She said WHAT?

[Scott]

After church today I was sitting in McDonalds reading a magazine and sipping some sweet tea (we were driving a 2 seater today, so my wife dropped me at mickey-D's then took my son home and came back for me) and I could not help but hear the next table...

Three ladies

#1 (did all that talking): We are working on our prayer journals

#2: huh-huh

#1: "Well you know that the such and such family is going to do all the singing for that service and frankly she is such a (Swear Word)

#2 and #3 agree

#1: I mean , it is not like she is doing the sermon or anything... such a (swear word)

---------------------------------------------

I sat there...

[Newsman]

You were sipping sweet tea?

Oh, the gist of the stories was about the 'ladies'.


John 

[The Purple Fuzzy]

ladies?

[Lynx]

ladies?

Appearances can be deceiving.


Romans 16:17-20
17Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offenses contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.
18For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.
19For your obedience is come abroad unto all men. I am glad therefore on your behalf: but yet I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil.


In fewer words:  Better to just steer clear of that kind.  Leave 'em to stew in their own juice.

[Scott]

I am sorry, but I have no idea what you are trying to say here!

1.) These are not people from our church

2.) I have no idea who they were

3.) I still don't know what you are trying to say - don't be so cryptic - people will appreciate it more if you say it plainly.

[Lynx]

Apparently they were from somebody's church.  That was the first thing that came to mind.

[Melody]

Oh my word.

We have a brand new convert who cusses like a sailor.... On FB.  Some preacher, can't remember which one, says when someone ignorant gets the HG, it's just an ignorant person with the HG.  Lol

I used to not believe it, but oh wow there are some ignorant & tactless people out there.

[taco_harvell]

I once worked a week with a man who had just got the Holy Ghost on Sunday and I was working with him doing demolition on Monday. We were tearing down an old building and were taking it apart piece by piece so the wood could be reused. This man would hit his hand with the hammer or hurt himself some other way and the first words out were cuss words like he had done for years. Then, he would realize what he said and then spend the next 20 minutes repenting and asking God not to take the Holy Ghost away. This went on the whole week, it was hard not to laugh a few times watching his multiple prayer meetings at the top of the ladder with all his old friends working with us watching. They didn't know what to think and looked scared half to death for most of the week. lol I wish I could say he was still in church but about five years later he decided to go back to his old life.

[Scott]

We had a lady in a church I attended once; she was always a rough and tumble ex army nurse. She never changed her mouth!  OY the words that came out.

[Heather]

I completely admit that at times I still have a potty mouth. It comes from various jobs I've worked and my family. I'm getting better about it. Just glad my church family understands if they hear me slip and don't condemn me for it.

[Mountain Dew]

I think it is hilarious that we sometimes cringe in fear when a new convert decides to testify. You never know what they are going to say. One woman was testifying about the devil being on her back all week...but she had something to tell him...blanketyblank you, devil.

Then missionaries with limited yet functional English skills can get REALLY hilarious...
In Jonesboro, AR, a missionary was preaching about David and Goliath. He went through the story and commented "...and as you say in America *turns and looks at Pastor Robinson*'David beat the ---- out of him'". The pastor hollered out in shock "NOOoooooo".

[Melody]

"Pray for my son, his rear end blew out." 

she meant his car but it didn't matter by then.


One of our pastors years ago was requesting prayer for a guy that was in the congregation.  Now this pastor is a sanguine and gets ahead of himself at times when talking.  Holding his hands out he said, "Pray for Bro. _ as he broke his scr_tum."  Except for he meant sternum!  Well, it was a casual church I guess cause the pastor's dad was hard of hearing and said, "What'd he say?"  In which his mom replied from the front row, "He said SCR_TUM..... what's a s___?"   

He said it was really hard to get church focused after that.

Our then youth pastor was preaching a sermon a few years ago, still being a single guy and instead of "successful" said, suse.xful.  He was more embarrassed than anything.

We had two visiting preachers come in the same month.  One preached that God doesn't hear unspoken prayer requests, you have to speak it.  Then next one sang a special and preached how he was the unspoken prayer request. 

