If Microsoft had been the first to invent books

[Babs]

1. Before you can open the cover of your new book, you must obtain a book activation code by phoning Microsoft.

2. Sorry, only one person may ever read your book.

3. It's full of spelling mistakes and typos.

4. When you're reading your book, the type can mysteriously disappear.

5. Libraries, which are for sharing books, are illegal.

6. You must acknowledge you have read and understood the Book License Agreement Hype (BLAH) before you can read your book.

7. Microsoft has the right to enter your premises to conduct book inspections to make sure your book is being read in accordance with the BLAH.

8. The Book Users' Group General Alliance (BUGGA) calculates that the annual loss of revenues to Microsoft arising from BLAH violations in 2001 was $10.97 billion.

9. There are two versions of your book - the "Standard" and the "Pro" versions. In the standard version, those pages containing the most useful information have been stuck together.

10. At random times the letters your book may suddenly scramble for no apparent reason. Simply give the book a good kicking - this is called rebooting.

[Tricia Lea]