Godplace/Mission238 forums

Quote from: Mz. Ethyl on October 28, 2007, 03:31:47 PM
If I could tell you
      I would say,
               "Hold me, I hurt"
      Instead, I say,
                "Don't Touch Me"

If I could tell you
       I would say,
                "Love me, I'm lonely"
       Instead, I say,
                 "I Don't Need Anyone"

If I could tell you
       I would say,
                "Help me, I'm dying"
       Instead, I say,
                "I Don't Want Help"
                             
If I could tell you
       I would say,
                "Can you see me?"
       Instead, I say,
                "Please, Don't Look"

If I could tell you...
                ...I Would...

Quote from: Mz. Ethyl on March 05, 2008, 05:20:08 AM
I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.

I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.

You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.

I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.

For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.

Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?

It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.

I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.

It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.

Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?

Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?

Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?

Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.

Quote from: Mz. Ethyl on June 15, 2008, 08:04:33 PM
at work at the NH the last day i worked there, i saw something that really bothered me and that night when i went home and went to bed had a dream. in the dream i feel like i was able to see what was in the heart of a young man as someone was trying to witness to him. this writing came from it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you don't really know me
for to you i am just a stranger

yet i see you every day
our paths cross time and time again

you think i don't listen to what you say
yet listen is all i have done

i must be honest and let you know
its your testimony that confuses me so

you tell me God is love
you tell me you love me
yet as i watch you live your life
i am confused as your brother or sister you hate

you tell me God can forgive me for all of my sin
yet i watch your life and watch you walk around feeling so down
condemned for your own sin, can he forgive me and not you?

you tell me God is your healer
yeah you are always sick

you tell me God is our only hope
yet as i watch your hope is money, and your job, and possessions

you tell me that God would love for everyone to be saved
yet week after week you never leave your pew to find a lost soul
week after week you go to work
you go home and lock your door from the world

you tell me that God supplies our needs
yet i hear you talk of all you do without
funny how its always about us
and never that one without a house
without some food
without some clothes

you tell me God is your joy and hope
yet as i pass you each day
you seem so down and depressed
the smallest things in your life
seems to make you feel worthless
that life has no meaning

you tell me God loves unconditionally
yet the conditions to be accepted into the fold
are so many one can never measure up

all this is so confusing to me
do you realize what your testimony does to me?

--------------------------------------------------

i honestly have to say when i woke up from this dream my heart was broken.

i am so guilty of this very thing. and wonder if i have done more harm to witness to someone over the years and never considered how my life that they see day after day would effect them. i wonder how many lost souls are out there that are just as confused by what we say as this young man?

Lord help me to line my life up to what I speak. and if I am not able to do that help me to keep silent.

:sadbounce:

Quote from: Mz. Ethyl on June 30, 2008, 05:45:55 AM
My existence is depressing
always hurting never resting
The pain is the kind to make you sigh
never out but on the inside
It always burn and never stops
it swirls around just like a top
It hurts to see
It hurts to be
I just wish to live
to love and to give
But no-one will let me
It hurts just to be me
My dreams are full of hope
but they all think that I'm just a dope
No-one will let me
It hurts just to be me
I know there are others
That feel just as I do
but no-one will talk to me
It hurts just to be me
Why can't I be normal
and have lot's of friends
If this continues
it will be a means to an end

why does it hurt so much just to be me?