrase 'he's old enough to be her father' springs to mind. But if they're happy, I suppose it doean't make a difference. And back in the day teenage girls were marrying men older. personally: *shudder* about the teenage girls marrying men older than their dad.

To me it would smack to much of a father daughter relationship rather than a husband wife relationship. But that's my own personal opinion. *Shrugs* Hey, whatever God's got planned and whatever makes them happy.

[Sis]

I don't think teens should do that. After 20 is different. Actually, I don't think teens should marry. Too many divorces among people who married when they were young.

[RainbowJingles]

Ruby: VERY incredibly well-said.  As I was reading John's post, some of the same thoughts came to mind, and I was trying to figure out how to put them in words.  No need to now.  You done gone and done it fer me.  :-)


Here are some other thoughts:
Just because a man is older doesn't mean that he may become disabled before his much-younger wife.  Who knows if perhaps the younger of the two may end up in a car accident and become paralyzed and require constant care?  Or who is to say that there will even need to be that time in life where EITHER requires care from the other?  Then again...  doesn't EVERY marriage require that care be given to one another in some way, shape, or form?

As for the guy wanting to marry a lady 30 years his senior...  Wow.  Could be complex.  Might be perfect.  If there are any children on either side, it could get really interesting/complicated, though.