Mixed Company.

[Kloey]

So, I'm a single lady and southern to boot.  Of course, I was raised to believe that good girls didn't, um, mingle with the fellows.  Being an old maid nowadays, I sometimes find this belief clashing with life.  For example, I don't have a male family member who attends church, but I've invited males/had males request to be taken to church.  Then there's the bit about where to seat 'em once you get 'em there.  If you sit with 'em, you're practically married in the eyes of the little ol' ladies of the church (y'all know how those little ol' ladies are...lol), but if you don't sit with 'em, then you run the chance of being perceived as rude or they're left feeling uncomfortable. 

I know this isn't something with which everyone deals, as it isn't as common these days, but for those of you on the same page, how do you handle it?

[Lynx]

I figured out a long time ago that people are going to talk about you no matter what you do.  While some find this depressing, I find it very liberating - if they're going to gossip anyway, might as well exclude that from the equation. 

But it's not just the little old ladies, most churches the teen girls are the biggest gossips.  Biggest judges too, because of course they know all about it.  Just in my personal experience of course.

About sitting with them though, the two ladies I bring to church, someone sure ought to sit with them.  They are 6 and 10 years old respectively and they're a handful! 

[Scott]

So, I'm a single lady and southern to boot.  Of course, I was raised to believe that good girls didn't, um, mingle with the fellows.

What exactly do you mean by ''mingle''?  (So we are on the same page)

Being an old maid nowadays, I sometimes find this belief clashing with life.

Are you over 60?  Certainly that would be what qualifies and Old Maid!

My wife has a friend or an aunt (I am not sure of her relationship) that was 55 when she married for the 1st time and a gal in my home church was 40 when she married.

For example, I don't have a male family member who attends church, but I've invited males/had males request to be taken to church.  Then there's the bit about where to seat 'em once you get 'em there.  If you sit with 'em, you're practically married in the eyes of the little ol' ladies of the church (y'all know how those little ol' ladies are...lol),

So what! Are you living your life for them or for Jesus?  Remember that people complained about Jesus and the crowd that he hung out with.  Introduce your guest to the Pastor and a couple of the guys from your church, Make sure all is above board and don't worry about the little old Gossips.

but if you don't sit with 'em, then you run the chance of being perceived as rude or they're left feeling uncomfortable. 

Sit with them and don't sweat it.

I know this isn't something with which everyone deals, as it isn't as common these days, but for those of you on the same page, how do you handle it?

See above

[Scott]

But it's not just the little old ladies, most churches the teen girls are the biggest gossips.  Biggest judges too, because of course they know all about it.  Just in my personal experience of course.

Actually they come in all shapes and sizes.

[World Traveler]

Scott, she is 80.... oh, wait, that is how many posts she has. My bad. :-)
(Had myself wondering how old those old ladies were.... wow!!)

[Kloey]

So, I'm a single lady and southern to boot.  Of course, I was raised to believe that good girls didn't, um, mingle with the fellows.

What exactly do you mean by ''mingle''?  (So we are on the same page)

A general term, I know, but I used it to cover a broad spectrum.  In any event, in my area, it is considered inappropriate for a single lady to with a male who is not a relative.  For example, riding in a vehicle or sitting with a guy at church is frowned upon.

Being an old maid nowadays, I sometimes find this belief clashing with life.

Are you over 60?  Certainly that would be what qualifies and Old Maid!

My wife has a friend or an aunt (I am not sure of her relationship) that was 55 when she married for the 1st time and a gal in my home church was 40 when she married.

It was a bit of Apostolic humor.  Ladies that aren't married by the time they're 18 are considered old.  For the record, I'm twenty-seven and okay with my age.  I'd have made a very poor wife during my younger years.

For example, I don't have a male family member who attends church, but I've invited males/had males request to be taken to church.  Then there's the bit about where to seat 'em once you get 'em there.  If you sit with 'em, you're practically married in the eyes of the little ol' ladies of the church (y'all know how those little ol' ladies are...lol),

So what! Are you living your life for them or for Jesus?  Remember that people complained about Jesus and the crowd that he hung out with.  Introduce your guest to the Pastor and a couple of the guys from your church, Make sure all is above board and don't worry about the little old Gossips.

I'm not worried about complaints on a personal level, but I wouldn't want to give someone an excuse to turn away from God. 

but if you don't sit with 'em, then you run the chance of being perceived as rude or they're left feeling uncomfortable. 

Sit with them and don't sweat it.

I know this isn't something with which everyone deals, as it isn't as common these days, but for those of you on the same page, how do you handle it?

See above

[Scott]

I would suggest talking to your pastor and / or his wife about this. That way you can make sure you do what won't make waves at your church.

[(R.I.P.) YooperYankDude]

I would suggest talking to your pastor and / or his wife about this. That way you can make sure you do what won't make waves at your church.

[Heather]

we actually have a good amount of 20somethings at my church and we all hang out together [in and out of church services]. guys/girls/those we are still wondering about. lol. it also helps though that most of us have been running together for about 10 years. the elders and pastor of the church know they can trust us to be 'good' and set a good example to the younger youth.

oh and we are southern too 

[upcchris]

Nevermind the gossips.

If there are enough seats in your church...have an empty seat between you and the bloke/blokes, and the little old (and little young) gossips can mind their own business.

I'll be 27 in a month....so I's be considered an old maid....thanks for that 

Mind you, I'm speaking from a different church culture.

[The Cold Water Kid]

Gossipy, judgmental people in church are kind of like the Check Engine Light in your car. If it goes off, look everything over and if you don't find any problems just ignore it.

[Melody]

Hey, I just had an idea...

Instead of worrying about the negative, why don't you take this opportunity to do something positive?

For example, take a neglected Sunday School kid or two under your wing and have them sit between you.  You'd be killing 2 birds with 1 stone.  You'll be hard pressed to find a kid that doesn't ADORE those young single adults that, to them, are the heighth of coolness.  It can help keep your rep honest and impact a young life.

Also, imho. For people who have any sense, your demeanor says a thousand times more than the mere mathematical facts.  If one is a flirty, unconsecrated gal bringing guys to church, then it's not so much the facts as it is them, or him if the guy is acting possesive.  If one is being completely transparent and balanced across the board, nobody or few are going to think anything of it.  This goes for married people as well.  It helps to make efforts to connect them to others in the church so that you are not their only connection. 

We have a large group of college & career (that's what our singles are called) folks and this is a regular occurance of them winning people to church, often the opposite gender, and there isn't romance involved.  When they do bring a "significant other," the body language and smiles are different and you get that they like eachother.  They often sit together, friend or love interest.  However, what exactly do people think is going to happen with all those people around?  For goodness sake, we come to have some church.  Is it a novel concept to think so did they?

[Nelle]

I sit with whoever I want, wherever I want. Same way for an altar call! ... So glad I have the freedom to do so!

At my boyfriend's church, they sit wherever, but they split at the altar. I was almost TO the altar before I realized it. I don't know anyone else really there, and felt really weird standing by myself up front, so I went back to my pew. Their church has like 19 members. That alone is culture shock for me... I think this Sunday I'll either stand by his grandma or just stand by him anyway haha.

[RainbowJingles]

27 is "old maid" status??!??


I've been an old maid for nearly 12 years??  Why didn't someone TELL me so I could feel the gloom, despair and sweet misery?