We had a mentally-off lady come visit a few times.  She was just fine until Pastor started preaching on tithes.  She started yelling, "You're a liar!  That's a lie!"  She had gone off her meds.



Bless his heart, when we lived in IA there was a new convert who was at the altar just pouring his heart out confessing every sin loudly. 

We visited a PAW church in that same town and the pastor who was a woman went into depth of her lesson on how umm... I can't even type it. How certain intimate acts were not of God, even in marriage.  I'm sitting there in utter shock, afraid to get up because then I'd have to take my hands from over my son's ears.  I was actually irate. 

OH my, church is ... entertaining?!

[Mountain Dew]

My all-time favorite:

Our kind, people-loving, often-foot-stuffed-mouthed pastor was taking up prayer requests. He brought up a sister in the church (who was morbidly obese) and mentioned that he had visited her in the hospital. He started to say "If I were in her..*pause*..if I were in her...*confused look*..."(He wanted to say "shape" but didn't want anyone to think he was making fun of her physique). He continued "...if I were in her bed, I'd want prayer too."

It was priceless. We all lost it snicker at a time. One of those your-eyes-pop-out-first-then-comes-the-gagging-sound situations. He realized what he said but could do nothing. It was too late.

[Scott]

Once a new convert was praying in the altar and started pounding and screaming "D**N you D**N you D**n you devil!"

Another new covert stood and said "well it has been a H**L of a day, I'll tell you" (it was a very quiet testimony service... except for my laughing my head off)

Then there was the Evangelist who preached "Hell, it is more than just a swear word!" He said that we say H**L yes
H**L No
H**L YEAH
H**L OF A TIME
H**L's bells
Go to H**L
what the H**L
who the H**L
where the H**L
when in H**L
how in H**L

On and on he went as the entire church was     

The pastor was

Some of our young people, me included were 


That man is a District Superintendant today.

[Lynx]

Man, the things I've been missing...

There was one service where we had two preachers - one preached on mid-tribulation rapture, then the second one got up and preached about pre-trib.  Weeee, that was fun!

[Niki]

About 20 years ago, my mom and I went to the prison ministry conference in Raleigh to hear Bro. Mahaney preach. (One of the first times I heard him preach.) He started talking about people taking God's name in vain and said, "You don't ever hear anyone say 'Buddha d_mn.' " The whole church gasped and then was rolling in laughter. I looked over at Bro. Huntley and Bro. Dennis Landtroop. Their mouths were wide open in shock and they were laughing hysterically. Bro. Mahaney then said, "Well, it's the truth." lol

[Scott]

I've heard him say that.

[rootbeer]

If you say another word that actually means the same thing, is that ok?
I hope I'm not starting an argument here; if this gets deleted, I understand.

[Lynx]

The same word, but with an r in the third letter instead of an m?  I've always thought that was just a watered-down version of the same thing.

[Mountain Dew]

My favorite Pentecostal curse words are "phooey" and "mammydoddin". I actually saw Psalms_979752479 use one of them. PHOOEY!!!! Made me mammydoddin furious!! He should use his own words!!

[Lynx]

Mammydoddin?  Feh! 

[IowaSkirtGirl]

I completely admit that at times I still have a potty mouth. It comes from various jobs I've worked and my family. I'm getting better about it. Just glad my church family understands if they hear me slip and don't condemn me for it.

AGREED!

[Chseeads]

Sometimes things are said not from intent, but by slip of the tongue....

Like the dear sister I heard tell of who proudly proclaimed, "I praise the Lord I have soap in my hole!"

(hope in my soul)

[mini]

I had a dear ol aunt who fell off a pond dam and hurt her ankle.  She went to church, and the pastor (A old fashioned holiness preacher) said "Sis. Gracie, what happened."  She looked at him and said:

"I fell off the dam pond." 



When she realized what she said she started laughing uncontrollably. 

[Scott]

A pastor friend of mine once preached that "Jonah was swallowed by a whale of a belly"

He fell apart laughing and almost had to cancel church, it took him nearly 15 minutes to  stop gigglling.